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MT35,
He is probably going to have moments where fears hit him - he says these things to you, sort of commits himself, and then he's like, "Oh crap, what have I done - just going back to the same old problems."

He is probably very guilty, and very worried about you holding it over him, etc, too, but you self-diagnosed. PATIENCE!


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Hey, MT

You are getting ILYs!!! I so envy you that!! PATIENCE is the key now! I was driving home one day with my S17 in the car and I asked "I need to figure out how to learn patience!!" S17 looked at me and said "It's probably hiding out in the same place my work ethic is!" \:D Boy, do I love that kid!!

((((()))))


TJ

Me45,H49
D24,S18
M26,T28
Bomb 3/19/08
Sep 6/23/08
EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8
3/2009 H moved in w/OW2
7/2009 Let him go w/Love.
8/2009 Legally Sep'd
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Thanks JonF and SC-

I know he has to be scared, confused and worried. We were supposed to be there for each other for forever, and that isn't the way things are right now. What makes me mad is that he is the one who couldn't let the feelings go that I had an affair, when I didn't. I have forgave him many times over, really every times he leaves. I am not doing very good with the patience part right now.

The ILY's are nice, but hurt too when I know he hasn't decided I am the one. Tonight he didn't get come by until almost 6:00. Had gone and changed for Taco Tuesday, at the bar. To me that means he made it so he didn't have to be here very long. There was an ad on the TV about the casino's for tomorrow night, and we had talked before Christmas about going to a casino on New Year's eve. Some friends of his from work were talking about going and he had told them, that is what I wanted to do. So I asked him which casino we were going to? H asked if I had any money? Joking.

I said yeah money from my mom and dad for Christmas. H said I don't know if the other guys are going, then he said, I would rather go by ourselves anyway, but I really didn't know if we were going or not.

It was like he started back peddling so fast. He said some other things and I said, well I thought maybe we could go see the movie The Spirit and then go to a casino. H didn't say anything, so I said. If you don't want to. H never said anything.

We talked about football stuff and I so wanted to say to him, why don't you just go, why did you even bother to come over.

I am not sure how to handle New Year's. If he doesn't want to be with me then, I am not sure I want to spend time with him after that, but that is so hard for me right now.

Do I say, you don't spend New Year's with me, don't bother calling or seeing me? I know I won't be good at enforcing it though. I am sure I will just cave. I would like to think I won't...but.

I am just so tired right now. I feel rode hard and put up wet.
I cried after he left and yelled hit the pillows, not the wall this time.

I want to go to Arizona, so I think do I just wait and see what happens with our trip, or say I am not going to go. I don't know. Is it patience to sit and not do anything? I hate this!

Last edited by MT35; 12/31/08 01:05 AM.

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Hi MT

how the heck are ya?


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Hey T-

I am floating along I guess. Not the best tonight, but I know I am thankful for many things and blessings that I have!

Including my great dogs! I cry and they both comfort me. It is a good thing they are here, I am not sure what I would be like without them here.

Thanks for stopping by T! How is everything in the friendly skies?


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What is The Spirit about? As I am with all movies ...I am unfamiliar. In most cases they suck anyway and are a major waste of $ IMO.


T


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One of those where a cop comes back as a superhero, and fights against evil. Or something to that affect.

LOL!!


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I know the feeling of being comforted by the dog all too well. Though I did have my darling come by to relieve the dog of her duties of keeping me cheery.

The skies are what I have for comfort when I leave the dog to head to work. So I gues I am pretty well covered.

Spent yesterday and today with my darling before things fell apart a bit and she bailed after trying so feverishly to get me to agree to her way of thinking on something that means a bunch to her. She just can't let me hold my own view on something that may not match hers without getting all torn up over it. So we had another blow out cuz she could not leave well enough alone and then started cussing like a sailor a little bit (actually she is doing better in that dept), so I asked her to lease leave since she couldn't accept my views and be respectful and felt the need to be so insistent on wanting to concince me of her 'right' way.

Oh well, guess it has to get worse before it gets better.


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Sometimes I wish my H would be mad or upset now. Does that make since if he was mean or hateful, sometimes I think it would be easier to tell him to stop coming by. I know I am lucky in that regards, but I sometimes think that makes it harder too.

I didn't start the night out the best either, I had asked him for the past 3 days to bring home some bacon...I know cliche but he works at a bacon plant. LOL! He has forgotten every night, I was going to make little smokies wrapped in bacon with brown sugar to use up my last package, and take them to him for the guys at his work to eat. Well he forgot again today, going through my head was...If you needed this for OW you would have not forgotten. I did contain myself enough to not say that, but he knew I was pissed, and said if you want it so bad I can go buy some at the store. I said I am not mad, it was something for you. Yeah I was a bit pissed, but not because of the bacon I guess.

I am glad that when you are at work you do find peace, that must be a wonderful feeling. I love having time off this week, but I also have too much time to think. Today I just wasn't myself even with my friend Tiff. I just felt "off". One of those days I guess, I think one of those times of year!

Take care T, and have a wonderful night of work!


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If she is going to persist with the 'ice woman' routine right through and into the New Year then a thought just came over me.

I really would not be averse to finding some female company to spend some time with on New Years eve. Not looking to build anything new or inappropraite (though earthly folks would encourage me to do so since by the letter of the law I am D'd now for the last 6 months).

Darling continued to reiterate that she still refers to me as her H around others just as recent as yesterday. Almost a complete and full admission that the $$ spent on the D was nonsensical. Which it surely was.

T


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