Since I am treating this thread more as a journal than anything else I figured I would do a quick update.
I received an email from my ATTY that my W did respond to my filing for the D and offered a financial settlement which I would have to pay of course. I know I owe but I need to double check the numbers and also my ATTY said I would have to pay taxes. Why I have to pay taxes on money I don't receive is beyond me but a pretty good deal for my W. So I'll be spending my time this weekend going over my finances to make sure all of my ducks are in a row before I respond to my ATTY.
The second part of my update is not as cheerful. I had to put my cat down tonight. She had been sick for the last 2-3 weeks and wasn't eating. She was sick back in September and got over that but she got sick about a month later and couldn't shake it and started to get worse. I had her for about 15 years.
The ironic thing is that she was supposed to be my W's cat. I remember the day my W asked me if we could get a cat. I did not want another animal to take care of. We had a cockatiel and I had a 55 gallon aquarium filled with fish so for me that was enough to take care of. But of course I said yes and I also got to pick out the kitten for us. Then when we separated my W said the cat was mine since she seemed to bond with me more than she did with my W.
It's a weird feeling to have the cat gone it is very similar to when my W left but no where near as deep and painful. It does bring back memories of the first year or two of the pain I felt when my W left.
I will be burying the cat next to my cockatiel in my parent's backyard since I do not have a yard.
Since I do not want to leave on a down note I can say I am looking forward to my vacation next week. If I don't post before Thanksgiving I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and may God bless you.
Sorry about the loss of your cat, I know that can hurt quite a bit and felt a similar pain when I had to put down a family dog several years back. I am offering up prayers at this moment for your loss.
Good to see you are keeping busy and that the D process is making its way through the system. I remember when some good church friends gently told me it was time to move on and it was hard to receive, thinking I needed to STAND for the marriage. To a certain degree, this is true but when a spouse is evidently gone for good, there is a point at which we must move on.
There have been cases where couples have moved on and healed from the D and THEN reunited but the healing has already taken place. As I reflect on my journey, I see how the healing came gradually and how I believe I STOOD for the marriage as long as the Lord wanted me to.
My life is now good, very rich indeed. The hurt still surfaces but God has filled my life with such richness that I never could have imagined. I will always ache at the thought of the betrayal but then I know I regularly betray the Lord and His forgiveness and that knowledge helps me to release bitterness towards my X, to avoid taking back my forgiveness for her actions.
Just got back from Spain and I will post about it on my thread. One additional thing I will share with you is that I doubt I would have such rich Missionary trip experiences had I remained married. God has grown me in tremendous ways through all this because I have been willing to be used. Of course, I wish I could have been used without all the pain but it did not happen that way.
Hey, I may have mentioned it before but I was praying about presenting Divorce Care to my church and I finally did so. I spoke with the Pastor and the assistant pastor recently and gave them my workbook. Although I was a bit resistant to doing so because I know it will force me to experience some of the pain of the D again as I help others grow, I knew it was something the Lord wanted me to do. The church has not agreed to offer the program but I think they will, probably some time in the spring.
I was thinking about something else and so I will just blurt it out. Have you determined what you spiritual gifts are? If so, do you think you are using them for the kingdom of God? I ask because I know the Lord has given me the gift of encouragement and evangelism. I seek to use these gifts as often as possible and He is stretching and growing me through them. As He uses me, He is glorified and I get enjoyment from seeing the things He does through me.
Just thought I would encourage you to think about your gifts and to see how you might be using them.
Blessings and Merry Christmas my brother.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
I stopped by your thread about Spain. It is truly amazing to see God's hand at work. Seeing how God has used you since your separation and D it quite amazing in itself. He does take what is meant for evil and use it for good as what He has done in your life is a good example.
It is great to hear that Divorce Care may be presented in your church. I believe that it will be a great help for those going through a divorce as you well know. And if I remember correctly you attend a fairly large church which could mean that there are those in your church that may perhaps benefit from Divorce Care in need as well as an opportunity to minister to others. I will keep this ministry opportunity in my prayers that God will make it it happen for His glory.
You asked about my spiritual gifts and for the longest time I could think of none that would apply until you ask it in your last replay. I can think of only 3. They would be in no particular order service (being a servant), giving, and mercy. I never noticed them before but your question made me stop and think about what I was doing in the church and other areas of my life and those three things are what came to mind. There was a time I couldn't think of one now I can point to three. I believe I just needed time to let the Lord lead me in my walk to see what I was doing and where I was going. Thanks for asking the question.
I want to thank you C2H for offering up a prayer for me when my cat died. It seems such a small thing (a pet dying) when there are believers in Christ who are being beaten, imprisoned and killed just for believing in Jesus as God and for their salvation. But the event still hurt and I still miss her but it is the little things that sometimes bother us most especially in the time that they take place.
A friend at church asked about my cat (I didn't tell anyone) and I told her that I had to put her down. She asked me why I tell her or anyone else. I replied that she was just a cat that it was a small thing in comparison to the other things in life. But her concern and your prayers were big things to me and I appreciate both very much.
