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Tipper my h too is depressed could be manic or bipolar as well. Fortunately he is taking meds. My h commented to our c that he was suprised how well the meds work.

If your h doesn't want to take meds, you could try the combination of 5htp and St Johns Wart, both over the counter herbs. They are mood enhancers and I take them and notice a real difference. My h was taking them too before meds he noticed a difference, but nothing like the meds now. Maybe because of the severity of my h's depression.

Also our c has mentioned some form of physical fitness and eating healthy too could help with depression.

Sounds like your h is making progress!


Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
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Freindlygal and Glamgirl,
thanks for your advice. I will mention both if the opportunity knocks before winter. Maybe I will buy some of the St. Johns just to have it available for him.
Thanks,
TIPPER

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Well this weekend was great. My H and I had a blast. We made chilli together for the first time and it was great. We went canoeing with our dog at my H's favorite Lake. Then we went bowling on our leage. We also went and watched his old best freind sing & accoustic jam at a bar one night.

I am glad my H was with me the whole weekend since his new best friend was home visiting from his travels at work and when he went out he got jumped at my H's & his favorite bar. My H would have gotten involved if he was there, so I am so glad he wasnt. Especially since his new best friend is now in a leg cast and on crutches and needs to have surgery.

Now this means that his new best friend is out of work and he will be home and wanting my H to go to the bar more often. My H has improved so much lately, and now this. Ugh!!!

Oh well, I will hope for the best and maybe this new best friend of his will be more distant now that he is home after working away this summer. See, they were very close when we were seperated and not yet peicing. Then when we started peicing, his best buddy got a traveling job so he has been gone a while but is back now for the long run.
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Hi Tipper-
Sounds like things are progressing. I am glad you had a nice weekend with your H.

Is your H drinking less? I hope your H's friend being back doesn't cause him to go back to his old ways. Time will tell...continue to be patient.

(((HUGS)))

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Upside,

Yes, my H is drinking less, but not by much. It would still be considered too much for most people.

I am surprised that my H hasnt been stuck up his new BF's a$$ now that he is home again. But my H is still out with others at the bars and sometimes ocasionally with that friend. It isnt as much as I had thought when he first got hurt and came home.

I have been trying to be patient, but I am so unsatisfied it is scary. IDK what to do anymore. So I will do nothing untill I get lead in the right direction. I need to see some changes soon. I have many issues with our Relationship. My H is very self focused right now.
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Every baby step is good! Hang in there!


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
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Sg,
thanks for the positive thoughts I can really use them right now. I know that every baby step is great, but it is the gigantic steps backwards that scare me right now.

My H dissed me again last night. We had plans, and he changed them and didnt call until he was over an hour late to say he was gonna hang with his buddy longer and he didnt want me to be mad.

I said, O.k. and told him goodnight and I would see him the next evening after trivia. He called and said he wanted to come over right away as soon as I took the invite away. I said, fine and he drunkenly came over wasted and threw up all evening.

He kept apologizing but it is a constant issue. I have decided that from now on I will make seperate plans for tuesday night since he often blows me off to drink with his buddies that night.
That way I wont be let down when he has to go to the bar and cancel or ignore our plans.

This is so frusterating dealing with him being such an alcoholic. He always used to drink when we were M'd living together - but it was never a problem or excessive. Now he lives and breaths drinking alcohol. It is scary how different if makes his personality. I dont know what to do anymore. Keep being a doormat that gets stood up weekly - or get mad at him.

He knew I was mad last night with out me saying anything out of anger.
TIPPER

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Things have been going great this week. My H has spent a lot of time with me doing fun things. I feel so much better when my H shows that he wants to spend time with me.

We have a wedding to go to tomorrow and we are staying over in a hotel. It should be a blast. It is our old H.S. buddy that used to rent out the other side of our duplex we lived in before my H's MLC. I cant wait. And this is a big step for him to come to one of our old buddies weddings since he usually chooses not to hang with the past friends we had.

I'll stop in when I get back,
TIPPER

Last edited by Tipper; 10/16/08 10:18 PM.
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Well, I am just here to give an update.

Overall, things are fine. But I am feeling like I am going nuts. I am really stressed out and worrying that I am not getting what I deserve out of our R.

This was my week,
* Mon= He blew me off to go drink.
* tues= he was unbelievably at my house when I got home - but only because he was hung over & didnt work & wanted to watch my t.v. all day in comfort. It wastnt to see me. We hardly talked all night due to my hurt and his tiredness.
* Wed= He called me when I got home from work and wanted to go bowling & then we made dinner at my house and watched t.v.. He was texting people the ENTIRE NIGHT LONG. Talk about annoying, I have no idea who or why.
* Thur= I had to work late and he knew I would be home at 8:30 and when I called him then I got no response. A half an hour later he finally called and said he would come by. Then it took him 45 min to drive 5 miles to my place. Obviously he was at the bar drinking again with out me. By the time he got to my place I was falling asleep.

So, I guess I am looking back at this week with a lot of stress to be in this situation I am in. I feel like his actions are saying to me that he is happy to be with me - but only on his time and when it is convienient to him. He is still in " ME - MODE".

He also has been critizising me for any and every flaw lately. I hate it when he does this, I am such a defensive person and so it is hard for me to do this 180 of biting my lip and turning it around and laying into him for his flaws. But I did well and didnt respond defensively to any of his critisizms. This is my biggest 180 I can and have done. But I am finding it hard to want to stick to it lately since I feel so let down by him.

Anyways, I know he is happy. He tells me all time lately. And he has been acting really happy with our R when we are together for the most part.

He really has no idea that all these little things are bugging me.
TIPPER

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Ok, I got blown off again tonight.

I need advice.

My H often blows me off and chooses going to the bars alone on week nights. It happens about 1-2 times a week.

It is happening enough for me to feel rejected and really unstable with him.

I love him and we still have a great time together. He seems to really be happy.

I dont know how to get the results that I want. I would like to have a loving H that wants to be with me instead of at the bars. But right now he seems to want both the M and his Freedom. It is starting to kill me. 7 months of piecing and he is still so drunk and has no desire to move back in together.

What should I do different. Usually, I say "No problem and I understand" and let him go do what ever it is that he is out doing with out me. I know I cant control him. But I can change the way I react. It is like he knows it hurts me but he avoids the topic or gets defensive. It has pushed him away before when I said I thought he drank too much and that it wasnt healthy for us to try to reconcile while he is at the bars all the time.

I dont want to push him away again, but I feel like a doormat.

Any advice???
TIPPER

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