Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 13 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 12 13
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 4,058
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 4,058
\:\) \:\) \:\) \:\)


debut thread
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 37
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 37
Strong, As an update for myself, my wife has allowed me to move back in while we reconcile. I can not tell you how happy that made me.

I think I agree with the poster that said maybe too much play by play with the family encounters. In the end with me it was the lack of information that kept me wondering. It was her independence that drew me back to her in part. Like I said before, she boxed up my things and put them in the garage. She began to wipe my memory from her daily routine and it enlightened me. There were other reasons also as I never stopped loving her but those drove me to my senses. Also as an ex-navy guy I know how important information form the home front is. Right now he does not have to wonder what is going on.

On your sitch does he have an OW?

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,045
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,045
T--

I was merely the secretary on the email. D9 asked if we could send it so I made it from all of them. I have not initiated any other email other than one concerning some bills in about 3 weeks.

SMW


M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7



Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 37
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 37
the kids are innocent victims that is for sure. My heart just crumbles thinking of what I did to them.

I also took your quote from I Corithians and posted it on our bedroom mirror. I went to church again this Sunday and was able to sit down with one of the elders and talk. It felt so good.

Just trying to give you insight into my sitch and what "brought me around". Everyone is different. When is he due back home?

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,045
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,045
Mac--

Unfortunately, yes he does, or at least did as recent as the week before deployment. During his two weeks of POM leave, he spent the first week with her in MI--the last week of vacation for the kids before the new school year started. Then, the week he was supposed to be "home" with them, he had to spend two days on the ship due to a pending hurricane, a day in the house because of a tropical storm, and the kids were at school during the day the days he was home.

I do not know if he is still communicating with her or not. The OW is 15 years older than my DH, 10 years older than me. Her kids are 19 and 17. Much more attractive than a houseful of small kids, huh, especially when one has an emotional disorder.

Mac, I am thrilled for your news! Take things slow and give her space and time to get used to the repentant you. If possible, get connected to a counselor through church. They will be decidedly pro-marriage. Also, check into Retrouvaille classes in your area. There are many in piecing who have been and swear by what they learned from them--Some posters I can think of right away are Dr. Love, whatdidido, Sara, BobbiJo, and recently, techguy went this weekend.

Stick around and let us help you rebuild and restore your marriage. We all support you in this new step.

SMW


M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7



Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,045
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,045
Deployment ends in the spring. For obvious OPSEC reasons, I can not post dates.

My poor kids are really struggling. D5 is perpetually sick to her stomach, S2 is openly and blatantly defiant, and D9 has all of the sudden developed anxiety and panic disorders when in new social situations. D17 ran away from home, was gone for four days before contacting anyone, and refuses to come back--she is living at my mom's. I wish DH had a clue as to what he is doing to our babies, all in the name of "making himself happy".

SMW


M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7



Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 4,058
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 4,058
Originally Posted By: Strong Mil. Wife
T--

I was merely the secretary on the email. D9 asked if we could send it so I made it from all of them. I have not initiated any other email other than one concerning some bills in about 3 weeks.

SMW


glad to hear you are 'sticking to your guns' Sis.

Hope your days is pleasant as you mingle in Christ's love and peacably yield to His plan.


debut thread
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 4,058
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 4,058
Originally Posted By: Strong Mil. Wife
Also, check into Retrouvaille classes in your area. There are many in piecing who have been and swear by what they learned from them--Some posters I can think of right away are Dr. Love, whatdidido, Sara, BobbiJo, and recently, techguy went this weekend.



Not that I hadn't given it a little bit of thought prior to forcibly inserting myself into the piecing world but by prayers and prayers alone maybe this is a step that I would greatly benefit me and my darling. It is all a crap shoot ..IDK. I am somewhere between furious and anxious and raucous and uncertain and petrified (that would explain the sloth state when it comes to getting "important" things started and God forbid completed


debut thread
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 37
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 37
I saw much of this happening with my children. D-13 told W she was happy another woman stole her husband in an act of defiance. S-3 told me this weekend that he was happy I was home because it would make his Mommy happy again. D-10 tried to play matchmaker the whole time but refused to even talk about or see the OW. I finally forced her one time to come over with me and she poured Pepsi on her white carpet. Played it as an accident but told W she did it on purpose. I realized they are the true innocent victims in this.

D-13 needs lots of work and individual attention from me. Her and Mom clash often and I have always been the one to calm her down or think things out before acting. the house was not in full blown caos but real close. I am having to work my way back into it but already there is a level of calm.

The wife has agreed to counseling after the first of the year. I am looking forward to it. I have not asked her to join me in church yet. I am trying to find my nitch first and then bring her along with me.

One draw for sure with me was OW had young son 10. one is easier than 3 and no toddler. A little more freedom sure seems inticing. I used the same termonology. I needed to make "myself" happy. Unfortunately it took time to see that my happiness caused everyone else to be unhappy.

Funny thing is that OW just started dating one of my friends I think. Same guy that was showing interest in my W. Not sure about this guy as a "friend". She was 12 yrs younger than me and he is 3 yrs older than me.

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,045
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,045
Mac--

I really appreciate you giving us your perspective. It helps more than you can ever know!

I am guessing you think I am on the right track, too? Do you also agree with Phoenix and the other guys that I need to write DH and let him believe that the door is starting to close?

SMW


M40/H36
T16/M14
4K
B2/08
S4/08
current

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through
every circumstance.
I Corinthians 13:7



Page 7 of 13 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 12 13

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard