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#1542831 - 08/01/08 05:12 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: sgctxok]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4032
Loc: NY
Glamgirl..thanks so much for coming aboard and adding fresh perspective to this.
Quote:
FIB do a search on fireproof movie and maybe this is something your could take your w to, like a date.

We have two orders of protection against each other and this is not possible right now.

Quote:
At least your w is still at home unlike the rest of us who must DB from a distance.

This may be good in the beginning of DB'ing, but, it has become a curse right now. In many ways, I wish she was out.Being together under the same roof during a D..is just not easy. It predisposes to backslides....trying to discuss anything is nearly impossible without the kids hearing..the children KNOW something is wrong..and if your spouse was infidelitous, you must suffer (or get over) the lack of knowledge of their whereabouts.

Quote:
Have you really tried everything? If you can walk away and say I did my best I tried everything then you are done.

I did my best. I tried everything.

Quote:
Recently my h said you have NOT done everything. Makes me think that I still need to work on myself.

Based on your interaction with your w maybe you still need to work on yourself too.

Either that? Or...you are victimizing YOURSELF and still blaming yourself for what has gone on in your M (I don't know your sitch)
Overall, with regards to changes/working on ourself...Don't we all? Forever? For everyone...even if they are in a healthy M?

FIB
_________________________
Me 54; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D10)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

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#1542849 - 08/01/08 05:22 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: WCW]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4032
Loc: NY
Originally Posted By: WCW
it does seem that your W has grown up in someways and is better about being with the kids instead of feeling angry that she has to take time to be their mother. Would that be true? that she has made a bit of a change that way?


My W, since filing, remains to be committed to the kids from what I can see. She appears to have gotten more aggressive....supermom. The kids don't complain to me like they used to. There still are some negs:
  • more fast food than home cooked meals (I know, I know)
  • still uses the kids, to a degree, against me
  • still competes against me as a parent: eg, she started D5 on piano lessons. I did work in her workbook one night. She now keeps the piano books locked in her car

IMO, she is parenting better, but, still cannot control her outbursts in front of them. More mature? Not sure if that is the right word...playing a parenting game? Perhaps. I don't know anymore.
FIB
_________________________
Me 54; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D10)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

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#1542852 - 08/01/08 05:24 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: faithisbelieving]
Drew Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/07
Posts: 1989
FIB,

Worry about you. And your kids.

Trust me, it's easier that way.
_________________________
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.

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#1542906 - 08/01/08 06:12 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: Drew]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4032
Loc: NY
Drew....got it. Thanks. FIB
_________________________
Me 54; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D10)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

Top
#1542971 - 08/01/08 07:04 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: faithisbelieving]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
FIB I don't know your sitch only bits and pieces but from an outside perspective it seems like you are expecting so much to change without making changes for the better in yourself.

For example the outburst with D and then discussing with W. You have not yet learned how to communicate.

The comments about fast food. Did you ever think maybe your w is doing the best that she can.

I don't really see the compassion for your w and maybe that is due to past hurts, but if you really are trying to heal your M you will need to dig much deeper.

I am not sure what an order of protection is, but could that be dropped. Would that be a starting point?
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1542976 - 08/01/08 07:08 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: glamgirl]
Bworl Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 2895
Loc: North Carolina
Glam,

You are so off base with that statement. You just have no idea.

Go back and read all of FIB's threads.

Not to get pissy about it or anything, but you have no idea what this man has done or been through. And I know you mean well. It's even nice to, as FIB said, get that fresh perspective every once in awhile.

But you keep telling this man that he has not done much to change himself or to improve himself.

And you are so wrong.

Out of ignorance.

Go back and read.

Then come back and post.

FIB,

Lucky now. Didn't seem lucky at the time.

And I'm not sure my sons consider themselves to be lucky that Mom flew the coop 500 miles away, but it's definitely made it easier for me.

Your time will come.

End game.


Blessings,

Bill
_________________________
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

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#1542977 - 08/01/08 07:09 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: glamgirl]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
I know that it seems everyone is rooting you on and saying good for you get D. Those are the words of the world.

It seems like I read that w doesn't want a D and even recently said she still loved you. Now that doesn't sound to me like someone that is done with the M.

Sometimes FIB you need to take a step way way back and look at life through another set of glasses. Put the rose colored glasses on not the gray ones that you are always wearing.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1542979 - 08/01/08 07:14 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: glamgirl]
Bworl Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 2895
Loc: North Carolina
Alright, now you're starting to piss ME off.

There is no one here rooting for FIB to be divorced.

In fact, every OTHER (note, you not included - hard to participate from that lofty pedestal) person posting here is absolutely GRIEVING with FIB.

Again, you are writing out of ignorance.

And it's ok when you're offering friendly reminders of the basics of DB'ing.

But when you start hurling accusations, I think that's a bit too far.

Please, PLEASE go back and read this man's story before you start telling him that he is looking through gray colored glasses.


And by the way....

"Rose colored glasses" is supposed to be a BAD thing, not a good thing. It means you see everything as good, in a pollyann type way, rather than looking at things and seeing reality.


Please...stop.


Bill
_________________________
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

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#1543003 - 08/01/08 07:35 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: Bworl]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4032
Loc: NY
Quote:

For example the outburst with D and then discussing with W. You have not yet learned how to communicate.


I think you missed something here. When I told my W that my daughter said to me: "Mommy doesn't let me call you daddy, I swear" I mentioned it calmly to my W.

My W then walked upstairs, brought our daughter downstairs, violated my trust with her by telling her that I spoke with my W..."reprimanded her"...then told me "I was a piece of work".

Communication? Involving the children? Hurting them?

No Glam.....I think you have this mixed up, but, I appreciate your perspective.

My fault here.....was bringing it up while the kids were in the house. NOT BRINGING IT UP VIOLATES MY OBLIGATION TO MY CHILDREN TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE FREE TO CALL THEIR DADDY.

Kids fantasize and certainly a 5 year old could do so. I don't call my W names in a discussion.

FIB
_________________________
Me 54; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D10)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

Top
#1543008 - 08/01/08 07:38 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: Bworl]
dl443322 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 4042
FIB, please, please, please take a time out from all this. Stop reading and dissecting (sorry, I know you are a surgeon) and going over everything again and again.

You did the very best you could, more than most would, and you deserve a rest. Take one. Do something just for you. Something mindless and light.

You are a good man, a good person who was dealt a bad hand. No one knows what the future holds, but I have to believe that good matters, honesty and integrity matter.

Hold those children close. Keep your head up high. It is your wife's loss all the way around. And one day, you will be happy.

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