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WOW, I just had a weird experience. I sent my MIL a text earlier asking if I could help with W's party on Sat and also told her that I hoped mess with M didn't hurt our R. Never received anything but their car pulls up and FIL comes into office and asks if I have a min to come out and sit in car with them.

I went out there and we talked for about an hour about everything. They went into the OM thing and how they overreacted a bit on her but they are over it now and don't think things were as bad as they were lead to believe? Not sure if that was a jab at me or not, but oh well. They went on to talk about how they have enabled us by giving us the $$ they have and that would stop. I said that it was ok and I was fine with that. They also said they were pissed and were holding it against me when I left to go to Dallas a few weeks ago and that they had to watch the kids while SIL was planning a big baby shower with W and it was a bad weekend for me to up and leave. They also said they are pissed that I am going to FL next week and didn't take my kids on a spring break vacation. I get that part, I dropped the ball by not planning something with them, but it would have had to be just the 3 of us due to my sitch right now. I owned that with them and said I was probably being selfish about the FL trip. He also said that he at one time had a problem with me telling them I was doing everything in my power to make the M work or repair it and I wasn't at the time going to IC or MC. I told him that I am now going to both and that I WAS doing everything to make this work. He acknowledged that now and said that he realizes that W isn't trying at this time but he was hopeful she would. I told him that I was also hopeful and that I would never give up and I would never abandon her or the kids. They did say that it was very difficult for them to know what to do and how to walk the fine line of helping/coaching and meddling. I sat there and was very respectful, compassionate, validating, ect. Geesh, I felt like I was having to be how I need to be with W \:\)

Anyway, this was weird but it ended good. They care, but they are too involved. Maybe it is best that they are taking things from us, this way if we end up reconciling, we can do this on our own and not worry about them.

Weird, terrible day. The only good today has been the stories you have told me Still. Thanks for that!


Me-37, W-36, M-14, T-24, D-11, S-7
Bomb - 11/29/08, D filed - 9/10/09

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Man, W is still pulling me along on this roller coaster and I guess that I am willing to ride it. I know not too, but I can't seem to stop it to get off. Today she is in a bad mood. Today went from bad to worse. I am miserable today. I realized that I forgot to take my celexa this morning, not sure if that has to do with my mood or not. Anyway, I texted W to see if I could take her and the kids out to dinner tomorrow night for her birthday. She sent back "um, yeah i guess". I responded upbeat and said good, I will plan it. Later she called and asked if I just wanted to do it tonight and I already had plans so I said no tomorrow would be better. I then asked if she already had plans tomorrow and said no, but I don't have to take her as she doesn't care either way. This pissed me off, but I didn't act like it and just said that we didn't have to go if she didn't want to. Then told her I would talk to her later about it and said bye. I then texted her and said that I was sorry, but just trying to do something nice for her birthday but that she didn't sound too thrilled about it. She responded saying again that it doesn't matter to her if we go or not, she wouldn't be mad if we didn't but would love to go.

I am going to take it at face value and plan the evening tomorrow night with her and the kids. I just wish she would figure this out and quit being so up and down. This is killing me. I need to regroup and just go to bed and end this day!!!!!


Me-37, W-36, M-14, T-24, D-11, S-7
Bomb - 11/29/08, D filed - 9/10/09

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Well you handled that GREAT!!
And I was told recently--a very very good piece of advice--do NOT give them a negative option.
My H pissed me off Saturday when he came home all weird after an amazing few days before, including a great Saturday morning when he left to go play golf. He came home weird and I got irritated and said "Alright, I'm going to leave, ok?" I wanted him to say "No no stay." But because the way I said it and because I gave him a negative option, he took it.
You did the right thing, tried to let her off the hook nicely and she said "Nooooo, I'll go."
So, plan it. Make it good.
And if for some reason she backs out, smile and say "Hope you're ok, we're outta here." And take the kids to dinner or whatever you have planned.
I think she is throwing you attitude because she's liking you right now and "How can that be....??? She wants a divorce...?? What the hell is going on here????"
She so wants to be with you all tomorrow night. Ignore her attitude and outshine it with your PMA.
Tomorrow is going to be a blast.

