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#1528914 - 07/22/08 09:13 PM Letting God Take Control Part 14
plentyhope Offline
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Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
For when my previous thread locks.


Edited by plentyhope (07/22/08 09:15 PM)
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#1534072 - 07/26/08 11:36 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
All, My previous thread finally locked after more than 200 posts ... \:\)
Here's the last post on that thread (by glamgirl):
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
This thread is exactly what I needed. PH I have been struggling lately with the house, kids, yardwork and I was trying to think how can I manage all of this.

Part for me is a motivation thing. I am not motivated and then I get my mind racing about why is this all my responsibility. Raising 3 children was never meant for one person.

I need to let that go, because it only brings hurt and anger to my heart.

I am going to check out that website that Dawn suggested. Another part of all of this is I enjoy my days off and the last thing I want to do is any kind of work.

Today I am going to do a little shopping, cleaning, laundry, and late afternoon h arrives and we are going to take the kids to the fair.

Hope he is in much better spirits than how he reacted on Wed. An apoplogy from him would be nice, but I know that won't happen.

What are your plans for the weekend?
Hey glam,
Glad you like the Fly Lady website. I think we are in the sam eplace, regarding keep the house clean, etc. Maybe we can encourage each other in that area as well??

I had a wonderful day today, even though I did miss my H. I went out with my support group lady friends. One of them has a lake house. It was so nice chatting, having 2 meals together and going on a 1-hour boat ride on the lake.

I am so tired now and will go and pray my nightly prayers.

How was the day with your H?
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#1534842 - 07/27/08 10:14 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Update: Well, I left my VM on Fri night, but my H never called back Sat or Sun. It seems weird to me that he called Fri night bu tdidn't follow through...


Edited by plentyhope (07/27/08 10:15 PM)
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#1534947 - 07/27/08 11:39 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
happynow Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/08
Posts: 2099
Hi PH,

Just wanted to check on you! I hope you are doing well, it sounds like you had nice day.

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#1534961 - 07/27/08 11:50 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Hi nlt,
It was a nice day yesterday. Today, I have been getting chores done. I shined my sink, per FlyLady's suggestion.

I just found out that my H is moving tomorrow. I have been praying he'd move home instead of anywhere else. I guess it's not God's time yet for him to move home. I keep praying.

Still wondering why he called on Friday, whether it was good or bad. I should just stop being bothered by it.

Thanks for checking on me.
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#1535024 - 07/28/08 01:08 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
PH:

Don't worry too much about it. If it was important he would have called back or left a message. How many times in the past have you called him only to find he did not answer his phone?

It will be okay.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1535041 - 07/28/08 01:29 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
How are you tonight PH. I wish your h would call you again. I am like you wondering what they called about.

H came over on Sat. He was in a bad mood. I was kinda feeling like oh I don't want to hang out with a grump.

I asked nicely if he wanted to take the kids to the fair on his own. He said you don't want to go. I said something like you seem like you have an issue with me. He said nothing.

We went to the fair and had a great time. H grabbed my hand and walked around the fairgrounds it was fun.

Later that evening after he left. He called and said thank you for inviting him to go to the fair. I think he had a great time too.

Today, he came over and was very tired, so he napped quite a bit. I tried talking with him about getting a few dogs. My h is not into that idea.

I cooked a nice dinner and afterwards we went to a nearby park and fed the ducks. It was a nice evening. It's just so hard still when he leaves.

Ever since Wed anger outburst h has not been very affectionate. Prior he couldn't keep his hands off me. Now a simple good night kiss. Nothing to write home about. I am sure this will change, but boy he is moody.

PH I am just going to focus on cleaning the house form top to bottom. I did start watering the grass and planted a few flowers out front of the house.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1535071 - 07/28/08 02:21 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Hey PH,

The only thing new for me is that I have sent my W a couple emails lately. I haven't received and feedback, but I am ok with that. In a strange way I think that is good thing, I think she may be reading them and just thinking. I sent them cause I am trying to fallow God and my heart.

PH, I hope that you will gather more strength from the Lord. Maybe his move will some how put him in the position and one step closer to moving home. Maybe God will teach him something with all of this. I hope you do get an answer on that phone call, keep praying maybe you will get a sign. We should all pray that God will grow our faith stronger, I think it helps with the tough times.

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#1535136 - 07/28/08 07:12 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: steelersfan
PH:

Don't worry too much about it. If it was important he would have called back or left a message. How many times in the past have you called him only to find he did not answer his phone?

It will be okay.
Steelers,
I think I know why he called. Last night, my stepson emailed saying that he's helping his dad move tomorrow. It's possible he called to tell me:
1) Despite reading Divorce Remedy, he's decided to still move to his parents.
OR
2) He called to have a positive R talk but changed his mind when I missed his call. He might have gotten mad at me thinking I purposely missed his calls to make him angry at me, and so changed his mind about moving home.
OR
3) He just wanted to spend Sat bringing the boys to visit.

Am I going nutty to think of these things?


Sooners, you were right about finding out ahy he called. At least now, I have some more hunches about why he called.

glam,
I am so glad you had a wonderful weekend with your H, despite not being affectionate. Give him time. He's probably still hurt.
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#1535403 - 07/28/08 11:01 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
PH you have to forget about a move home at this time. Your h is not ready. I know how it hurts. I remember awhile back my h said he signed another 6 month lease. I was so hurt and angry at the same time. He even said I know you will be angry. I told him he could break the lease.

I am sure he knows that, but it's not what he wants to do, so after that conversation last year I just let it all go. He will need to decide when to come home. Now I still encourage him to come home, but no movement in that direction yet.

Just keep praying PH as to what God wants for your life. I will be praying for my h today, he has a job interview. I hope he gets this job. He needs that for his dignity and self esteem.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1535428 - 07/28/08 11:18 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
PH you have to forget about a move home at this time. Your h is not ready. I know how it hurts. I remember awhile back my h said he signed another 6 month lease. I was so hurt and angry at the same time. He even said I know you will be angry. I told him he could break the lease.

I am sure he knows that, but it's not what he wants to do, so after that conversation last year I just let it all go. He will need to decide when to come home. Now I still encourage him to come home, but no movement in that direction yet.

Just keep praying PH as to what God wants for your life. I will be praying for my h today, he has a job interview. I hope he gets this job. He needs that for his dignity and self esteem.
glam,
Thanks for checking in. I really need it today. I think the Enemy is attacking me today. I can't concentrate at work.

I am praying that God shows my H what a mistake he's making. I know that nothing is too hard for God. It's strange, I asked God to show me how to pray this morning and then opened the Bible to the Psalms, and found Psalm 55, and a few following it. The Psalms helped me pray for God to protect me from the Enemy's attacks.

I woke up earlier than I wanted to, feeling tired and ready to pray for my H. My brain sure is foggy today, too.

I hope your H gets the job too. It will be great for him to get one, for the reasons you mentioned.
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#1535441 - 07/28/08 11:27 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Thanks PH. The enemy is on attack when we least expect it. I know I was being attacked last week for sure. That was when I was questioning h and lashing out back to him.

I can see it was the enemy so clearly now. There are some great scriptures when the enemy attacks. I have to remember to pray often especially when I am being attacked.

I just call out to God to help me at that moment. It usually works. Sometimes I have to call out the majority of the day, but it works.

Off to the gym to pray. I walk the gym track and all I do is think and pray. Right now this seems to work for me. I was also breaking bread and drinking wine (aka sparkling juice) with the kids and praying in the evening with communion. I need to start this again. Helped me be very close to God. My vision was clearer then.

Keep praying PH and will pray for you today as well!
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1535444 - 07/28/08 11:32 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
glam,
Thanks for encouraging, and for praying. The Enemy sure knows when and how to attack us.
-PH
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#1535522 - 07/28/08 12:43 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
happynow Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/08
Posts: 2099
Hi PH,

You are so right! The enemy knows how & when for sure!!!!

I also need to get started with the Flylady!!

I'm sorry you are having a hard day, I do know what you mean. I can't quit thinking about H today. Everyday I think about him but I still just keep praying!

You hang in there, we are here for you!!!!

(((HUGS)))

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#1535528 - 07/28/08 12:48 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
PH:

Try not to put so much emphasis on R talks. We really do not know if that is what he was calling about. If it was of importance, he would have left a message.

Right now, he seems confused. I think the best thing right now is to be still and continue praying.

