A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.

DIVORCE BUSTING COACHING SPECIAL TODAY ONLY!
PURCHASE 3 OR MORE COACHING SESSIONS AND SAVE $30.
CALL Cristy at 303-444-7004 to take advantage of this special discount.



Page 10 of 16 < 1 2 ... 8 9 10 11 12 ... 15 16 >
Topic Options
#1680164 - 12/24/08 05:13 AM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: marriedCrazy]
Tawnya Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 2556
Loc: NC
WELL..to be honest..OK..LOL..I totally blew it \:D

SOOOO..hub comes upstairs and says "how was your trip" and I'm like, "Fine, but I had to come home early cause I didn't feel good" and didn't ask about his trip, he didn't say anything about me not feeling good..whatever

OK..so then, he hands me some receipts and I'm like "why are there receipts from OUR account when you took this trip with your OWN account money"..so there we go..ding ding..the bell has rung and the fight has begun...

HOWEVER, at the end of our money portion of our discussion, yes there were portions, LOL, I said, "you know what, IF I Have to work 5 jobs in order to not have you holding $$ over my head, that is what I will do..because I DON"T want to fight about that anymore"..

So then he told me how his family was basically fine, except for his sister, about the OW being there, that he took her to their house and they were all nice to her..makes me want to vomit really

So then he tells me one of the things he likes about her is that she is prettier than me..can you believe that?? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ok..that just flies over me..because, basically, the way he's described her, she's brunette, like me, wears glasses, like me, and is just taller than me..what the heck? ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYY..ok so that was not cool..and then he proceeds to tell me that he was not completely my spouse and that even on our WEDDING day he asked his best man what he was doing..well isn't that nice to hear 20 years later? (wonder how many slaps in the face I can take before my head explodes?? Obviously at least one more \:D

I told him at that point that I Didn't appreciate him talking to her on his cell phone while he was home and that it was disrespectful, but, do you know what he said? He said, "that's too bad, that's how it is going to be"..what do I do about that? I guess nothing..I mean what the crap????????? I said, ok you leave the house at 7 a.m., don't get home until after 9 p.m., if you haven't talked to her enough during that time then you just need to go ahead and move in with her and stop being that disrespectful to me..and he's like, "I'm working on getting out of here as fast as I can"

Then he threw IN my face again about how I kicked HIM out after talking to him the Sunday before he left..what the crap?????? I mean I guess now I"M the bad guy, makes it easier to deal with doesn't it?

So then I tell him that even someone he is not that fond of that he would not treat this disrespectfully and that he KNEW that I did nothing to deserve being treated like this and that even, after all of this has gone down, that 95% of the time I am still a decent, kind person..

So now he's like "well you won't hear another word out of me until I'm out of the house"..and I'm like, "what happened to being a decent person" and he's like "that's out the window"..and then to "well maybe I'll just pack my "sh.t" and move out while you are at work one day"..very nice and classy eh?

Actually, at the point we were talking about the OW, I said, you know what, YOU are not the person I married and not even the person I knew 6 months or a year ago..I said, "I don't like this person at all right now because THIS person is selfish and this person cares more about himself than his family"..and I Told him that I didn't deserve this and I didn't deserve to be married to someone who would treat anyone like this..and I told him he was STUPID to give me up..

But I told him, even knowing that, knowing how much I Didn't like him right now, that if he figured out that he was stupid that I would still say, "ok..what would we need to do to work this out..for both of our sakes"..

So..there you go..my totally blown night..but, you know what, I feel okay saying some of the things I said, tho I know it was a total cheeseless tunnel..believe me I know..and so much was hurtful on his end to me..I didn't say anything that was hurtful to him..but I wanted him to know that I didn't need his crap and told him I was not really looking forward to his coming home any more than he was looking forward to coming home..so hopefully that caught him off guard a bit \:D

Ugh..I hate that I blew it yet again..but again, I don't see it as all bad, tho I know it WAS bad..if that makes sense..it just really showed me what he HAS BECOME..and I don't like it very much at all..

To be honest, right now, he can't get out fast enough, because it's too much crap and drama with him being here..

Tawnya
_________________________
Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four



Top
#1680170 - 12/24/08 05:37 AM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: Tawnya]
likingMEagain Offline
Member

Registered: 12/18/08
Posts: 55
((((((((Tawnya)))))))))

Oh. My. GOSH!!!

I cannot believe the nasty, hurtful things your H said to you! For all the pain my H has caused me, he has never said such mean, spiteful things (I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but I do appreciate my H a little more after hearing your story, although don't think that I don't know that my H could very well turn into "that" man someday--I sure hope not!)

You are a strong woman, Tawnya. Don't ever forget that. Yeah, tonight wasn't a very good DB night, but jeez, the guy gives you the receipts for his trip with the OW, then proceeds to say all of that S*&T to you, and you're supposed to just stand there and TAKE it?