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Thanks Still, your outlook to so good for me. You are helping more than you can imagine. I am ready to go to bed and end this day, but I can't sleep more than 5 hours so I would be up at 1 or 2, I may double up on the ambien tonight.

Tomorrow will be better I hope!

Also, how are things going now with your sitch, I looked on your thread but haven't seen an update on how things are going.


Me-37, W-36, M-14, T-24, D-11, S-7
Bomb - 11/29/08, D filed - 9/10/09

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Definitely go with Still's approach,

have FUN and only a fool would want to miss the evening planned. Stuff that makes the kids laugh but that wife likes. And the in laws are smart to do and say what they wanted and needed to say. Why can't you change your Florida plans? What are they? Why should they have to care for your kids? Just asking...Don't be too sure that your explanations satisfied them but the point about being with them the way you are supposed to be with your wife is interesting....OF COURSE it is. It's how we are supposed to be with people. We are not supposed to bludgeon them with our desires and opinions....

You did well. Be happy (or fake it 'til you make it). Be a man only a fool would leave. Have a good RELAXED NO R talk evening with your w. Say some general things in the card about her having a year of "discovery or joy rediscovered," etc

(( j ))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
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You really are doing a great job. I think you are making the decision to leave a very stupid one. She's more confused now that ever before. I think it was Eisenhower who said "If you can't convince them, confuse them." And that's where you and I are right now. I figure if we're confused, they deserve to be too!
As far as her birthday goes, just have a blast. No R talks.
What have you decided about the gift and cards?

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good morning!
I'm glad I "met" you too LR. It's been a less bumpy ride with all the support from you and my DBing family.
Things are ok with us. I'm up and down just like you.
I told H on Monday, I'm sort of sick of you and I don't like you very much right now, so I need a break. And he's given me one. I've not had any contact with him for the last couple of days except for when we exchange S. It's possible though that I won't see or talk to him until Sunday night for dinner. Then he has S again on Monday and Wednesday nights, plus the next two weekends.
I feel good that I've been able to cut off contact with him and go dark, but I will also admit, it's been easier because I knew I was going to see him when he dropped S back off with me. But for the rest of the weekend, I think it's very possible, we aren't going to speak, call, text or email. This is going to be tough.
I just keep wondering: What if he likes it without me?
But today has been an ok day so far.

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Still,

I don't understand this

Originally Posted By: stillloveshim
You really are doing a great job. I think you are making the decision to leave a very stupid one.


I haven't made a decision to leave, so I am confused on this?

About the card/present. I am going to give her the present I bought tonight at dinner. I went and got a nice friendly card and will put something in it as 25 suggested. Also, I know about no R talks tonight, its all about fun and celebrating her bday. Thanks for the support.

Also, Hang in there in your sitch. I don't think he will like it without you. Just keep what you are doing and get re-energized and then get back into it. You can do it.

LonelyRzr

Last edited by LonelyRzr; 03/19/09 02:04 PM.

Me-37, W-36, M-14, T-24, D-11, S-7
Bomb - 11/29/08, D filed - 9/10/09

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"You really are doing a great job. I think you are making the decision to leave a very stupid one."
Not you Silly! You are making her decision to leave a very stupid one, meaning, you are giving her no reason to leave. As a matter of fact, you are giving her very good reasons to stay. I just think of all us newbies, you might be doing the best in terms of control and really getting the DBing down.
I hope he misses me and us as a family.
I am feeling re-engergized......good word.
I think the little party is going to be a lot of fun for all of you.
If she brings up relationship talks for some reason, what are youg going to say to deflect it?

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Oh, ok - I am dumb I guess? Its all about me \:\) I really don't think I am doing the best by any means. I was a freakin mess yesterday, but today I am better.

I bet he does miss you! You keep doing what your doing.

I hope tonight goes well, I am really wanting it to be good. I don't think she will bring up R talk. It is usually me when we talk about it. Plus we will be with the kids and she won't bring it up around them.


Me-37, W-36, M-14, T-24, D-11, S-7
Bomb - 11/29/08, D filed - 9/10/09

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