Glam: I hope your H gets the job.

nlt: Keep focusing on your life and prayer right now. It can eat you up thinking about what your H is doing, etc. I know it is difficult but you will be able to do this in time.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1535605 - 07/28/08 01:42 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
nlt,
Yes, you should start with the Flylady. I think you'll love it. I wish I have more time to spend on it.

Thanks for your hugs, sweet words, and for being here for me. I think we all need one another.

Yes, you keep praying. I think God is testing our faith and trust in Him.

You'll love this - our dog just came up to my elbow and sniffed and licked it, as if asking for attention or just being loving to me. I patted her and she was happy and walked away.
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#1535613 - 07/28/08 01:46 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Quote:
Try not to put so much emphasis on R talks. We really do not know if that is what he was calling about. If it was of importance, he would have left a message.

Right now, he seems confused. I think the best thing right now is to be still and continue praying.
Steelers,
You're probably right about not putting the emphasis on the R talk or calls. It was probably about visiting with the boys. They went to a place on Sunday where we went together. We have great memories from going there. So I bet he was reminiscing and thinking about me in deciding to go there and while they were there. I think it might be a good thing that they went there yesterday.

I think he's still confused (even after 2 years). I will be still and continue the praying.
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#1535645 - 07/28/08 02:07 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
NLT check out flylady. I like the concept and will follow some advice. I will go there to stay encouraged. I have upstairs and downstairs house and front yard and back. This week I am going to focus on downstairs and front yard.

My goal is to have it very clean by Saturday night. Let me see how much I can handle this week.

PH your h is still confused. Keep praying. You can bet he was thinking of you yesterday. I know that h and I reminisce about the past and I know he has to have some good feelings and thoughts about our past life. How could he not.

I hope your h contacts you again soon.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

Top
#1535669 - 07/28/08 02:14 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
NLT check out flylady. I like the concept and will follow some advice. I will go there to stay encouraged. I have upstairs and downstairs house and front yard and back. This week I am going to focus on downstairs and front yard.
glam, I have the same house layout as you do. I thought I'd follow this week's bless the house hour, starting tomorrow. I am really enjoying my shiny sink.

Quote:
My goal is to have it very clean by Saturday night. Let me see how much I can handle this week.
Cool, we can help motivate each other.

Quote:
PH your h is still confused. Keep praying. You can bet he was thinking of you yesterday. I know that h and I reminisce about the past and I know he has to have some good feelings and thoughts about our past life. How could he not.

I hope your h contacts you again soon.
Thanks, glam. How could I have done without you, Steelers and nlt today? I am always thankful for the support I get here. And thanks so much for Flylady. I really think God sent her to me, through you. It's about time that I get my house in order and have the "finally love you" attitude for myself, in practical/effective ways.
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#1535806 - 07/28/08 03:25 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Ok so I went to the gym and was praying that God would send me a sign that my M would be restored. Big request I know. I just kept praying and walking and asking God for some help today.

I am getting dressed for work and the last thing I put on are my wedding rings. I take them off at night. All of a sudden it hit me. Last night I had a dream about h wearing his ring again. It wasn't until I put mine on that I remembered the dream.

My body just started to shake and I was overwhelmed with tears of joy, sadness I don't know. God has spoke to me before in dreams and I pray and hope that he was speaking to me again last night.

I don't know am I delusional or could this be my sign I so desperately need right now?
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

Top
#1535825 - 07/28/08 03:35 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
Ok so I went to the gym and was praying that God would send me a sign that my M would be restored. Big request I know. I just kept praying and walking and asking God for some help today.

I am getting dressed for work and the last thing I put on are my wedding rings. I take them off at night. All of a sudden it hit me. Last night I had a dream about h wearing his ring again. It wasn't until I put mine on that I remembered the dream.

My body just started to shake and I was overwhelmed with tears of joy, sadness I don't know. God has spoke to me before in dreams and I pray and hope that he was speaking to me again last night.

I don't know am I delusional or could this be my sign I so desperately need right now?
glam,
I think it's a sign. It might be God winking at you and encouraging you in your stand for your M. It's awesome! The fact that your body shook when you remembered the dream is significant, I think. The dream really spoke to your body.

Keep up the praying. Maybe God is telling you to keep up the praying.
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#1535833 - 07/28/08 03:38 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
Wow glamgirl, I don't know.

It's hard to say. Some might say it's an indication of an inner desire (and outer too), but you were asking for a sign.

One thing I do know is that you post has reminded me of dreams I had just post bomb that reconcilliation would happen. Then there was one time I was praying but unaware I was mumbling softly aloud and my D (then 7) said, "God says you're gonna get your wife back, Dad."

Thanks for triggering those memories. I needed that today.

Lately I've pondered how long some in the bible waited for God's promises to be fulfilled and then I feel ashamed and wonder if I have that kind of long suffering in me.


Edited by sleeper (07/28/08 03:39 PM)
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

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#1535836 - 07/28/08 03:40 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Thanks PH. I awoke very early in the morning with my alarm and remembered the dream but went back to sleep for hours and when I awoke the next time had completely forgotten about that dream until I think God reminded me.

It also could be a reminder to keep praying and more often. I was praying constantly when all this happened. Now I still pray but I think God wants me to draw near as well.

I always feel safe and secure when I go to him with my burdens.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

Top
#1535840 - 07/28/08 03:43 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Yes sleeper, sometimes we just need to wait it out. I remember when h and I were desperately trying to have children and nothing was working.

I was praying heavily. I had a dream, I think from God too it was a man and a woman in bed and the woman was pg. I took that as h and I needed to keep trying and within a year I was pg.

I have to thank God for all that I have in my life today.

Keep praying Sleeper and see what God might answer.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1535870 - 07/28/08 03:57 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
I awoke very early in the morning with my alarm and remembered the dream but went back to sleep for hours and when I awoke the next time had completely forgotten about that dream until I think God reminded me.

It also could be a reminder to keep praying and more often. I was praying constantly when all this happened. Now I still pray but I think God wants me to draw near as well.

I always feel safe and secure when I go to him with my burdens.
glam,
Yes, your story here reminds me of reading a newsletter the other day saying that sometimes when we ask God for a sign, He just tells us that He has already given us signs.

SUre, I am sure God wants us near to Him, and He is the best place for us to lean on as He is the most capable of helping us.
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#1535874 - 07/28/08 04:00 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Hi PH and others,

Well I haven't seen or spoken to my W in a week. I am still praying. I have learned that the 3 strongest things you can do in your stand is to Tithe to your church, Fast, and pray, pray, pray. I have been Tithing, increasing my amount each week and things seem to come my way. Right now I am very hungry, but refuse to eat for I am fasting until midnight. May drink a little water, but that's it until then. I will continue to pray and I hope that the Lord will send me a sign.

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#1535878 - 07/28/08 04:02 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sleeper]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Quote:
It's hard to say. Some might say it's an indication of an inner desire (and outer too), but you were asking for a sign.

One thing I do know is that you post has reminded me of dreams I had just post bomb that reconcilliation would happen. Then there was one time I was praying but unaware I was mumbling softly aloud and my D (then 7) said, "God says you're gonna get your wife back, Dad."
Sleeper,
I have had people tell me that the dream I had was God showing me my heart's desire, not a sign from Him. But then I have had that desire from Day 1 so why would I dream that night after I prayed that day for a sign, instead of all along the 2 years? I do believe God sometimes speak to us through dreams. He did with Joseph (Jesus' earthly father).

And it's neat that your daughter "passed on God's message" to you. It's amazing..
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#1535883 - 07/28/08 04:03 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
Yes sleeper, sometimes we just need to wait it out. I remember when h and I were desperately trying to have children and nothing was working.

I was praying heavily. I had a dream, I think from God too it was a man and a woman in bed and the woman was pg. I took that as h and I needed to keep trying and within a year I was pg.

I have to thank God for all that I have in my life today.

Keep praying Sleeper and see what God might answer.
glam,
How awesome a dream and it came true!
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#1535885 - 07/28/08 04:04 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: sooners7xchamps
Hi PH and others,

Well I haven't seen or spoken to my W in a week. I am still praying. I have learned that the 3 strongest things you can do in your stand is to Tithe to your church, Fast, and pray, pray, pray. I have been Tithing, increasing my amount each week and things seem to come my way. Right now I am very hungry, but refuse to eat for I am fasting until midnight. May drink a little water, but that's it until then. I will continue to pray and I hope that the Lord will send me a sign.
Hey sooners,
It's great that you are fasting, and praying and tithing. Good for you! Also remember that everything does happen in God's timing.
_________________________
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#1535936 - 07/28/08 04:33 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
sleeper Offline
Member

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 1843
Loc: The Great State of Confusion
Yes, God's timing.......

