Loc: Central Texas
Thank you so much for directing me to where to find the info on the 6 Stages. And for praying for me and the healing of my M!!
I've said several times that there are angels hanging around at this website and each and every person at this site that prays for me is an angel in my mind.
Also, I just wanted to say that if you aren't already an author by trade or hobby, you should be, because you really know how to write an emotional story that indeed grips the heart! And it does give some of us hope when we feel we've none left.
I believe that my H is going through the same exact thing as your H, and my pain is so extreme right now (because of the affair and because of having to watch my H self-destruct and not being able to help him). H says he's under too much pressure even though I've already backed away significantly, so the only thing I feel I can do is to love him enough to let him go.
I hope eventually our H's do find themselves and that they do want to return to our love someday. Because I really do miss my best friend and the only partner in my life that I've ever felt like I wanted to grow old with.
So I hope God intervenes somewhere along the way and performs one of his miracles just when my H's heart is receptive enough to feel God talking to him.
Hi Jaycee thanks for stopping by my thread. As for the 5LL book, I re-read it and I deserve the DENSE Award because while I was finally able to understand what MY languages are and in what order of importance they fall into for ME....I still don't have a clue as to which two would be most important to my H...proof that we have become strangers....A few years ago I would've taken a shot at quessing, but after all we've been through these past two or three....I wouldn't even try to guess. If you read my other post (Newcomers Forum: Ugh Oh HELP) you know that my H spent the entire week here from last Monday until 7pm tonight) and as he was leaving, he actually went into the river room and picked up the 5LL book and stuck it in his overnight bag to take back to his place....well whether he'll actually read it or use it as a coaster for his coffee cup I guess I'll just have to wait and "see." I feel so much pain for all of you whose H's and W's are still lost in the tunnel, because I was there such a short time ago and I know that it seems impossible in all that pain to believe that there is hope in your future...but I am proof that there is AND so is Deb (Imalright) and others on these boards. I pray the same for YOU and the others that are NOW where I have BEEN...and pray I'll never have to go again. Hugs 2U T2
Trying~~ I found you since you've been visiting me and caught up on your sitch. Is this your main thread?
Your post that describes the night your H discovered the LL book made me cry as well. I think we all hope that the next encounter with our S will be "the one" that turns evrything around!!! Good for you!
As far as the LL book, I liked it alot and wished I had read it several years ago when my M first started to fall apart! I am also having a hard time figuring out both my LL and my H's.
The author sayd that seomtimes when your love tank is on empty, it is difficult to figure out your LL. I think that is what is going on with me. I have tucked the book away for (hopefully....) a better time in our R!!
ps--thanks so much for keeping an eye on me!!
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.... (thoreau)
Quote: As I was reading your post I was thinking about "Why do we seem to always wish our WAS's to read something or listen to some audio recording to help our R's?" And I know it's because we feel like we aren't getting our points across to them or our feelings communicated to them. But it's not our fault. They have put up a mental barrier to "wanting" to hear, understand, or empathize with us. All is not lost, I use to think my kids did not pay attenion to my advice, till I overheard my oldest tell his brother some advice I had given him 2 years eariler. So monkey hears, he just is not ready to use the info.
Poe Has Got Off The Runaway Train
Quote: I send him off to work with lunches the days he comes to pick up the g-baby or stays overnite,the day that I was really angry with him & didn't send a lunch since our seperation I did notice that he seemed a bit confused & hurt, so I know that he does like that I send the lunches... but I don't know if he equates it as a loving act & not having the lunch meaning that I don't love him? my XW would make breakfast for me, before she left, when it was not there, I knew I was in the doghouse, then I had to figure out what was bugging her.
The most frustating part was you girls expect to be intuitive enough to have figured out what was wrong,
Poe Has Got Off The Runaway Train
" Boy do I wish I had heard about that book a year ago. I could have stopped OW before she got started. I can see now tht I was not using H's LL much in the last year. I was busy with my teenages son's rebellion. That gave OW the chance to break in. Now I fear all hope is lost. He is so in love with her right now that he can't see straight." It's never too late. What you said above is the same for me. I wish I would have had the book a year ago too. And I was wrapped up in my middle D rebellion, too. It's not too late for either of us! Have faith, Read DR and DB book everynight if you have to. Go and read the success stories. Today I printed out 13 of my favorites and I will put them in a folder. So I can read them when I lose faith. Patience and staying power, thats two of the keys. And post here when you feel down, the support I've gotten here has kept me a float! Another thing I learned don't talk R with friends and relatives that don't support "saving your marriage" I learned the hard way. Change the subject, or tell them you don't want to talk about it. "Well-meaning" people can make you go staight to the bottom, fast! Nothing is hopeless. Miracles can and do happen, every day! It ain't over till the fat lady sings, or so they say. I'll check on you, so keep posting! We will support you and try to help you. So chin up! Deb
Your thread seems to have the people who are in situations the most like mine. I feel that mine is pretty hopeless. My H will probably never read 5LL becasue he has no intetnion of ever coming back to me. He is happy with OW and sees her as his future now. He was going to C for a while but feels like he has the answers now that she is here. He is definitly in the tunnel of MLC but I don't see much hope of him coming out. He is the king of denial!! He keeps saying he has made his decision and he is happy with it. He blames me for everything that went wrong in our M even though I did not even know anythng was wrong. He says OW is innocent and not to blame for this mess. He says she never asked him to leave me. But she never told him to go back and never said, no you are married either! Instead she came to my house and pretended to be happy to meet me. She was his friend and business associate and I treated her with respect and kindness and the next day she slept with my H.
I can pretty much tell you what my H's LLs are and she has been doing a good job of speaking them. His first is PT and his second is Words of praise or whatever it was called. She has spent a year on the phone telling him how wonderful he is and then jumps right in bed with him when they get the chance to be together. God I hate them!! They are happy at my expense and the expense of my children. Why does God let this happen? Good people are pushed aside and suffer so that bad people can be happy. What happened to the good man that was my H? I want him back but as each day goes by I see no indication that he cares for me at all. He tells everyone that she is too important for him to give up. Why wasn't I too important to give up? For 21 years I was the improtant one. How did she become so important in such a short time? I know no one can answer these questions. I ask them over and over again anyway. I am in such pain and feel so hopeless today. The LOML is in the arms of another woman and has completly forgotten me. He can't get divorced fast enough.
Even this BB isn't helping much today. It makes me feel better most days but i know that is only fooling myself anyway. I can sit here and type all day and it doesn't change a thing. He is still gone and I am alone. Loving him form a distance does no good becasue she is loving him close up. And he treats women like cherished queens so there is no way that she is going to walk away from him. I try so hard toaccept this and just move on but my heart is too broken. Healing is such a slow process. I'm going to go sleep now so I can have a few hours with feeling this hurt and betrayal. I'll check in tomorrow. jaycee
"Well who knows, maybe one day you and I will find ourselves back together and enjoying some of the things we used to do together or never got to do together." This is good I may have to use that! You know you are good at giving advice. Please think about what I said in the e-mail. I want to help you. Deb