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#1678603 - 12/21/08 11:00 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Tawnya]
S.T. _I Made It! Offline
Member

Registered: 05/21/06
Posts: 3933
Loc: Tulsa
I'm so jealous of your get-together!!!! I hope you guys had a lot of fun, I'm sure you did. and I totally meant to mail a little stick figure of me or something funny! darn!

well, smw, I will be waiting to hear how your weekend went, I bet it happened just in the nik of time.
_________________________
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."

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#1678896 - 12/22/08 12:56 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: GoingForward]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: GoingForward
Hey, SMW! Just saw your post to my thread, and it looks like I'm late! Sorry. ;\)

I like your response to DH's email. It's to the point . However, I do feel a little differently where others have referred to DH's feelings as "drama". Drama or no drama, they are his feelings. This is something I have to remind myself about whenever I am dealing with my own H's feelings and the "pity parties" he throws for himself. If I don't address his feelings, then in some way aren't I invalidating him, too?

Just something to think about.
Duly noted. I am not seeking to invalidate his feelings. He can feel anything he likes, it would just be nice if he thought about someone besides himself once in a while.

Quote:
And I was also wondering - when the kids say they will get back to DH "later", do they?
This is the first email he has sent specifically to the kids since he left. I was emailing him regularly about their days and he seemed not to give a crap--no responses, avoiding talking about them, etc.--so I stopped doing it.

Is there a limit to how many emails can be sent to DH? If not, could the kids maybe send him a short note every day (or every other two or three days) to talk about at least one good thing that's happened for them? At school, at home, at the playground, at dinner...?[/quote] This is the first email he has sent specifically to the kids since he left. I was emailing him regularly about their days and he seemed not to give a crap--no responses, avoiding talking about them, etc.--so I stopped doing it. He can receive emails as long as his mailbox is not full.

Quote:
I know it seems like he should be the one doing most of the initiating, but what if you could get the kids to start doing this? What if it helped? What if it really is as you've told the kids...that Daddy can't always get through. I think he's missing his family.

JMO.

(((((((SMW)))))))


He honestly really cannot get a phone line out on a regular basis. I felt like sending all of the emails was like heading down a cheeseless tunnel--I did it over and over with no success, so I stopped. The kids do not ever ask to send him emails, I have to prompt them and they do not want to be bothered most of the time. I am not trying to punish him, I just do not want to be bothered right now. I have a lot going on--4 kids and the holidays--you understand I am sure. If he had truly expressed any prior interest in maintaining contact, I certainly would not question it now. Since he didn't, this is where we are.

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




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#1678897 - 12/22/08 12:58 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Tomato]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: Tomato
All ready to play hostess there??


HAve a wonderful day dear Sis!

T



"And His kingdom shall have no end ..."


T--

We had a blast and I heard the military was on high alert for a "Doubtfire" invasion ;\) Guess the DHS did not consider it a serious threat! LOL

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




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#1678899 - 12/22/08 12:58 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: StrgMarvelousWmn]
Tomato Offline
Member

Registered: 01/03/08
Posts: 4058
Loc: Northeast
Hi Sis

good afternoon to you.

Back to the hard schoolwork huh?

And don't even start about my Eagles!!
_________________________
debut thread

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#1678902 - 12/22/08 01:01 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Tomato]
Tomato Offline
Member

Registered: 01/03/08
Posts: 4058
Loc: Northeast
the images I get in my head stemming from the thoughts of a "Doudtfire invasion" are pretty hilarious one's.
_________________________
debut thread

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#1678904 - 12/22/08 01:03 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Tomato]
Tomato Offline
Member

Registered: 01/03/08
Posts: 4058
Loc: Northeast
Hey Crissy ....get with the program. DH = darling husband

Even I knew that one for about the last few months now anyway.

LMAO

Aren't you so glad that I can at least get a laugh out of poking fun at you \:\)

T
_________________________
debut thread

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#1678906 - 12/22/08 01:05 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Tomato]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
AAHHH

My boys made me very proud yesterday!

I will respond to everyone else in a bit.

Yes, I am hitting the books again and want to stay caught up so I can enjoy my break starting Wednesday. I do not have schoolwork again until the 3rd if I am on track. I might even be able to do a little work ahead.

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




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#1679013 - 12/22/08 03:05 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: Tomato]
S.T. _I Made It! Offline
Member

Registered: 05/21/06
Posts: 3933
Loc: Tulsa
Originally Posted By: Tomato
Hey Crissy ....get with the program. DH = darling husband

Even I knew that one for about the last few months now anyway.

LMAO

Aren't you so glad that I can at least get a laugh out of poking fun at you \:\)

T


AAAAH, gotcha. you can poke fun at me whenever you'd like if it makes you laugh. ;\)
_________________________
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."

Top
#1679023 - 12/22/08 03:16 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: StrgMarvelousWmn]
S.T. _I Made It! Offline
Member

Registered: 05/21/06
Posts: 3933
Loc: Tulsa
hey, I was thinking more about your email.

I think although you were direct, it was vague too.

remember when you said he obviously didn't want to communicate anymore.. or something like that. I think this could be vague. He may have no clue how you came up with that...since he is so caught up in himself and may only be seeing the things your doing to him, not what he's doing to you...

Next time perhaps it would be better to say... "Because I was sending multiple emails about the children and I wasn't receiving responses to most of them I assumed that you were not interested in them so I stopped." Then he knows exactly why.

speaking of the email, has he responded to it?


glad YOUR team had a good day. my team did not. \:\( but we're still in the playoffs anyways, and we'll be in the superbowl so it doesn't matter. lol
_________________________
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."

Top
#1679125 - 12/22/08 05:41 PM Re: A Sailor's Christmas [Re: S.T. _I Made It!]
Phoenixdeux Offline
Member

Registered: 01/13/05
Posts: 1948
Loc: ND
I'll chime in.

Your life should not be dictated by your husband's perceptions of you. Know what? The reality is that divorced people don't send their XW e-mails to read to the kids and expect a response. You pick up the phone and you call them. Your life is not on hold waiting for his next call and e-mail. If it were me, I would stay so busy that I didn't even check my e-mail more than 3-4 days a week and I'd only respond to half of them. That's life. If he has a problem with that...just tell him you've been busy.

As Ian said, you are too worried about what he's thinking or what impact your actions have on him, rather than focusing solely on yourself and your own growth. He's a fully functional adult....if/when he wants to be part of your life, he'll make it clear. If not...still his problem. Take ownership of what you can control.
_________________________
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer

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