Sometimes when I'm wondering or praying why we aren't reconcilled I am struck by the thought or answer that maybe I'm not ready yet. In other words there are things about myself yet to be improved.

And it's also possible that they're not ready. I know a year ago I would have taken her back but probably wouldn't have been happy living with her.
_________________________
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13

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#1536084 - 07/28/08 05:52 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sleeper]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: sleeper
Yes, God's timing.......

Sometimes when I'm wondering or praying why we aren't reconcilled I am struck by the thought or answer that maybe I'm not ready yet. In other words there are things about myself yet to be improved.

And it's also possible that they're not ready. I know a year ago I would have taken her back but probably wouldn't have been happy living with her.
sleeper,
I agree that one of the reasons for the delay could be one or both of the parties is/are not ready, whether it be a case of needing to improve oneself, or of needing to walk closer to God.
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#1536190 - 07/28/08 06:54 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sleeper]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
PH & Sleeper,

I agree with God's timing.

Sleeper, I have had the same thought about maybe me not being ready yet. I know that my W is not ready yet. I pray for God to take my hand, lead me, and teach me. I pray very strongly that he is working with my W.

Anyway I went to pray immediately after my previous post. I prayed for 10 or 15 min. Then I waited and gave God time to speak to me if he willed. I feel like a got a vision of something that my W and I had done a few times, but not in a very long time. It seemed like a vision of that to take place in the future again. I hope that is true, it is on a very high intimate level, but not sexual, just a kind of closeness that lets you both know that you are one flesh. Also while waiting on the God to speak to me I was in my prayer closet just being quiet and my W showed up. She was looking for some hair stuff and checking mail. She ask if I knew where her hair trimmer was, I said no and ask what else, she said she thinks she might remember where. She said "I will talk to you later." She said that in a real nice way, she seemed nice today, not like the other day. I put a supportive card in with her mail, I know she saw it, she took it with her. I am glad of that. I wonder if she was nice cause of the emails I sent her has given her something to think about plus I have remained consistent. The card was supportive, I am just trying to speak from my heart to her heart. This needs TIME, CONSISTENCY, AND PERSISTENCE. I won't give up or give in, God has called me to stand in the gap so I shall stand. I never knew prayer was so powerful, but God is teaching me so much, I pray that my W is learning meaning lessons too. God shall show her what is right even though she is so very headstrong and stubborn. She will learn easily from obedience or the hard way from doing things her way. I pray that she takes the easier path for the both of us.

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#1536437 - 07/28/08 11:31 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
I_Still_Love_Him Offline
Member

Registered: 07/21/06
Posts: 1152
Loc: ON CANADA
Hi PH

Stopped in to see how you are doing. Don't fret about the call or the reason why. Your H will call back.

What do you think of the Flylady website? I need to check it out but it's getting late and tomorrow I have a friend's Dad's funeral and then an all day off-site meeting.

I will check in with you again.

Keep the focus on YOU. I seem to recall that when you focus on YOU, your H eventually calls you. The more you focus on him, the longer it seems that they are remaining distant. It's like the watched pot that never boils but if you walk away for a few minutes, it seems that the water didn't take long at all to boil.

How's the weather out your way? We're still getting a lot of rain. Really unusual weather we're getting here including hail in the middle of summer. YIKES!

Hugs,
ISLH
_________________________
Me: 49 - S22 & S26
H: 41 - No kids
M: 10/00
Bomb New Year's Day 2006
H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07
D final 07/07
Thread #9 - Hope Lives On

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#1536480 - 07/29/08 12:02 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Hey sooners, Sounds like your praying and fasting are really helping. Keep it up. Looks like God is working on your W, and on you. \:\)
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1536484 - 07/29/08 12:07 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: I_Still_Love_Him]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: I_Still_Love_Him
Hi PH

Stopped in to see how you are doing. Don't fret about the call or the reason why. Your H will call back.

What do you think of the Flylady website? I need to check it out but it's getting late and tomorrow I have a friend's Dad's funeral and then an all day off-site meeting.

I will check in with you again.

Keep the focus on YOU. I seem to recall that when you focus on YOU, your H eventually calls you. The more you focus on him, the longer it seems that they are remaining distant. It's like the watched pot that never boils but if you walk away for a few minutes, it seems that the water didn't take long at all to boil.

How's the weather out your way? We're still getting a lot of rain. Really unusual weather we're getting here including hail in the middle of summer. YIKES!

Hugs,
ISLH
Hey ISLH,
Guess what? I was thinking about you tonight, wondering how you're doing. And then your post appears. Law of Attraction?

How was your vacation week?

I love the Flylady website. I joined it and am getting lots of email everyday. I am trully excited about it. I hope to get my house clean/tidy.

I don't remember putting my focus on me having anything to do with my H calling me. COuld you please rfresh my memory with an example? \:\)

Weather has been really nice here. Not much rain now. Getting my garage roof sealed and repaired this weekend so looking forward to getting rid of the mustiness in the garage and drying up the wood ceiling.

Hugs,
PH
_________________________
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#1536557 - 07/29/08 01:47 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Sooners that is so great. This is really about the heart. Speaking to our WAS from our heart to theirs. You won't reach their soul by being angry and blaming. It's starts with reaching out to them, supporting them and loving them.

Not easy with all the hurts, but we need to be that beacon of light for them to return.

God is amazing and I am so encouraged by your post. Well done!
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1536558 - 07/29/08 01:50 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
PH I sent h a nice e-mail wishing him the best on his interview. No response!

This is what is so hard. It would have been nice to hear a phone call or e-mail on how well it went, but nothing.

This is what feels like disrespect to me. I know let it go, but I feel like such an outcast. Like he can't even call with an update. I will be the last to know. Like I am not important.

Arrrggghhhh!
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1536562 - 07/29/08 02:04 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sleeper]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
PH God has spoke to me in amazing ways. I used to chat on this parents website before my last 2 were born. We would post about our pg's and all that fun stuff.

One woman on the board was a cancer survivor and had 7 miscarriages. She and her h decided not to try anymore. They were done. I was walking our dog and praying for them and asked God what should I say to her. God gave me a vision of a computer screen with the words keep trying in big red letters! I said what God, you want me to tell this woman to keep trying. She and her h are done.

I went back to the boards and posted a message to her. I felt a little awkward since I really only knew this woman by posting and how do you tell someone I got a message for you from God. She and her h tried again and she became pg again and this time a baby was born. She felt she had some connection to God with this message. It's an awesome story and God has never let me down.

I only wish he would bring my h home now. It seems like he messages these things for others I just want him to do this one small request for me.

Not too much to ask is it?
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1537243 - 07/29/08 02:35 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Hi PH & Glam,

Thank you both for your supportive input.

Glam, just like you prayed for the lady to get pg. Do you know if people are praying for you. I know that there are a lot of people praying for me and my marriage. Some of the people praying I haven't seen or spoken to in years, I just know this cause my mom tells me so and she runs into them and they say they are still praying. My relatives and friends are praying. This last week I filled out a prayer request at church so they will put us (our marriage) on the weekly prayer circular. I didn't know that it went for a week for everyone to see, but know I will fill it out every week. Glam I will pray for you. I will also pray for PH, SF, NLT, and others on this thread.

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#1537936 - 07/29/08 07:53 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
PH I sent h a nice e-mail wishing him the best on his interview. No response!

This is what is so hard. It would have been nice to hear a phone call or e-mail on how well it went, but nothing.

This is what feels like disrespect to me. I know let it go, but I feel like such an outcast. Like he can't even call with an update. I will be the last to know. Like I am not important.
glam,
I understand about feeling hurt that he didn't respond to your nice email. It may not be out of disrespect. It may just be a case of not understanding what it means to you to get a reply. He just may not be motivated to respond, not necessarily out of being mean or intentionally uncaring.
Quote:
I went back to the boards and posted a message to her. I felt a little awkward since I really only knew this woman by posting and how do you tell someone I got a message for you from God. She and her h tried again and she became pg again and this time a baby was born. She felt she had some connection to God with this message. It's an awesome story and God has never let me down.
This is an awesome story! Can you pray for me and my H to get pg too? Please, please! And pray that God softens my H's heart?
Quote:
I only wish he would bring my h home now. It seems like he messages these things for others I just want him to do this one small request for me.