You deserve better. Someday, I hope the mothership will come back for the alien that has invaded your H's body. But, it might be "too bad, so sad" for him, when he realizes that you have moved on. I think it's "too bad, so sad" for him RIGHT NOW, he's just too blind to see it.

Hang in there Tawnya.

LMA

Top
#1680186 - 12/24/08 07:09 AM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: likingMEagain]
Tawnya Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 2556
Loc: NC
{{{{LMA}}}} I dunno if I'm right that LHS would be your other "name", but otherwise I am still clueless \:D

Thank you so much..it was hard and nasty and just crap basically..but I brought some of it on myself but just not letting stuff go..but, ya know, it's all good in the end, he is making it easier to detach for sure!!

I'm glad your hub looks better LOL..it does make me smile anyway \:\)

Thank you for saying I'm strong, I really appreciate it!

A very smart woman told me that my hub had to say those things to justify this to himself..so that is what I will choose to believe \:D

Tawnya
_________________________
Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four



Top
#1680195 - 12/24/08 07:52 AM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: Tawnya]
likingMEagain Offline
Member

Registered: 12/18/08
Posts: 55
Hi again Tawnya!

Not only are you strong, but you're also smart! You pick up on clues really well! Thanks for "getting" what I was trying to say! If you're on the alt (I'm not, and not interested right now, maybe someday...), and we have any mutual friends from the boards here, maybe you could "pass it around". My posts are going to be purposefully vague for some time. Not even going to start my own thread until at least next week, maybe even not until after the new year, but I'll be staying current with everyone's sitch. And I'm in contact with a certain someone who has been an absolute Godsend, so I'm doing okay! Sitch is pretty much the same, the same "limbo". I haven't been a great DB'er, and I haven't seen a lot of forward movement, but I don't *think* things have gone backwards, either, so we'll see what the new year brings.

Merry Christmas, my friend! I hope you have a wonderful day!

LMA

Oh, and I think that smart woman (I can probably guess who it was! Maybe her name starts with an "s"?) was right--I think they're just trying to convince THEMSELVES that what they're doing is right,or okay. Or, maybe better put--NOT WRONG! Because they feel guilty...Kind of the same thing when someone with really low self-esteem becomes a bully. I've never really understood that mentality, the one that says, "I'll feel BETTER about myself if I can make someone else feel BAD about themself", but I've seen it enough times to believe that some people really do operate on that principal. I've never had the highest self-esteem, but I've never been that low...

Goodnight ((((Tawnya))))!

Top
#1680196 - 12/24/08 07:57 AM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: likingMEagain]
Tawnya Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 2556
Loc: NC
{{{LMA}}} yeah..I am glad I was right \:\)

I think anytime you are not moving backward, you are doing well \:\) I hope you have a Merry Christmas also!!

Actually this particular smart woman was not the S woman, but the A woman..LOL..who talked me down TWICE today \:\) Tho, I'm sure Sandi would have done the same \:D But, funny enough, I was reading thru some Charlene Cares Q&A and one of the things they were talking about was that VERY thing, that nothing hub says is true because he's just speaking what the enemy would say to me, and the interesting thing about that is THE pretty thing IS something that would be "my self esteem" issue..one of them, if you know what I mean..so when I read that, I was like "YEAH..that WOULD be something someone would use against me"..you know like for some people with higher confidence/self esteem, a comment like that wouldn't have rattled them, but, for ME, it was a toughie to swallow..

I am with you about never being that low to bully people to make themselves feel better..I've never understood it myself..but then again, you and I are more compassionate than that \:\)

Thank you and hope your night is good (we both need to go to bed \:\)

Tawnya
_________________________
Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four



Top
#1680300 - 12/24/08 02:40 PM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: marriedCrazy]
VeronicaV Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 1485
Tawnya,

You are a remarkable lady. My hat is off to you. I think you handled H's return with grace and dignity.

How are you doing today?

In case you are wondering who I am, here are some hints: we have a lot in common, love of Calvin and Hobbes, Alias, I take riding lessons...

V.
_________________________
VV:41

Top
#1680301 - 12/24/08 02:40 PM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: Tawnya]
StrgMarvelousWmn Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 4045
Loc: Virginia
What a butt head!

The enemy KNEW exactly which button to push. Fight back, sweetie. You KNOW you are the better person--for one thing, you have morals and standards!

Merry Christmas,Tawnya!! Be good to yourself and love on your kids. Talk to you soon!

SMW
_________________________
M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7




Top
#1680312 - 12/24/08 03:06 PM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: StrgMarvelousWmn]
Kristi R Offline
Member

Registered: 06/06/08
Posts: 154
Loc: Pa
Tawnya,

I am so sorry to hear about what happened. You really don't deserve that. And you did an excellent job staying strong. You are very right ..YOU do deserve someone who will treat you with respect and dignity.

