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#1543411 - 08/02/08 08:57 AM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: TRUSTING]
ACJ Offline
Member

Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 5369
Loc: England
T out of interest how old is your Hs OW?
_________________________
Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15

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#1543426 - 08/02/08 09:20 AM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: TRUSTING]
enlightenbylife Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/07
Posts: 532
Trusting,

Calm, Calm, calm.

Keep up the reassuring stance for H.

Your doing great.

Prayers

E
_________________________
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"

Being the calmness in the storm......

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#1543449 - 08/02/08 10:19 AM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: enlightenbylife]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
Trusting,

I'm watching your sitch w/interest as there are some slight similarities between yours and mine. It's as if your H is now having an EA with you. He is still emotionally connected to you while connected with the OW. This has got to be tough for him. I have known a few guys who had more than one girlfriend at the same time. I knew I could never do that because of the stress involved. Your H is experiencing that stress now.

I had some really good contact with X on Thursday (on that day she told me she still loved me two times). OM was out of town most of the week and I think that made more contact possible for a variety of reasons. Last night OM got back in town. This AM I picked up D from X and guess what her demeanor was. Yep, very irritated and fussy (sound familiar?).

OM is threatened by me just as is your H's OW by you. You are in a better position as OW is making demands on your H, increasing the pressure and stress on him.

Be strong, hold the course. What you are doing is working.


Edited by sleeper (08/02/08 10:24 AM)
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

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#1543516 - 08/02/08 12:06 PM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: TRUSTING]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
Interesting that she is able to read his texts. My H has those password protected so nobody can get into them except when he comes over here. Even to turn his phone on he has a password for that, too!

H has always told me he is miserable over there, too.

I remember telling him he needs to live alone and he said he would love to do that but he has no money. OW is letting him stay there free of charge.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1543525 - 08/02/08 12:21 PM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
TRUSTING Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 2549
Sleeper,

OMG, Yes our situations sound so similar. I just got off the phone with my daughter. She was so crabby. The tension over there is horrendous. Thanks for the encouragement.

Your situation sounds so promising also. I am praying for our success in DB our divorcees.
_________________________
Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11


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#1543526 - 08/02/08 12:22 PM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: TRUSTING]
TRUSTING Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 2549
ACJ,

My ex's OW is 10 years younger than him. She is 34.
_________________________
Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11


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#1543530 - 08/02/08 12:25 PM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: TRUSTING]
TRUSTING Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 2549
Steeler,

My husband's OW is his secretary also. He gets many texts from clients (he is in the financial industry) that she takes care of. She knows his phone in and out. I am thinking he will probably get more secretive and protective as time goes on.

I called the office last week and I thought she was going to hyperventilate.

I am rotten for enjoying some of this.........
_________________________
Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11


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#1543532 - 08/02/08 12:26 PM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: TRUSTING]
TRUSTING Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 2549
Sleeper,

Your ex saying she loves you is major.... Mine has not even come close to that.
_________________________
Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11


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#1543541 - 08/02/08 12:37 PM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: TRUSTING]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
Originally Posted By: TRUSTING
Steeler,

My husband's OW is his secretary also. He gets many texts from clients (he is in the financial industry) that she takes care of. She knows his phone in and out. I am thinking he will probably get more secretive and protective as time goes on.

I called the office last week and I thought she was going to hyperventilate.

I am rotten for enjoying some of this.........


A little over two years ago when my H first moved out and into OW's daughter's house, I needed to call him about some things and did this a total of about 3-4 times.

I was as nice as could be and I would say, "hello, this is Mrs. John Doe, may I please speak with my HUSBAND?" She would be so ticked off and she would say in a very mean way, "I know who you are." You would have thought she spit fire thru the phone!
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1543554 - 08/02/08 12:58 PM Re: WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #3 [Re: TRUSTING]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
I know Trusting, I know.

What makes it even more striking is that she hasn't said that to me in a long time, maybe a year. Also the first time she said it the other day she was sober and responding to me saying, "I still love you" to her. Later that evening she said it to me spontaneously on her own while "drunk" (her word).

I think the best action for both of us is to play it cool, keep on the course we have set and wait it out.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

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