Not too much to ask is it?
No, not too much at all - just a matetr of timing. Remember your dream about your H wearing his wedding ring? Oh, today's Charlyne Cares "What is Different?" is really good.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1537939 - 07/29/08 07:56 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: sooners7xchamps

Glam, just like you prayed for the lady to get pg. Do you know if people are praying for you. I know that there are a lot of people praying for me and my marriage. Some of the people praying I haven't seen or spoken to in years, I just know this cause my mom tells me so and she runs into them and they say they are still praying. My relatives and friends are praying. This last week I filled out a prayer request at church so they will put us (our marriage) on the weekly prayer circular. I didn't know that it went for a week for everyone to see, but know I will fill it out every week. Glam I will pray for you. I will also pray for PH, SF, NLT, and others on this thread.
Hey sooners,
Thanks for being so kind to pray for us here. I really appreciate it. Please pray that God softens my H's heart and improves communication between us to the point he decides to keep our M.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1538081 - 07/29/08 09:39 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Hi Ph. Thanks for your post. Yes I will pray tonight for everyone here. I am going to break out the bread and wine (aka sparkling cider) with the kids. They have been asking to have God time as they call it.

Thanks for you insight PH. I am sure you are right when h doesn't respond to e-mail or a call. It just seems that we are worlds apart right now.

H called me after work today and asked to meet him for a quick dinner. It was just me and h. We had an enjoyable dinner. Just talked about his interview. The time went by quick and then we both had to run.

He called me after we ate and said thanks. It's as if I am some distant friend. He did give me a quick kiss, but it all feels so strange. We never talk about us or where we are going. It's always about business, work, or the kids.

It's almost like my h feels he can't get close to me anymore. I know that he feels hurt by some of my past actions, but how can we heal this R?
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1538115 - 07/29/08 10:01 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
I am going to break out the bread and wine (aka sparkling cider) with the kids. They have been asking to have God time as they call it.
glam,
This is so sweet. I hope you have a good time.
Quote:
Thanks for you insight PH. I am sure you are right when h doesn't respond to e-mail or a call. It just seems that we are worlds apart right now.

H called me after work today and asked to meet him for a quick dinner. It was just me and h. We had an enjoyable dinner. Just talked about his interview. The time went by quick and then we both had to run.
There you go. This is his way of responding to your email about the interview, I think. We each respond differently to situations. Be open to how he responds and behaves, instead of expecting him to behave in a way only you understand. Does this make sense?

Quote:
He called me after we ate and said thanks. It's as if I am some distant friend. He did give me a quick kiss, but it all feels so strange. We never talk about us or where we are going. It's always about business, work, or the kids.
Stop, at least he called and thanked you. Even if you want more than that, he did try to connect. Be thankful and more will come. Law of Attraction?

Quote:
It's almost like my h feels he can't get close to me anymore. I know that he feels hurt by some of my past actions, but how can we heal this R?
glam,
He's probably still feeling the hurt he talked about last week. Maybe his counselling is bringing up pain that he needs to address? Give him time and just try to love him from a distance for now... I do think he cares about you. Let him miss you and in time he will probbaly want to be close again.
_________________________
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#1538295 - 07/30/08 12:08 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
happynow Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/08
Posts: 2099
PH,

Just wanted to check on you & see how you are doing!

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#1539764 - 07/30/08 09:54 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Hi nlt,
I am doing OK, thank you. It's sweet of you to check.

Had a busy, stressful day at work but I survived. I just got back from Raindrop Therapy. It felt good. One more next week and then I should be done with that.


Edited by plentyhope (07/30/08 09:54 PM)
_________________________
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#1539973 - 07/31/08 12:24 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
happynow Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/08
Posts: 2099
PH,

That sounds great! Can you tell the difference after having the therapy?

I'm sorry you had a stressful day, I know how that can be.

Hang in there!

(((HUGS)))

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#1541022 - 07/31/08 05:48 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Hi nlt,
Yes, the Raindrop Therapy relaxes me and I think it does help to re-align my muscles, or something. One of my leg muscles was strained for a couple of days, but stopped hurting after the therapy. I don't know for sure but I feel I ma getting benefit from it.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1541226 - 07/31/08 08:44 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Hi PH. Sorry you were feeling stressed. I was so glad to be done with work this week. I have the next 2 days off to relax. H was here yesterday. H helped clean up around the house, which I was grateful for. It's very hard raising our kids on my own.

This is the part I don't think h gets. He will make comments now and then on how I should be multi tasking and cleaning as I go. I do understand what he is saying, but I can't really appreciate those comments since it is much work for one person to raise a family.

We will see h on Sunday. I mentioned that he could hang out with us on Saturday and he said depends on if he has something to celebrate (meaning a job). I said you don't need something to celebrate. He said nothing.

It's ok I have fun things planned with the kids.

What are your plans for the weekend?
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1541372 - 07/31/08 11:15 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
Hi PH. Sorry you were feeling stressed. I was so glad to be done with work this week. I have the next 2 days off to relax. H was here yesterday. H helped clean up around the house, which I was grateful for. It's very hard raising our kids on my own.

This is the part I don't think h gets. He will make comments now and then on how I should be multi tasking and cleaning as I go. I do understand what he is saying, but I can't really appreciate those comments since it is much work for one person to raise a family.

We will see h on Sunday. I mentioned that he could hang out with us on Saturday and he said depends on if he has something to celebrate (meaning a job). I said you don't need something to celebrate. He said nothing.

It's ok I have fun things planned with the kids.

What are your plans for the weekend?
Hi glam,
Nice to hear from you. Do you work part-time? Or just long hours on fewer days? It was sweet of your H to help clean the house. Try to ignore his complaints and maybe just say that you will try to do the best you can.. I hope you have a great time with him even if he only shows up on Sunday. Maybe he's not in a good mood about the job and prefers to be by himself more?

Glad to hear you have plans with the kids anyway.

I have a few appointments on Sat. Nothing real exciting.

I haven't heard from the boys in a few days. I mentioned that I don't understand what's going on with their Dad and that since we're still separated that I am trying my best to show them all my love and care from a distance. Not sure if they feel uncomfortable now to email me. I just wanted them understand that I wasn't doing anything to stay away, and that things were out of my control.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1541384 - 07/31/08 11:24 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Hi PH. I work fulltime, but Sun-Thur. Yes prefers to be by himself is an understatement. He has preferred that life for 2 years. Oooops the enemy is on attack again!

PH how can we understand? I believe that is the most difficult part. Trying to understand how someone else is really feeling without that person opening up and sharing their true feelings.

You are right it is out of our control. I am going to spend some time cleaning on my days off and taking the kids to IKEA. I love that place.

Also trying to prepare the garage for a sale. Not likely that will happen anytime soon.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1541405 - 07/31/08 11:42 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Hi glam,
Yes, did you read today's Charlyne Cares about unbelief and doubt? It's awesome and I love it. It came at the right time for me.

Those dreams I had do help remind me of God's promise to restore my M. Everytime I felt sad about my M this week, I reminded myself of the dreams.

I cried driving home today, asking God why I had to go through this pain for so long.

Good luck for the garage cleaning. I like IKEA designs. I have bought stuff but have not been happy with them, e.g. my chest of drawers fall apart.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1541409 - 07/31/08 11:49 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
I like to go there for the childcare for the kids. They get to have fun and then we will have lunch there. You are right the quality is not the best.

I got kids bedroom stuff there, but not for the rest of the house. I like getting the Sparkling juice and some of the pillows and kitchen gadgets.

It so sad, I have to hear my 4 yr old say I want daddy to come here. My h just doesn't know what he is missing. I am sad! I will have to sign up for the newsletter.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1541425 - 08/01/08 12:09 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
happynow Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/08
Posts: 2099
PH,

Just checking in on you! I'm glad the raindrop therapy is working. I went for my massage today, it was so nice! I'm sore from it but I think it really helped with the stress.

(((HUGS)))

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#1541488 - 08/01/08 01:33 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Hi PH,

Today I got a call from a coach from pathpartners. They give you 30min. I did most of the talking, she didn't have a whole lot of input for my sitch. After she heard how dire my sitch sounded she said that if it stayed the same, she would give it till Oct. and if things aren't better to get a divorce. I'm thinking I'm already down I don't need to be kicked anymore. She was a complete waist of my time. I would not recommend pathpartners to anyone.

