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Well,
I do know for sure.. I have a print out of the boarding passes for the trip they took in Dec. I have copies of emails.
He told me he was going to b.f. to go hunting...but he went to providence with her.

I already confronted him..he just talks in circles. He will never man up to anything. Just says I told you we were getting a divorce. I said yeah..you said a lot of things. But thing was..this is his high school sweetheart. They met up again back in Aug of 07..Sept he says he is unhappy...Feb he says he wants a divorce..in May I find out he was having an affair with her, July he says he isn't talking to her anymore..only on occasion, but that I didn't understand. Now I find all this info to show that yes indeed they have been talking and it has been going on.

So no I am not surprised. I am pissed, because he lied about it. I asked numerous times if he was still talking to her. He had EVERY opportunity to tell me yes.. Afterall he "stated his intentions" he wanted the divorce. what did he have to lose by just telling the truth. I would have stopped loving him and trying to fix things much sooner. There is NO going back now.

I know I will NEVER trust him again, I don't think I will ever be able to talk to him or stand the sight of him.

I can't believe he went away with her.


M:35
H:39
S:13
D:9
M:10 yrs
T:12 yrs
Bomb 2/9/08
Divorce filed 10/17/08
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Kristi
Sorry for you to find out this way...
All cheaters lie and that's the truth.
The anger will pass, just give it some times.
There is NO going back now.
Now you can officially start moving forward for YOU.
Better days will come.

NW626


Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
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I do believe better days will come,

You are absolutely right..there is NO going back.

Thing was when I thought he had an affair back in May, I was ready to forgive and forget. I kept telling him that too. I really thought he just did it because he was emotionally distraught and not thinking clearly and really needed someone. I had convinced myself that he was just looking to fill a void. Then when he said or it seemed like it was over..I believed him. I figured he realized his ways and that he was going to try. What I realize now is that he would never talk about it. He never said ANYTHING abt specifics. This left it all up in the air. It wasn't a door that was closed just one that he closed for awhile while he got everything else in order.

see she is married as well. Her husband was away in Iraq. I believe he came home this summer and she needed to work out her issues. Now that they both did what they needed to and he finally filed he could jump back into the relationship. I don't think he ever really ended it. I think looking back it was one of the reasons he didn't want to come home at all. If he did he wouldn't be able to call and email her without me knowing. He needed to keep it secret. Looked better and then he could file a no-fault divorce..stating marriage was irrevocably broken..

Now I am really pissed and I want to change the filing from a no fault to a fault. Stating the affair. I don't know if I can do it but I am going to contact my lawyer on Monday.

I feel like he was just playing a game with me all along and I was too stupid to see it. I played right along because I wanted so much to believe him and wanted it to work. I was so stupid. He did all of this so he would look good.

Well I certainly hope he ends up happy. This will be the 3rd time they got together. They were together 2 other times and couldn't make it work.

He should know by now that all lies eventually come out. And it is ALWAYS worse when they do. I realize that we are separated so he has a right to date as do I, so that is not what bothers me, it is that he lied about it. He stated over and over again that he wasn't that there was no one. And if it were just someone he met and went out on a date it would bother me but this is obviously more than that. You don't go away unless there is more to it.

I probably won't sleep tonight. He is so mad at me right now. Not that I care. But of course this is all my fault according to him. I was the one who ruined us he says.

Oh well. someday this will all be over and happy days will be here again.

they just can't come soon enough for me.


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{{{Kristi}}} they say that it is our fault because otherwise they would have to deal with their own faults..and they can't and/or won't do that yet!

My friend..you KNOW it is not your fault, you did nothing wrong but find something that he hid..and, even tho you are separated, really he doesn't have a "right" to date, if you know what I mean.

The lying is tougher to deal with isn't it? Because, like I told my husband, I can't believe anything he says to me right now. I am sorry you had to find out like that, but I'm not sorry that you found out, because, you are right, lies always come out at some point!

