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Is your H staying with you over Easter?

Perhaps if he is still seeing OW, he should stay at a hotel?


Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11

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Kalni - actually it is H who is initiating contact with OW and has been for almost a year since A ended. I cannot begin to heal when I know he's still in contact with OW. I have put that boundary in place and H knows that.
As for us living in the same city, H also knows that I am not willing to move at this point. I am the one with the secure job. I gave up a lot for him more than once by moving across the country twice and both times there were A's. Now H is wanting to move elsewhere still very, very far away. If H cannot find meaningful employment here I accept the fact that we may not be able to work on the M. It's not what I want but I'm not about to keep moving around the country only to have H realize he's still not happy with his job/life. I won't do that to myself or S12.

So, like many others on this BB, here I am in limbo.


Me47
H46
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M16
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"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
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Trusting thanks for visiting my thread.

Yes, H will be staying in our house over Easter. At this point I don't want to confuse S12 even further. He (and most people in my family) think that I moved back here due to my job. Very few people actually know my sitch and it's not the first time H and I are living apart due to jobs. I want to avoid hurting S until I know for sure that things will not work out between us.


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Good luck, Addie.

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Hi Andabelle - Haven't heard from you in a long time. Thanks for checking in on me. How are you doing?

H is arriving 1 week from today and staying just over a week. I'll be alright. I'm detached and I have no expectations.

I do believe that H wants things to work out for us but at the same time, I realize he's still very screwed up. His job contract is ending and he's now making plans to go work at his friend's business which is still almost 2000 miles from here. I've told him that I realize he has to do what he must but I will NOT move again. The only good thing about it is that he'll be living 500 miles away from OW. YIPEE!!!


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Hi Addie,

Well, that is some good news there about H living so far from OW.

I hope you can get things worked out thru Easter. I know you have been at this a long time!

Hang in there, you are doing great!!!

((((HUGS))))

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Originally Posted By: nlt
Well, that is some good news there about H living so far from OW.


It hasn't happened yet but may happen in the next few weeks. That will be the only good thing about H's move, yet I don't see how we'll actively work on our M when he will continue to live so far away. We need to see a MC if we have any hope of restoring the M but how can we do that when we're not even living in the same city???


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addie,
I dont really know what's worse, leaving in the same city and feeling being on different universes or living apart but showing emotion when together... (you know where I am coming from)
xxx
K


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Addie, I agree w/Trusting. Have him stay in a hotel!

Go by the actions, not words. If he is truly interested, he will find a way to move to YOU.


M: 16 years
Bomb 4/07
OW 20s long gone
Divorced 11/09
I remarried New Guy
Cooperative r w/X regarding D

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Kalni - I do know where you're coming from and honestly, I don't know which is better. How long can such a fragile M be sustained when we're living this far apart? I know I need much, much more than I've been receiving.

Breton - I know what you and Trusting are saying but for many months now H is the one doing all the work and "moving" towards me. I dropped the rope long ago. He has apologized over and over for what he's done, has been remorseful, has been very affectionate when we've been together, has written me poetry, has told me in no uncertain terms that he does not want HER and that he wants ME, that she will never compare to the wonderful person I am, etc. He's asked me to help him get through this and he admits that he doesn't know why he still contacts HER eventhough he realizes the type of person she is. He has said that he doesn't know how he could have left me in the first place for someone like that. Over and over H has told me everything I ever hoped to hear.
Obviously H still has many issues to deal with. The fact that he is contacting her troubles me immensely and the fact that we continue to live so far apart certainly does not help our sitch.


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"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
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