PH I can identify with you, tonight when I was praying I did plenty of crying myself asking the same thing, why I had to go through this pain for so long. Did a lot of praying for myself tonight for what God wants me to be and then prayed for my W. Always pray for our marriage to be restored and for it to be protected by the blood of Jesus Christ.

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#1541567 - 08/01/08 07:17 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
I think this has been a frustrating week for many of us. Even me!

My son is up to some shenanigans again, H has not contacted me or spoken to me since Sunday...............and yes, I am angry.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1541572 - 08/01/08 07:27 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
nlt, So glad that you liked the massage, and that it helped. Happy BD!
_________________________
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#1541576 - 08/01/08 07:30 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: sooners7xchamps
Hi PH,

After she heard how dire my sitch sounded she said that if it stayed the same, she would give it till Oct. and if things aren't better to get a divorce. I'm thinking I'm already down I don't need to be kicked anymore. She was a complete waist of my time. I would not recommend pathpartners to anyone.
Sooners,
Same happened to me early on in the S. It was an IC. I stopped seeing her after 5 sessions, and started DB coaching instead.

Quote:
PH I can identify with you, tonight when I was praying I did plenty of crying myself asking the same thing, why I had to go through this pain for so long. Did a lot of praying for myself tonight for what God wants me to be and then prayed for my W. Always pray for our marriage to be restored and for it to be protected by the blood of Jesus Christ.
Yes, the only and best thing to do is to pray and pray and pray. The suffering and difficulty are used to test us and try to snare us to give up.
_________________________
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#1541578 - 08/01/08 07:33 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: steelersfan
I think this has been a frustrating week for many of us. Even me!

My son is up to some shenanigans again, H has not contacted me or spoken to me since Sunday...............and yes, I am angry.
Steelers,
Yep, I wonder if the Charlyne Cares newsletters and how they have touched many of us has anything to do with this. I.e. the Enemy feels more threatened than ever and wants us to stop praying.

Do you think your H is OK? I know how upsetting it can be. Try to not let it get to you.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1541641 - 08/01/08 08:43 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
Yes, he is just fine.

How do I know? S had him on speakerphone yesterday afternoon and he sounded fine to me. I did not stay long enough to listen to conversation but I let my emotions be heard big time.

I told S to stop bs'ing his dad and that his dad had better get his behind home to take care of his kids. I then slammed the bedroom door shut.

Yep, the enemy does want us all to give up. It would be the easiest thing to do==issue ultimatums, give up, etc.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1542086 - 08/01/08 12:46 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Wow, it sounds like the enemy was really on the attack this week. We will all just have to get busy and pray even more.

Steelers you are so right. It is so easy to give up that is why the D rate is so high. It's hard though when you are with someone that it seems like it is taking forever to come home.

Sooners don't listen to that coach. It' easy to say well if your sitch doesn't change get a D or your sitch looks bleak get a D. Those are the words of the world.

Get deep in prayer and stay there and listen to what God is telling you.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1543040 - 08/01/08 08:00 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Steelers,

I am glad he's OK. I wonder what he thought when he heard you getting upset. Hang in there. He will be here tomorrow and be nice to you. I wish I can say the same of my H.
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#1543044 - 08/01/08 08:04 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
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Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
Wow, it sounds like the enemy was really on the attack this week. We will all just have to get busy and pray even more.

Steelers you are so right. It is so easy to give up that is why the D rate is so high. It's hard though when you are with someone that it seems like it is taking forever to come home.
glam,
Yes, it's hitting all of us. I am feeling beaten up too especially today. It seems my H is really going all out to avoid me now. I think he got upset with me for missing those calls last Fri. Haven't heard from him since. So I haven't had ANY kind of contact with him in 4.5 weeks - no calls, no email, nothing. It seems the Enemy is really working overtime this week.

I do feel pretty sad about all of this, of course. How can someone be so hard-hearted?

I wonder if the boys are avoiding me too now. I haven't heard from them since Sun. And I think they are leaving next weekend. I wonder if I get to see them at all.
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#1543063 - 08/01/08 08:23 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
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Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Ph we will need to keep praying for God to soften our h's hearts. I was pretty sad today too. My s6 wanted his dad today so I called him and s6 left a message, but I guess it's too much to ask for h to call us back and speak to his son.

This is the hardest part our kids are hurt by all of this. They just see it as dad doesn't want to spend time with me. This is the part h doesn't see either.

They can be very hard-hearted without God in thier life!
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1543069 - 08/01/08 08:34 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Thanks PH, SF, & Glam

Don't feel like you are the only one that has been avoided. I saw my W for about a min Mon. she was checking mail and looking for hair trimmer. She said I'll talk to you later in a nice sincere way that sounded like it had intention of doing so, of course I didn't hold my breath, good thing I would have passed out. Wed. I just checked mail and left door half open, later heard a car and went to look, it was my W but as I glanced out the door she was already backing up and leaving, never got out. I don't think she was expecting me to be here probably noticed the door wasn't shut and left. I felt avoided and mad. I'm over it now but it doesn't seem right.

On a better note, after I paid rent I went into this little gas station for a drink and ran into this guy that said he was having a hard time. I said me too, which he replied "I hope it gets better". I said well its going to take a while, so I'm just praying. He said that is the best thing you can do, I am a praying man myself but then he ask if I was a listener. I said yes I try to listen a lot after pray. He said that he tries to listen all day. He said keep praying your prayers will be answered and sometimes that God sends someone to you to answer your prayers. He told me to keep praying. I never told him what my sitch was. He was encouraging. I fell like God sent him across my path today. Before I left the house I said a prayer with many deep thoughts but also prayed for a sign in that our marriage is being worked on and for something good to happen today. I think I got it!

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#1543101 - 08/01/08 09:04 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Thought I would share this: I have this Knock Out Rosebush and it has 11 buds on one stem and one rose already bloomed, there will be 12 roses in all on that stem, never seen that before. Kinda makes wanna put it in a vase to give to my W if I knew she would accept it from my heart to her heart. Wish she were around to experience these little joys of heaven.

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#1543126 - 08/01/08 09:26 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
glamgirl Offline
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Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Sooners there is a movie called Fireproof that is coming out in September. You should go see it. If you can get your w to join you even better. Do a google search and see if you can see the trailer. I was invited to see the premier so me and h have already seen it. Your flower idea reminded me of the movie.

I love how God sends people our way just when we need it most. I remember praying in church awhile back and just sobbing. A stranger in the church comforted me and we prayed for my m. I have been a bit embarrassed to return. I know I shouldn't but I don't really like that kind of attention.

You are doing well, just keep praying and this stranger is right we need to be listening too.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1543159 - 08/01/08 10:08 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
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Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
All,
Help!!! Before I reply all your posts, I need your opinion quick!

My stepson just emailed me asking me if they can see me tomorrow morning at 9am and that their Dad said they might not get another chance to see me again. He siad if he doesn't get a response, they'd probably call me. Not sure why my H couldn't have emailed or called me... Was he avoiding me or was he thinking that I was avoiding him? Don't know what "might not get another chance to see you" that means. Whether no other chance this trip or ever again???

But I can't see them at 9am tomorrow because I have appointments from 8am until 4:30pm!!!
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#1543183 - 08/01/08 10:50 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
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Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
PH can you cancel the appts or can you say I can meet you at 5pm or whatever time works for you. I am sure since you didn't answer he wasn't sure if he should call back.

Might not get to see you sounds like it means boys are leaving soon and then they won't be back for awhile. Don't think so extreme.

I would call your h and discuss times for tomorrow. See they are thinking of you PH.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1543184 - 08/01/08 10:51 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
SUMMER Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/99
Posts: 574
PH,

I'd e/m and say how much you want to see them -- and ask if there is possibly any other time when you might see them.

If you absolutely cannot change your appointment that conflicts with the 9 AM time -- then explain that.

BUT if it would be possible to switch and/or cancel the conflicting appointment or appointments -- if it were me...I would.

It is difficult to say why this is the "only" time they say they can see you -- or what your H means by "they might not get another chance to see me again." But, I agree that the wording does potentially sound ominous.

I don't know what your appointments are that fill the whole day tomorrow -- but for me, family always comes first.

You could certainly say that a family situation has arisen that needs to be attended to ASAP.

And that isn't stretching the truth too much. This is very important to you -- and if this truly is the one and only time for you to see them -- no matter what the reason -- then I personally think it takes precedence over almost anything else.

Good luck!


