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Hi Tim,

No news is good news right?

Just to let you know that you are in my thoughts. Hope the holidays treat you and your family well and your M is continuing to move forward.

Whiskey.

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Hey Tim

Struggling to keep up as much these days. To much GALing as you may know from my thread, but I'm still about and if you ever want my input, just come by and shout. I'm a little behind on your sitch I think, so hope all is as well as it can be

GL Buddy

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Thanks for stopping by Arthur and Whiskey to see how I am doing.

Things have been progressing slowly. The W and I have been getting along really well and I see alot of positives. The other night my D and I were watching a tv show together when my W came to join us. There was not alot of room between us and when she sat down I went to move over and she told me not to. After my D left we sat that close and continued to watch tv till I went to bed.

This past Saturday her and I did get to go out and spend time together. She has been wearing her ER all the time but not her WR. I continue to do as much as I can around the house and she seems to appriciate it. The only negative I have seen is that on Saturday when we went to bed together and she snuggled up to me she did not do it under the covers and she hasn't for quite a while. She said her hand was cold and I said to come under my covers but she just used her blanket to cover her arm. This is typical but its the first time I mentioned anything and not that I was disappointed but it sort of drove home to me that there is still things that we need to overcome.

I know that things are improving and I debate back and forth whether or not I should force some issues to speed things up a little bit. Sometimes I feel if I just gave a little push here or there we would turn the corner and other times I think it would hinder our progress. Timing is everything and hopefully when I do it, it is done in a way that helps us move forward.

Other than that things are hectic with the holidays, swimming and my work load.

How are things with you Whiskey? Ready for Christmas?

A, I have been following your sitch just nothing to add. Sounds like you are doing really well and hanging out flirting with the ladies is harmless and as long as your not becoming the OM in there stitches there is nothing wrong with talking and listning to them. Plus what a great ego boost.


Take care,

Tim


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Bah Humbug!

I take the simple approach to holidays, do not get tangled in the materialistic BS. My nieces and nephews get spoiled, Christmas is for kids. I just like going for a ride and looking at the lights or going to dinner with friends. Spending time is much more important - everyone's life is so busy.....

Tim, your patience is beautiful. I really wish she'd just go to MC so you don't have to do this all yourself. Trying to determine the right time to bring things up knowing that if it's not the right time, you've taken 5 steps back...... Not fair. IMHO you have been doing a majority of the work for quite a while. She has some pretty firm boundaries in place and she's not budging unless she feels she may have pi$$ed you off. From a friend standpoint, you both are doing great.

I'm concerned there's never going to be a right time. A few week's ago there was flirting which you handled very well. Do you feel there's been more of that? Maybe I'm being too hard your W based on knowing only what you put here. If that's the case, forgive me.

I hope you keep posting and that you stay safe in this goofy storm we're supposed to get tonight. I hate ice!

Whiskey

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Patience has become my middle name with dealing with my W. Also regarding her going to MC I tell myself over and over and over again as it has been drilled into my head on these boards that I can only control my actions and not that of anybody else. If she does not want to go to MC then I have two choices I can either pout and get upset about it. Or I can do what Clint Eastwood says in Heartbreak Ridge and that is “to adapt, to improvise and to overcome.”

This is the way it is and I need to work within these boundaries that she has set up and do what I can. Is it fair, from my POV no, but I cannot change it at the moment. It has been better don’t get me wrong. Little touches from her, sitting on the bed the other night and talking after she came out of the bathroom and I was in bed before she went downstairs to watch tv. Her being more open in telling me if she does not like something I said or did without either of us getting defensive. Just being more relaxed and comfortable around each other.

All this is great, its nice and it’s a hell of an improvement. I feel we are so much closer and connecting more. I don’t know what it was like living in fear of me all those years so I cannot judge her reluctance to speeding things up. I can’t read her mind and I may be a little cold in how I portray her at times but she is dealing with a lot of issues also. I think she is trying in her own way and is slowly inching towards me but she is still not fully convinced that it will work and is still holding back. What will it take for her to fully trust me again and open up, I don’t know. All I know is what I have been doing seems to be working and feels right. Frustrating at time, yes, but if I get where I want to go with my M/R then it will be well worth it.

