Oh yeah...I heard the "we haven't been married for a long time" speech too. Everytime I would try to go over what went wrong and want to fix it ..that would be one of the usual comments.
You sound like you are doing a GREAT job detaching. I agree that I have to do the same. I knew my H was going to call today to discuss his sister. So I didn't call him. I waited he called. He asked me a few questions and that was it. No big conversation. I just said goodbye and hung up. I was SO tempted to call him back because I started to think of a million little things I wanted to say just to keep him on the phone, but I knew I had to let go.
I felt good about it. But I am at home by myself today and all weekend. I can't get ahold of my friends. Some were working today and I left a message or two. I don't have a whole lot of friends down where I live. I have them all spread out so it makes it kind of hard when I want to go out. Besides they have families too and most are busy still with visiting relatives that came into town.
So I am kind of bored. I am just hanging out. I haven't gotten up the nerve to go out to the bars etc by myself yet. I will go shopping, movies, etc.. but going out on a Friday night alone just makes me even more depressed.
As far as you and your wife..I applaud you. I think you should continue doing what you are. I know it will be hard esp. if she has OM right now. He will seem like a bowl of cherries to her, even though that is a facade. Just the newness and excitement tends to make them think what they are doing to us the LBS is jusitified and validated. My H did that last May. It was really hard. Now as far as I know there isn't another person in his life, but he would be really good at hiding it right now if there was.
As long as you are feeling good about you. Keep it up.
Good for you for holding out! Those little tiny victories where you don't pick up the phone start to come together and make up a thing called "detaching".
I just had to do the same thing - put down my phone when I wanted to text, think of something I could tell her and I would ask myself, "Is this ONLY about the kids or something that has to be said?" If it wasn't important, I didn't do it.
Right now, I'm a bit down, so I'm going to make myself go play Wii with S6. When you start to replace negative feelings with positive actions, I think your mind starts to help you out. Why sit here and be down - what would that accomplish?
I agree with you though - having nothing to do is the hardest. I read alot of these forums, call people and chat, have started working doing maintenance on my house. It is just replacement busy work, and I know I need something "deeper", but I refuse to let W control me to the point that I sit around like Mr. Poopypants!
Have a great time playing the Wii...I should do that. I have one. I just bought my D the Boogie Star..whatever singing thing. I should just get on and sing some tunes..myself!!!!
I agree just sitting here doesn't accomplish much. I have some work to do on my house too. I am thinking of painting some rooms. But I am not a patient painter so I usually mess up around the edges, so I am a little afraid of starting a project I won't want to finsih. But I know it needs done esp if we are going to sell the house.
Well I think I am going to go see if there are any good movies on. Just going to relax tonight. Hopefully I will come up with some great plans for the rest of the weekend.
{{Kristi}} YOU totally should play with the Wii..a friend of mine and I were talking today about how much we both want one
By the way, why don't you see if you can use that spa GC you got this weekend, that would be a magnificent way to spend the day WISH we were closer, I was so wanting to go out and do something tonight with some friends, but one of my friends was having a post Christmas dinner with family and another had a friend coming in from out of town..blah..oh well..
THANKS to you tho..I did talk to some girls at work and said, "we should get together a girls' game night/cards/games whatever" and all of them were into it, so I will make sure this happens..it sounded like so much fun when you were talking about it with your poker night
Cool that your hub brought you a plant and some detox stuff..if you look at it that way, at least he was thinking of you to bring you SOMETHING..
GOOD for you for not calling him back..it's hard isn't it? UGH..yes, Iam SOOO glad Christmas is done And, guess what? We MADE IT THROUGH!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Kristi, I did the boxing, and my arms were hurting so bad!
It's funny you mention painting - I'm painting D8's room as soon as kitchen floor is done. It's sad - W painted her whole room as a flower garden - it is about 120 sq ft room, and whole room about four feet up is grass and flowers, clouds in the sky, a big sun on the one wall, even got her a real hammock chair that hangs from the one wall. It would be sad to paint it anyway, but even more sad considering the circumstances! But it makes me realize that W is walking away from all of this, all of these memories - you make your own choices.
But, speaking more practically, you ALWAYS start with the edges first, because they need the most attention! Then do the rest, and it's a lot easier!
I am so glad you are getting a girls night together. It should be so much fun. I wish we were closer too. I would love to get together with you.
Maybe one of these long weekends coming up we can plan something. I am still trying to find you in FB. I didn't have too much luck.
I guess it was nice that H bought me something, even though it was more of a gag gift. He was just trying to be funny!!! He also gave me a card said something like he knows everything is out of control right now, but he just wanted me to know that we will be alright, no matter what that looked like. I know I will be okay. It will just take a lot of time to start feeling okay as well.
I just said here watcing a movie and I can't help but wonder what he is doing tonight. I can't wait for the days when I don't think about him all the time.
Jon...See now you can play and get in shape at the same time. What fun!! I have played the boxing before too.. not on the wii but I have a Nike game for ps2 and when we box my arms ache!!! We have the wiifit too and I did the hula hoop for 10 min..that was kind of fun. It becomes quite the challenge trying to keep those hoops going!!! And I am sure I looked pretty silly doing it.
I am just not that good at video games. I try to have Guitar Hero comps with my kids...they kick my butt.. I can't seem to hit all the keys and strum the guitar at the same time!! but yet I consider myself very coordinated just not on video games.
Hope you guys have a great night. thanks for the painting tip Jon. I will try that.
My son is on the ps3 all the time, he plays online with his friends. I think that whole concept is wild. But it is their social network. It also drives me crazy b/c that is all he wants to do. Play and talk to his friends. Its not like they are that active. He just sits there..shooting at people while talking to his friends. My H played video games all the time too. So i don't know why my S would be any different. His friends just thought he had the coolest dad because he would play all the time. They didn't realize he would control the game and our S never got to play.
but now our S can actually play with his Dad because my H had to buy a new ps3 to keep with him. I couldn't understand this whole concept of purchasing so many video game consoles and games, but hey I don't understand the whole D thing either. But now my s and H will play against each other online. I just haven't gotten that into it.
My night is okay. I am actually pretty bored. I am trying to figure out what to do tomorrow. I have lots of cleaning and errands to run, but I feel like I should be doing something super exciting since I don't have the kids.
Hey Kristi..there were like 3 of you so I tried them all..LOLOL..hopefully ONE of them is you LEMME know!
YOU are the first one listed because it comes up with your network first, so you would be #1, but it wasn't the case for me looking it up..but, like I said, that location change helped I HOPE
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