Merry Christmas C2H and everyone on the board! And may God bless you all.
popped in for a moment. Happy (belated) Birthday Jesus! and happy new year.
With the movement towards making the D official, I believe 2009 will be bitter sweet for you, thus more prayer is needed which I will do as often as i remember. The bitterness of making things official is obvious but the "sweetness" will come from the Lord's faithful sustinance, providing you what you need when you need it.
Making the D official will free you in certain ways to move forward, ways you may not see until afterwards. I now see how the Lord has freed me up to pursue him more vigorously than before. He will give you oppportunity to develop your gifts even further and you will be amazed at the blessings that come from being used.
So my friend, here's to an amazing 2009 (lifting my apple cider), may the Lord totally blow your mind with all He desires to do thru you, if only you are willing and say, "Here I am Lord, send me."
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
I apologize for not checking in sooner. I hope all is well with you.
Just to update my sitch a little. I received an email today from my ATTY stating that they received the requested docs from my W's ATTY. My ATTY has suggested that we agree to the settlement terms which is basically a 50/50 split on my 403b using figures from January '08 which sucks but my ATTY states that it is still a good deal.
Anyway things are moving forward (as things naturally do) and my D should be official by summer (just a guess) maybe sooner. And as you said I expect it will be bittersweet. It feels that way now. But getting a D is a sad affair no matter how you look at it. No wonder God hates it.
I do look forward to living as a single/divorced person rather than living as a married person who in all aspects save the official D is single. I have hope and faith in Christ and that whatever comes He'll will be there for me. I hope He will find me of some service to Him and His kingdom.
I will count it no small victory that I come out of this whole ordeal with very little resentment, bitterness, and cynicism. I wish I could say I have none of those things but then I would be lying. Everyday I pray for forgiveness for the bitterness, resentment, and cynicism that I feel on a daily basis and it is only by God's grace that I am not consumed by those feelings.
Take care C2H and may God bless you and everyone on this board.
So did you read my post before you posted or is your post a pure coincidence?
Just recently I am moving very much forward in this healing process. Will need to provide details later because I want to do the topic justice.
Suffice to say I made a decision, asking God to pull every ounce of bitterness out and He is allowing the tests to come. I went through a major one today, tax related, all a repercussion of the D.
I refuse to stew, even for a moment, in bitterness but it has taken time.
Prayer, prayers of my friends, pleading with God and His word have sustained me and I am good and healed (at least I want to believe I am).
Praying for you.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
final chapters belong to God's hands. We are bound to keep our relationships working as long as we live. People are tied together to make community and not to destroy units of it. We must continue loving our loved ones.
It has been a while. I have been meaning to update my sitch for a while now. I talked to my W at the end of March and we had talked about getting the agreement setup and signed for the conditions of the D.
My last conversation with my W was a short one and was about the agreement and whether I made the changes to it so it could be signed. The previous conversation, even though it was the same topic, lasted an hour and a half which was mostly catching up on family news and was cordial.
I have not heard from her since our last conversation and the agreement has not been signed. I have no idea why it hasn't and I have not contacted my atty since it cost money to correspond with them I am waiting on an update from them.
If the agreement is signed sometime soon then I expect the D to be final by the end of summer or possibly sooner. I'll know more if and when the agreement is signed. I have been thinking that I may have push a little on the issue although I am not sure there is anything I can do and court will be expensive.
Nothing else is happening in life other than the daily occurrences that happens in one's life. I continue to be involved in my church and CMA and things are going well with both.
I have reached a decision although how it will play out I do not know. At my work no one knows about my sitch except my co-workers who are in my group. I have asked them to keep it to themselves and not let others know outside the group. They have kept my sitch private as far as I know. This arrangement has been easier for me as I like to keep work life and home life separate.
My decision has been that I will not keep my sitch to myself anymore. I am questioned, in passing, about my wife and what she likes such as riding with me on my motorcycle. She used to, now of course I rather doubt she would want to. Usually I answer vaguely but truthfully based on past experience but think this is somewhat disingenuous and found it uncomfortable as well, especially since it been over 5 years since my W left. As I said I do not know how this will play out or how to approach it so for now it remains a decision without an action.
I have gone on long enough so I'll end here. C2H I hope you are doing well and may God bless you.
It has taken this long to get this far, a little longer won't make a difference.
It is good to have a routine and edifying things to keep you occupied. Lets you know there is more to life than "having a wife."
This is a good, healthy step. She abandoned the marriage but this is an opportunity to be factual without being vindictive. There is a tendency to try to paint the other person in a negative light. Be factual yet positive about moving forward in your life.
You may not know how it will play but God does and He is watching out for your best interest.
All these steps are leading to a healthier new life for you!
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Usually I answer vaguely but truthfully based on past experience but think this is somewhat disingenuous and found it uncomfortable as well, especially since it been over 5 years since my W left. As I said I do not know how this will play out or how to approach it so for now it remains a decision without an action.