I HOPE you get some sleep and just realize that YOU are going to be okay..YOU are an awesome woman and your husband is stupid not to realize it my dear sweetie!

Love and hugs

Tawnya


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Well I didn't sleep,

I am so angry and mad. Mostly because of the lies. I feel like he was so manipulative. We have had some heated texts back and forth. He basically says it was over long ago betweeen us and he had no plans of ever reconciling. I should just move on..which I plan on doing.

I am just so sad and angry at myself for believing that things could have been different.

Thanks for the hugs.


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(((Kristi))) - more hugs and prayers.

I'm with you - I won't pretend my situation is as hurtful as yours, but it's starting to get pretty ugly. I slept about 4 hours last night.

Do plan on moving on - I've finally reached that point. I said, "I want to be happy, with or without you" and I mean it.

I refuse to let someone that would treat me so badly have any control or sway over my life - and you shouldn't either.

I know it doesn't help the hurt and anger right now, but you absolutely deserve better, and don't you forget it!


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{{{{Kristi}}}} DON'T beat yourself up over choosing to believe your husband..no one would ever fault you for that..

I agree with what Jon says and we do all deserve to be treated better, either by our spouses or at least we deserve to treat OURSELVES better..and get off their roller coaster rides \:\)

Hugs to you my friend!!

Tawnya


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Kristi, I think this might be the first time I've posted to you. I just want you to look in the mirror and see beautiful Kristi. He doesn't deserve you and you deserve so much more. I know that I made mistakes, but I am a good person and I will not be the little woman pining away at home for him.

Do NOT continue with the status quo. It is only going to hurt you in the long run. If he wants to be out, then tell him to go. Just wait for the shock of it. My H thought he had all the time in the world to "make arrangments." While I sit and cry and hurt he thought he could just hang around until he was good and ready to go.

Wrong answer. Give him a little shove. Start the ball rolling. The thing with crud, once it starts rolling downhill it picks up speed. Healing is around the corner if you can only act. I promise it will hurt, but it will get better.


Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08,
S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012!
Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.

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Thanks Wifey, Jon and Tawnya,


Its been a rough day. Lots of texts going back and forth.

What is bothering me the most now is that I have lost all respect for him. I understand that he wanted to move on, or so he said. He did a lot of things that would have led me to believe I still had some hope..anyway I klung to those for dear life. He knows that. He also stated over and over there was no one else. And it was a lie.
So many times when I thought I caught him in a lie and questioned him he would get mad and accuse me of not trusting him. He would say how I would never change and it would always be like that..and that is why we couldn't be together..same old line...but the truth was he was doing exactly what I thought he was doing all along.

I wish he would have just left when he wanted to and stayed away. If he was so done like he said then he should have acted completely done. I know he has his life and what he does isn't really my business but I do think that if we are discussing something and he says one thing and then I find out something else it is a lie..he just says it was none of my business. He had every opportunity to tell me what was going on. Sure it would have been very painful but it would have made sense for him to stay away if he was involved with someone else.

I wouldn't have had to keep hoping and trying to work things out. All the excessive arguements may not have had to occur because I would have already know he was with someone else.
But he chose to lie. And now I cant' be his friend. I don't want to be his friend and I have NO RESPECT for him.

There are just so many other little incidents I have discovered that make this all the more painful. But it just proves that he isn't anything like I thought he was. Saying that I feel like a fool!!


M:35
H:39
S:13
D:9
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T:12 yrs
Bomb 2/9/08
Divorce filed 10/17/08
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Kristi
I understand your anger. I was where you are now couple months ago.
Keep venting here, let your anger emotion run through this board.
Give it some times, the anger will pass.
On the other hand, it is not fair for yourself to keep letting his action hurting you.
Do something for yourself....you need a break from this.
BTW...you are NOT a fool. You just got hurt by love.
Take care of yourself first....

NW626


Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
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