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#1543221 - 08/01/08 11:30 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
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Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
glam,
My stepson called me a few minutes after the email, on his phone. I guess my H made him call. SS#1 didn't know I replied the email.

He repeated the email contents to me and I asked if he emant that I would never see them again. He said "No, just this trip".

I mentioned the appointments that I could cancel one of them but not all of them. Anyway, he then tried to go between my H and me, then I asked SS if Dad didn't want to talk to me. He said "No" then handed the phone over.

My H told me not to cancel the appointments because he had Mon/Wed off. So I said I couldn't take time off work due to busy sechedule. He said he meant in the evening. So I said that Mon was our dog's swimming so maybe we can do that? He thought that would be fun. I said "maybe we can get dinner befor ethat". He said "Sounds like a good plan". He told me to email them the details, ie time etc. He didn't linger to talk.
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#1543224 - 08/01/08 11:35 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: SUMMER]
plentyhope Offline
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Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Summer,
Thanks for your input. I was torn between being too available (and being a bad thing) and changing my schedule. 2 of my 4 appointments were health-related. 1 of those is a weekly thing that I need for my cleansing diet program, a must. The other was a hard-to-get appointment with the chiropractor. I could have cancelled one and told him so but he didn't want me to cancel them.

I agree that family comes first. He's delayed the meeting until now and didn't work around my schedule. And since I have been always available t him, I wasn't sure if it actually hurt things more by continuing to be v=available - he thinks I am waiting for him and not "getting a life".

My SS said this "only time" is for this trip.
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#1543225 - 08/01/08 11:41 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
SUMMER Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/99
Posts: 574
Phew!

Glad that it worked out!!

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#1543229 - 08/01/08 11:48 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: SUMMER]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Summer,
Yes, it was a close call. Do you think I did fine by not cancelling my appointments? I did offer to cancel one of them, though.

He is now living at his parents so he probably didn't want to talk either much. I don't get him anymore. I have been wondering if he's been planning on getting a OW or if he already has obe but won't tell me.

Summer, it's been so hard this week. Tonight, I thought I was going into depression from all this stress and job stress.

I guess God also heard my cry for help. By the time I got home, I got this feeling that my H was not going to call me, and I prayed asking God to guide me etc. And God delievred - through my SS's email! Like you say, God sent me an angel.
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#1543231 - 08/01/08 11:55 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
happynow Offline
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Registered: 02/25/08
Posts: 2099
PH,

Thank you for the happy birthday wish!

Whew! I just read what happened, no wonder you are depressed & all stressed out!!

It has been a really rough week for all of us on here, hasn't it? What's up???

I didn't hear from my H today, but again I really didn't expect to. I haven't heard from him since he got his things in April, other than wanting his remote for DVD & his part of the stimlus check. Today was very hard he always treated me so special for my b'day.

You try to relax now & I hope everything goes well with your dinner next week.

((((HUGS))))

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#1543235 - 08/02/08 12:00 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
nlt,

You're welcome. I hope you still enjoyed your day despite no contact with your H.

I read your post about your BIL contacting you about your H's bed. How weird he did that around your BD! I do wonder if it had anything to do with you H. I wonder if your H had mentioned to him it was your BD and hoped that you were going to be OK. It could be that BIL took it upon himself to check on you. Thank God for the angel he sent you.

Thanks for the wish for dinner next week. I need to really pray about it between now and then.

I hope you have a good rest-of-your-BD. Celebrate you!
(((nlt)))
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#1543243 - 08/02/08 12:07 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
PH glad it all worked out. This is good you didn't cancel appts. If they had said only day is sat then you could have considered this option.

Just pray for h's heart to be softened towards you. I am so glad God brought you a sign today. How fun! You have a nice evening to look forward to with h and sons.

You will be just fine PH.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1543250 - 08/02/08 12:19 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
happynow Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/08
Posts: 2099
PH,

I did have a pretty good day. I was in church all day & it was nice. They all sang happy birthday to me.

I still miss my H so bad!!! I had hoped I would hear but I really didn't expect to. I hope he thought about me tho.

I'm not sure what that call was all about with BIL, I hope they were checking on me. My BIL had a dog that had kidney failure & they had to put her down, well I didn't say anything about my dog having kidney failure too & he didn't either. Normally he would have asked how they were. Maybe he was avoiding it b/c he didn't want me to figure out H wanted to know. I didn't even mention my dogs so if he was going to find out anything he was going to have to ask. I hope H was trying to check on me thru BIL but I'm just not sure.

We all have to just keep praying.

((((HUGS))))

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#1543251 - 08/02/08 12:20 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
PH glad it all worked out. This is good you didn't cancel appts. If they had said only day is sat then you could have considered this option.

Just pray for h's heart to be softened towards you. I am so glad God brought you a sign today. How fun! You have a nice evening to look forward to with h and sons.

You will be just fine PH.
glam,
Thnaks for the wish. I will pray. Need your opinion - there isn't alot of time for dinner - only about an hour. So I am thinking of either cooking something or getting some takeout. I don't know if there is enough time to take them to their favorite restaurant, although it will be on the way to the place we're taking the dog to. Have to pray about that too.
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#1543257 - 08/02/08 12:26 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
Go for the takeout--I vote Chinese.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1543259 - 08/02/08 12:26 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
You will want to have dinner where h will be most comfortable. If that is at your place then make a dinner. If you think that might be an issue then go out for quick serve. Make sure it's something the boys like so h knows you were thinking of them when picking a place.

Could you get reservations to their favorite place? How exciting! Yes pray and see if anything comes to you!
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1543261 - 08/02/08 12:30 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Steelers, Actually their favorite place is Chinese! It's on the way but sometimes it's a long queue to get a table! But to get takeout would be tough - it's out of the way. I am thinking of working from home to make it easier. Don't know yet.
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#1543263 - 08/02/08 12:31 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
glam,
Not sure if they take reservations for 4 people. Maybe I can email with suggestions... and they can pick..
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#1543270 - 08/02/08 12:36 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
Originally Posted By: plentyhope
Steelers, Actually their favorite place is Chinese! It's on the way but sometimes it's a long queue to get a table! But to get takeout would be tough - it's out of the way. I am thinking of working from home to make it easier. Don't know yet.


Maybe you can call the place and explain that they are visiting from out of state, and plan on something very special for them.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1543282 - 08/02/08 12:45 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
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Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Steelers,
Good idea. I will call tomorrow to see they can do that. I have alot of cleaning to do too.
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#1543536 - 08/02/08 12:31 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
yellowrose Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 6042
Loc: texas
PH

I am glad that it all worked out! See they are thinking about you or they wouldn't have contacted you!!!! Have a wonderful day!

Y

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#1543788 - 08/02/08 07:43 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: yellowrose]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
YR,
Thanks for the encouragement, and wish. Yes, they did think about me. Hope you are having a wonderful renovation-free weekend!
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#1543879 - 08/02/08 11:04 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
PH I am panicked tonight. My s19 just told me her has an open shift tomorrow and I have an early shift too. Usually h strolls in later in the day before s19 works. He never works and open shift on Sundays.

I have tried text, call and e-mailing h with no response. This is the part I really struggle with. I really need to get a hold of h and he is just not responsive.

I will just pray he got my message and shows up before I need to leave for work.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1543880 - 08/02/08 11:06 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
PH how is the cleaning coming along. Are you cleaning for the sake of cleaning or in anticipation of your h and his sons?
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1543909 - 08/02/08 11:47 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
PH I am panicked tonight. My s19 just told me her has an open shift tomorrow and I have an early shift too. Usually h strolls in later in the day before s19 works.

I will just pray he got my message and shows up before I need to leave for work.

PH how is the cleaning coming along. Are you cleaning for the sake of cleaning or in anticipation of your h and his sons?
glam,
Too bad your H hasn't responded. Surely he can't be still sleeping at this time of the day/night??? Yep, pray that he shows up. Otherwise, can you get a babysitter?

The cleaning didn't get started. It was for the boys and my H (and for me as well). I was so tired after getting home from my appointments. And I also wanted to get my car washed. I at least put a load of laundery in the washer. And at least have my shiny sink... I didn't get enouh sleep last night - bed at 1am got up at 6am!!! And nearly fell asleep driving today....

I went to get dinner and some groceries and talked to a dear friend for an hour. Still haven't decided what to do about dinner with the boys and my H.

I was so happy with my chiropractic appointment today. He adjusted my rib cage (rotated out of place), my tail bone and my hamstring which was very tight and hurt for months..


