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Hi everyone... so today is the eclipse in Leo. Crunch time. Heres the last one...Eclipses coming up.

I didnt know that BMF G was going to have that big talk with ex just over 2 weeks ago, at which he told my ex I am still single (and maybe also that I still love him, dont know what he said)..because my ex asked him, so he told him. Now I worry that he will continue to do nothing, fence sit, because he KNOWS I am waiting.

So recap, heres what I found out Friday...I always thought I was on the right board here!
Quote:
my ex told BMF.. there was NO reason for leaving, he doesnt know why he left.. HE THINKS HE HAD A MLC !!! He actually said that...

my ex completely realises he has made a mistake, he realises its not right with her, that he doesnt have and never will have with her, what we had. He completely misses what we had and our homelife.

I asked if he had any doubts about coming back to the R, had he ever said anything that he didnt like about me? G said, no, not at all, I've never once heard him say a bad word against you, in fact, he has nothing but good things to say and talks about you alot!

He said she doesnt get him, that he will make a joke or a flippant remark as he does and it will soon descend into a serious conversation as she wants to know what he meant by that and he said.. but Al wouldnt do that and never did, Al gets me, Al knows me better than anyone, that he loves talking to me, that we get on like a house on fire, that he feels we were "together" for 13 years and that noone is as close to him as me...

He's noticed I've changed, he said that since we have split up I have turned back into the girl he always wanted me to be again and he has definetly noticed. He absolutely said he misses me..

I said, but whatever he says about her, that doesnt mean its about me, or wanting me back but G was adamant.. its totally about you! Absolutely ! He misses you and what you had and realises he has made a mistake.

That he realised early on, the thing with her is just sex, but that he soon got bored of that..

He said he feels like he has got himself into something that he cant get out of, that she is a nice girl and doesnt want to hurt her but it isnt going anywhere..


So...dont know what to do! My family say, just tell him to come home, or write him a letter saying lets try again.. his BMF says, just phone him up...you all said, just turn up at band night this week, with BMF and Cher...and I was maybe going to email him today. I dunno, but somethings got to give...


Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs
IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08
Reconciled 05/09 now married!
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Hi Al,
no advice from me. I wouuldnt call or invite him to "come back" but you know best... Follow you gut feeling.
Love
K


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WHy don't you ask him along to one of your GAL activities. Then he won't feel threatened and you can just have fun... or why don't you ask a group of you to the pub and include him. Start your own 'band night' \:\)


M- May 2006
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Hmmm...this is the conversation that most of us wish for!!! But, I would just like to caution you to go with the flow. The opportunity will present itself, it always does. Whether you bring it up, or he does, don't push the issue. Let it flow naturally. That is always the best way!!! ;\)


Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..

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Hi Lola.. what do you mean, the convo he had with BMF you mean? Hmm... I'm still skeptical though!

Ok, thanks girls..so I emailed Cher, said, we just to be in the same room together and then i can judge for myself how the land lies (instead of hearing it from BMF).. she said, we will invite you both to band night.

So thats it, scene is set for Thursday!..which is interesting, as that is "the" night.. the Sun (ruler of Leo = him) is conjunct Neptune (ruler of Pisces = me!) happens once a year, but this year, its linked to this eclipse and is the first *active* point for technical reasons I wont bore you all with! Then Friday, would have been our 10 year anniversary! \:\( I'm sure he is fully aware of that (you cant forget that anniversary date!)

Now I'm not sure whether to send him a brief chatty email today, just to keep the lines of communication open. I better start slapping the fake tan on, dye my hair, sort out an outfit and get myself mentally prepared for Thursday though! I have a feeling things will come to a head, either way.

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Hi Ali,

Well I think going to band night makes a lot of senss. Just be your beautiful, laidback, funny self and things will unfold naturally. Lola said that very well. Of course, definitely look your most amazing!

If it were me I probably would send a chatty email since you have already been doing this anyway. The more sort of natural this band night seems the better, I'd say.

Keep us posted!
ITH


Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years
Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be
S 07/28/08-11/08/08
Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
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Thanks ITH.. my BFF has been urging me to pick up the phone and reach out to him, and my Mum and his BMF, everyone! But I just cant do it, its the fear... she said, dont say "cant" say "can do it" ! But, I didnt email either, my Mum said enough of this chatty emails, time for honesty.. everyone is affecting me right now, my head is spinning! So.. maybe I will email him tommorow, but I dont think I can suggest I meet him there.

Cher is now referring to it as "Operation Bandnight", bless her and is excited.. thats if BMF can get him to come along, if not, this plan is gonna fail ! I stressed to her that we need to do it in a casual way, not some big pressured setup, just a - oh! fancy seeing you here! thing. She agrees.

BUT.. this is all for nothing if he doesnt, or hasnt already, broken up with Helen but decides to limp on with her past our anniversary, valentines etc... my BFF thinks he is in too low a place, ashamed, embarresed, he's messed up, made a mistake, that I need to be the one to reach out to him and make it ok.. his BMF agrees, he needs me to contact him, to give him the impetus to do this. THey all agree, yes, in an ideal world he should be the one to pick up the phone and admit he made a mistake, but it doesnt work like that. He needs me to help him.

I dont know.. its a week since contact from him, I'm still skeptical...

So tonight.. is Tang Soo Do ! Last time I went, I fell in love (lust!) with GLM, so tonight should be interesting! lol.

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Hi Ali,

Ummm--"He needs me to help him (move ahead in our relationship)"--isn't this pretty much the definition of Codependency?

Not having heard from your ex for a week, at this point, is nothing: the Withdrawal period normally lasts for several months. And it's a completely necessary part of the WAS processing what he actually wants/needs. If he does it over enough time, the changes are more likely to be lasting.

My advice would be, give him time to break up with Helen, and then get over her. From your own EA, you know how long that takes. Even if it's an entirely inappropriate relationship and he's embarrassed by her, she is meeting some of his deepest needs, and he will need time to get past that. And if your BF is worth waiting for, why the rush to communicate with him asap?

It sounds as though your friends are working at keeping thoughts of your relationship front and foremost in your mind. But hasn't your time on this board been about you learning all the ways in which you're fine--great, even--without a relationship? Enjoy those GAL activities, make the most of your art program, and, well, if & when he's ready to come back to you, you'll know he made that choice with no pressure from you, his friends, etc.

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Hi, Ali,
No great insights from me today, as I think Cyrena has already given you excellent advice, and I fully agree with her!

Just checking in to see how you are doing! Has all that snow melted yet? \:\)

Peace,
Dawn


Me 45/H 47, no kids
Together since 1985; M/1992
Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001
Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues
H left 11/24/08
minimal contact, no legal action
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Hey Al,

Hope you're having a good time at TSD tonight. I'm not sure I have any insightful advice to give. My concern with Operation Bandnight I guess would be that he might feel slightly ambushed if you were to just show up, or if there was even a hint that you, BMF and BFF had conspired to bring it about. You know best, though, of course.

Would it be worth waiting on these plans until you know he's split up with Helen? If the R is that bad, it (presumably) can't be long until he does..... (or maybe he already has and I missed it- sorry if so!). Or alternatively, I do like K and Julia's suggestions of inviting him to one of yur GAL activities.

L. xx

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