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Yesterday my W was suppose to pick our D up after school because she was having play practice and I had my C appointment. She left work early and waited for half and hour and then found out that play practice was canceled. She called me all upset and said she was taking our D computer away when she got home for being so inconsiderate for not calling. I agreed with her and when she said she does alot for our kids I said I agree and undrstand why you are angry at her.

When I got home my W was watching tv and our D was upstairs. My W said she is mad at me and did not eat dinner. I went and asked her if she wanted anything and she said no. I was like fine with me I'm hungry and went and ate. My W and I talked for a little bit and then she went to the movies with our D, I was going to question this but I had not part in this decission.

My W calls me from the theater that she got sick because of the way the movie was shot. It was "Quarantine" and the camera was constanty bouncing around and she gets a little motion sickness. I asked if she wanted me to come to the theater to pick our D up after the move so she could come home but she said no. I asked about three times throughout the conversation and she said no each time. When they got home I had a glass of GingerAle waithing for her with chipped ice and two Advil for her headache. She thanked me and I asked how she was feeling and then I went to bed.

She did say on Tuesday that she does not know why she has been so bitchy lately. I said nothing but was thinking its because you are starting to put your foot down and be the mean person instead of me all the time or maybe you need LAID!!

Thats about all for now. C was all about me and how I need to not get frustrated and how long do I continue to do all the work and how long do I wait for my W to say or show that she is recommeted to the R/M. Its hard for the C to know because she only knows my side of the story and she agrees that together we could learn how to communicate better and resolve some of these issues that got us to this point. But until then I can just do the best that I can.

Take care all,

Tim


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Quote:
She did say on Tuesday that she does not know why she has been so bitchy lately. I said nothing but was thinking its because you are starting to put your foot down and be the mean person instead of me all the time or maybe you need LAID!!


Brother I hear you loud and clear..not only does she need to get laid but I need to get laid too..it's been too damn long..

Good on you standing back and let her control the kids sitch..I like it..

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Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee

Brother I hear you loud and clear..not only does she need to get laid but I need to get laid too..it's been too damn long..



If it goes any longer I may just forget how, I'll need an instruction manual to figure out what to do.


Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee

Good on you standing back and let her control the kids sitch..I like it..


I was just tired of being the one that laid down the law and her looking like the nice person. They don't like when she gets upset at them, they know when that happens they have stepped way over the line. She lets them get away with more that I think they should but now she is seeing things more my way and it is nice. I'm getting more lax and she is getting more stringent so that should work out well, middle ground would be great.


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Hi Tim. Just stopped by to say hello. I haven't used mine in so long I think it may not work anymore...lol. As for the instruction manual, I hope one day I can ask you to send it to me. Would love to be in a spot where I would actually need it.

Glad things are going well with you.


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Friday night when I got home from work my W and I made dinner. After dinner she went to a jewlery party and I stayed home to clean up and then watched a little tv. My daughter went to her HS football game with her friend. The parents of my D friend took them so I left to pick them up around 8:45. My office is right across the street so I went there, surfed the web and waited for her to call.

My W calles me a little after 9 wondering where I am at. I told her and she wanted to know why I had left so early and that she thought the game would not be over till ten. I was about to say I thought it would be over around 9:15 when my D calls to tell me to pick her up. I got off the phone with my wife and went and picked my D and her friend up.

When I got home my W was in the living room and we talked for a little bit. I was watching a video before I left and wanted to know if she wanted to watch the rest with me. She said no and went up to watch a show she had taped in our bedroom. Now explain this to me. I continued to watched my movie and my W comes down when she is done and sits on the couch next to me and fells asleep while I finished my movie. Its about 11:30 so I head to bed and she stayes up till 12:30 which just leads me to belive she is still avoiding me. I sleep till about 5:30 and then get up to go downstaires because I don't want to wake her because I can't sleep. She asks where are you going. I tell her I can not sleep and did not want to wake her. She says come back to bed and we can snuggle.

I come back to bed and she moves right up next to me, puts her hands on my arm and falls back to sleep. Now why didn't she just do that at night? Why come down stairs and have me go to bed first and then come up an hour later?

Saturday I worked around the house. My D went to a party at a friends house about an hour away from us. Again someone took her and I was picking them up. My W, S and I went out to dinner then to the book store and the mall and then we went home. We watch some tv till it was time to go pick up my D. The party was over at 11 so I knew it would be after 12 till I got home.

When I got home the W was in bed waiting for us. We talked for a little bit then went to sleep. She had a slight headache all night so I just rolled over and went to sleep. In the morning she rolls over into my arms and lays her hear on my shoulder. It felt nice to have her do this.

