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#1678253 - 12/21/08 01:55 PM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: Nasmat]
Hope4us Offline
Member

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 1628
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: Nasmat

My H works and lives in the same general area where my parents live. I'm terrified that one day I'll run into him with OW. I've also noticed that I am developing a real loathing of young waitresses. No matter where I go out to eat, I see them and wonder if OW looks like any of them. I find myself looking on younger women with real contempt - especially if they are thinner than me. Everytime I pass a big grey truck, I'm looking to see if it is my H. It seems like everywhere I go, there is some place that is a reminder of our life.

I have to wonder if he experiences this same sort of haunting. Does he see my ghost in places, in songs, in TV, the way I see his? Does he think of me at all, and if so, what are those thoughts? Does his family speak of me? What do his friends and sisters say about all of this? How much do they know of the A? Is he falling deeper into the A, or are cracks beginning to form?

Does he have regrets? Does he ever feel lonely without me? Does he worry about me? How often does he think of our dog? Does he ever miss sleeping beside me? Does he dream of me the way he used to? Will he miss me on Christmas? Is he happy when he dreams of a future apart - and does he even dream of that future?

I'll never truly know the answers to those questions, and so I do let them know. But occassionally, they do creep in.

It is a grey day today, but hopefully I can generate enough sunniness on the inside to enjoy it nonetheless.

~Nas


All very normal Nas. My W's OM moved 250 miles away before I confirmed her A, has a new GF that he's been seeing since this time last year (while stringing my W along and using her when he had a chance, mostly when she'd take off and drive to his town) and as best I can tell, hasn't had any contact with W for quite a while, but I still have those same thoughts go through my head.

Every time I see a truck like OM drives, I wonder if it's him, even though he lives 250 miles away. Every time I see a license plate from the state his truck is registered in, I have some angry moments. Everytime someone mentions Louisiana (where he's from and his wife and kids still live) I get very ANGRY. And I used to LOVE Louisiana. Visited there many times and always had a great time. But now I frickin hate the state. Every time my W mentions someone at her work that has the same job that OM did while he was here I have an adverse reaction and think "I'm sure he/she is a frickin a-hole too.

I'm sure it will get better with time. It has for me somewhat, but I can tell you it just takes time. I'm a lot further along in my sitch than you are and it does get better.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
_________________________
Hope4us

Me - 49, W 49
S22 & S18
Dday 9/4/07
W claims NC 4/7/08
8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.

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#1678342 - 12/21/08 06:20 PM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: Hope4us]
marriedCrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/08
Posts: 2105
Nas..Retrovaille (sp?) doesn't like to take couples when there's an active third party in the marriage..

Keep that in mind if you suggest that to your H!

Hope your day has been better.

Tom
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#1678357 - 12/21/08 06:48 PM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: marriedCrazy]
Nasmat Offline
Member

Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 250
Loc: Georgia
Guys, I don't know what to do. I cannot control my anger right now.

I don't think I've ever been this angry in my life. Right now, I am dangerously angry.

He left me a voicemail saying he wants to come by with one of his friends tomorrow to get the rest of his stuff. He was extremely formal - it was the alien that left the message.

He's called again since then. I'm still not taking the call because at this point I know if I speak with him I will completely lose all control.

I cannot believe this s***. I am SO close to telling him that if he doesn't stop acting this way towards me, he is going to regret it.

~Nas
_________________________
"Don't dream it. Be it."

First
Second

Me: 26
WAH: 27
T/M: 11/4

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#1678361 - 12/21/08 06:55 PM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: Nasmat]
Br44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/08
Posts: 633
Nas -

I know exactly how you feel. You are doing right by not answering at this time.

I'm still angry, but I have it under some control now... it takes time.

I hate all this BS.

mc

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#1678364 - 12/21/08 07:06 PM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: Br44]
Nasmat Offline
Member

Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 250
Loc: Georgia
Thanks, MC. I am totally with you on the hating BS part. I seriously just want to ask him WTF is so wrong with his brain that he keeps making this more difficult. Does he WANT to shoot himself in the foot?

And don't start me on WTF ever it is that if wrong with his heart that he feels the need to keep stabbing me in mine. I mean, after all we've been through, can't he find enough humanity to be cool about this. I am being cool about this for God's sake.

Dammit, i can't believe the nerve of him. Does he really think he can just call me a hundred times until he gets his way? I suppose so. Right now, his tiny, pathetic little world revolves around what he and his tiny, pathetic little d*** wants.