Many months ago, when my H was either having an affair or just wanted me to think he was..not sure what the deal was there..all I know was every night around 9:30 he would leave and go make phone calls.. that was heart breaking. I knew he was calling his girlfriend at the time. IT may have only been and EA but still. So for you to handle this was such grace and dignity you are a super strong woman. You have every right to lose it every now and then..HE is YOUR Husband, and if he doesn't have the respect to wait until after the D to move on with his life and start seeing OW and is parading them around in front of his family then he doesn't value or respect you and you deserve so much better.

About the bit, where he told you that YOU threw him out...of course he is going to throw that back in your face. IT does make it easier for him and he needs something to try and fight with because he has nothing. HE has nothing in his corner. NO good reasons NO good excuses..ABSOLUTELY nothing so whatever he can come up with he will..

Just stay strong and remember you are the better person. He is the weak one. And in the end you will definately come out on top!!!

HUGS to you.

Merry Christmas

Love ya
Kristi
_________________________
M:35
H:39
S:13
D:9
M:10 yrs
T:12 yrs
Bomb 2/9/08
Divorce filed 10/17/08

Top
#1680570 - 12/24/08 09:03 PM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: Kristi R]
Tawnya Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/08
Posts: 2556
Loc: NC
{{{V}}} THAT is gonna take some getting use to..so if I slip..LOL..don't beat me up..I KNOW WHO you are my friend \:D Thank you, I don't know that I feel like I handled it gracefully or dignified(ly LOL), but thank you very much for saying so \:\) It was amazingly tough to hear what he said, but Amy told me not to listen to him anyway LOL \:D

{{{SMW}}} LOLOL..you made me laugh so hard with that "what a butthead" heheh..HOPE you are doing well my friend..it's funny being the better person still stinks at times..but yes, at least I can hold my head up high at the end of the day and know I stayed "right" \:\)

{{{Kristi}}} Wow..thank you so much for your words..funny enough, until recently I pretty much thought hub was the one who treated me that way..nicely..but not right now :P Anyway, thank you for what you said about him not having anything in his corner and no leg to stand on..THAT helped so much..I really appreciate you taking the time to make ME feel better while you are right along with me fighting for your marriage my friend! \:\)

I'm doing pretty well today, talked to hub this a.m., I was just nice and fine, about son's drum set, about if we needed anything else for it since I was going out..we were cool and talked a few times this a.m. via text and in person and on the phone cause I thought something was missing from the drums, but it wasn't..but anyway..he's been gone all day..dunno where, but whatcha gonna do?

Have been running around like a crazy person, hopefully I'll crash early tonight since I didn't go to bed until 3 and then up at 7 for no reason LOL..but have been to 3-4 stores, including the grocery store, got all my stocking stuffers and the last of my presents, picked up my honeybaked ham *yummo*, and was gone for like 6 hours..LOL..so I'm home for now..but I've declared a "cooking sabbatical" for myself for this week for some reason (hehe), so I will take the kids, and hub if he wants to come, out to eat this evening..then come home and wrap a few presents (not many to wrap since most are too big or what have you)..

Anyway..as Amy said on her thread..it IS amazing how much you all mean to me in such a short time, I consider you all some of my "best friends", which sounds odd but fitting at the same time!

Tawnya
_________________________
Me:39
H:40
D18/S12
M20/T21
Bomb 10/11/08
One
Two
Three
Four



Top
#1680579 - 12/24/08 09:30 PM Re: Another wife Hit by the Bomb #6 [Re: Tawnya]
poet Offline
Member

Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 1118
"A very smart woman told me that my hub had to say those things to justify this to himself..so that is what I will choose to believe."

Hi Tawnya,

I've never posted to you before, but I saw your name in Wifey's thread. I just wanted to pop in here and wish you a merry Christmas. I've not read much of your thread, so please forgive me if this is out of touch, but I would like to comment on the above quote.

I have had people tell me the same exact thing about my H when he says negative things. And, I believed them! I do know now though, that most of the people who said that are not in my H's head. They are not counselors. They are only saying what they believe.

This journey is all about us and our spouses, not the "other" people, usually. Anyway, before I stray too far from my point, I just wanted to let you know that I now, personally, believe that when my H says negative things or reacts to me in disgust it is because he is spinning out of control and does not KNOW what he is saying, or how it sounds to me. Here is a secret between you and me. I saw him this morning. He drove by my house, which is supposed to be a no-no. I asked him "What are you doing here." He said, "I've come to get the mail. There hasn't been any in days. You don't have it do you?" I said no. But, he reacted with disbelief.

I said "Merry Christmas" to him, but he only responded with "Yeah right." And then he drove away. I realized then, that this is his 'stuff,' not mine, and I will not own it anymore.

You stay happy and have a jolly night tonight.

poet

Top
Page 10 of 16 < 1 2 ... 8 9 10 11 12 ... 15 16 >


Moderator:  Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004