Spent Sunday morning making breakfast, taking the kids to church then driving my D friend home since she slept over. I watch my football team lose and then we made dinner. After dinner the W, S and I went to a Haunted House. Had a really good time. All in all it was a very nice weekend.

The only explination I can come up with for my W wanting me to go to bed first is that she wants to be near me but does not want to be pressured into something else so its safer to avoid that temptation at night. Allow me to go to bed, fall asleep then she can come up without any worries. Then in the morning she does not have that same feeling that she could be pressured into doing something so she is more open to be intimate. Who really knows but why else do what she does? I told her several times that I do not want to have sex and I do not do anything to make her think otherwise but I feel that it is the underlying problem. JMO and since I can't read her mind I will never really know for sure.

That was my weekend, hopefully everyone else had a nice one also.

Tim


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Quote:
The only explination I can come up with for my W wanting me to go to bed first is that she wants to be near me but does not want to be pressured into something else so its safer to avoid that temptation at night. Allow me to go to bed, fall asleep then she can come up without any worries. Then in the morning she does not have that same feeling that she could be pressured into doing something so she is more open to be intimate. Who really knows but why else do what she does? I told her several times that I do not want to have sex and I do not do anything to make her think otherwise but I feel that it is the underlying problem. JMO and since I can't read her mind I will never really know for sure.


Hi Tim,

Yep, you are right on the mark with this. IMHO, it has to do with old patterns (usually ML before going to sleep, not in the morning) so she knows the safest times to get what she wants and still control the situation between you.

Since you've been up front about ML, I wonder why she doesn't feel she can rely on your word? Or it could just be a control thing.

Hope all is going well with you - I'm reading, just not commenting much. (old friend here, new name). Sending good thoughts your way - you're doing great.

Whiskey!

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Hi Whiskey,

I saw you changed your name. Hope all has been going well for you.

That was my take on it also. I hate being avoided but I guess it is to be expected. I don't say anything I just act "as if" this is normal and proceed on.

Why doesn't she accept me at my word, hard to say. Have not given her any reason to doubt what I said. I don't pressure, I don't ask, I don't act and I don't touch her in anyway that I think is sexual so whatever her reasoning its not due to anything I am doing or have done in the last eight months or so.

Time, time and more time it all boils down to that. I continue on, taking care of me and watching for any positive signs from her. Trying not to expect anything from her and enjoying the moments we do connect.

Thanks for your imput, its always nice to hear from you.

Tim


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Life's always fun.

My W had new tires put on our van two weeks ago along with an oil change and inspection. A couple of days later the tire pressure light came on so she called the garage and she took it in the next day. While on her way there the check engine light came on. She talked to them and they asked if she had filled up lately, she said about three days ago but the tank is half empty why. They said it might be the gas cap but they will check it out.

They called my W and said the gas cap was the problem with the check engine light and the tie pressure was too high on the rear tires. When she went to pick up the van they charged her $40 for the diagnostic of the gas cap. BS if you ask me and she did complain but paid the bill. Last Wednesday the tire pressure light comes on again. She again takes the van in and now they say the pressure on the rear tires are low.

She is not very happy but picks up the van. Now yesterday the tire pressure light comes on again while we are running errands. She is really irritated and so am I. I heard the left front tire squeal and make the assumption that is the problem. When we get to one of the stores I check all the tire pressures and it is the left front. She says she is taking it back it.

I ask her if she wants me to handle it now. I don't do much with the maintenance of the van because its her vehicle but when it goes on this long and she is getting frustrated I feel its time I step in. She says if you want to do it go right ahead.

This morning I take it in and ask for a manager and tell him what has happened and that I think either the valve stem is leaking or the tire bead is. I tell him in a very irritated voice how that I am tired of coming in here with the same problem and that I want it fixed.

He says he will personally see to it and call me. About an hour late he calls me to inform me that the valve stem on the left front is leaking, no sh**. I proceed to ask him why they gave my W the run around by saying it was the rear tires when in fact it was the front tire. I said I understand that the valve was bad and that the first time we brought it in that you might think it was improperly filled but the second time it should have been fixed and what really upset me was the fact that you lied to my W twice about it. I said it took me five minutes to figure out the problem and I’m not a mechanic.

He apologized and asked what he could do to make it up to me. I told him I want the $40 back that they charged me for the diagnostic the first time my W brought the car in. He agreed and I went and picked the car up. When I got there he apologized again but I told him he should be saying that to my W since she is the one that was lied to. I was impressed he called her right there and did apologize top her. I thanked him and he took the diagnostic off my credit card and gave me a free oil change.

