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#1783802 - 06/15/09 08:34 PM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: Committed2Him]
d_o_c Offline
Member

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 563
Loc: PA
Hi C2H!

I hope you are enjoying the spring. I thought I would update my sitch although not alot has happened.

I tried to call my W last Tuesday to find out what was going on in regards to our agreement. Her phone does not have voice mail nor is there an answer when I call. Turns out her phone is dead and she is working with her cell provider to get it fixed.

I found this out through emailing her business and this how we communicated today. Basically the agreement is held up since she
owes her ATTY money and my ATTY wants her to foot the bill for filing for the D. There was still a question about her sending her tax returns to my ATTY but that hasn't happened. In any case I am thinking of letting her slide on the income tax returns since she gave me a plausible explanation on the difference of her income coupled with having a very expensive home. In the end it would not make a significant change to the agreement.

I told her that I might be open to splitting the cost of filing the D with her but that I would have to give it some thought and pray about it. In principle I am against putting any funds towards the filing since I do not want the D and this is what I told my W. The D is something she wants and she will need to pay for the filing.

After thinking about it all day I have decided in part not to help her pay for the filing of the D. I still need to pray about it before I make my final decision.

So as the D slowly progresses I keep plugging along and praying that we will reconcile. Crazy I know.

God bless.
_________________________
d_o_c

The Final Chapter?

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#1783930 - 06/16/09 03:39 AM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: d_o_c]
Committed2Him Offline
Member

Registered: 07/18/00
Posts: 4511
Loc: SoCal
Doc,

In God's perfect timing, He sent different people to speak what I needed to hear, even though it was hard to hear at times.

Your "wife" has moved on. Even passively allowing the D to drag on is your way of hanging on to the marriage. (I know because I did the same thing even though I knew my X was moving towards a marriage).

The hanging on delays the additional healing we need to go through.

I don't believe you can go through the stages you will still need to go through until the divorce is final.

My journey has been difficult but God has been so very faithful. SO VERY FAITHFUL! I could not enjoy and experience many of the WONDERFUL blessings I have experienced until I moved on with my life.

Praying for you.
_________________________
Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18

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#1784402 - 06/16/09 08:25 PM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: Committed2Him]
d_o_c Offline
Member

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 563
Loc: PA
C2H,

Quote:
I don't believe you can go through the stages you will still need to go through until the divorce is final.


I agree with you on this. I know there things that I am not even prepared for but I do feel the worst is over.

Quote:
Your "wife" has moved on. Even passively allowing the D to drag on is your way of hanging on to the marriage. (I know because I did the same thing even though I knew my X was moving towards a marriage).

The hanging on delays the additional healing we need to go through.


I know from your perspective it seems that I am hanging on and dragging it but I don't feel that I am. But I do appreciate and

respect what you have to say because you have always given good advice and have a good handle on things.

Ever since my W left and then eventually got an ATTY I have not stood in her way of getting the D. I have not played any games and have cooperated with her whenever I could. In any communication with her I tried to show her love and respect. The only obstacle I have put in the way of the D is praying for the M.

I feel that there is no way that my W will reconcile but what is impossible for man is possible for God which is why I pray. If God can change the hardened heart of a sinner to bring salvation then He can change the heart of a hardened spouse. Prayer is my first and last refuge. I will pray for my M until the day of D. This is the only way I know of to honor God in my M. This is mainly due to the fact that I did not honor Him nor my W while we were together (mainly the last 4-5 years).

On a different note I recently seen the movie Fireproof and experienced deja vu. Kirk Cameron's chracter reminded me of me except I was angrier and more selfish. Replace the porn with video games and you pretty much have me as a husband.

Of course I wasn't always that way. I started out fair to good and went downhill from there. Some of the dialogue spoken by the wife in the movie were word for word what my W said to me and her attitude was about the same as my W's.

I appreciate your prayers C2H may God bless you. I know He has blessed me.
_________________________
d_o_c

The Final Chapter?

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#1785057 - 06/17/09 08:20 PM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: d_o_c]
Committed2Him Offline
Member

Registered: 07/18/00
Posts: 4511
Loc: SoCal
doc,

glad you received what I posted with the good intentions I sent it with.

could have written your reply myself in that I too had people telling me "let it go" but I knew I was following the path God was guiding me on. Ultimately when I did accept the finality of the divorce, I had peace knowing I did what I had to do.

bless you my brother.
_________________________
Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18

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#1822854 - 08/20/09 03:58 PM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: Committed2Him]
d_o_c Offline
Member

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 563
Loc: PA
Just another update. No real changes. I talked to my W yesterday and asked her if she received the agreement and the change in requiring her tax returns. She said that she had and she doesn't have the money to pay her ATTY to move forward with the D at this point.

My W wanted me to pay for the filing and I said no. Then she asked if I could add the amount to her rollover from my IRA. I compromised and said I'll give half. She still has to come up with the funds for filing as the rollover is going directly into an account for her otherwise she would have to pay taxes and penalty which would make it a wash. No big deal. Nothing is going to happen at this point for lack of funds.

