I left out in a cloud of taillights and dust Swore I wasn't coming back, said I'd had enough Saw you in the rear view standing, fading from my life But I wasn't turnin' 'round No not this time
But don't think I don't think about it Don't think I don't have regrets Don't think it don't get to me Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey Don't think I don't wonder 'bout Could've been, should've been all worked out I know what I felt, and I know what I said But don't think I don't think about it
When we make choices, we gotta live with them Heard you found a real good man and you married him I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind Where would we be today If I never drove that car away?
Don't think I don't think about it Don't think I don't have regrets Don't think it don't get to me Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey Don't think I don't wonder 'bout Could've been, should've been all worked out Yeah I know what I felt, and I know what I said But don't think I don't think about it Don't think I don't think about it
Don't think I don't think about it Don't think I don't have regrets Don't think you don't get to me Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey Don't think I don't wonder 'bout Could've been, should've been all worked out I know what I felt, and I know what I said But don't think I don't think about it, no no
Yes, the boys got back with their mom (and MIL) in the wee hours Thursday night / early Friday morning.
I got back from my business trip out of town Friday, early evening. W had come over to my apartment to drop the boys off. I talked to her on the cellphone as I drove the remaining distance.
After the trading of "niceties" she asked me if I had heard any news out of our L's concerning the settlement. I said "no", and that I thought the L's were still awaiting all our information, but then, I said, I saw no reason for them not to proceed on a draft given the known information.
W then started talking about the poor and worsening state of the economy, and how this financial crisis was going to put a severe damper on our chances to sell our house. Most people were going to find it next to impossible to get a decent loan or a mortgage. While I've tried hard to not worry myself about current affairs (no pun intended) -- as part of my new policy to no longer worry about things in general I cannot control -- I could only agree reluctantly that things at this point do look bad. Our neighbors' house sold so very quickly and for well above their asking price, and we're not going to be so lucky, not now.
But W said she does not want to sell at a loss. She's willing to bide her time until the economy turns around and we can sell our house for what it's worth. But she acknowledged it's too costly for us to maintain an apartment lease and a mortgage.
So W once again began suggesting that I refinance the house and move back into it until the house can be sold. She said I made enough money to be able to refinance the house in just my name, but she could not herself with her income. I started again to explain to her that I was not interested in perpetuating being house-poor indefinitely -- that it was difficult enough on two salaries, let enough on just my own.
But she told me at that point that we had received another pre-approved offer from one of the lenders to refinance the house at a fairly reasonable rate. She said at that rate I could refi the house at a monthly mortgage the same as my current apartment lease. We've built up considerable equity in our house over the last eight years -- which is good, but also the reason I told her again that I cannot afford to buy her share out and make the mortgage payment.
She was still insistent that it was doable. She even said she'd be willing to cosign the new mortgage if necessary to get a good rate. I would take over the mortgage payment entirely and she would hold off of her share of the equity in the house until we do manage to sell it -- she would be willing to bide her time until the economic conditions were favorable to selling for a decent amount. She asked if she could begin looking into this offer.
I told W that only if the rate was at a fixed APR and not a variable rate would I be even remotely interested. I told her that because of my currently fruitless search for an new cheaper apartment in our S's school district, I would think about it. I said it probably wouldn't be wise to make a decision until after the elections, when we can see whether a new administration hostile to the economy might come into power, and which might effect our decisions one way or another.
I still wonder if she wants me to take over the house to not only have to buy her out but so she wouldn't have to face the guilt -- especially the guilt of having to paint over our S's murals that I painted for them. My other chief concern is that she might want me to be anchored down here while she skips off to the other side of the county or further just to impede my ability to parent my S's. Let's just say I have little cause to trust her and her stated motives.
Nevertheless I will mention this to my L to see if there's some angle I haven't yet considered.
---
Been having pretty good weekend with the boys. We went to a Harvest Fest at our church yesterday, and have had lots of father-son time in addition to that. Today after church we had to go buy them some new shoes -- it seems that during the trip this past week both of them all but destroyed their best pairs of sneakers (S7 actually melted the back quarter of one shoe on the hot tail-pipe of the four-wheeler he got to ride on with his cousins.)
Buying shoes with two small hyperactive boys is exhausting -- especially when none of the character shoes available in their sizes are acceptable to them. I drove them to five different stores before it was over. Uuuugh.
Hi NC, I like that song too. It sure hits home, doesn't it?
