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I am sorry to hear there is an OM. That definately makes the situation worse. My H doesn't have someone else as of now, not that I know of anyway. He did cheat, as soon as he stated his intentions of wanting a divorce back in Feb, he got involved with someone, but it ended quickly. I think he just needed to justify what he was doing to himself and make it okay in his mind. Now he says he doesn't want anything to do with another woman, that he is too busy with work and that I will see that there is no one involved. I have a tendency to always think the worst b/c of his past.
This is also part of why he believes we can't get back together b/c he doesn't think I will be able to get over that and let go. He thinks I will never trust him again and ALWAYS assume the worst. And in all honesty my actions have proven him right.

If I didn't have to fight my kids to get on the computer I would probably be on here way more and use this board more instead of calling my H. Since I am at the stage where I am pretty weak, and I admit that, I need a lot of reinforecement or guidance when making decisions about what to do or not to do.

My kids are always on the computer and I am always having to bump one of them off when I really want to get on, and then I don't like them looking at what I am typing. But the people here have been such a big help. I know going forward they will be what helps me keep my sanity or at least what it left of it. \:\)


Have a wonderful week. I am off to my familys tomorrow. I am waiting for some last minute presents to arrive and then I am out of town. Not really looking forward to it, but I will feel better after I get through the next couple of days.

I hope you get to see your kids. Be strong. We are all here if you need us.

Hugs to you.
Kristi


M:35
H:39
S:13
D:9
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T:12 yrs
Bomb 2/9/08
Divorce filed 10/17/08
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This board is amazing therapy - I have so many times started to email W, or call her, and I just get on here, and read, and most of the time I realize my sitch could be ALOT worse, and I see people doing a lot better than me, and it gives me strength.

Again, since going "dim" about a week and a half ago, my attitude has been better than ever, and best in a row ever! D8 even mentioned OM tonight, and it made me sort of angry - we were making cookies for Santa, should be a fun family time - but I completely got over it in about 5 minutes, because I realized that I wasn't going to let W ruin a wonderful night!

Also, I vent/journal on here. That helps immensely - at the very least I get some warm hugs!


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I know it's not much help, but I also wanted to say, the hug and kiss are good.

I would be deliriously happy with a simple hug! \:\)


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Jon..me too..wow a hug or something would be ridiculously amazing from my hub..LOL..I'd probably have to watch myself not to pass out if that occurred LOL \:\)

{{{Kristi}}} Aww I will miss you while you are out of town, but I hope you have a better time than you think you will my friend \:\)

I'm glad you talked to your hub again and everything seems to be okay. You know, I do the same thing as far as bringing up the "well I'm not the one who wants this"..so we both can help each other with that one \:\)

Hugs!

Tawnya


Me:39
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D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
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Tawnya, Amy...

Did you send your H's "dropping the rope" letters or e-mails as Kristi did? If you posted them could you point me to them?

Thanks,

AlexEN


New: What a Weekend

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{{Kristi}},
I have a great example for you - it seems like you and I are going through the exact same scenario with 'dropping the rope' or whatever it is where you detach.

I have not had any contact with W for 5.5 days. I think there was a couple of texts where she called to talk to kids, and told me she had stomach flu, and that was it.

She came today to get the kids for our first Christmas apart - wouldn't even look at me, let alone talk to me, mad because I wouldn't let her come get them early.

She left, and I was sitting here staring at my phone thinking I should probably text her "Merry Christmas" or whatever. I didn't. Instead I got on here, and vented. Feel much better!

Two weeks ago, I would never have been able to not say anything. I'm waiting on her, and as I always say, she's either an evil robot with no emotions, or she'll call me! \:\)


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(((((Kristi)))))!!

Hope you have a good day tomorrow. Keep your chin up!!!

Merry Christmas to you!!!

Hugs and love!
Amy


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H out 8/1/08
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{{{{{Kristi}}}}}} Merry Christmas my friend..how was your morning?

Tawnya


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Hi guys,

Christmas was okay. I am glad it is over. H came and picked up kids on Christmas Eve he brought me a bamboo plant and said it was for Good Luck. Then he said if I was still feeling a crappy as I said I was he handed me a bottle of "super detox"..told me it should help clean all the S**t out of me!!! So he was trying to be funny!!!!