I don’t think that much about it. I focus on me and what I need to get done and what I need to do for my kids. I concentrate on my officiating and getting this new company that we started on solid ground. I allow her to come to me, to initiate the contact and to move the R along at her pace. She controls it at the moment but as I said I have thought of my approach to moving it along and how I want to say things to her and how I will react to what she might say in return. I am good for now and once swim season is over I will be able to sit back and relax for a moment and re-evaluate my sitch at that time. Communication counseling for us is a must in my book and eventually will need to be addressed and that is one of my key points that will be discussed. To me we need that more than we need MC at this point.

I look forward to the holidays. Spending time with my family and we are going to see Les Mis in DC the 27th of this month and that should be really fun. Then on Sunday the 28th its Christmas with my mom and my brothers and sister whom I have not seen in months so that should be great.


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Quote:
If she does not want to go to MC then I have two choices I can either pout and get upset about it. Or I can do what Clint Eastwood says in Heartbreak Ridge and that is “to adapt, to improvise and to overcome.”


you can go to MC alone..

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Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
Quote:
If she does not want to go to MC then I have two choices I can either pout and get upset about it. Or I can do what Clint Eastwood says in Heartbreak Ridge and that is “to adapt, to improvise and to overcome.”


you can go to MC alone..


I have been there alone. The C told me after about 5 sessions that I don't need to come back unless I needed someone to talk to or if my W decided to come. She said that I was in a good place and that I have handled my issues very well now it is just learning better communication with my W and her getting over whatever is preventing us from moving our R forward.

She told me that I have been very patient and could not figure out why my W is so against coming to MC or to improve our intamacy without speaking to her. I felt the same and see no need to go there unless things start going south again or I start feeling really frustrated which I have not.

I am doing well. I wish there was more intamacy but at the moment she does not seem ready for any of that and I am ok with it right now. But I do know in the near future that I will be speaking to her about going to MC and moving our R forward.


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Hi Tim. Just stopping in to say hello. I don't have much to add. It seems as time goes by I have less things to post in my own thread because thinks have plateaued a bit. (For the most part) Mostly positives coming, some small, some big. I don't get hung up in the small things that used to cause arguments, focusing on me and doing what is right and becoming the man I always wanted to be. You are doing the same.

I see were are venting less and less. This is a really good thing. Less negatives happening for both of us. Slow and steady. You'll get there.


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Tim,

I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!

WT

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Sometimes days just suck.

Had a converstion with my W this morning and not really sure it did any good. Told her I was tired of all this stuff. That I want more than what I am getting and that I just don't know how she feels. She of course responded by saying that she thought things were getting better and that we were talking more and laughing and stuff. I said I see that also but I have no idea how you feel?

This must be a difficult question because she never did answer it. I told her about the other day when she sunggled up to me and said that she was cold and I told her to come under the covers with me to warm up and she did not and how that made me feel and that I can't get close to her sometimes. She responded by saying there are times she feels unwanted when she gets close to me and I don't put my arm around her or on hers.

I told her "its hard to talk to her on sensitive subjects. I can't bring it up in the morning because your tired, I can't do it at night because the kids are up and I can't do it during the day because we are too busy. That is why I asked you 3 months ago, 6 months ago and 8 months ago to go to MC with me so we could learn how to communicate.

I don't want to be here six months from now doing the same thing, hell I don't want to be doing this in three months. I want to be able to hug you or kiss you without it feeling akward and I know you say we haven't been like that in a long time. But neither of us liked the old R so why do you want to have our new R be anything like the old.

I think you are waiting for this to all feel natural but it never will unless we get past the awkwardness. Also I feel you are trying to keep your distance for some reason and I don't know what that is. You come to bed late at night always staying up later than me, I get up early in the morning so we are hardly awake at the same time"

She said that she likes to stay up late and relax by herself and she stays up till the kids go to bed. She says she has feelings for me or she would not be here but what are they? She then said oh I get what you are saying. (meaning not being awake at the same times but I doubt she got the whole meaning only part of it)

And maybe I am just frustrated, or maybe I am stressed from work, or maybe its the holidays, or maybe I thought I would get more reaction from her for the gift I spent months working on for her, or maybe I am just feeling lonely and need some loving. Its probably a combination of all the above.

But I'm tired of pussy footing around this subject and it needed to be said but again I doubt it was worth my breath.

Sorry just needed to vent.

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas.

Tim


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