NOTICE: In order to help the OnLine Community run more efficiently, we will be pruning the boards over the next few weeks. If there are any Topics or Posts you want to keep, please save them soon.
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#1542172 - 08/01/08 01:13 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: sofaraway]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11333
I do love you.

Yeah...

Its a qualifier. For whatever reason, for whatever need, it is not the same as:

"I love you."

But "I do love you. Depsite my actions, and everything, despite that I don't love you like I did, and more like a cousin I want to kick while our moms aren't looking. I do love you."

Lucy Van Pelt, Charlie Brown, and a football.

Safety net, and fear.
"It's not you, its me."

Do...

screw that.



Edited by Jack_Three_Beans (08/01/08 01:14 PM)
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


Top
#1542194 - 08/01/08 01:20 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: sofaraway]
dl443322 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 4042
Oh FIB, I am so sorry for your pain.
This is what you wrote to me:

"I think you have to take a deep breath and step back....and STOP. Just stop. You don't realize that you are killing yourself and eating yourself up."

"Back down."
"Take a deep breath."
"Refocus."

Sorry to throw your words back at you but they were good advice.
Think before you act and speak. Try not to get into those conversations with her.

Top
#1542273 - 08/01/08 01:48 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: dl443322]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
FIB I don't think I have posted to you before, but your W can still love you. It may just be a different kind of love.

Realize that you are not dealing with any rational human being right now. So for you to have a discussion with her about comments from daughter you couldn't expect anything less than the outcome that happened.

I wouldn't be having any conversations wtih her right now. Go see the movie "Fireproof" when it comes out in September and you might just change your whole perspective on your M.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

Top
#1542274 - 08/01/08 01:48 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: dl443322]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11333
FIB,

On a personal note.

I am honored to know you, even in this small way.

The view I have here is that you are going to agonize over this. You are going to torment yourself, until you are sure you did everything in your power, that your choices were correct. You might even rip apart your own self esteem.

You might not even get to the idea that you made the right choices if you do not allow it...flagellation can be self inflicted.

The scary thought I just had...

Is that you don't allow yourself to stop.

I understand the process, I went through it, just not to your extent.

God I hope that isn't the case FIB.


Burn out your questions and doubt. Get the answers or get rid of the questions, but have no regrets. You are above and beyond reproach here... But it doesn't matter unless you know that. It doesn't matter who tells that to you unless you believe it.

My prayers are that you trust in yourself. And believe in your choices.

One day this will all be a memory you occasionally dust off and examine. Your children will be grown, hale and healthy. Someone will squeeze your hand and you will be happy with your choices and whom you made your life with.
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


Top
#1542364 - 08/01/08 02:11 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
FIB do a search on fireproof movie and maybe this is something your could take your w to, like a date.

At least your w is still at home unlike the rest of us who must DB from a distance.

Have you really tried everything? If you can walk away and say I did my best I tried everything then you are done.

Recently my h said you have NOT done everything. Makes me think that I still need to work on myself.

Based on your interaction with your w maybe you still need to work on yourself too.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

Top
#1542373 - 08/01/08 02:14 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: glamgirl]
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/25/06
Posts: 11333
Quote:

At least your w is still at home unlike the rest of us who must DB from a distance.


Glam...

That doesn't make it easier, or harder, just different. Be careful what you wish for.
_________________________

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet


Top
#1542406 - 08/01/08 02:23 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
I am sure it is different Jack, but you have more opportunities to be with them and maybe I am dilusional but they haven't abandoned you so it may feel like they still want to work on the M.

When they uproot and leave it's pure abandonment and you have to deal with those emotions.

That is why I think FIB should see that movie, he has the perfect opportunity to apply himself in the M everyday.

For us that have been left we get maybe once a week at best to apply ourselves.

None of this is easy!
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

Top
#1542429 - 08/01/08 02:35 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: Jack_Three_Beans]
WCW Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/05
Posts: 4986
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Quote:

At least your w is still at home unlike the rest of us who must DB from a distance.


Glam...

That doesn't make it easier, or harder, just different. Be careful what you wish for.
Um, I will second that! Living with a person who doesn't want you in their life is excrutiating pain too. You never get a break from it. You have to put on the Act As If 24/7.

glam, we could probably all agree that as we look back on the past there is something we would have done differently to try and affect the future we are now in. Fact is we can't change the past, we can only live now the best way we know how.

FIB, I remember many drives to work that I was crying and shaking from a bad interaction with H. I am sorry that you are still living it, and your W drags the kids into the middle of it.

Maybe you just don't post about it anymore, but it does seem that your W has grown up in someways and is better about being with the kids instead of feeling angry that she has to take time to be their mother. Would that be true? that she has made a bit of a change that way?
_________________________
Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.

Top
#1542627 - 08/01/08 03:35 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: WCW]
fig Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 10659
Loc: Minnesota
Jack

i 2nd your post about 2nd guessing

FIB

no one has walked your walk or known the depth of what you have done

rest easy in the fact that you have tried your hardest

a marriage takes two
thats why it is called a partnership

you can't force someone to be a partner when they take a job somewhere else

Top
#1542711 - 08/01/08 04:14 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: fig]
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
thats it....rest those hands! \:\)
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

Top
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004