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#164951 - 07/30/03 11:30 AM 5 Love Languages..HUH?
Trying24now Offline
Member

Registered: 07/21/03
Posts: 1344
Okay, last night I bought the book "The 5 Love Languages"...okay, so maybe I'm really really dense but I don't get it. I already know what MY love language is/are...but how do I find out what language my H speaks? Obviously I don't speak his language or my M wouldn't have gone down the....(you know what) and since I'm not allowed to ASK him any sticky R questions...how am I suppose to figure this out? Do I assume that HIS language is what he does for me? Like if he's apt to make the morning coffee or wax my car to show me he loves me then am I suppose to interpret that as his needing "acts of service" back from me to feel loved?
Can someone help me? I'm starting to doubt everything I'm doing, feeling etc.
Maybe the "blue mood monsters" are taking over my life again, ugh.
T2

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#164952 - 07/30/03 11:39 AM Re: 5 Love Languages..HUH?
Jamesjohn Offline
Moderator

Registered: 11/21/00
Posts: 8334
Loc: The GREAT Pacific Northwest
Do I assume that HIS language is what he does for me?

That can be a good place to start! Experiment with trying some of these things, and watch close on what his responses are.

Also, take a close look at what you have done in the past that have gotten positive responses from him.

Maybe take each of the LL's, and list out some of the things that are possibilities of expressing each one. Doing this might seem overwhelming right now, but it's a place to start!

Speaking of LL's, I think I might see a pattern of women being more immediately sure of what their's are, where guys might have more difficulty in figuring out what their's are. Especially when it comes to having to TELL their partner.

Is it just me, or does anyone else see this?!
_________________________
JJ

Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!

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#164953 - 07/30/03 12:24 PM Re: 5 Love Languages..HUH?
LBHofWAW Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/03
Posts: 961
Loc: H-Town Texas
T2,

You're on the right path. JJ is absolutely right...

Its a great book, opened up my eyes BIG TIME.
_________________________
Bryan Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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#164954 - 07/30/03 12:38 PM Re: 5 Love Languages..HUH?
Trying24now Offline
Member

Registered: 07/21/03
Posts: 1344
Thank you for stopping by JJ, I really appreciate it (and your help w/my post to Jeff wow that was a doozey).
I will take your advice of course and go through the book and come up with some things to try in each "language." Is this a book I can offer to my H to read? Or should I leave it alone?
It's frustrating to feel like this is all so one sided.
Does it ever become his turn to try?
Sorry, I'm so whiny this week since he's staying here to "test the waters." I've been "upbeat no R talk"...but ugh...it sucks.
T2

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#164955 - 07/30/03 12:41 PM Re: 5 Love Languages..HUH?
Trying24now Offline
Member

Registered: 07/21/03
Posts: 1344
Thank you for the encouragement Bryan, I think I'm just in a funk these past few days...keep beating myself up for doing all the work...I get angry at myself for "giving so much"...when I'm not sure it'll be worth the effort in the long run. Know what I mean?
T2

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#164956 - 07/30/03 01:33 PM Re: 5 Love Languages..HUH?
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 11939
Don't assume that his language is what he does for you - maybe yes, maybe no. I know that I expressed love in acts of service but prefer to receive it in words of affirmation and physical contact.

Ellie

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#164957 - 07/30/03 04:08 PM Re: 5 Love Languages..HUH?
BryanC Offline
Member

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 138
Loc: Illinois
Good point JJ. I read the book yesterday too. I was able to see that the W's LL was PT.Unfortunately with the distance between us I don’t know how to uses it. Her 2ed is Words of Affirmation. I can try that but it won’t be as powerful. I am having trouble seeing my LL? Maybe QT maybe Acts of SER?

BDC

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#164958 - 07/30/03 04:31 PM Re: 5 Love Languages..HUH?
LBHofWAW Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/03
Posts: 961
Loc: H-Town Texas
T2,

I get angry at myself for "giving so much"...when I'm not sure it'll be worth the effort in the long run. Know what I mean?


Yes, completely. No elaboration needed.
_________________________
Bryan Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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#164959 - 07/30/03 04:59 PM Re: 5 Love Languages..HUH?
Jamesjohn Offline
Moderator

Registered: 11/21/00
Posts: 8334
Loc: The GREAT Pacific Northwest
Warning- This is a JJ wierd thought moment!

"What if" you were to look at "physical touch" to include "touching" a person through ANY one of their 5 senses?

Trying to find ways of "touching" them through either taste, smell, sight, or hearing, instead of just the body contact type of "touch"? At least, to start with.

What would be some ways of doing this for your partner? Favorite foods cooking, incense, favorite music, etc.? More ideas?

Food for thought, just in case you might get stuck on the "touch" LL!
_________________________
JJ

Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!

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#164960 - 07/30/03 05:50 PM Re: 5 Love Languages..HUH?
MissingMyHubby Offline
Member

Registered: 11/21/02
Posts: 1227
Loc: North East, USA
Thanks for starting this thread to get clarifycation...

I just finished the book 2 nites ago
& I'm totally confused instead of having something else to use in my DB efforts... I just have more questions

I'm not even sure what my own LL is
because so many things can make me feel loved
but I'm really not sure what besides sex makes hubby feel loved....

I send him off to work with lunches the days he comes to pick up the g-baby or stays overnite,
the day that I was really angry with him
& didn't send a lunch since our seperation
I did notice that he seemed a bit confused & hurt,
so I know that he does like that I send the lunches...
but I don't know if he equates it as a loving act & not having the lunch meaning that I don't love him?

I do know that when he does come over to fix the computer, or do a small project that I've been "rewarding" him with sex...
but I don't know & don't think that it's his primary LL

He use to get me little jewelry gifts thru the internet or at the store like some ice cream or candy
& I know that he appreciates it when I buy him little things...

but I don't know if this might be a stronger possibility for a LL...
he's got the b-day card I gave him in the car door even thou he's cleaned it out a few times
it's still there on the passenger door where I would normally be sitting

I know that strong with me is Acts of service & giving gifts is something that I like to do,

but I feel so Loved when Hubby shows ownership of me
when he proudly introduces me to friends, fellow employees,
& his bosses at the company picnic or x-mas parties,

so I realise that Words of affirmation are important

but More important I know I do need Huggies
& even thou he's not always in the mood I do ask for them now,
sometimes we connect thru the hugs sometimes not,
but at least I got my hug that I needed

So I'm trying to figure out this LL mystery

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