Wow, I was reading a few of your older posts, and they are great, because they are right where I am - you were talking about H taking care of dog, etc.
I have been paralyzed in fear of not doing everything W asks - I keep W's dog over the weekend when she drops off kids, feed him, etc - I was just thinking about telling her that we are getting one for our "family", and she'll need to take care of him. She never walks him, never brushes him, he has hot spots that she doesn't take care of, it's sad. So we'll have a new cute puppy to play with! I'm so excited.
Also, I bought kids a Wii for Christmas, and she asked me, "Is this going to stay here at home?" As if, the kids would be bringing it to her apt - all she got them was a $10 MP3 player. It will NOT be going over there, and I don't give a flip if she poor-mouths - guess what? She wouldn't have to be poor right now!
Also, she has always hated our lineoleum kitchen floor, and I can understand why since I have to mop it now! The next Friday she comes over to drop off kids, she is going to see a brand-new tiled kitchen floor.
Wow, I haven't felt so good in 2.5 years- and I'm loving it!
This on top of this past weekend where she told me the house looked great - the cleanest she had ever seen it. Not that I ever let it get really dirty.
AMY, Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and words! Does ((((Jon)))) mean hugs? I've been trying to catch up on some of the signs and abbreviations. If it does, thanks for the hugs! If not - aaaaaaawkwaaaard!
I was proud of myself skating -I could still skate backwards, I could still "surf" (where you put your skates with the front wheels pointing left and right in a straight line and you skate like that) - it was a blast, and a good workout for this Christmas food.
Two major 180s for me - I always threatened divorce before, and then whimpered around about it. I always threatened to leave W completely alone, and never did. I have JUST started going dim, and GALing, and I'm seeing differences in her already. I was the world's best at ALMOST doing a 180, and ALMOST going dim.
She still says she has "no desire to be with me", and still is sort of hanging around with OM, but she hasn't ever expressed any interest in anything - now she is complimenting, asking about stuff.
Muahahaha, I love having back some control of my life!
Thinking and praying for you too! Good luck recovering from this weekend!
{{Jon}} YOu made me laugh so hard with that "if not, awkward"..LOL..YES the {{ }} are hugs..or, if you read some other guys' threads they are "chick hugs"..but don't listen to them (they secretly like them too
Aww..thank you for reading up on my posts..I have another thread that is most current you can read it here if you so desire Newest Thread
Yes..we've kinda gone around about the dog, and congratulations on a new puppy..HOW exciting and fun The last time we talked about it I told him he just really NEEDED to look for a place when he moved to take the dog with him..if I could get a dog for me, it'd be a cute little dog that's not HUGE for us to take care of
As far as the stuff you get, I think you are absolutely right to keep it at your place..if it was the other way around, she wouldn't be letting you hang onto it
AND a new floor too..wowowow..you are doing so well and sounds like you are really enjoying yourself..THAT is fantastic!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Morning, Jon!!!! And, yes, as Tawnya said...the (((((Jon))))) are hugs just for you. One of my primary love languages (hopefully you've read the book. If not, you should before you even think about another R...with your wife or anyone else!) is physical touch so I give lots of hugs. I have to say in this virtual world, they aren't quite as good as real ones, but they can still make you feel warm and cozy once your recognize what they are and how they are intended.
And, I know what you mean about feeling good. I'm starting to really feel good too. There's much less tension in my house. Much less! In fact, even my S7 said the other day, "Mom, we do a lot more fun stuff now that Dad is gone." The crazy part is, I didn't really feel the tension when he was here...just know it was there cause I feel it's absence now. You know what I mean?
One of the best things I ever heard from a therapist was about the re-writing of history...how the WAS doesn't remember anything good in the M...that helps them justify their leaving. This therapist also told me that we as LBS' tend to rewrite a little too, and we likely remember things way better than they were to support our desire to stick it out.
Good for you on the house and the tile. That will be fun to show off. If you run out of chores at your house, maybe you could stop off here. I don't keep house very well!!! I tried for a while after H left, and then I realized, that it mattered to him, not so much to me...so, since he's with OW and not here, I don't have to worry so much about it. Not really DBing, but, hey, more important things to do!
You sound great! Keep up the PMA this week.
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
{{{{Tawyna}}}}, I gave you some hugs back - I'm an extremely affectionate person, actually. W and I have a weird reverse thing - from sexual abuse, she is very cold and emotionally shallow, and I'm a big hugger, love everybody.
Glad I gave you a laugh - I'll catch up on that thread. I'm trying to poke my nose around - I feel like an old hand in reading emotions, etc, but I feel like a green newbie on actually putting things into practice. Only I could spend 2.5 years accomplishing nothing!
Our dog is an 85 pound red golden retriever - just the sweetest thing. I'll probably get a dog like that; my friend has a 40 pound blonde who is about perfect. They are the best, sweetest, most loyal dog - "Clifford" is lying on my feet right now.
