Daughter is thrilled with her ipod, playing with it as we speak
Daughter comes out with my presents and I usually separate our presents into piles and she goes "where is your pile" and I was like "I don't have a pile" and she was like "OH" poor thing..LOL
So..hub comes upstairs and seems to not even want to be there, sits down, is playing with the CATS instead of watching opening presents (so weirdddd) and then we had him his presents, first from daughter, and then the ones I got..I didn't think anything about it, but afterwards, I said to daughter, "did you really think I'd get a present" and she said, "well that's why dad seemed so mad that you got him stuff" and I said, "you think he was mad?" and she said, "well at least uncomfortable" LOL..in my mind I was thinking, "um YEAH, he should be" cause he went out last night to get "something" cause he came up with this candy he said he went out and got himself last night, and I'm thinking, bet that's not all he bought..and for a SPLIT second I wondered if he got me anything, but nope..but oh well
I know who took the high road
I kinda don't know what to do about daughter, who is 18. She has a tude with her dad right now, which I can't blame her, and I don't know whether to talk to her about it or let him deal with the consequences of his actions with her..I'm thinking the latter because she's older and more "aware" of what is going on than my 12 yo is. For example, son/daughter/hub were talking about going to the movie tonight and daughter is like, "I don't really want to go with just them" *she said to me afterwards*
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Tawnya - sorry no presents from H. I bought presents for my WAW - which I'll try to give to her tomorrow, but I'm not sure she will take them.
Not understanding the problem between D18 and H. Conversation is always good. I'd talk with D18. At 18, she is also an adult and can make up her own mind. But good thing to let her know you care to talk with her about it.
Have a great Christ day - Jim (SingleDad)
Me:40 / W:33 / D:3 T:7.5/M:4 D Day: 1/24/08 Legal Separated: 6/12/08 BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08 Suspect BF pre-dates D Day
Tawnya - Oh I Understand... I'm trying to protect my own daughter from having to go through the same thing for many years to come... If only my marriage could be saved.
Your H is being selfish - nothing less. WAS do not realize their actions affect far beyond themselves.
Me:40 / W:33 / D:3 T:7.5/M:4 D Day: 1/24/08 Legal Separated: 6/12/08 BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08 Suspect BF pre-dates D Day
SD..I think he gets it from my daughter's crappy reactions to him lately..tho I'm sure somehow it will be "my fault", something I've said to her to "turn her against him" or something..I can already hear that convo LOL!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I dunno..my stepmom said it sounded like my hub was back in high school and that is TOTALLY what I liken it to..remember back in high school if you had a crush and/or were in a relationship, THAT is all you thought about, nothing else mattered, it was just YOU and that person and/or you and your little world..that, to me anyway, is what it is like in my household..
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Lord, why do WAS think it is so much easier to walk away to a "new life with greener pastures"?
Why don't they realize they should instead work on their existing life ?
Why can't they learn it will not go away when there are children involved ?
Why don't they understand their decisions are far more reaching and harmful than their own selfish wants ?
SingleDad, I think I can answer those questions, but knowing me I would take all night....er....day...since it is almost 1:30 a.m.
To make it short, they are living in a fantasy. They hate their real life and want to exchange it or throw it away and get a new one b/c it is easier, to them, to start over with a brand new person. They think it will be oh so different and better with that new person and new R. They are so deep in fog until they cannot think logically. The excitment of the A is what keeps them running on "high energy" all the time. But, if they were to get M and have to deal with the kids and bills and "reality" for a change.....they would discover they have the same R that they had with the LBS. They are in "dreamland" and you can't wake them up or reason with them. They have to learn the hard way, most of them anyway, and by the time they do come out of the fog, they have messed their lives up, plus their children's and their LBS......unless the LBS decides to move forward and not allow the WAS to control their happiness and their future.
I knew you already knew all of that, and that those questions were out of pure frustatration, but wanted you to know the post was recognized. As a former AWAW, it was LBH's like yourself that I begin to see the pain and it actually helped me to realize how much pain I had caused my own H. You see, he kept it hidden from me. Unlike a lot of H's, he did not plead with me or anything like that......I only saw his anger and him treating me like a child and I resented it highly and reacted to it badly. So, your pain expressed here on the board might help another AWAW to decide to stay home.
God Bless and take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well, well, well, don't I have smart "Sweeties"? I tell you, I am down right proud! All this fine advice you all are giving one another.....shoot, I don't even feel needed anymore....lol. Feel like a proud Mama. Tawnya, I told you to be on the lookout for a former friend. Glad you two met up. I also told Amy. Let's see if she caught on....lol.
I won't keep you up all night....er...day now....with a long post cause I think I have pushed my Christmas luck and need to get me big self in the bed. Just want to say this to ALL OF YOU HER ON TAWNYA'S THREAD.........STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE MARRIED. Now take that in the right context. I don't mean to go out and hit the bar scene and find somebody to mess around with. I mean your attitude.......stop acting like you are married to your spouse and treat them like you would .......well, since some of your stitch's are different, I better be careful as to tell you how to treat them like.....I think since most of you are not on too friendly of terms right now, I would say treat them more like they were an unwanted guest in your house.....if they are still there. If they have left your house, it makes it easier to treat them like you would another person on the street....lol. Remember, when they make you lose your cool.....they have won. Just like in parenting.....if a kid makes you lose your temper....and even if you punish the child.....he has won b/c you gave up your control. It is a battle of the wills. Same principle applies to your stitch.
Most of all, don't take any crap what-so-ever and demand respect. That is an absolutely must! You do not have to stay under the same roof with somebody that does not respect you anymore than that. It made me furious at the answer Tawnya's H gave her. You may have to look up Puppy to get some ideas about consequences Tawnya if H continues to be so disrespectful. I would keep my distance as best as i could until he leaves....if he really does. Why is he prolonging? Would you still want him after all of this? Be honest....don't say what you think I want you to say. But, I think you are quickly learning to stand up to him and stand up for your respect. He just hasn't been made a believer yet.
As far as talking to D18, she is smart. She knows what is going on and she knows where you stand. I know you want her to have the right ideas about what M is all about, etc. Right now, she is watching you to see how you are going to deal with how her dad is treating you. Also, that son of yours will learn how to treat women in the future (including his own wife) by watching this played out before him. So, for both of their sakes, you have to show that a woman can not be bullied, disrespected or cheated on and get away with it. I would not even start to try to defend their dad to protect their R with him.....that is not your job. Besides, it would confuse them b/c I'm sure S12 is pretty sharp about what's going on. He just isn't talking. If your H does leave, then I would sit down with your D18 and ask her how much she knows. Then confirm what she says is the truth. Don't try to cover up b/c she deserves to know. Then I would sit down with S12 and tell him that his dad left you.....not them.....(which he really did, but you can't tell S12 that) and explain in a way that isn't too graphic what is going on and that it isn't right for a M person to do that and so the two of you had to go separate ways. Well....do it your own way, why am I telling you what to say? I just know that with your sweet and giving and forgiving ways that I am afraid that you'll try to cover up for that jerk and he doesn't need anyone to do that. He needs to be held accountable for his actions. Normally, in most cases, I believe in trying to keep this sort of thing private between the couple, but the way he is treating you.....and as old as your kids are......if he leaves.....tell them. (Hey Puppy.....did you hear that???) Like I said, I am coming around.....to some cases...lol. If they are going to be open with the A and so disrespectful to you, then let him have it.
Okay, I promised a short post, didn't I? Now, it is almost 2:00 a.m.
Catch you all later, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