I almost want him to come tomorrow and get his s*** out of my house.

On the other hand, I don't want to give him what he wants. I'm two seconds away from changing all of my locks, although I know he has a f***ing garage door opener so I suppose it doesn't matter.

I can't decide if I want to call and tell him that I won't be available until January or if I want to just get a mutual friend to be here tomorrow and just avoid the whole thing myself. That would make him nice and uncomfortable.

Stupid prick. I cannot believe I married someone like this.

~Nas
_________________________
"Don't dream it. Be it."

First
Second

Me: 26
WAH: 27
T/M: 11/4

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#1678379 - 12/21/08 07:48 PM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: Nasmat]
pearlharbr Offline
Member

Registered: 12/08/08
Posts: 2204
Hey Nas

Blow the anger off somehow. Blast some music and dance and sing and scream. Beat up a pillow. Do something to let it out. Do not answer his calls right now.

I know you want to take the high road in all of this and that you can let the anger out without directing it toward him (not that he doesn't deserve it!).

When you feel calmer you can decide if you want to let him come over tomorrow or not, if you want to be there or not.
_________________________
If you love somebody, set them free.
http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g

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#1678381 - 12/21/08 07:55 PM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: pearlharbr]
marriedCrazy Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/08
Posts: 2105
Quote:
I want to just get a mutual friend to be here tomorrow and just avoid the whole thing myself.



Pretty good idea if you allow him to come over and get his stuff
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#1678404 - 12/21/08 08:36 PM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: Nasmat]
WaitingPatiently Offline
Member

Registered: 12/01/08
Posts: 287
Loc: North East
Hi Nasmat,

How are you? You said some very true and wise things in some prior posts (I can't figure out how to do the quote in my reply). We can't force them or love them or convince them enough to change--you are very right about that. I just recently came to that same conclusion. They have to do this and figure it out on their own. And yes, they do know we love them, but that doesn't matter because they do not really love us back (no matter what they say). They probably love themselves as much if not more than we love them. I say stick with the high road on the anger, but don't internalize it, find a healthy way to release it, but not on him. It won't make a difference and he'll probably feel good about the fact that he's made you feel this way. I've released anger on my W and all it did was make her get nastier, because remember, they are the ones who want out, not us, so they could care less how they hurt us. By the way, you mentioned introducing friends to Middle Eastern cuisine--are you Middle Eastern? My mom is from Lebanon and my dad is Palestinian, so I thought it was interesting to hear that from you. Well take care and write back. My sit has changed quite a bit, so if you have time drop in and read what's going on with me (I'm in the infidelity forum).

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#1678534 - 12/22/08 01:30 AM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: WaitingPatiently]
Nasmat Offline
Member

Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 250
Loc: Georgia
Hey everyone! Thanks so much for being here for me. I promise I'll reply to everyone soon. I'm so keyed up right now that I can't think straight. I got this from my husband this evening:

_____ [my proper name],

I know I keep pushing for us to hurry and settle our financial issues and for that I'm sorry. I just want to hurry and clear everything up in order for us to press forward. When your able to in January lets take a day and try to handle most of these issues at once. I figure the same day we handle the comcast account, we can also go down to Peter's Enterprise and handle the car insurance account by putting it into your name. After that we could call Protect America and do the same as well. Tommorrow I'll call centerone financial services for the car and see what we need to do about getting that into your name. As far as the house I believe you should be able to refinance the house on your own due to your increased income and since interest rates have went down. In the end if you feel you can't handle any of this you need to tell me in order for me to start the paperwork for a bankruptcy and for me to pick up the eclispe. I keep bringing this issue up because when we get divorced I'll have all those items on my credit and will find myself hard press to buy another house or vehicle due to the debt to income ratio. I'm sorry this keeps being brought up but I feel it will be better for the both of us in the end. Please don't take this email as me being an [censored] or a dick. I'm just trying to square all the financial issues before they become a problem.

Thanks, ______ Please email back.


I don't know what to do. I cannot see straight. My ears are ringing.

Help.
_________________________
"Don't dream it. Be it."

First
Second

Me: 26
WAH: 27
T/M: 11/4

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#1678540 - 12/22/08 01:45 AM Re: Nasmat - #2 [Re: Nasmat]
breakaway Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/08
Posts: 1464
I don't know, I guess you could email him back and say "you are being an [censored] and a dick. I'll get back to you when I feel like it."
_________________________
Me-42,H-41,M-14
S-12,9


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