I defenitely agree. I got to a point after a yr. of seperation and a divorce luming in the atmosphere and very little contact with my H that I felt like the ONLY thing I had was GOD.
I prayed and prayed and prayed and somehow GOD heard me and answered my prayers. I was withered away to nothing anymore and I didnt even feel alive. Didnt care about living. I would pray so much and cry so much. I never really could let go even though I outwardly tried. My insides screamed in torture and heart break. I am so glad it seems to be over now. But really, never give up on hope. Keep living and praying and maybe your prayers will be answered too.
I feel ashamed of myself right now. I need to be more greatfull for where I am and what I have. I cry so much still. It is wierd. I know I am so happy my H came back. But my emotions are still out of wack. My H even told me the other night that he thinks it is funny that every one called him bi-polar when I am the one that is so emotional. I am not PMSing, but for some reason I have been crying a lot lately. For no real good reasons either.
I do feel like my girl-friends have distanced themselves from me this past few months and I dont have the solid group of friends we used to have. So I get sad when I see or hear of them all hanging out with out me or us. It is so weird and hard to swallow. I dont feel like I really fit in with any of his new friends either. So that is getting me down and I cry.
ALso, I was then feeling a bit better the other day and I started crying out of the blue. I cant control my emotions and my H thinks I am going crazy. I dont know how to control it right now. I want to have him comfort me and nurture my emotions but he doesnt want to hear it. I start to get down on him when he doesnt want to hear my problems (with job, friends,ect...) and I tell him I just wish he would comfort me. He then gets mad and acts like I am always putting him down. I dont mean too. I just know that I am in emotional disarray because of him but he cant be the one to mend it.
I dont know. I think I have been sad lately. Maybe its the winter blues, maybe its my lack of old friends, maybe its my job changing with out my choice, maybe its my own jealousy about his band and all of his new friends. I just feel really stressed out.
Our R has been great. I have no reason to get like this , but I am and I need to stop. We have been working every night on remodeling our new house we are gonna buy this spring from my rents and it is coming along great. It is good for us both and our reconciliation. Now I need to focus on the positives so I dont end up messing this R up, I have to keep my emotions in check. I guess I still have some more healing to do.
Tipper, I seem to remember MWD saying something about how while the WAS is away, you have to work so hard to keep your emotions under control with them or in public, so the expression of all that stuff gets delayed and only comes out after the WAS returns and you feel "safe" to express everything that got bottled up while they were gone. I don't really have any experience with this personally, but do you think that might be what is triggering your tearfulness?
Best wishes to you...
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Hi Lola, you see I have been db'ing for eight months now and have not pursued H at all. And he seems to like this situation just fine. He is not calling me either. I need to let God take are of it, I know. I am just really afraid of the future. I am afraid for my kids and their future relationships with their dad and their spouses. I am afraid that I cannot trust anyone anymore.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Tipper, it's very normal for the LBS to go through these feelings when the WAS comes home. I read it in a book somewhere. So let your emotions be, acknowledge them before they get out of hand, then let go. It sounds like your H doesn't know how to cope with your, rightly justified, emotions. When men don't know how to cope, they may react in anger because they feel inadequate. Have you gotten help from a counsellor who can help you express your feelings in a positive, non-threatening way to your H. Has your H gotten counselling on how to help you through the low times and tips on how to validate your feelings, comfort you and so you can both move on? Just a thought, a good therapist can do wonders so you don't repeat behaviors that is detrimental to your newly patched-up R.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Dawn and PM, Yea, there is no doubt I think that the reason I have been so emotional is becuase I had it all bottled up for so long. I have read about how it will come flooding back once the LBS feels safe again. I guess I need to just realize that this is what is probably happening with me and the way I feel. I unfortunately thought that I had allready gotten over most of it. But I guess not.
I am so sensetive of a person and I jump to conclusions sometimes. And I defenitely think the reason my H acts in anger when I am down is becuase it scares him and he doesnt know how to react. I really need to go back to using some of the DBing techniques such as putting up that 'STOP sign' when I feel like I am going to lose it or cry or get mad.