We talked for about 20 minutes. I am always amazed that we talk like close friends talk. It does not matter how long it has been since the last time we talked we just pick up where we left off (sort of). If you didn't know it you would have thought we just talked that morning or the day before. It doesn't mean anything but I thought it was somewhat amazing considering the circumstances. I just chalk it up as a God thing.

May God bless you.
_________________________
d_o_c

The Final Chapter?

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#1848617 - 10/01/09 08:58 PM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: d_o_c]
d_o_c Offline
Member

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 563
Loc: PA
My W called on Tuesday and said she had paid her ATTY the money owed to him so that he would review the agreement. This occurred about 2 weeks after we talked in August. She said she had not heard from him since and that she was thinking of getting a new ATTY since her current one is not so responsive.

Then yesterday I received an email from W stating she had found the paperwork (I assume she spoke with her ATTY) in a stack of mail she had not opened yet. According to my W the divorce decree has been filed and all that remains is the signing of the agreement. Her ATTY said that there will be a cooling off period of 90 days after the agreement is signed. My W asked him "why, six years isn't enough? I don't know the answer he gave but the 90 days is what the law says we have to have and there are no exceptions as far as I know. It has been nearly 6 years what's another 90 days?

The telephone call lasted about 25 minutes and again it is like 2 friends catching up. It seems strange to me have such conversations but there is no harm in it so why not?

I do have to say I did feel a little twinge when I read that the divorce decree has been filed. It surprised me because I haven't felt anything like that in a long time, maybe 2 or more years.

I don't know what will happen next (even though I have pretty good idea) but I will trust in God.

God bless.
_________________________
d_o_c

The Final Chapter?

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#1861963 - 10/25/09 06:52 PM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: d_o_c]
d_o_c Offline
Member

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 563
Loc: PA
Another update.

My W called on Thursday to discuss our impending D. She wanted me to know that she is getting a new ATTY and didn't want me to freak (I wouldn't have). My W believed that her ATTY was seeking to stretch out the D and she thought mine was too (I'm not changing my ATTY). She also wanted me to pay for the QDROs to transfer the funds from my IRAs to hers.

I asked my W to put herself in my place and if she thought it was reasonable to have the person transferring the funds to also pay for that transfer. She avoided the question and I avoided the "pissing" match by telling her I did not want to get into one. So that issue has been shelved for the time being. We exchanged some small talk for about another 10 minutes then hung up.

Again the conversation was pretty much like old friends catching with one another, once the legal stuff was out of the way.

I was left in kind of a quandary about the financing of the QDROs. I am not sure there are any Biblical principles I would be violating by paying for the QDROs myself in fact I might be displaying mercy and grace by paying for them even though I might have good legal or personal reasons for not paying.

God has every right to judge me and find me guilty but He showed me His mercy and grace by making me one of His own, and paid the price Himself, rather than giving me what I deserve. So showing my W mercy and grace in paying for the QDROs myself may actually be a good thing to do. At this point, though, I still haven't made a decision.

I did decide to contact my ATTY and find out what the laws here are in regards to QDROs. But in the meantime I will pray about the sitch and go from there. I just want to do what God would have me do just as in everything else during this separation. Even though I may not have always done what He wanted I still like to try.

May God bless you.
_________________________
d_o_c

The Final Chapter?

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#1904345 - 12/29/09 08:56 PM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: d_o_c]
d_o_c Offline
Member

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 563
Loc: PA
My W called today to say she got a new ATTY and wanted to talk about the QDROS. She is supposed to send me an email about the process and I will talk about it with my ATTY. We talked about 10 minutes on this subject and spent 32 minutes catching up on family news.

This may be the first time my W called around the holidays and her mood was pretty good. I wonder from time to time whether she is really wanting to follow through with the D or if she is so comfortable with her sitch that she can be comfortable talking to me. It may be normal but I think it is strange that we have such conversations.

I know it is tough for many this time of year but there are many of us who have survived it and it does get better. Though sometimes it takes longer than we think it should.

May God bless you in the coming new year.
_________________________
d_o_c

The Final Chapter?

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#1907747 - 01/03/10 10:41 PM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: d_o_c]
Committed2Him Offline
Member

Registered: 07/18/00
Posts: 4511
Loc: SoCal
doc, I have not been online much at all but just wanted to offer a quick "happy new year."

I hope you life is rich that the healing is or becomes complete.

there is life after D as many have found out.

Life if very good for me right now, will update at some point.

Blessings
_________________________
Committed2Him- "C2H"
All Things (Back from Spain!)...18

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#1915960 - 01/13/10 09:53 PM Re: The Final Chapter?: [Re: Committed2Him]
d_o_c Offline
Member

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 563
Loc: PA
C2H,

Thanks for stopping by it's great hear from you again. Happy New Year!

While the D is close I am not really sure where I am at as far as healing goes but I am sure I am much further along then I would have been a few years ago.

Life is good. It's better than I expected it would be considering the circumstances. God has been very good to me.

May God bless you in this new year C2H.
_________________________
d_o_c

The Final Chapter?

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