Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6

[JDOllie]

{{{Tawnya}}},
I'm very liberal with the hugs now that I know what they are!

And honestly, as crazy as it sounds and I've told many people this, this experience has been the best thing that could have happened to ME..as far as waking ME up to ME..not that I couldn't have done with it happening another way LOL..but..

Wow, you just echoed what I've said to people. I feel like I'm so much a better person - which starts to make me wonder? Am I/you wasting all this goodness on someone who quite honestly doesn't deserve it?

At this point, for me, it's been so long that I'm starting to feel a bit of resentment/bitterness creep in, and I hate it so much, but don't know how else to deal with it. I guess it's just letting it go - if you hold onto it, you allow W/H to continue to control you.

[Tawnya]

Aww {{{{Jon}}}} we must have just crossed paths there. YOU are hilarious with the sisterhood of the traveling pants..I think Puppy, MarriedCrazy, Tomato, Carpenter, and the other guys who post on my thread COULD get offended..I'm just warning you

Thank you for spreading the PMA my way..my hub says his "OW" is just a friendship too..but either way it stinks just the same in my book

I am SOOOO thrilled about your confidence and happiness, I agree that our focus needs to stay UPWARDS and on life, kids, our well being, etc..

I do have to say that, while hub has been gone this weekend, I have felt a bit more "free" if that makes sense, like today I had to go do some shopping and my daughter was going to bring some food home for my son, so I was like "cool, nobody cares how long I'm gone, where I"m going..I don't have to make sure anyone is taken care of (cause they were).." it was a pretty good feeling!

I LOVE that you played xbox for 20 hours straight with the nephews..they must be related to my son..WHO could play that long FOR SURE!

Tawnya

[Tawnya]

Jon..we are definitely cross path posting..LOL..but you know occasionally those thoughts creep into my brain too..but then I know that God knows the exact right thing for us, and I just have to trust that the BEST outcome for my hub and for me will be the one that happens..

You are right about having to let go of the bitterness and resentment that tries to creep in. Something I see in my hub that I HATE for him so much is that he holds onto things and can tend to be bitter..so I really don't want to see that happen to me or my kids (or anyone on this board for that matter)..it's not a pretty thing and at some point, in some way, it's gonna come out or you'll explode..much better to release it while it's "fresh" eh?

Tawnya

[JDOllie]

{{{Tawyna}}},
Heh, we'll probably cross again on this!

I guess the thing for me is to remember what W is really like - but I sometimes wonder what makes someone become the "alien" they talk about on here? My hardest thing I'm dealing with is time - I spent 2.5 YEARS separated from W. She has come back several times asking to "try again" and a week later she'd be back to the cold-hearted stone-silent person. I did do the pursuing and temperature taking bit - screwed that up royally.... But I only ever asked for us to go to counseling, and clean up the things she is hanging on to. That is the SINGLE request I have had in 2.5 years...

I think I figured out what is bothering me with OM - I expected to lose my mind with jealousy, but I haven't really been a bit jealous. I couldn't understand what I was feeling, but I think I have figured it out. I'm INSULTED! If the guy was good-looking, rich, talented, big aspirations, etc anything like that, maybe it would feel better to me? I won't start bashing, but the words I just used are the opposite of what you would use to describe him!

OK, there, I got that off my chest while it's fresh... Does it mean I'm arrogant to feel that way?

So, back to you, the one thing I've not been able to glean from your posts: are you in D? Separated? etc?

[Tawnya]

Jon..LOL..I know it's hard to glean from my sitch in general..but in my husband's mind we are separated, but yet we are still in the same house. Basically when he first told me the "I love you, but not in love with you" bomb..we were still sleeping in the same bed for a few weeks..no contact, just in the same bed..then about 3 or so weeks into it, he just decided to move downstairs to our couch that folds out into a bed and that's where he still stays..except for right now because he's gone to visit his family until tomorrow at some point..

My hub's goal, at least as far as I KNOW is that he wants to get his own place sometime after the first of the year and start the 1 year legal separation we have in this state.

No..not arrogant to feel that way and I've ALWAYS said to my husband that there is no good that can come of me really knowing much about the OW because a) If she's prettier than me, I would hate that because then I'd feel low about myself and b) If she's NOT prettier than me, I'd be like "what the heck"..LOL

Tawnya

[JDOllie]

I gotta go crash, but you just made me notice a REALLY positive point. W was sexually abused by uncle and sister, and she has major emotional issues with this. A lot of women like that have a "breakthrough", and the person that usually gets dumped on is the closest man in their life. Hah, ME!

Anyway, I remembered when this all started, W said that the thought of touching me made her want to "vomit". She hated me, I disgusted her, and so on and so forth. I knew that she didn't mean 99% of it, but still wasn't greatest things to hear.

I guess, (eternal optimist warning) compared to that, things are pretty good!

Speaking of things in people's minds - W thinks that she is free to date around because although we are married, we have been separated so long it no longer counts, says marriage is "just a piece of paper". Even says she can't have an EA/PA, because we aren't together. This is frustrating, but what she doesn't know is that it is exceedingly damning in court. She has made claims in emails/texts that our marriage was over 2.5 years ago.

*evil cackle* If this ends in a D, I will be in such good shape financially, and she will be screwed royally. I'm sorry that I enjoy thinking about that, but man, it feels good to come out ahead sometimes!

[healthydad]

Hi Tawnya:
Just read through your threads...you've come a long way so very quickly - and have an inspiring amount of strength and spirit. You seemed to have caught on to the value of DBing right away - and I admire you PMA.

So wonderful to see you making the most of the holidays for your kids.

-Carlos.

[Tawnya]

{{{Carlos}}} Aww thank you so much..that made my night right before I go to sleep..so thank you for the kind words..I will take that I have strength and spirit thank you

I know you also will have a wonderful Christmas for you and your kids and that you also have an amazing strength, kindness, and good heart!

{{Jon}} I hear you about heading to bed, as I am headed there too! Definitely not good things to hear and, you are right, things are definitely better than THAT and I agree with you about the other person being in their life..hub even says he wishes, for his own sake, he would have kept his mouth shut about her, because he knows how much it screws him in the financial realm..but..oh well..those are HIS choices..not mine!

Have a good day tomorrow everyone and I hope and pray for peaceful and good sleep for all of us

Tawnya

[Tomato]

good night dear!

Much peace and blessings will be steered your way.


T

[Tawnya]

{{{Tomato}}} Glad to read that you are doing much better my friend and I pray peace and blessings in abundance coming your way as well

Tawnya