Edited by plentyhope (08/02/08 11:48 PM)
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#1543950 - 08/03/08 12:29 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
PH I am panicked tonight. My s19 just told me her has an open shift tomorrow and I have an early shift too. Usually h strolls in later in the day before s19 works. He never works and open shift on Sundays.

I have tried text, call and e-mailing h with no response. This is the part I really struggle with. I really need to get a hold of h and he is just not responsive.

I will just pray he got my message and shows up before I need to leave for work.


Glam:

This is a situation where you really do need to get a hold of him. Can your son call him or leave a message?
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1544023 - 08/03/08 02:39 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
glam,
I have a FlyLady question for you. She talks about posting reminders in the bathroom and kitchen. What reminders are we supposed to post? The monthly habits, e.g. the swish and swipe, the wiping sink dry before leaving the kitchen? I am a little confused.
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#1544112 - 08/03/08 09:31 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Thanks. H finally texted me back and said he will be here. Even when the kids call him no response. We tried that too.

I am going to try to have a talk with him today about answering his phone. I really don't get it or understand what this is all about. It's just another piece of the puzzle.

The reminders are like you said monthly habits. The whole purpose of th program is to re-program your cleaning habits so that they become second nature and you will no longer need to be reminded. Also you will like the progress and want to continue.

I did some cleaning yesterday. Not nearly as much as I wanted.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1544134 - 08/03/08 10:01 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
Glam: H used to do this often, not answer his phone. I really got on him about it at that time and he began answering. Oh, and he used to turn his cell phone off and that really irked me. He leaves it on after work and all night long but if we need to reach him during the day, we just call his work phone.

I am glad you were finally able to connect.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1544136 - 08/03/08 10:05 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
SUMMER Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/99
Posts: 574
PH,

I sense that lately you are running on fear.

There is such a marked difference in your posts.

What is really going on??

Your posts are often filled with urgency and almost terror about "doing the right" thing or everything will be ruined.

You are not operating any longer out of a place of trust.

Always remember that God is the one in control.

And stop focusing so much on your expectations.

You have not let this go...you are holding on tight and still trying to control.

RELAX.

And enjoy the blessings.

Just enjoy your visit with your stepsons and your H. Just revel in the blessing!

It is NOT important at all where you eat or what you eat etc. Stop focusing on the minutia!

Instead focus on the fact that God is blessing you with this opportunity to be together with all of them!

Truly...let go and let God...

Be grateful for the many blessings that DO exist.

Be still and reconnect to the Divine.




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#1544267 - 08/03/08 01:47 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: SUMMER]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Summer,

I think I am going through panic attacks - they started after my H told me 4.5 weeks ago to not waste my life waiting for him. Is this when you noticed the difference in my posts?

The panic attacks might be brought on by the feeling of "abandonment", something sourced to my childhodd when my mother/father "abandoned" me, or never loved/cared for me.

What my H did (his speech about mobving on) hurt me very deeply. I felt like I have worked so hard for our M and his words just cut me up so deeply. I feel I have suffered for such a long time, before my M, during my M, and these past 2 years - no family to support me, just my dog. It's pretty tough. I have way too much on my plate right now.

The other reason is I am under a tremendous amount of stress from work and tight deadlines, and my lack of sleep and my intestinal Candida.

I am really feeling pretty overwhelmed and emotional. Cried at church today quite a bit.

I feel like I am losing my grip on Law of Attraction techniques

Trust me, I am doing my best to let go and let God. And I hav been praying alot, more than before he made his speech.

I just feel as if everything I have done so far has been for nothing. I have been feeling like a failure, and that it's all my fault that my H told me to move on.


Edited by plentyhope (08/03/08 01:52 PM)
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#1544348 - 08/03/08 03:39 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
PH:

I think it might be a good idea to go to the Charlyne site and re-read the Q&A section.

As a matter of fact, I would recommend that to all who has doubts, anxieties, etc. It will be very helpful and encouraging in my opinion.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1544463 - 08/03/08 05:47 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Steelers,
Thanks. I will try to get to that. As I said, my plate really is very full but I will perhaps try to read abit at a time.

I spent the afternoon read "Men in Midlife Crisis" while waiting for my car detailing to be done - 2.5 hours. The car really needed the detailing.

While at the car wash, my phone rang and I looked - it was my H! He'd called to confirm the time for tomorrow. I was surprised since he'd asked me to email the time which I did - my stepson's email which I assumed he meant since he wouldn't be at work tomorrow anyway.

I mentioned I wasn't sure if he was still up for dinner before the appointment and whether ot eat at the house (since this meant more time for the boys with our dog). He didn't want me to spend time cooking, and suggested a fast food place on the way.

He said the boys were really looking forward to seeing me. I replied "That's nice. I am looking forward to seeing them too."

I said "OK". He was pleasant and asked how our dog is doing. Told him about her hair issue - wasn't growing befor ebut now growing. That was it.

It seemed that God sent me some comfort today, in my despair, and cry to Him.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1544465 - 08/03/08 05:58 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
glam,
Glad to hear that your H texted you back and will be here in time. I hope your talk with him goes well.

Thanks - I have to write the reminders then. I also have to be careful not to become overwhelmed with trying to follow the FlyLady program too closely. Since I reeally have so much on now. It's a catch-22, isn't it? But I really am trying to do little things here and ther. Today I "swiped" the one bathroom since during my morning routine. It did feel good to see it clean now. Also been trying to keep one of the countertops tidy.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1544485 - 08/03/08 06:51 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
PH:

I am going to say something that might not be popular. People get immersed in having to read every book on the planet about MLC, etc. The answers are not always in those books.

They are man's words. I know your faith and personally, reading is great but rely on the Bible for the true answers.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1544489 - 08/03/08 07:02 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: steelersfan
PH:

I am going to say something that might not be popular. People get immersed in having to read every book on the planet about MLC, etc. The answers are not always in those books.

They are man's words. I know your faith and personally, reading is great but rely on the Bible for the true answers.
Steelers,
I agree that the solutions are in God's Word. I am reading it to understand the MLCer's perspective and the book actually quotes many Bible verses, too. Jim Conway himself said that it's not helpful to label the crisis as MLC or not, in a Q&A session.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1544665 - 08/03/08 11:29 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
by the way when I posted about reading a lot, it WAS NOT meant to say that you and others do too much reading, it was to say that all the reading in the world is not the same as God's Word. I did not want you to get the wrong idea.

Sometimes it seems that we read and read and we are still in a rut and trying to figure things out and it gets frustrating.

I hope you didn't take it personally.

By the way, I am so glad your H called. I hope you have a wonderful time tomorrow. I know you will and the boys will have so much to tell you since they haven't seen you yet.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1544679 - 08/03/08 11:40 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Quote:
by the way when I posted about reading a lot, it WAS NOT meant to say that you and others do too much reading, it was to say that all the reading in the world is not the same as God's Word. I did not want you to get the wrong idea.

Sometimes it seems that we read and read and we are still in a rut and trying to figure things out and it gets frustrating.

I hope you didn't take it personally.
Steelers,
Thanks for clarifying. No, I didn't take it personally. I knew you were referring to the importance of going to God's Word to find the solutions to our M problems. We need to be walking closely with God (by praying and getting well-versed with the Bible) in order to really know when God is speaking to us through His Word.

Thanks for the nice wish. I am pretty nervous about tomorrow night. I need to trust God's guidance in my interaction with my H. I really don't know how to relax right now around him, especially after his last speech. I have to try to act as if he's friendly and warm and caring. I have to be his friend and show him my love and support "from a distance".

I got some chores done, not much cooking but that's OK. Cooking can continue on Tues night. Still need to go pray now before going to bed.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1544682 - 08/03/08 11:44 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
Oh boy, do I know those nervous feelings!

Remember that date H and I went on about six weeks or so ago? I was so nervous because H and I had not been out together alone in over three years!!

We walked hand in hand, he was kissing me and in the restaurant he used to sit directly across from me but this time he sat next to me and was very romantic.

I was so nervous because I did not know how to act but did well, I think.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1544699 - 08/04/08 12:02 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
happynow Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/08
Posts: 2099
PH,

Good luck with dinner tomorrow night. I hope everything goes well.

Try not to get too nervous or he will see, but I do know how you feel!

Hang in there!!!

(((HUGS)))

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#1544779 - 08/04/08 01:53 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
PH good luck with dinner can't wait to hear all about it.

