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#1534971 - 07/27/08 11:59 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9630
Loc: GA
I always have my iPod going when I mow the lawn! It's the only thing that keeps me sane. I never mowed a lawn until H left so it takes me about 3 hours and I have a VERY small front and back lawn.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that cries doing mundane tasks. I cry in the shower and while I'm doing the dishes and while I'm washing my face in the evening.

You know where the strangest place I get upset is? The grocery store! Every aisle I go down I find myself thinking, "I should get some of that because H really likes it." Then I have to be constantly reminded that it doesn't matter what he likes because he's not there anymore! How dumb huh?

Have a great day Kissak and keep your chin up!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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#1535500 - 07/28/08 12:23 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Mishka, Its not dumb at all. I do still cry in the shower some days. Not as much as I use to. I cry when mowing the yard, because I see all that needs to be done and all the stuff H use to keep done for me. I didnt ever mow either until then. I will never forget the first time I had to do it. I cried the entire time. Then when it come to the weedeater! OMG, I hate that durn thing.

I dont get upset at the grocery store though....I just think about how much money Im saving because I dont have to feed my H!! I save right much money.

Im not sure how I am feeling today. I feel as if me and my h have drifted apart right much the last week or so. I dont even answer when he calls, because I feel I have nothing to talk to him about anymore. He brought the kids home last night and came in for a minute. I was sitting at the computer trying to be occupied when he came in. He looked at me when he was getting ready to leave and asked if I wanted a hug. I said No. Then he asked what was wrong. I turned back to the computer and said nothing. He walked over to me all concerned and asked twice "what is it?" I told him nothing and he proceeded to leave, then texted me when he left asking what was wrong. I didnt answer, then he called. I didnt answer. The kids did. I went to get in the shower and they told him that, he said he was calling because he thought he saw me ride by....well, it werent me and I dont know why he would call.

Things are just weird right now. I hate this feeling.

You know I cant stand him most of the time anymore. I think today is a down day for him because he texted me this morning to tell the kids and me good morning. I just said ok and I havent heard from him all day. Usually, that is a sign he is having a bad day. Anyway, I dont understand why I still want him back. Because I really dont...so why cant I let go?

I dont want him, but I do. I just cant figure it out in my head. Maybe its just that I dont want her to have him....or is it because I dont want to be rejected by someone I love.

I dont know.

Waiting for that book....Love must be tough.

Cuz it is.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1535514 - 07/28/08 12:35 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9630
Loc: GA
(((((Kissak)))))

I know what you mean. You don't want him back because he's so messed up and you know what that would mean for your life. He's not the man you married and the man he's become isn't even someone you would really be attracted to anymore.

Do you find yourself actually looking at him when you see him and seeing all the things you don't like about him instead of the things you saw when you loved him fully? Blindly?

I now see all the red flags I should have seen when H and I were dating but was too blindly in love and emotionally involved to see. What about you?

IMHO, I think you're right about feeling this way because you don't want to be rejected by the person you once loved with your whole heart and who was supposed to love you with his heart forever. Vows mean nothing to most people. The fact that the vows we all took were a covenant made before God is lost on them.

Take care of you Kissak and leave H to stew in his own juices. Good for you on the interaction last night!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1535587 - 07/28/08 01:32 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you Mishka....I will have to try that. Next time I see him, I will try to picture those things I dont like about him and see how that makes me feel. I have done that at times I am down, just to help me through the days.

I did talk to him by text a little while ago....he asked would I send something to a funeral for him. His cousin passed away. So I did talk to him briefly about that.

I feel like he is divorce busing me today...lol. Just by not talking about anything. Stewing himself....

Your right, he never took his vows seriously....Many never do. I did however. Im still at the point when I look at another guy, I cant make myself interested in them. I really dread the thought of ever starting a new relationship with anyone.

Im hoping that will someday pass when Im ready.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1535621 - 07/28/08 01:52 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
shewholurks Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/01
Posts: 749
Loc: Wasilla, Alaska
Quote:
Waiting for that book....Love must be tough.
It's on its way.

*hugs*
~ swl
_________________________
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}

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#1535695 - 07/28/08 02:27 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: shewholurks]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: shewholurks
Quote:
Waiting for that book....Love must be tough.
It's on its way.

*hugs*
~ swl


Thanks ;\)
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1536493 - 07/29/08 12:17 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9630
Loc: GA
I hear ya Kissak! I can't imagine ever having another R of any kind. I can't even imagine a simple date, let alone an actual R or heavens forbid, another M.
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1536768 - 07/29/08 09:42 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
I had a nice little discussion last night with my H. He called to see how my sons tkd went, then goes on telling me about how broken hearted he is over the OW breaking up with him and all. How she wants to be with him, but doesnt know how to get past the trust issue with him. Tells me how he feels so different about her than he ever did with me.

I stopped him from speaking any futher. I told him it was very insensitive of him to speak about how he feels about her. I told him that I was going to end the conversation and hang up. He apologized and said he didnt realize it was hurting me. Said he wouldnt do it again. That he had run out of his meds and his therapist was out of town. Great! Sorry, but I do worry about him when he goes off his meds. I did ask why he let that happen. He said he didnt have any money to get them filled.

I woke up with a whole different outlook on things today though. Focusing more on my life alone with kids, than with him. Guess that is what I should have been doing all along.

Hope everyone has a great day.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1536784 - 07/29/08 09:59 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Good morning! Kissak, I'm so very proud of you! I'm glad you told him!
I too have dropped it all. It's all up to H now.

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#1536795 - 07/29/08 10:04 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thanks Dar....I feel I am getting closer and closer to letting it all go. Im tired of the nonsense with him. Its like his life revolves around this OW...He is obsessed with her. Since she broke it off with him for the 20th time or so, he has hardly called his kids. Then only time he talks to him lately is when he has them. Once a week and every other weekend. He use to call them everyday. But since all this, he talks to me. About her. I dont care to hear about it anymore....

Either love me or leave me alone!!! I think that will be my next statement to him!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
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