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#1586034 - 09/09/08 02:47 PM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: mulesqb]
SingleDad Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/08
Posts: 365
Loc: Western New York

With the new admission of her havign a BF - I felt like I had to tell her my convictions... I do not plan to continue this path unless it has a positive effect.

I am sure it will not have that effect - but the opposite right now - but I feel better for letting her know how I feel.

I do plan to go back to going dark and taking care of myself and my daughter.
_________________________
Me:40 / W:33 / D:3
T:7.5/M:4
D Day: 1/24/08
Legal Separated: 6/12/08
BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08
Suspect BF pre-dates D Day

http://tinyurl.com/Original-thread
http://tinyurl.com/Second-thread
http://tinyurl.com/Third-thread


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#1587507 - 09/10/08 01:40 PM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: SingleDad]
SingleDad Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/08
Posts: 365
Loc: Western New York
I am done trying... I have been beaten over the head, my W being with a BF - anything I say or do to snap her out of it and show her that she has a family... is viewed by my W as harrassment.

I am going dark with her - NC - I can't cope anymore - it is killing me.

All I can do is learn to "Get A Life" and be the best father I can be to my daughter when I have her. I am fine when I am with my daughter, but I cannot stand when I am alone - I cannot get past it, cannot snap out of it...
_________________________
Me:40 / W:33 / D:3
T:7.5/M:4
D Day: 1/24/08
Legal Separated: 6/12/08
BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08
Suspect BF pre-dates D Day

http://tinyurl.com/Original-thread
http://tinyurl.com/Second-thread
http://tinyurl.com/Third-thread


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#1587868 - 09/10/08 05:23 PM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: SingleDad]
Ready2Change Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/08
Posts: 3962
Loc: Colorado
Alright, tell us what GAL you are doing and what 180s you are doing for YOU.
_________________________
"What is best for my kids is best for me"

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#1587885 - 09/10/08 05:28 PM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: Ready2Change]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4035
Loc: NY
SD...you CANNOT FIX HER NOR CAN YOU FIX YOUR M. There is NOTHING you can do to change this...only things you can do to change YOU.

I guarantee you, that, if you start to grieve the loss of your marriage (get that book)...and let it go..not only will you feel better but you will gain strength. It is the ONLY chance you have....to move forward and onward and hope they see what they are losing.

FIB
_________________________
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

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#1587900 - 09/10/08 05:33 PM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: mulesqb]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4035
Loc: NY
ADDING....SD...enough. I agree with bworl 100%. You are hammering her now and instead of thinking you are getting sense into her, you are infuriating her even more. She sees this as lecturing and her father talking to her.

Back off and leave it. Read those 4 things above again now FOR YOURSELF.

I guarantee you that if you email her or go at it again....the anger will be worse with each time. You are only reinforcing her thoughts that she did the right thing.

Originally Posted By: SD

Nothing is more important to me than having a complete and happy family - nothing

Please don't wait until it is too late."


Please...please..no more of this....no more. This is a threat.

FIB
_________________________
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

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#1588688 - 09/11/08 04:46 AM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: faithisbelieving]
HFGW Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/08
Posts: 281
SD - my heart goes out to you big time. It is awful and very, very hurtful. Time to tell yourself that it is battle mode, or whatever mindset mode you want to call it so that you can focus on you. You deserve better, you are a better man than you are being treated. Now give yourself the respect you deserve by treating yourself well and not allowing her to hurt you more. Focus on you now. Have a drink with some guy friends and talk their ear off. Go workout to get the anger out. If you are in NYC, run around central park. Get some self-help books (7 habits), read them and start working on yourself.

Commit to a new you (GAL, 180s). It is the best you can do for you and your daughter.

Be strong!
_________________________
Me: 38
W: 41
M: 17 yrs
3 kids
Bomb: 3/08 affair
Status: On Divorce track

Thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1620805&page=0&fpart=1

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#1588744 - 09/11/08 07:12 AM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: HFGW]
Arthur Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 2072
SD - I know you read my thread sometimes so you will know I've been in a similar position. You gotta move on and accept it's over. God has our paths planned or so it's said so he planned this, smile through it now, mourn what you've lost and think about how your new life looks.

Don't get me wrong, it's super tough and I so wanted to save my family and work on it, even after I found out that there were multiple one night stands (as someone said once, it's only a XXXX, it's not like they ML). It's the worst thing you'll ever go through, but what choice you got ? You got a lot of time left on this planet, enjoy it. Good Karma. You tried, you did your bit, now move on.

Hope that doesn't come accross as harsh, I just want you to be happy and we make ourselves happy.

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#1589815 - 09/12/08 02:49 AM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: Arthur]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4035
Loc: NY
SD...did you finish the PDF I sent you? It will help you move forward and explain to you why she lied and punched out.It explains why she must show you anger and why they leave so quickly if the OM is single. It will explain why you MUST come across as being strong.

You must do as all above are telling you: go forward with your life. Accepting this as a death and grieving it will lift a huge weight off your chest and bring a new zeal for life. Pining away for a woman who is with another man...is this codependant? Ask yourself. We all support you here. There are no words you can say that will change this.

Strength and salvation lies.........within YOU!!!!

Strength and Honor.
FIB
_________________________
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

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#1590385 - 09/12/08 05:20 PM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: faithisbelieving]
HFGW Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/08
Posts: 281
Can I get the PDF?
_________________________
Me: 38
W: 41
M: 17 yrs
3 kids
Bomb: 3/08 affair
Status: On Divorce track

Thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1620805&page=0&fpart=1

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#1591828 - 09/15/08 12:00 AM Re: How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation [Re: HFGW]
HFGW Offline
Member

Registered: 08/05/08
Posts: 281
SD - how its goin?
_________________________
Me: 38
W: 41
M: 17 yrs
3 kids
Bomb: 3/08 affair
Status: On Divorce track

Thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1620805&page=0&fpart=1

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