What you need to know is we have used this garage for a long time till we bought our new van two years ago and got free inspections for life and good deals on oil changes from the dealership but they were out of the ball park with the tires so we went back to the other garage.

My W calls me and says I can’t believe you made them call me and apologize, I said I did not mean for them to do it but they were like ok when I said that so they called you. And by the way I made $40 today because you paid for the diagnostic with your CC and I got it put back on mine. This is about the third time she has paid for something that I have returned and got the money put back on my CC. Now it all comes out of the same account but it’s the principle of the thing as she put it. She’s not irritated its just a little joke between us.

Again life is always fun.


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Originally Posted By: Distressed67
Hi Whiskey,

I saw you changed your name. Hope all has been going well for you.

That was my take on it also. I hate being avoided but I guess it is to be expected. I don't say anything I just act "as if" this is normal and proceed on.

Why doesn't she accept me at my word, hard to say. Have not given her any reason to doubt what I said. I don't pressure, I don't ask, I don't act and I don't touch her in anyway that I think is sexual so whatever her reasoning its not due to anything I am doing or have done in the last eight months or so.


It may be because of what happened in the past - before that past 8 months. Or it may be because she doesn't trust herself. At least you know it's not anything you are doing in the last 8 months - this leaves it to only something inside of her. All you can control is you, and you're doing that.

Maybe she's not 'avoiding' you, but rather avoiding only a situation she may be afraid of. The fact that she snuggles with you and puts her head on you in the bed shows she is at least open to a certain level of intimacy. This is very good. I wish I had that with my W right now. But in time I think I will.

It's a big wheel that's slow to turn. But it is turning.

Quote:
Time, time and more time it all boils down to that. I continue on, taking care of me and watching for any positive signs from her. Trying not to expect anything from her and enjoying the moments we do connect.

Thanks for your imput, its always nice to hear from you.

Tim


Oh Time. That four letter word. But yes, time - for you and I both. It really is our friend. Just remember back, maybe re-read some of your old posts, you will see the changes over time that can't be seen in the short sense of time.


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Just updating. Not much happening so will just give the high lights.

Wednesday night the W and I went to a swim meeting for our kids swim team. I told the W I could handle it so she could go to play poker but she refused and went to the meeting with me. Afterwards she went to the grocery store and I took the kids home. When she got back we went for a walk and then watched some tv.

Thursday night my S and I built a model rocket we bought for his Space Exploration Merit Badge while my W went to her parents to check on her sister that had oral surgery earlier in the day.

Friday the W calls and invites me out to lunch. She was leaving work to run some errands and was going to be near my office. I told her I would so she picked me up and we went to a pizza place near my work. I told her I was going to be working late but would be home in time to take our D to the football game and then pick our S up at swimming so she could go to her Make-Up party.

During the day a couple of idiots robbed a bank just south of us and decided to get into a high speed chase and wreck shutting down all major roadways in our area because one of them escaped and was armed and dangerous. I called my W to let her know the schools were all locked down and that her dad had to go into the school and sign our S and D out. My D high school drops her off at my S school so both of them would be in lock down together.

On my way home from work I got stuck in all the traffic, I thought by the time I left it would be over but the highways were still all shut down and I was stuck in tons of traffic. I called my W to let her know I would be late. We talked for a little bit on the phone and then she told me to drive safely and that she will see me when she gets home.

I finally got home but my D did not want to go to the football game, thank god because her school is right across the street from my office. I picked my S up and then went home to rest. W got home after 10 and we talked till after 11 and then I went to bed. In the morning she rolled over and snuggled up to me till the kids got up and she needed to get ready.

After we got up she went to get her hair cut and I cleaned up the house. I also helped my S with his science project paper. After my W got home we watched a movie because it was cold, rainy and just down right ugly out. We then took the kids out to dinner and then went to the mall. When we got home we watched another move and I went to bed.

Sunday my D went to her friends house for her 16th birthday party. I helped my S finish his science project paper and then we went out to the soccer field near our house and shot his rocket off. We had a great time and the parachute deployed each time so the rocket stayed intact. Took lots of pictures of him building and shooting it off so will get them up on the other site.

Sunday night made dinner for the inlaws and then we carved pumpkins to get ready for Halloween. I did not carve mine because my wrist hurt after cleaning out five pumpkins plus my D did not get home till late so I figured I would do mine Monday night with her.

The W and I have been getting along really well and our interactions have been very relaxed and easy going. We have had some moments that were light and playful even. I hope it continues and that this is a sign that we are progressing in the right direction. It even seems like she is enjoying my company and wanting me to be around.

Time will tell.


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