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#1966825 - 03/25/10 04:13 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Goodfight]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11405
Good morning Goodfight,

Like the name full of hope.

Tipper, I'm not sure Tip is on alot anymore.

However, if you feel your husband is in MLC then I suggest you move your thread over to this here board and fill us in on the background.

MLC is different and so is the advice than alot of the 'stand up to them' sort of advice from other areas of the board.

Nice to 'meet' you and have a good day.
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


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#1967534 - 03/26/10 02:32 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
Goodfight Offline
Member

Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 737
Loc: PA
Thanks JTB! I know this is going to sound stupid but how do I move my thread over to here?

Nice to 'meet' you too!

Thanks for answering me.
_________________________
M 41
H 35
D 12
S 18
Separated 11/08

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#1967544 - 03/26/10 02:39 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Goodfight]
fisherman Offline
Member

Registered: 10/12/08
Posts: 4034
Welcome! smile

While in the mid life crisis forum itself, in your upper left corner of the screen you should see a little blue letter thing that says new topic. Click that. Then come up with a title and add your content just as you do when you reply to someone.
_________________________
Don't stand still.

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#1967546 - 03/26/10 02:41 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: fisherman]
fisherman Offline
Member

Registered: 10/12/08
Posts: 4034
Actually, the new topic button is just above Tipper's thread here in the forum. smile
_________________________
Don't stand still.

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#1967717 - 03/26/10 04:55 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: fisherman]
petals Offline
New Member

Registered: 02/24/10
Posts: 14
I need words of encouragement!!!having a bad couple of days:-(- trying to pull myself up, but gets hard sometimes. I am going to Husbands house tonight for our "once per week" get together. we have been doing this since he moved out 3 weeks ago. I want to start a workout routine- but also fnding it difficult to do that- seems that my body is tired and run down. any encouragement is greatly appreciated- or some success stories would be nice right now too lol.
_________________________
me- 36 years old
H- 38
Together 15
married 12 1/2
Separated 3/5/2010
NO PA's or EA that i know of.

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#1967719 - 03/26/10 04:55 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: fisherman]
Goodfight Offline
Member

Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 737
Loc: PA
Thanks trapt.
_________________________
M 41
H 35
D 12
S 18
Separated 11/08

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#1970937 - 03/30/10 09:51 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Goodfight]
Getting old Offline
Member

Registered: 01/04/10
Posts: 80
Petals,
You need to take care of yourself. Starting a moderate exercise program will make you feel better, sleep better and help your confidence level too. Do you have anyone to just walk with or can you go to a y or somewhere to walk on a treadmill 30 minutes every other day? If you start doing that and eat well you will be amazed how better you will feel. I know. I had not exercised in 20 years and was starting to feel it. What topics of conversation do you have with H during your once a week thing? I am still sleeping in the basement but W and I are not conversing much about anything. I refuse to bring up the R and she, I believe is waiting for me. This 180 and going dark is quite something. In a lot of ways I enjoy the silence. For anyone else out there lurking on this thread...should I continue doing my manly chores around the house? Dishes, sweeping, carrying out the trash, walking the dog, taking our girls to and fro from softball practice, etc. Any assistance would be quite helpful. I must say I feel better than I have in 20 years but I just wish W would notice and believe I am not faking it.
_________________________
Me 56
W 47
D17, D15,D15
Married 28years, in divorce 3 yrs
Bomb 8/20/09
Separated 3 yrs

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#1971301 - 03/31/10 12:58 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: petals]
Fixer Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/05
Posts: 2044
Hi Petals,

Getting into a good work out routine is a great way to (get a life) GAL. I can honestly tell you that it's the best thing you can do for both you and your R.

I know of three main reason why you need to work out.
First you need to take care of yourself and what better way then to start a work out routine. Second, your H will be watching you, he won't say anything but he's watching. Third, you need this just to stay sane.

Both my W and I participate in the same fitness class. We don't work out together but we have something in common. If you said this would of happened years ago I would have thought you were crazy.

Start slow and don't try to do it all in one day. Eat right and get plenty of sleep.

You can do this!!!!

Fixer

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#1998020 - 05/07/10 04:40 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Fixer]
Tipper Offline
Member

Registered: 05/23/07
Posts: 612
Hey All,
I am so so sorry I have been away for a while.

I unfortunately just got laid off from my teaching job I have been in for the last 8 years and My life feels like its been flipped upside down all over again.

I will do much better dealing with this crisis now though - that I have survived my H's MLC. Its made me stronger in many ways and one of them is to not freak out so bad about new changes and other crisis. I know I will be o.k. no matter what.

I will be gone for a while on the boards due to not having internet access all the time. And I am sorry to any of those I didnt respond to lately. I have my thoughts on all of you here, even though I am not posting.

The best DBing thing I look back on doing was definetly NOT CALLING MY H. So for anyone that is in the dark and not calling due to the DB advice : I am evidence it works. So stick it out. DONT CALL the WAS.

I strongly believe in my situation it was the thing that worked the best. I had to GAL after I realized I could not call him, and the rest the DB advise also followed. But It all starts there if you want to make them notice you again for the first time in a long time. Remember human nature usually get curious or wants to know about the things they dont have or cant get. So if you avoid calling in between visits, it is very much so making an impact on your WAS due to their curiousity. They will only hate it if you call and check on them anyways.

Just tell them the next time you visit. That you dont plan on calling them for a while so that they have enough time to be alone and get space. Say, you will only call when absolutely neccessary and if need be. Otherwise, they are free to do what they want because its their life to live.

For the time your in the dark due to the "not-calling/talking" it is THE WORST EVER< EVER< EVER>. I hated it. But I look back on it as one of the most important things i did and that even my H thanked me for when he finally returned. DONT CALL unless if emergency arrives.

Hang in there all, I will not know when I will be back but I just love this forum and I dont ever really want to leave it forever. And My laptop wont be taken back by my School dist. until the end of June so I have a bit more time. Then I will figure something else out.
TIPPER

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#2150626 - 05/01/11 05:39 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Tipper]
Tipper Offline
Member

Registered: 05/23/07
Posts: 612
Well I am back again. Unfortanitaly with bad news. After 3straight years of Piecing, My H left me again two days ago.We have had several discussions and arguements about the amount of time he is spending at the local taverns (He has gotten way worse lately and spends hours there EVERY night of the week and as much as possible on the weekends, and while intoxicated evey night he comes home to tell me how much he loves me and what matters the most to him is that I love him unconditionally).

I have exploded several times about the matter. I am alone a lot, and I cook and eat dinner alone a lot while hes out drinking.I have finally realized it is not fair for one spouse to do all the work and the other to go have freedom and fun.

Two nights ago, I exploded again, and he said fine then I am leaving. So I said let me help ya, and starting throwing his stuff down the stairs. I was so rageful at the time - I did not care that I was not being loving. I am HURTING BADLEY. I reacted poorly these past few times we have had the discussion about his drinking.

He text me last night (our 1st night apart and he spent the entire time at a bar): "this seperation is making me sick, I dont like it but I dont know what else to do". I knew he was drunk so I responded: "I am at a bbq and if you want to talk please call me in the morning".

So this morning he came by with his big dumpster truck and loaded stuff out of our garage that he needs for work. He was here over an hour and never came in to say hi or to talk or anything. When he had all the things he needed he just left. I have no idea where he is staying or what his long term plans are. But I need some good old advice from someone.

My next step is looking into alanon and attending a meeting.
Thanks for listening,
TIPPER

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