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#1595692 - 09/18/08 08:39 AM Time To Do What Got Me This Far
Distressed67 Offline
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Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
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#1595704 - 09/18/08 08:52 AM Re: Time To Do What Got Me This Far [Re: Distressed67]
Distressed67 Offline
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Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
Originally Posted By: Bridgestone
Hi Tim,

keep your chin up..

she may be lost, she may be at peace, she maybe hurting, she may be content, she may be lieing, she may be telling the truth,

she may be doing the best she can with what she has...

Your changes in you cannot waiver, as best you can. She is still watching. Even so, does it really matter if she's watching?

Peace
Bridge



Yes, you are right it should not matter. It didn't for the longest time but when I thought it was improving I started too. Now that I know more I need to go back to taking care of me and not worring about if she is watching or what she is doing and thinking.

I just hope she goes to C because as AO said and I agree with is she is lost and needs to find out who she is and what she wants and until then I cannot do anything about our R and M.
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#1595739 - 09/18/08 09:35 AM Re: Time To Do What Got Me This Far [Re: Distressed67]
Bridgestone Offline
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Registered: 11/06/07
Posts: 1037
first to post! ;\) a bit of kahlua in my coffee this morning!!

Originally Posted By: Distressed67


I just hope she goes to C because as AO said and I agree with is she is lost and needs to find out who she is and what she wants and until then I cannot do anything about our R and M.


I wish H would go to his own C again... our C started down that path with him about what his C had worked with him on his anger management.. and H lied to him.

I hope your wife sees your changes and is introspective enough and supported enough (starting counseling is scary) to take that step.

Peace
Bridge
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#1595899 - 09/18/08 11:46 AM Re: Time To Do What Got Me This Far [Re: Bridgestone]
Distressed67 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
Originally Posted By: alpha.omega62

By saying she really does not feel anything is a sign to you to just let it be right now. You're going to C, she says she is too (did she tell you when the appointment was?), so until you get further guidance, let it go. There's nothing you can do at this point in influence her.

You did well tonight.

AO


She did not say when the appointment was. We were just getting to it when my partner called. He has great timing. After I got off the phone I figured it was better to not know and change the subject than find out and continue down a dangerous path. For some reason I tought, while on the phone with my partner, of what MFT said about entering dangerous waters by continuing these C and the best way for me to not hurt our R anymore was to move on.

As for the not feeling anything, that is just to end the conversation correct? Basicly I don't want to talk about this anymore move on.
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#1595940 - 09/18/08 12:25 PM Re: Time To Do What Got Me This Far [Re: Distressed67]
whiskey.tango Offline
Member

Registered: 01/19/08
Posts: 676
Quote:
As for the not feeling anything, that is just to end the conversation correct?


Yup. Means that no matter what you say, I won't have an opinion because I'm numb right now.

I know you're nervous about your appointment but it is going to be good. I hope you walk out of there with a weight off your shoulders. You've been beating yourself up pretty badly (although I have to say the last 2 days you sound much better) and you need some nuturing - and seeing your C is taking care of yourself.

Proud of you Tim. Regardless of how crazy this has been, you've been great at getting back on track quickly.

AO

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#1596059 - 09/18/08 01:34 PM Re: Time To Do What Got Me This Far [Re: whiskey.tango]
Distressed67 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
Here is an email exchange I had with my W just a couple of minutes ago. What is you guys take on it and did I respond correctly. Just seems like she was playing with me.



I was thinking about going straight to my mom's house after my appointment tonight. Do you want to meet me there and go through her stuff and pick out what we want?

Tim



Are you mad/disappointed at me? No how is your day or drive to MD this morning? Or just really busy? I can meet you at your moms is you have a guesstimated (if that is even a word) time? I need to get S started on homework. W

How is you day?
smile





W,

I am neither mad at you or disappointed in you. I am glad that you made an appointment to talk to a professional.

I have been busy all morning and just thought it would be easier to meet there tonight than tomorrow. I plan on being there by 6:30, I have to grab something to eat first. I figured you would have to start S on his homework before you came.

Have a safe trip back from MD. Hope your day is going well.

I am swamped and trying to do ten things at once.

Tim




ok. Im still working on the msp workbook which is due for a session 9/23.
this SH.. is nuts. See ya tonight

W
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#1596082 - 09/18/08 01:42 PM Re: Time To Do What Got Me This Far [Re: Distressed67]
ernest88 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/08
Posts: 5045
Originally Posted By: Distressed67
Here is an email exchange I had with my W just a couple of minutes ago. What is you guys take on it and did I respond correctly. Just seems like she was playing with me.



I was thinking about going straight to my mom's house after my appointment tonight. Do you want to meet me there and go through her stuff and pick out what we want?

Tim



Are you mad/disappointed at me? No how is your day or drive to MD this morning? Or just really busy? I can meet you at your moms is you have a guesstimated (if that is even a word) time? I need to get S started on homework. W

How is you day?
smile





W,

I am neither mad at you or disappointed in you. I am glad that you made an appointment to talk to a professional.

I have been busy all morning and just thought it would be easier to meet there tonight than tomorrow. I plan on being there by 6:30, I have to grab something to eat first. I figured you would have to start S on his homework before you came.

Have a safe trip back from MD. Hope your day is going well.

I am swamped and trying to do ten things at once.

Tim




ok. Im still working on the msp workbook which is due for a session 9/23.
this SH.. is nuts. See ya tonight

W


I don't see where you did anything wrong..

do you know her love language Tim???

Affirmations maybe??

I find it odd she's taking your temperature all the time.

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#1596092 - 09/18/08 02:05 PM Re: Time To Do What Got Me This Far [Re: Distressed67]
whiskey.tango Offline
Member

Registered: 01/19/08
Posts: 676
Quote:
Just seems like she was playing with me.


Good pickup. From this side of the screen, and I don't know if this is new or old behaviour...she seems to want to set the pace for the 'mood' between the 2 of you. I agree with M she's taking a temp, but the minute the conversation doesn't go where she wants, you get punished, the niceness goes away. She feels the detachment and is testing to see how much control she is losing. She's not worried about it, but she's testing.

AO

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#1596106 - 09/18/08 02:13 PM Re: Time To Do What Got Me This Far [Re: whiskey.tango]
Distressed67 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 1174
Originally Posted By: alpha.omega62

but the minute the conversation doesn't go where she wants, you get punished, the niceness goes away. She feels the detachment and is testing to see how much control she is losing. She's not worried about it, but she's testing.

AO


Please elaberate on this. Are you talking about my detachment from her and her losing control of me and not caring?
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#1596110 - 09/18/08 02:16 PM Re: Time To Do What Got Me This Far [Re: whiskey.tango]
steady Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 1443
Loc: New York
Tim, email exchange looks fine. I'm with the others at how she is taking your temperature. It's funny how we parallel...the other day I told my W I needed to say something to her but didn't know how to say it, and the first thing she said was, "Are you mad at me?" Not that long ago she wouldn't have cared how I felt.

I took some control back and felt her wondering where I was at.

Seems like the same thing is happening in your sitch.

You're fine. Go to C tonight. Wait and see if she follows through with her own C. Until then, just keep taking care of yourself.
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