I AM That Rock

[hoosiermama]

I was always too busy doing whatever instead of spending enough time with her.

I read that in a very positive way--as in he recognizes that his behavior (even if he is just limiting it to working, not "extracurricular" activities) has a negative effect on things. I also think it's such a guy thing to discount some of what he hears--hence his reaction to ADD stuff.

Re: talking with your daughter about this. I remember doing this with my D12 when she was 9 or 10 and diagnosed with a learning disability (which has since settled into a much milder form). I think just sticking with what she needs to know--why the meds, that sort of thing. Especially since some things are still up in the air. With D12, I told her not that she had an LD, but that we all learn in different ways, and we're all working on learning how she learns math. With the meds, maybe explain that they're just a tool or a helper so that she can control her emotions (well, as much as anyone can control their emotions!) instead of them controlling her. There are soooooo many kids on ADD meds these days, I don't think the stigma is as great as it once was. And I've certainly seen them do wonders--the kids at my school are a very at-risk population, with parents who are far less involved than you. And they are much better able to focus in class, less anxious because their emotions aren't quite so overwhelming, and generally just happier kids.

I'm sorry that you got this list of diagnoses. But if you're like me, it's helpful to at least have a name for it so that you can attach a solution; it's empowering once you get over the initial shock. But let me also tell you that my D's situation ended up being much less serious than we thought. Their little brains are still growing and rewiring, and God is in those details for sure!

[Babygirl]

hey sis, thanks for being a rock for me too with all you have going on!! sorry ya'll had to clean up the mess H left, but thanks for getting me thru the explosion.

remember what i said about D's emotions, its not her fault,(ok sometimes it will be lol) and in time, she can make it better.

i love you

[Kalni]

Hi ((Hon)),
sorry to hear about your D. I am sure that with your love and attention things will go smoothly.

Your H is far away and that I think makes it more hard for him to understand. He will, he loves your kids, give him some time.
Love
K

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

TJ--

I was praying and praying you would show up after I posted. God is good!!!

My DH also suffers from anxiety disorder and I know he is probably blaming himself. I do not want to blame anyone or anything. My mom was worried I would blame myself--since D9 being early and a failure to thrive falls on me, right? My mom is furious at the pediatrician I was using that pushed me and pushed me to continue breastfeeding, despite the fact that D9 was not gaining any weight. D9 weighed 6lbs 13oz when she was born, left the hospital at 6lbs 15oz. At 7 weeks old, she weighed 6lbs 2 oz.

I am not looking to place blame, I want to move forward and start getting her the help she needs. The email from DH infuriated me. How dare he trivialize it in order to avoid reality.

Thank you for opening up and telling me all the things that you have. I know it must have been difficult, especially the molestation part. I would love to print some of this stuff off and send it to him, but I do not want him to find out where I have been getting my strength from.

D9 is spending this weekend at home with us and all of Christmas break. We will start meds over Christmas. The goal is to have her back in the house by mid February.

Part of what hurt was the doctor asking me which parent she was closest to and when I said DH, the doctor wanted to know what the chances were of reconciling my marriage. I told him my position and then told him it was in God's and my DH's hands. the doctor said the best person (God) is running the show right now. He also said the best environment for D is with her family, her entire family. I did not bother telling DH that. He is not going to believe it right now.

I cannot worry about him right now. My mom said to me today I need to think about him as that favorite pair of summer shoes. It is winter time and I do not want to get rid of them, but I need to put them in the back of the closet right now. They aren't doing me any good right now. My focus is on the kids and their well-being. H will have to catch up when he gets home.

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Mish--

Thank you for the added support! Please pleas do send me those titles. It will come in so handy. I have more time to read now and I will do it. This is a test I cannot afford to fail.

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

HM--

I was dreading the appointment yesterday--fear of the unknown. Now that I have a name to put to the problem, I know where I need to focus my energies.

I know that him making that comment was positive, but the real positive will come when he steps up to the plate and actually commits to being here for her 100%. That is what she really needs, and you and I both know it.

I am going for the simple when talking to her. Ironically, right before we started the evals she was looking things up on the computer and looked up ADHD cause someone at school was teasing her and said she had it. She asked me if she did, since what she read sounded like her. Told you she was too smart!

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

hey sis, thanks for being a rock for me too with all you have going on!! sorry ya'll had to clean up the mess H left, but thanks for getting me thru the explosion.

remember what i said about D's emotions, its not her fault,(ok sometimes it will be lol) and in time, she can make it better.

i love you

BG--

Sweetie that is why we are here and God brought us into each others' lives. We are there to support each other through the tough times. We can do this.

Love you too!

SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Hi ((Hon)),
sorry to hear about your D. I am sure that with your love and attention things will go smoothly.

Your H is far away and that I think makes it more hard for him to understand. He will, he loves your kids, give him some time.
Love
K

K--

I am hoping and praying for it. He does love his kids, he was an amazing dad. Why can't he see the damage he is doing to them? I know, stupid question with no answer.

He has time--he has at least 4 1/2 more months on that damn boat to pull his head out of his butt. I feel like it is a game show--Can he do it, America???

SMW

[Silent Chrleader]

SMW,

This is actually the first time that I can say that I've been able to use that experience for some potential good, and I can't tell you how much that means to me!!

A I said in my previous post, it's important I think to make sure there is time to just enjoy D9, and especially with the other kids present. Take care of yourself first (because without that, you can't do anything!).

And the biggie is to read everything you can about the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) and your D9's rights. We went to IEP meetings for years and were at the schools mercy because we didn't know what we could/should ask for, and to give them their due, the educators at school aren't educated on what may be needed even though they mean well! And school districts these days care more about the "business" of schooling than teaching the kids it seems. [I had the district Special Ed director tell me that it wasn't there job to see that my D got the best education possible!]

You can demand accomodations such as:

1. Less homework! (such as do 10 math problems for an assignment instead of 40) {*It should be noted that, especially in elementary and middle schools, studies show that more homework is NOT helpful to learning}
2. Verbal tests for subjects instead of written.
3. Teachers checking and initialling assignment sheets listing work due daily (so you don't reach year end and child has failed because of assignments you didn't know about)
4. Allowing a child to have a headset while working if the noise helps them stay focused (which is sometimes the case with ADHD kids).
5. Using tape recorders in class so they can play it back instead of taking notes.

The list is endless and based on the childs needs and you, the parent, know that best! {For a really long time, we felt we needed to be apologizing to the teachers.}

I did have one Special Ed teacher who we absolutely loved, who once told me "Teachers sending kids home with a ton of homework is like parents sending kids to school with their dirty laundry." I rather liked that one....

[mishka422]

(((SMW))))

Hey there sweetie. I have the books in front of me.

Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence - Helping pre-teens and teens get ready for the real world by Teresa Bolick, Ph.D. She also wrote Asperger Syndrom and Young Children. Might be a better fit right now since your daughter is only 9. Couldn't hurt to read both though since she is so advanced in her intellect.

Freaks, Geeks & Aspberger Syndrome - A User Guide to Adolescence by Luke Jackson. This was actually written by a kid with Aspberger's and gives a very unique perspective. It won the TES/NASEN Special Educations Needs Children's book award in 2003.

I hope one of those can help you out.