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#1680802 - 12/25/08 06:58 AM Re: My Story [Re: Tawnya]
Amy M Offline
Member

Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 1163
Loc: Florida
((((((Jon)))))))!

I'd say the fact that she came to lunch was a small victory. I did Thanksgiving lunch. When he left, I hugged him and said, "Well, thanks for coming. That was so awkward, I won't invite you again." He just laughed and said, "Thanks for cooking." So, that's just the way it goes.

Good goal, BTW. You do sound so good. How did you sound before I met you?

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas day...can you think of something to do for yourself?

I'll check in on you then!
Amy
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Me 39 H 36
S 7 S 4
T 15 M 12
H out 8/1/08
OW confirmed 8/6/08
D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!

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#1681047 - 12/26/08 01:49 AM Re: My Story [Re: Amy M]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
((Amy)),
Well, did something for myself on Christmas - got horribly sick! Woke up around 7:00am vomiting, but only vomited twice. Finally kept some Sprite down around 4:00pm, and a yogurt at 6:30pm. I feel like someone pummelled me with a large rubber hammer!

Shew, I'm feeling better now though, but have to drive 2.5 hours back home.

As far as how I sounded starting out, I probably sounded pretty morose - the last two weeks have been incredible, mostly due to that point where I was lying in bed, and realized that I deserved to be treated better.

I think the detaching also has started kicking in - where I'm not thinking/talking about it all the time.

It still scares me a little bit - I'm the guy that truly believes when you say "til death do us part" and "for better or worse", that you should actually MEAN the words.

But W is either going to wake up and smell the coffee or not - I have beautiful kids, a wonderful family, a great business I own - I'm blessed in so many ways that I'm not going to let her drag down more of my life than the 2.5 years I've already wasted! If I can put that much effort, love, kindness, etc, and she is going to ignore it - I deserve to be treated better!

Merry Christmas
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#1681075 - 12/26/08 03:40 AM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
Tawnya Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 2556
Loc: NC
{{{Jon}}} UGH..I hate that you were sick..that is not fun at all, but glad you are doing better..when do you have to drive home? The "good" Thing about stomach stuff, if there IS such a thing, is that they are usually short lived!

I agree with what you say, I believe in the "married for life" concept too, but we are blessed regardless and can hold our heads up high and know that we are doing what we should be to hold our end of the bargain up \:\)

You DO deserve to be treated better!

Tawnya
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Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
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#1681103 - 12/26/08 04:54 AM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
sandi2 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/28/07
Posts: 10988
Man oh man!! I love these posts! \:D You two men are going great! Now remember that I was an AWAW, so just wanted you to realize who this is coming from.......you have to be the one that is relaxed. You have to be the one that feels free. You have to be the one that has the peace. If you have none of these.....then you are her prisoner......or let's put it a different way....you are a prisoner to the stitch! As I see it, you are learning fast about that principle. When you get to the place that you are detached enough that you can be almost nonchalant about what she does and at times even be "sweet"....okay, then "nice" to her and it doesn't bother you how she receives your actions.....then you have really reached a new level. Of course, I still maintain that you don't allow her to walk on you, disrespect you, etc. You don't have to show your behind by setting her straight about that, either. Men can talk soft and yet firm/stern to a woman and she knows when he means business. So, don't take any crap off of her. That isn't what I mean by being nonchalant about what she does. I think you understand where I coming from.

When you get where Amy and Tawnya (a couple of my Sweeties, BTW) are in your detaching.....then you will see how much easier everything else will follow. That is not to say that there won't be other problems to arise or difficult days to deal with, but I think from what I have read that the detachment must be the hardest part to master.

So, keep up the good work men. Don't let the WAW's get you down. And, this is JMHO, but SingleDad, I think if she is with OM, I wouldn't be concerned about inviting her to anymore family events or get-togethers. When a woman can't behave herself properly like a lady should....then she doesn't deserve to be invited to anything by the H.

Oh, and about the children. Oh.....they can be real treasures. They can also be "instruments" that can cut like a knife to the guilty party and be ever so innocent in what they say. That is what hurts the guilty person......they know it comes from the mouths of babes and they speak the truth. Of course, the WAS is not going to tell you what the child said b/c it would be telling off on themselves. But, I truly believe that God uses children to speak to adults many times. Now take that in the context in which it was given..... \:D

I'll check on you all tomorrow.

