NOTICE: In order to help the OnLine Community run more efficiently, we will be pruning the boards over the next few weeks. If there are any Topics or Posts you want to keep, please save them soon.
Page 10 of 19 < 1 2 ... 8 9 10 11 12 ... 18 19 >
Topic Options
#1679094 - 12/22/08 04:56 PM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: Silent Chrleader]
S.T. _I Made It! Offline
Member

Registered: 05/21/06
Posts: 3933
Loc: Tulsa
you know, I am thinking having the kids go with him is a bad idea. I don't think THEY should be there without YOU. I know your wanting to keep tabs on him, but I think you need to let that go. If he wants to have a secret R with her, he'll find a way, so having "bodyguards" I don't think is really the answer. I understand the boundary, but using the kids is just not sounding good to me.

I think you should use a boundary of him getting something legal started. I think I would say, "Are you comfortable with this arrangement with your son that OW has forced on you? What would you like for the arrangement to be? While I appreciate the fact that you are respecting my wish to take someone with you to OW's house, this can't be something that can continue. If you are interested in working on our M, then this arrangement that OW has control over needs to be changed. It is causing stress on all of us and it is detrimental to our relationship. I would love for you to file something legally so that you can take back some control. If not, I need to tell you that I will not be okay with this arrangement much longer."

that's just mho.
_________________________
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3
M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs)
EA/PA 1/2006
DB 5/2006
H wants D 6/2006
H wants ME 8/2006
H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006
H erased OW off phone! 2/2007

"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."

Top
#1679158 - 12/22/08 06:39 PM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: S.T. _I Made It!]
sandi2 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/07
Posts: 10717
(((Babygirl)))....just have you on my heart sweetie. Wish I could give you a Christmas miracle, but we know in real life that is not how it works. Think about yourself and put yourself first. He isn't going to, so BG has to.

We all love you and want you to be a surviver. Just get through Christmas. I have never heard of so many families spliting apart as I have this time.

You are in my heart and in my prayers.

Love,
Sandi
_________________________
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

Top
#1679286 - 12/22/08 10:20 PM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: sandi2]
kelaaron Offline
Member

Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 1621
St-like Bg said we have wondered why he is doing what he is doing and I too have presented her with the same questions and thoughts you did. So glad i'm not the only one sticking up for him a little.

BG-I also agree with ST's later comment about the kids and the legal stuff. If nothing else, it may make him make his choice obvious to you one way or the other.

You know that my biggest concern is you and YOUR kids and your health, so only you can decide what is right for you. I will support you however you choose to handle it.
_________________________
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.

Top
#1679381 - 12/23/08 01:00 AM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: kelaaron]
Silent Chrleader Offline
Member

Registered: 06/19/08
Posts: 1125
Loc: WA
Hey, BG!

The alt is finally up again! You can search for yours truly (SChrldr) and hopefully we can hook up?
_________________________
TJ

Me45,H49
D24,S18
M26,T28
Bomb 3/19/08
Sep 6/23/08
EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8
3/2009 H moved in w/OW2
7/2009 Let him go w/Love.
8/2009 Legally Sep'd

Top
#1679483 - 12/23/08 08:45 AM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: kelaaron]
1hope Offline
Member

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 1677
Loc: Mid-West
Originally Posted By: kelaaron
St-like Bg said we have wondered why he is doing what he is doing and I too have presented her with the same questions and thoughts you did. So glad i'm not the only one sticking up for him a little.
I agree too Kel, but I don't think it is "sticking up for" as much as it is offering understanding. And forgiveness. Breakaway, I don't think it will do anyone any good to try to "imagine" the whys and wherefores of the things that H has done and said. If BG wants her marriage restored it will never happen by harboring anger and bitterness. Only God's total forgiveness will work.

That being said, it's all about what BG wants. In no way should she offer herself as a doormat. She knows what boundary she has to put out, and then follow through.

She also knows that we are here to support her. She is the wife, and she is the real family. Just because H's coworker got nocked up - does not a family make.



Edited by 1hope (12/23/08 08:46 AM)
_________________________
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.

My first link

Top
#1679496 - 12/23/08 09:05 AM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: 1hope]
MT35 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1623
Loc: Kansas
Morning BG- Very good observation Hope, BG you are the wife and she is a coworker!

Take care of yourself!
_________________________
Finding My Yellow Brick Road....

Top
#1679554 - 12/23/08 10:12 AM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: MT35]
Tomato Offline
Member

Registered: 01/03/08
Posts: 4058
Loc: Northeast
good morning bg

I am thinking about you and praying for you my dear.

Try to relax. You are a blessing to many people sweetie.

His faithful love endures forever!


T
_________________________
debut thread

Top
#1679575 - 12/23/08 10:29 AM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: Tomato]
blindsided1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 2062
Loc: So. Calif
I'll be back to read up and post, just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten about you.
_________________________
M 5yrs
1st baby-girl born 6/18/08
Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego
H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07
D Final 07/10
OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her
Me, now - happier than I ever was with him

Top
#1679630 - 12/23/08 11:14 AM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: blindsided1]
Babygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/08
Posts: 2991
Loc: out in the boonies of kansas
morning all. man its windy here. great tomorrow is xmas eve, and guess what? we have nothing done. talk about last minute stress. oh well, it shouldnt be to hard. I am going to talk to him about us not exchanging gifts to eachother. it feels really weird to me right now.
sometimes i defend my h, mostly not lol, but I do appreciate the insight and any understanding I can have. H emailed me some pics of this summer, of course, 2 of them have GAG me in them, she looks OLDer than I do! I will try and see if I can put them up on the alt!! Guess we shall see how today goes. i didnt see him yesterday cause of work til after 8. after today he will be off pretty much til Jan.
_________________________
M 36
XH 34
3 children
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25
"your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight
ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010


Top
#1679710 - 12/23/08 12:48 PM Re: welcome to the land of misfit toys #11 [Re: S.T. _I Made It!]
blindsided1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 2062
Loc: So. Calif
I agree with ST. You need to set the boundaries. You need to figure out what is going to work for you, too. You're amazingly strong.
_________________________
M 5yrs
1st baby-girl born 6/18/08
Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego
H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07
D Final 07/10
OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her
Me, now - happier than I ever was with him

Top
Page 10 of 19 < 1 2 ... 8 9 10 11 12 ... 18 19 >


Moderator:  Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004