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#1543011 - 08/01/08 07:41 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: faithisbelieving]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4032
Loc: NY
Quote:
I know that it seems everyone is rooting you on and saying good for you get D. Those are the words of the world.


Are they doing that?

I hadn't notice them doing that.

Glam...have you noticed an irony here yet?
  • I don't want a divorce either, yet I filed to protect myself and my children from further pain and hurt
  • my W doesn't want a divorce but does nothing to save it and sees men in dark parking lots

(scratching head)
FIB
_________________________
Me 54; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D10)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

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#1543014 - 08/01/08 07:44 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: faithisbelieving]
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
I think BIF/FIB .... in 'dissecting' is providing respect to his posters (as he does his patients) and also providing teachable moments...on both sides of the issue.


On the other hand BIF:

rest those hands!!!
(as I gear up for my next roto-rooter)


Edited by sgctxok (08/01/08 07:45 PM)
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

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#1543018 - 08/01/08 07:45 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: faithisbelieving]
dl443322 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 4042
FIB, I know you dont want a divorce, I dont either. But you know what, right now, our spouses are not worthy of us.

You did what you had to do. It was the right thing. You have to always put your children first. They are the priority always.

Now, what are you going to do for yourself tonight? Come on, let's think of something. A movie? A walk? bikeride? a book?
stargazing? Come on! Do it!

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#1543022 - 08/01/08 07:49 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: dl443322]
dl443322 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 4042
SG, I know that in 'dissecting' he is providing respect to his posters and also providing teachable moments...on both sides of the issue. And we all appreciate it and respect him for it.

I meant dissecting his situation. And I am just saying to take a little break from it for now, ya know. I was not trying to offend in any way, FIB. I just care about you and worry that it is all too much right now.


Edited by beginnersmind (08/01/08 07:49 PM)

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#1543024 - 08/01/08 07:51 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: faithisbelieving]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4032
Loc: NY
Some continuing from the PDF:

Ambivalence in one partner leads to-->ambivalence in the other partner which leads to--->indifference in one partner which leads to--->indifference in the other partner which leads to---->>>LIMBO. This then becomes a difficult situation to break and leads to difficulty breaking out. Sucks the energy out of you and you lose self estem.

FIB
_________________________
Me 54; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D10)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

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#1543030 - 08/01/08 07:55 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: faithisbelieving]
faithisbelieving Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/06
Posts: 4032
Loc: NY
The PDF says that change is good. I think we can all agree on change and excitment. I'm going to CA, next week, alone, while my W takes the kids up to CT to visit her sister and their new cousins.

I find comfort in ONE thing about the PDF...to break the limbo and to avoid the hurt and 'punishment', she tells you to let go completely.

Hey frank...you were right.

SG...hands getting a rest now. Enough surgery for today.

BM....great idea...I have no ER tonite, but, a few minutes out might be nice.

Thanks for all your support. FIB
_________________________
Me 54; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D10)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;

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#1543041 - 08/01/08 08:00 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: faithisbelieving]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
FIB your w is in a serious crisis right now and will not be able to work on the M until the crisis is over.

I am not sure how a D will protect you and your children from further hurt and pain, but you did what you needed to do.

It seemed like your posts that you vasilated between did I do the right thing or not in regards to the D. I was only giving an outside perspective since it seems clear from your posts that you and your w have a huge breakdown in communication.

You said it yourself, you have done everything!
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1543153 - 08/01/08 10:00 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: glamgirl]
yenko69 Offline
Member

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 610
Loc: kansas
FIB,

I have been reading your posts for awhile now, but have not posted.

I think you are putting to much stock into this PDF. Everyone is different and every situation is different. I would suggest that you stop putting to much stock into someones situation that is not as unique as yours.

Although we have different career paths I understand where you are coming from and the trials that you have encountered. When you are on the career path of "helping" others above your own safety or sanity it is hard to quit. You try and try and sometimes destroy yourself in the process. But, you can't give up and continue to move forward no matter what your personal sacrifices may be.

Take the time in CA and start to evaluate yourself and you M. As you know your "failures" are only what you make them out to be and how you let it effect your life. I do admire your commitment in sitch and wish you the best of luck.
_________________________
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1554666

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#1543505 - 08/02/08 11:57 AM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: glamgirl]
AmyC Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/05
Posts: 12896
Loc: Virginia
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
FIB your w is in a serious crisis right now and will not be able to work on the M until the crisis is over.

I am not sure how a D will protect you and your children from further hurt and pain, but you did what you needed to do.

It seemed like your posts that you vasilated between did I do the right thing or not in regards to the D. I was only giving an outside perspective since it seems clear from your posts that you and your w have a huge breakdown in communication.

You said it yourself, you have done everything!


Glamgirl,
Even a person that is "in serious crisis" as you say has enough sense to form one sentence. FIB recently gave his wife a(nother) golden opportunity to express herself and say she wanted HIM. It wouldn't have taken a grand speech either so even someone that is lacking in communication skills could have pulled it off. All she had to do was tell him why she didn't want a divorce. The best the woman could come up with was that she is scared. No "because I love you"s, no statements of regret over the things she has done and the family she wants to save - NOTHING.

I urged FIB to give her that one last chance to express herself because I felt she HAD BEEN in crisis and might have still been kind of like a deer in headlights in the aftermath.

After she offered him less than nothing - and I continued reading - it occured to me, this man is a doctor, a surgeon - he did not marry a dipstick. She has to have some brains upstairs even if she hasn't used them much in the last couple of years. Point being - she CAN communicate. She just doesn't because she has nothing to say. She is content, I believe, to live like this as the wife of a doctor receiving all the perks that go along with it and not lifting one damn finger to support him.

The only crisis she is in is losing some of the comforts of life he has provided. And the community respect of being Dr. FIB's wife.

I do think she's crazy, though.

Like a fox.
_________________________
"The moment you declared yourselves independent of God, you became a danger to one another" - The Shack


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#1543632 - 08/02/08 02:27 PM Re: Loving husband, loving father, plaintiff III [Re: Bworl]
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
Originally Posted By: Bworl
Alright, now you're starting to piss ME off.

There is no one here rooting for FIB to be divorced.

In fact, every OTHER (note, you not included - hard to participate from that lofty pedestal) person posting here is absolutely GRIEVING with FIB.

Again, you are writing out of ignorance.

And it's ok when you're offering friendly reminders of the basics of DB'ing.

But when you start hurling accusations, I think that's a bit too far.

Please, PLEASE go back and read this man's story before you start telling him that he is looking through gray colored glasses.


And by the way....

"Rose colored glasses" is supposed to be a BAD thing, not a good thing. It means you see everything as good, in a pollyann type way, rather than looking at things and seeing reality.


Please...stop.


Bill







It's time to stop discussing whether or not FIB should fight or not.

I'm locking the thread, so FIB can start his thread and let it continue...HIS way.



Edited by sgctxok (08/02/08 02:31 PM)
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

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