I think consulting your L is a very wise decision. At this point I don't think it is wise for us to make any any legal/financial decisionw without talking to them. Of course the WAS thinks they have all figured out, don't they?
Glad your boys are home and you got to spend lots of quality time with them, well besides the shoe shopping, LOL. That can be worse than working!
Hope you have a great upcoming week.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
So W once again began suggesting that I refinance the house and move back into it until the house can be sold. She said I made enough money to be able to refinance the house in just my name, but she could not herself with her income. I started again to explain to her that I was not interested in perpetuating being house-poor indefinitely -- that it was difficult enough on two salaries, let enough on just my own.
OK, I saw that one coming way before you posted that! Your W is kind of predictable really!!! OK, I know what your W wants, but what do you want? It doesn't seem like you really want to do this or don't seem like you are very happy about that? I don't think you should do it unless you really want to, as you say it sounds like it will restrict you financially so unless it's something you want to do, I don't think you should do it. And don't let her guilt you, it is her that put your family in this situation and not you, and not your responsibilty to fix a problem she has caused.
But if you do, yeah consulting the Ls sounds like a good idea. Karen
nc... never heard that song before,I'll have to check it out on you tube.
Im glad the boys are back, and Boy do I know how exhausting it is to take them SHOPPING!! Lord knows, now I avoid it at all costs, unless I go with my mom or sister who is an extra hand.
I would think the house thing through thoroughly. Really, this is your decision don't let here push her ideas on to you. She created this mess.
Harvest day sounds nice. Im glad you had a good time. This wkend is S5 birthday party at the headless horseman... 21 kids responded yes... I just thank goodness they all won't be in my house!!
Take care of yourself, and talk to your L before you do anything.
((((nc))))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Good morning One of Life (the oppositve of a code blue, no?)
Welcome to the joy of parenting and shoe purchases. Write these antecdotes down, you and the kids will relish them as time goes by.
My lawyer chided me early on not to blindly follow legal or financial advice from my husband since he was no longer focused on what was in my best interest. Funny.. it's still hard to think/write that. So I run it by professionals now.
Like others have said.. what do you want?
*hugs*
If the house is on the market, people as as likely to love the mural as to want to paint it over. You can always photoshop a picture of the room to show what it would look like in a neutral color.
AND... as stunning as that mural is.. you can and will create others of beauty and meaning while painting through your soul.
My lawyer chided me early on not to blindly follow legal or financial advice from my husband since he was no longer focused on what was in my best interest. Funny.. it's still hard to think/write that. So I run it by professionals now.
Like others have said.. what do you want?
Oh, yeah, I remember at the start of this H said he had seen an L for legal advice but of course there was no need for me to see a lawyer! And you know he's an L so he was outright lying. I didn't listen btw and saw one of course!!! I'm almost tempted to think that you should almost do the opposite of whatever the WAS suggests, b/c it usually in no way benefits us but themselves. But yeah, do what you want!
And I would be tempted to leave the murals too. We almost bought a house that had murals painted all over it (the owner was asking way over the price b/c he had done a 2nd mortgage or something), it was a florist shop and they were really pretty. I thought they were fantastic and it would have been a shame to paint over them. And if someone doesn't like them, the cheapest easiest thing in the world (almost) is to paint walls. Karen
Hello, all, and thanks for your advice and kind words.
About the house, I'm not really sure what I want yet.
Part of me wants the house to be sold already and off our backs, to have one less thing tying us together. To my mind, if my family is broken, that house will continue to be a painful reminder. I will always regret it's loss, but it's only a house and just a symbol for what once was. In that case it would be better to not be constantly reminded of that every day.
But it is the place we had intended our S's to call home for at least the first part of their lives. It's where my S's have called home since their births. I don't like the thought of taking them completely out of that, at so young an age, without some comparable substitute. An apartment can be home, yes, but there's no comfort of permanence nor even the illusion thereof.
And I am really strapped in my finances paying for an expensive apartment and half of a large mortgage. Moving back into the house would solve part of that problem.
I am just scared of saddling myself with a longer-term commitment that might very well, in the end, bankrupt me if I am not careful. And scared that W will decide to move a distance East enough to thwart my ability to effectively parent my S's. I don't kow what her ulterior motives are and I must be extremely cautious.
So I will contact my L and try to meet with her some time next week, if possible. (She's been in court the last few days, and hasn't had a chance to respond.)
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
AND... as stunning as that mural is.. you can and will create others of beauty and meaning while painting through your soul.
