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#1536819 - 07/29/08 10:24 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Girlfriend, I am in THE SAME boat! I am so tired of it. H swears there's no OW anymore and hasn't been for a long time, but I just wonder about it still and wonder why he can't make ONE move to talk, do the right thing, etc etc. So yea, I'm done as well. Time for him to make the next step if he wants this at all.

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#1536972 - 07/29/08 12:27 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
"Love me or leave me alone"....PERFECT...because everything he has been doing is not love...it isn't even friendship...and what kind of a numb skull wouldn't even THINK that it would be hurtful to talk about how he is lusting for this OW to you...you, who has let it be known to him that you care, that you love him, that you would like that "chance"...

He is in such a "holding pattern" that he doesn't even see it...as soon as OW gets back with him...she gets jealous again...then she ends up driving him away...or breaking up with him...then as soon as that is accomplished he starts working his butt off to get her "attentions" again, neglecting his children...but wanting you to help him...to talk to him...

As for his meds...really that is HIS issue...there is NOTHING you can do about that...it is his choice...and you have to let him deal with HIS consequences...you are NOT his mother...and at this point you shouldn't be his "friend"...his confidant...you are simply the mother of his children and where it concerns them or you personally then you listen...otherwise you tell him the conversation is done...just like you did...except really end it...leave him knowing what it feels like for someone else to have control over their own decisions and for him to have to deal with it...change the "holding pattern" for yourself...
_________________________
Status:

Happy and together

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#1537009 - 07/29/08 12:43 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
You go imLIN! Well said advice for lots of us to grab on to! \:\)

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#1537239 - 07/29/08 02:32 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Lin, I agreed with everything you said. You are right on with how he is doing me.....I actually asked him if he realized how insensitive it was for him to talk about how much more he loves someone than me....his reply was, "well, I didnt realize it was hurting you".

The thing is I know he didnt realize it. He is only thinking of himself at this point. He doesnt even bother me as much when they are apart, because like you said, he is working his butt off trying to get her back.....once he does, he starts talking to me and being all social to me again.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1537396 - 07/29/08 03:44 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
Ignorance is no excuse...just because he didn't "realize" he was hurting you does not excuse his actions...and because he doesn't bother to think about you...you are wasting valuable personal time listening to any of his drivel dravel...his meds...his problem...his OW...his problem...his relationship with his children...again, his problem...you take care of you and the kids...do what you need to do for you and the kids...never mind if he is down...feeling badly...whatever he is feeling is the consequence of his own actions and he needs to learn to deal with it...he doesn't need someone to help him feel better for it or to be his sounding board...he pays a therapist for that...

Keep your distance...let him sink or swim...
_________________________
Status:

Happy and together

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#1537440 - 07/29/08 04:04 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
You are so right Lin....

The thing is he DOES blame me for his misery.

I hate that he does that. I know I am not to blame.

Really, the OW found out info from our kids. It made him look bad. And because I wont tell the OW it was a lie, he is mad at me. I hurt his little old feelings. Why? Because I wont lie and help him. I wont lie and say he didnt walk to my bedroom that morning. HE DID! I would rather say nothing. The kids told her and I am not going to say the kids lied either.

HE wont even tell her that the kids or I lied! OH, he is so tempted he keeps telling me. He says he is trying to control his anger and not make me look like a liar!

WHAT?

Please, the OW doesnt trust him and he wants to continue to lie to her so she will trust him? Doesnt make sense. He needs to stand up and be a man and tell the truth and face the consequences. Even if they dont turn out good. His problem.

I am to the point today I want to tell him "dont talk to me anymore" about anything!

He is being such an a$$.

Your right Lin....his meds, his problem.

His life, his problem.

My life, my problem.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1537513 - 07/29/08 04:41 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
new_attitude Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/07
Posts: 928
Hi kissak,
Great job on stopping him when he was talking to you about ow! I am proud of you. When he starts to talk to you about her again (and I bet he will), stop him right away and remind him that you don't want to talk about her. Eventually he'll get it! Just like teaching a toddler what to do, with the constant repetitions, they will get it sooner or later. \:\)
_________________________
me- 42
H- 51
married 11 years
D-9, S-9, D-3

bomb 4/07
h moved out 8/07
h moved back 4/08


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#1538618 - 07/30/08 09:45 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: new_attitude]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thanks Newattitude....Im gonna have a great day today no matter what....

I just have to watch my anger sometime. When my H came to get the kids yesterday from me, he had someone drop him off here. Well, I was leaving and asked if I could give them a ride across the street. There was tons of construction, and I really didnt want them to have to walk, but he said no, he would walk....

Well, in my head that said to me that he didnt want to be seen with me. He wouldnt even accept a ride from me. It ticked me off and I got in my truck with an attitude and left.

After calming down, I realized he just thought it was easier to walk. So, later, when I went home, he was at the OW's house with my kids.

Yes, it ticked me off. He let the kids go swimming in her pool. With their clothes ON! Then through their clothes in the dryer before they left to come home. Idiot. Anyway, it made me angry....so, before he came home, I had to practice breathing and not let it get to me. I could have blew up at him, BUT I DIDNT. I didnt even mention it.

I have to get this anger thing in check. I was never ever this way before all of this.



Edited by kissak (07/30/08 09:50 AM)
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1538740 - 07/30/08 11:17 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
I think the anger comes from caring so much...also from hurting so much from the person that wasn't supposed to hurt us. I have an anger issue as well, I always have though, and plan to work on it as well. We'll get thru this Kissak, I know it! Hang in there girl!

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#1538766 - 07/30/08 11:32 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you dar....hope you have a great day.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
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