The best thing about the floor is that we have been wanting to do it for 3 years - but I can't wait to see W's expression when she walks in. I'm not doing it FOR W, but the side benefit of seeing her face is going to make it oh, so sweet.
This is probably bad, but I have no idea what my LL is.
You would think finding out about dating, I would be in the depths of despair, but it has been an awesome week! My S6 just randomly said, "Well, at least Mom doesn't scream and say bad words anymore." Made me feel great - I have NEVER yelled in our entire marriage, or cursed in front of kids, etc.
Then, OM came for dinner with kids, and they were unimpressed. Barely mentioned him, D8 said he was "shy". That made me feel good too - I had been so worried that they would think the was the best thing since sliced bread.
I do tend to think on the good things - I not only don't hold onto bad memories, I don't even recall them happening at all. W will bring stuff up, and I couldn't even tell you if it was true or not, so I just stand there and look sheepish. It is SAD that we have been M 9 years, and she can remember stuff from 1st year of marriage!
The tile is gonna be so great! I will swing up to your house as soon as I finish mine - that'll probably be 2028, so be warned!
I enjoy cleaning and stuff actually - I keep things super clean, but I have a hard time balancing running a business, having kids from Fri-Mon (my time off), and getting extra stuff done, like putting down a floor, etc.
My PMA is through the roof, and best of all, the stuff that used to make my stomach twist into knots is barely bothering me!
{{Jon}} Me too on being an affectionate, huggy person..as I'm sure comes to no surprise to anyone reading my posts on the board since I do the hugs to everyone
And YOU know..Amy's house is below mine, statewise, so I could use some new tile too
By the way..I want your PMA..that is so fantastic and amazing, you just sound GREAT, even with knowing the kids met the OM and all that..wow is all I can say
Hope your Christmas week is wonderful and let us know how the tiling goes!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
You know one thing that happened yesterday - I laughed until I cried. One of those but-gusters where you can't stand up, and your stomach hurts, and you have to pee?
I don't know how well it'll translate funny-wise on here, but I'll try:
S6 is just a funny kid. We were staying at my parents, and I was making S6 and D8 brush their teeth, but parents only have 1 bath, and it was occupied by Papaw. Well, Papaw was doing #2, if I may be crass, and he forgot to turn on the fan.
I'm just hearing this from the kitchen where I'm dicing potatoes: So he came out, and S6 went running in there ahead of his sister and girl cousins. He hollered, "Boys go first!" and ran in. I hear silence for about 3 seconds (I think his brain was registering what was wrong), then a loud "Uuuugggghhhh", and he came running out, and said, "OK, boys DON'T go first" and ran off.
I was crying, and holding myself up on the counter I was laughing so hard. I'm sitting here laughing just typing it up again - I hope it translates well, it was that funny.
I have a wonderful family, beautiful and loving kids, and a great life - W is not going to ruin the wonderful things that I have. If she chooses to leave for good, she leaves behind wonderful memories, a beautiful family, and a great life.
I'm not really angry any more, I honestly pity her. She is trying so hard to fill her life with crap - keeps herself non-stop busy so she doesn't have to think. It's very sad. She has missed kids' first camping trip, their first roller-skating, many holidays, etc - sad.
Ok, now I made myself sad after laughing. Hah, but I'm going to put a smile on my face, and put away laundry!
As far as house fixing up, I'm trying to finagle time to just fill holes in wall, and touch up paint! Luckily I have a good, handy friend that is going to help me out - we've worked out an arrangement where he does time-consuming stuff, and I do "homework" - sort of like Trading spaces...
Jon..LOL..you did make me laugh with that "uh..on second thought..boys don't go first" LOLOL..your poor son!
You know, that is my husband too with the having to fill his time with so much work (is his time filler) that he doesn't have to think..he even said that very thing to me about a month or so ago..that is why he is working so much so he doesn't have to think..
That's very cool that you have a handy friend to help you, well except on trading spaces your friend would come in and fix your room up without you helping and you have to fake a smile at the end and go "ooh I love it" and then try not to kill your neighbor after the show goes off
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Morning, Jon! You do sound so good. And, I got a laugh out of your story too!
I'm glad the kids weren't impressed with OM. And, I guess the best you can do is make sure they know that the R with OM is not appropriate...Tawnya told her son that even though OW was a "friend" of dad's that the type of friendship they shared was the kind you should have only with your spouse. I liked that explanation. Her son's older than your kids or mine, so, I don't know how that explanation would work, but, I thought it was worth mentioning in case you haven't seen that particular post on her thread.
And, on the LL book...you should read it. Even if things don't work out here, you'll have another R one day. Plus, it's just good to understand yourself better!
Have a great day! I hate it for you that you don't have the kids for Christmas...at least I have my boys...they would have cramped H's style on this ski trip with OW so he didn't ask to take them!!!!
((((Jon)))))
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
The next Friday she comes over to drop off kids, she is going to see a brand-new tiled kitchen floor. 