Thank you guys so much for your comfort. I needed to hear it.
We have never done M counseling because he is not at all comfortable with the idea. I went alone to a C when my H was gone. But it was too expensive and I had to stop since I didnt feel like I was getting anything out of it. And I tried out two different ones before I stopped going. Oh well, I wish I was more comfortable with the idea of trying it again. But I have a bad taste from that experience. And I really feel like it would be way more beneficial for us both to go - but I cant make him .
Last night, I did really well with not bringing up any of my emotions and I focused on just being happy and in a good mood. I think it helps make him feel more at ease also when I am happy.
It made me feel kind of good the other night when my H told me that he had bad dreams that I was seeing another guy. I of course am not, and I dont want him to have bad dreams, but it comforted me to know that he may be a bit insecure in the same way I am. He must fear in the back of his mind that I might someday find someone else as he did. Must be a guilty concsious. I still have dreams like that a lot - but it is only due to real fears that I once had to live due to him leaving. It was comforting and made me feel good to know it would scare him if I were to ever leave him. He is such an individual and seperate person that has no fear of being alone. I think I am the opposite.
Well thanks again guys. The house is going great. I will try to stay in touch.
Thanks for helping me feel more human again, TIPPER
Well our progress on remodeling our new home is going terrific. It is so nice to be spending our time together creating something that will please us both in the long run. I am so excited that he is so willing to work on it and spend money on it and put his heart into it. It shows me that he is serious about making it work out between us.
He has been so happy and in such a great mood lately. I hope its not just a fluke. It seems genuine, and I often hear others even say to me how excited he is to move in there.
I think we will be done with the remodeling in about a month or so. Then I will sell my Townhouse. I hope all goes well. TIPPER
Update: things are going great. We are still working on finishing up our remodeling job on our new place. We are both so excited and we have put in so much work on the place.
Tonight is my H's 30th b-day. I have missed both of his last two birthdays due to his MLC and us being seperated during both of those aprils. This time I can celebrate it with him and it feels right. He kept saying he didnt deserve any gifts but I told him he does and I got him a bunch of nice things.
His family will meet us out for dinner tonight and I hope that my parents also come. But they have not gotten back to me yet.
I cant wait to get home. I have the next 10 days off of work (spring break - I teach). We hopefully will get moved into the new pad.
Well we have moved in and things at the new house are going absolutley great. I love our new living arrangment- mostly because we are TOGETHER. And because we worked our butts off remodeling my g-ma's old house.
We have accomplished so much. Our Relationship is so much stronger ( his words ) since all of this. And I agree. We have been through so much and I have learned to stop trying to control my H and he is showing me his love in so many nice ways.
I still get down on him a bit for going to the bars. He only goes once or twice a week to bars with out me. Mostly it is with his work crew for a few beers after they are done. I can live with it, even though I hate being alone on those unanounced nights. He still is an alcoholic, but I cant change that - Only he can. I can live with it and still love and support him while doing my own things to function and get by. It does create problems still though. Time will tell.
Overall, I just want to say it is so worth it to piece your M's back together. If you get a chance dont hesitate. You can make it anything you want. I remember reading, that most of the LBS's are the ones that often cant get over the hurt and pain to try at a reconciliation. But its worth it, not easy at all, but worth it. I LOVE MY H. I always will, and now I get the chance to prove it everyday.
Hey Divorce Busters, Just popping in. I have not been on these boards in a while. But I must say they were my Saving grace for a very long time. I am so happy to feel like the MLC mess is almost completely gone. MY H and I are doing great still. We have been working hard on fixing up our new home (my grandmothers old house).
My Goals prayers & dreams from about 2-3 years ago (while my H was in MLC)are mostly all accomplished. I never would have gotten to this point with out the support and help from the divorce busting books and site. It was my savior. I am now, completely a different person and so is my H.
