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#1593181 - 09/16/08 12:32 AM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Tipper]
Tipper Offline
Member

Registered: 05/23/07
Posts: 612
Just poppin in,

Things are going so good lately. My H has started staying the night at my place all but one night on a weekly basis. He has wanted to stay home more often instead of always having to visit the bar. It is wonderful to have him here.

School (work) has been going good. I just started car pooling with 4 other co-workers and saving tons of $ on gas. The kids have been nice and my class sizes are smaller than I am used to having so it makes for a better learning environment.

I had the day off today by surprise due to power outages from a huge wind storm over night. So I went and got my Hair cut and tried this glazed thing- I love it. I also got some new clothes at the mall so I am feeling happy.

Overall, Live is grand. I hope we keep making progress. I have been much more relaxed with things lately. I still long for my H and I to move into a house somewhere together, but I need to have patience. It has been 5 months of piecing and still no budging on his part, but at least he stays here with me most nights.
Peace,
TIPPER

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#1593303 - 09/16/08 08:39 AM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Tipper]
SirPrizeMe Offline
Member

Registered: 05/04/07
Posts: 1453
Tipper, glad you are doing well, glad you are enjoying your husband.

About the counseling - and you leaving other counselors - good for you! If they are guiding you to a place that feels wrong, walk away. Good! I interviewed a bunch of counselors before going, and that way was able to find one that I felt I could agree with and trust.

I would be careful about the having children decision. That's for another time. not now.
_________________________
M 43
S14 S13 D11 D7
Divorce final: Jan 2009
Making it up as I go....

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#1594677 - 09/17/08 09:39 AM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: SirPrizeMe]
Tipper Offline
Member

Registered: 05/23/07
Posts: 612
SirPrizeMe,

Yeah, I agree with you. I want kids some day because I always have since I was young. I always pictured myself having a loving H and family. I cant believe that I am now 30 yrs. old and still have no kids or cant even consider them anytime soon. It stinks. Most of our old friends are starting to have them now.

My H has still been loving and coming over often. However, there have also been a lot of times where he has blown me off for his buddies, or has come over much later than planned. I guess I am feeling a bit hurt today since he was very late coming over last night.
TIPPER

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#1594706 - 09/17/08 10:02 AM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Tipper]
SirPrizeMe Offline
Member

Registered: 05/04/07
Posts: 1453
Tell me what kind of house you are dreaming of...?

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#1594772 - 09/17/08 10:49 AM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: SirPrizeMe]
Upside Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 2234
Hi Tipper-
You are still very young and have plenty of time to have kids. Make sure your M is on solid ground and that you and your H are emotionally stable. Work your issues out first. Trust me, you do not want to be a single mom...it is very difficult and extremely unfair to the child.

Keep your focus on rebuilding your M for now. Can you get your H to go to MC with you?

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#1598643 - 09/21/08 12:36 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Upside]
Tipper Offline
Member

Registered: 05/23/07
Posts: 612
Believe me - I know & i will defenitely wait on the kid thing. But I know that I would like to have a family some day. I am young but not if I have to start over. My h is still so in MLC. It is so scarey to think that he could change his mind and leave again. We are not stable yet.

We had a set back this weekend while at his rents for dinner my H made a terribly bad comment about my brother and I started to cry. It shows my he really isnt over his issues yet at all.

Also, my H keeps making comments about wanting to stay living in the center of town because it is so convieneint for life. I said, its because its next to all the bars and he couldnt argue with me. But this is a drastic change from our old dreams of buying a house on the river in the country part of our town.

My H's main concerns lie with his band, his buddies at the bar, feeling accepted in town , and his own desires that are now all different from our past dreams. I am so worried, our future looks so bleak.
TIPPER

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#1602429 - 09/24/08 04:29 PM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Tipper]
Tipper Offline
Member

Registered: 05/23/07
Posts: 612
Well after just a few days, I feel much better about things.
My H has been staying away from the bars this week and coming here right after work - it is great.
I feel like I am seeing the old H return, the man I love and trust and that respects and honors me.
He has been much more invested in us. I hope these improvements last.
TIPPER

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#1602937 - 09/25/08 01:05 AM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Tipper]
SirPrizeMe Offline
Member

Registered: 05/04/07
Posts: 1453
well THAT's a big switch.
hmmm.....

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#1603090 - 09/25/08 09:24 AM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: SirPrizeMe]
Tipper Offline
Member

Registered: 05/23/07
Posts: 612
I know it is a big switch.

My H has suffered from depression since being diagnosed in 2004. We both think it is bipolar disorder due to his extreme highs and lows. He refuses to take medications becuase then he cant drink -it messes with his stomach.

So, I tend to watch him be really nice one week and then the next week be really distant and cold. He especially suffers in the winter time when seasonally off of work he gets really depressed.

I feel like this week is one of his good weeks and last week was one of the bad. He sometimes is in depression or mania for more than a week at a time - it varies. However, we are both aware of his problem.

I tend to ride his roller coaster with him. When he is happy and wants to invest time in our M - I get pumped up. But when he is miserable and distant - I get really worried that it will lead him to leave me for the 4th time.

Living with a bipolar person is not easy, it is a challenge and it often effects my emotions also. I need to learn to detatch more during those bad times.

Right now, My H is still invested in us and he is going through a period of happieness. He is aware that the winter is coming and he is trying to plan out work so he will not have too much down time to get depressed. This is the first time ever that he has approached the winter with this sort of honesty and desire to not let it overcome him. I hope his efforts will pay off.
Take Care,
TIPPER

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#1603178 - 09/25/08 10:10 AM Re: TIPPER'S 3rd thread - Piecing Pointers [Re: Tipper]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
I'm not sure if this will help, but have you guys tried those lightbulbs that are supposed to help with winter depression. They mimic the sun or something. I think they're pricey for lightbulbs but it may be worth a try.

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