Later he brought over a card and a card from the kids with a spa gift certificate in it. I felt bad because I didn't buy him anything, not even from the kids. But over all I was just glad it was over. I ended up in a fight with my mom, because my H gave her a card and a small gift, and I noticed she purposefully waited until he got there to go upstairs so she didn't have to say Hi, and then went back upstairs when he returned the kids. I gave her the card and she rolled her eyes. I said what is that for, at least he is trying to be nice. She said she was mad /c she thought the kids should have been at her house Christmas Eve.. Well that about did it for me. My H and I did the best we could trying to figure out when who was going to get the kids. My S has to go to his bio-fathers on Christmas day so we figured he would take Christmas Eve then and he even brought them home that night. And I would have Christmas Day.

Well that wasn't good enough for my mom. I said it was hard enough as it was on me, I really didn't need her making it worse. And of course it would have been nice if they were there C.E. but that just isn't how it works. They have to go sometime and it worked out best that way. If I would have had them gone on Christmas Day then that would have been a problem.

Here I kind of felt like my H was being nice and giving a gift to her just to say Merry christmas and she couldn't even say Hi. Then she kept telling me how my brother wouldn't be around to see my S.. and I said well I am sorry..he has 3 different houses he has to be at and if he can't be here to see him when he is here I can't do anything about it. But she made sure to make remarks several more times.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough today. She has always done this to me my whole life. Everything has to be her way and if it isn't then we all hear about it, but she doesn't see it that way. I am really getting tired of trying to please everyone.

So I am home now, no kids. just by myself for the next 3 days. I have no plans and I don't have a clue what I want to do.

Took my D to the movies yesterday to see Marley and Me. Good movie but depressing.
My H texted me and says he wants to talk about his sister. She is going through a D as well right now. She has 6 kids. You may or may not remember I mentioned her when I talked abt how my H got mad at me for telling the kids she was pregnant again. Well apparently there is some drama going on and he wants to set up an account for her. So he is supposed to call me today about that, he wants my input.

Also, I contacted a relator and got info in mail on Christmas Eve..told H looks like values of homes in area are down, so we probably won't get what we want for house. This sucks because I was hopeing to walk away with more so we could split it and we both would have money for down payments on new places...This is what led to him buying the bamboo btw. Anyway he sends be text telling me we can figure something out and we can wait until the market is better to sell. No need to see right away.
Not sure what he is thinking, because if I move I am moving when kids get out of school. My S will start H.S. next year and I want to move before that. And I would need to sell this house first. So I am not sure what is big plan is..can't wait to find out!!!


Enough venting for me.

Hope everyone else had a decent Christmas.

Talk to you all later.

Love ya
Kristi


M:35
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Kristi,
I had a chance to go through some of your posts, and it's weird how similar our situations are!

You described H as emotionless and in control - W is the same way. She is being so weird. She met OM about 3 weeks ago, and since dating him, has started down this path of "We haven't been married in a long time" - "our marriage is just a piece of paper" - "you aren't a part of my life". Funny how all the nice stuff I've done for her just sort of disappears when OM pops in to the picture!

Even now W is being weird - she had OM to dinner on a Thursday (I didn't know it), came over to drop off kids on a Friday, and she was friendly and smiling, and whispering to me about presents, laughing, etc. I found out about her having OM over for dinner, and told her I was filing divorce. I guess that might have made her a bit sour too!

So she won't speak to me, leaves very angry - then texts me about having the flu. I asked her if she needed anything - very polite, then didn't text again. Didn't speak to her for 5.5 days.

Anyway, you are probably a TAD better off than me because H brought you a bamboo plant. My W probably would bring me a rat at this point!

I had just told someone that things were about to get UGLY - I have detached, and am NOT taking any crap from W, and she is definitely not liking it.

I have made my goal this:
I will not contact W in any way until SHE calls me, and has a pleasant conversation that is not about the kids. It may be about frogs or roller skates, I don't care. Honestly, it may take 3 months for this to happen (or never), but I have set this goal, and I will not budge!

I would suggest you do something similar if you haven't already!


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