Sandi
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It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

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#1681126 - 12/26/08 05:32 AM Re: My Story [Re: sandi2]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
Sandi - thanks so much for the encouragement! I'm very happy to be in control of my life once again. I have spent 2+ years dancing around trying to do everything I can to make W happy. Watching kids for her, bought laptop for her to use at school, and so on - she repays by starting to date OM.

SingleDad - I agree with Sandi - don't invite to any more events. If OM is involved it is the utmost of disrespect and insults. I also am trying to do just what Sandi said: soft yet firm. I'm being very firm with W ,but I go overboard being extremely kind and thoughtful. Like when I told her that she couldn't get kids early, I said, "It'll be my first Christmas without them, and I want to spend every minute with them I can." I could have said, "Biotch, get on your OWN time!" \:\)
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#1681292 - 12/26/08 06:22 PM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
Also, a technical question - I am starting to spread out, catch up on stories. Is there any easy way to track threads or responses? I have to go to my posts, and start reading forward, and it seems really dorky. \:\)
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#1681364 - 12/26/08 10:31 PM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
Sigh, journaling/venting:

What a sick, twisted world we live in.

W just came home from family Christmas - she has an interesting tactic on everything. She broadcasts what she does - then says she has been "completely honest". She told her parents she was dating another man - they of course, disagree vehemently, but she does this so she can somehow come up with a twisted sense of "righteousness" because she is honest.

Also, W chewed me out because I told D8 that OM is "fully married" - W's exact words. OM is married, but has been separated from his wife. W actually talked to OM's W, and said HIS W likes her. Wow, crazy. She was angry at me for saying OM was "fully" married - I'm wondering if there are "partial" marriages? I told her I didn't need to hear her justifications for her actions.

Anyway, D8 came home from W's family Christmas, and D8 told me that the first thing her G'pa said was, "Hi guys, Merry Christmas - how's your boyfriend?" Come to find out this was completely untrue. I'm worried about D8 - she is saying weird things - I think she is under tremendous emotional stress.
D8 also told me that W told all her friends that I told her Dad about OM - this was also untrue.

I also may have just got verification that it is PA - D8 told me that OM came over to spend the night, so I asked W, and W avoided the question, and said it was none of my business, and she didn't have to tell me. I told W she can do what she wants, but DO NOT tell my daughter that she was sleeping with someone.

Finally, best comment of the night, after W told me that she was mad about the "fully married"thing, I responded like this:
"I am showing D8 that marriage is a beautiful life-long commitment that you make to your spouse and to God, and that you make a vow to forsake all others. If you disagree, you can teach her differently." Hah, how do you respond to that!

The only positive note is that if it IS PA, then that just helps me that much more in court!

So, a sucky day, but I guess two weeks ago, I said the hard times were a'comin! I just tell myself - either she'll come around, or she's truly self-centered arrogant person that cares about nothing but herself.
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#1681367 - 12/26/08 10:41 PM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
Replying to myself, and asking for advice:

I'm feeling a little better after my vent - W is obviously angry about me standing up to her, so gotta get through that, but hey, I feel good about it! \:\)

I had thought about asking W for my house key (she doesn't use it, but has it) and also asking her to sign a document to get her taken off my checking account (I have all debit cards and checks, but she is still on there). Is that "too much" or a good step on detaching? It's tricky finding what a good balance is...
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#1681371 - 12/26/08 10:47 PM Re: My Story [Re: JDOllie]
marriedCrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/08
Posts: 2105
Jon, I removed my W from all joint accounts long before she dropped the bomb. I knew something was up; so I started protecting myself. So, I think that removing her is warranted. Otherwise, you run the risk of her using family money to underwrite her R with the OM.

The key, I'd check with local laws before preventing her from entering the marital home. I can't do that here in KY.

I also have heard typical spew that we are "technically divorced". W has listed herself as "single" on dating websites and her FB page. Currently, she has a new OM and has listed herself at "in a relationship" on her FB page. It's a long road bro; I've been in this sitch for almost three years.

Good luck and stay strong.
Tom
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#1681374 - 12/26/08 10:58 PM Re: My Story [Re: marriedCrazy]
JDOllie Offline
Member

Registered: 12/13/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Ohio
Well, my bank said she has to sign a paper.

So my question for you - why aren't you divorced at this point?
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