I had a meltdown today. It seems like this was the 2nd in the past week. I guess the no call just a text from h just put me over the top. I don't remember what all was said, but I did say stuff like I felt very disrespected when he doesn't answer the phone.

He said you have NO idea what I am going through. I said if you open up then I would know. We go round and round with this one.

I also mentioned something like you must not want to be around me since you stay away. He said, you don't know that and that's not it.

Well the conversation did not go well and I departed for work. I came home for lunch crying and just not knowing what direction to take with my life and M.

I picked up some groceries and dinner and h was a bit nicer. He hung out with the kids until later. Before he left he asked me to take a shower with him. I did. I miss him so much. He was mentioning something about baby steps and I said he would have to decide whether I was worth coming home for. He said he was not that dumb and he could see what he was missing. When he left he said see you after work tomorrow. He wants some help with applying for jobs. I said I would help him.

His mom and dad are coming to get the kids for 2 weeks. This is almost a relief for me. I love the kids, but need this break. I also mentioned that since the kids would be gone I guess I won't see you until they return and he said no he would come over and help with the yard and garage. Half jokingly I said gee maybe you might even stay the night. He said anything is possible.

Hmmmmmmm still left bewildered! This is so very hard, but I am going to just keep praying that God restore my M. I love my h so much and miss him so very much.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1544811 - 08/04/08 02:50 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Hey PH,

I read through your post. It does sound like you are very busy. You mentioned no family or support and doing this on your on. This is what I have been doing the past few days and would suggest this for you: I believe you go to church, but try to build yourself a support team of about 4 or 5 people that support what you are doing in your M. These need to be people that you can call and talk to who care to listen to you when you need them. If they will pray for you that would be good too. Right now it seems that your only support is on here, which I do believe that everyone on here is very supportive, I like it too, but seeing people in person and calling them is somewhat different than on line. I started in church and have about 4 people right now and going to try to get 3 or 4 more or however many God will put in my path. The encouraging support I have got from this has been amazing and really lefts me up. Please try to find the time to build yourself a team, it will benefit you greatly.

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#1544841 - 08/04/08 06:49 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
glam:

i am so sorry you are feeling this way.

these men do miss their families and they get to a point where the pain from guilt gets so bad they hide with no contact then contact you again.

and they are sometimes afraid of us even though they know we are there for them.

my h tells me it is very painful what he has done and is something he will carry with him forever.

i think they have to get to a point where they can feel comfortable around us, no pressure, no major talks unless both people feel comfortable doing so, and also it helps when we give them some space at home.

just keep praying for guidance and direction, that God will soften hardened hearts, etc.

you will be okay.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1544845 - 08/04/08 06:52 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
sooners:

it is helpful to have people we can call but i have found that sometimes those at church are not as supportive. they do not fully understand mlc and therefore many will say you need to give an ultimatum, you cannot keep living like this, you need to move on,etc.

personally for me, i do have some good friends outside of this forum who understand to an extent. family is there but not helpful as most are ignorant of what this is about and amazingly do not read God's Word enough to understand our stand.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1545206 - 08/04/08 12:40 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Steelers thanks for the good advice. I know you are right. I just need to back off from the pressure. My h can't take it right now.

I did call h's parents back and said the kids don't want to go now. This is true and I am having second thoughts. This is why I can't do things in an emotional state.

Yesterday I wanted a break and seemed very overwhelmed. Now today I already miss the kids and they haven't left. I am not sure if h's parents are still coming or what. The kids were talking with them and not sure what they decided.

I mentioned it would be nice if they came to visit and stayed for awhile, but that it wasn't necessary to take the kids when they left.

Oh boy, did I get myself into this one. H is not on speaking terms so I will have to handle this myself.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1545209 - 08/04/08 12:43 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
Sooners glad you found friends at church. I didn't find them that supportive. When I had mentioned how long I had been S from h they kinda gave me that look and said gone that long huh. I felt even more hopeless.

Do what is right for you and don't let anyone or any thing discourage you.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1545239 - 08/04/08 01:02 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
4kids Offline
Member

Registered: 11/09/06
Posts: 464
Now you know why the D rate in the church is as bad(or sometimes worse) than that of the world.

I have had the same experience. The minute someone hears the 'A' word (affair, adultry) BING! Out comes Matt 5:32 - Before they even ask where you are with it. Before they bring up Christ and his bride, the church. Before they discuss longsuffering with you.

Then they get in the pulpit next week and preach on the faith of Abraham who hoped against hope. Of Noah, who built a flippin' Ark 500 miles from the nearest body of water for who knows how many years(some say could be as many as 120!). Makes you wonder.

Don't get me wrong, I love my pastors. It just shows the veil the evil one has cast over so many people. Stick to the Word, it's the only thing that casts light in this darkness we find ourselves in. If Jesus used it to rebuff the temptor, it should be good enough for you and I. \:\)

N.

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#1546064 - 08/04/08 11:34 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: steelersfan
Oh boy, do I know those nervous feelings!

Remember that date H and I went on about six weeks or so ago? I was so nervous because H and I had not been out together alone in over three years!!

We walked hand in hand, he was kissing me and in the restaurant he used to sit directly across from me but this time he sat next to me and was very romantic.

I was so nervous because I did not know how to act but did well, I think.
Steelers,
It was OK. My H didn't give me a hug. I didn't either as I didn't want him to feel pressured. The boys hugged me. We sat and chatted a little and played with our dog.

He decided to stop along the way for dinner. He wanted me to drive. I asked him if he could look out for a place to eat along the way. On the way, he asked if there was a Thai restaurant. So we stopped at one which worked out well. We all enjoyed what we ordered. I noticed in the car that my H was fidgety or nervous. It looked like he didn't know what to do with his hands, almost as if he wanted to touch me but had to restrain himself. He sat in the front, instead of the back. I had prepared myself for him sitting at the back, since his withdrawal.

At the restaurant, he chose to sit beside me (at a booth table). I could feel his warmth. Anyway, at 1 point, he grabbed my arm (apparently to show the boys my biceps) - excuse to hold my arm? He treated dinner, which I thanked him for and was ncie of him.

We got to hydrotherapy, which lasted 5 min because of a tornado warning. Took shelter for about 25 minutes. Then decided to drive home. Scary thunderstorm. When we neared the house, my phone rang. Missed the call. I was surprised and said I wonder who that might be. SO I listened to the VM and halfway put it on speaker. It was the man who repaired my roof. My H asked who it was. I told him. It was as if he panicked when he heard the man's voice asking me to call him back, etc. He probed me before I even finished listening to the message. Anyway, he was in a hurry to leave. Didn't even want to walk in the house - it was still storming heavily. I told him I had a bunch of food for them. He was moved by how much stuff I bought for the boys - chocolates, ice-cream, desserts, drinks, etc.

When they were leaving, the boys hugged me. My H gave me a half-hug (shoulder contact hug). Not the usual. It felt like he couldn't bear to be near me - maybe he missed the closeness. I didn't once try to initiate any affection as I didn't want to pressure him and want to let him want me.

So that was my dinner. Oh, while waiting out the storm at the appointment place, our eyes did meet once and he gave me a really sweet smile...


Edited by plentyhope (08/04/08 11:35 PM)
_________________________
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#1546066 - 08/04/08 11:37 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
nlt, Thanks for the nice wish. It went ok. He also thanked me for a nice evening. I guess we behaved like friends but I know he was jealous and he was watching me.
_________________________
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#1546074 - 08/04/08 11:45 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
PH good luck with dinner can't wait to hear all about it.

I had a meltdown today. It seems like this was the 2nd in the past week. I guess the no call just a text from h just put me over the top. I don't remember what all was said, but I did say stuff like I felt very disrespected when he doesn't answer the phone.

He said you have NO idea what I am going through. I said if you open up then I would know. We go round and round with this one.

I also mentioned something like you must not want to be around me since you stay away. He said, you don't know that and that's not it.

Well the conversation did not go well and I departed for work. I came home for lunch crying and just not knowing what direction to take with my life and M.

I picked up some groceries and dinner and h was a bit nicer. He hung out with the kids until later. Before he left he asked me to take a shower with him. I did. I miss him so much. He was mentioning something about baby steps and I said he would have to decide whether I was worth coming home for. He said he was not that dumb and he could see what he was missing. When he left he said see you after work tomorrow. He wants some help with applying for jobs. I said I would help him.

His mom and dad are coming to get the kids for 2 weeks. This is almost a relief for me. I love the kids, but need this break. I also mentioned that since the kids would be gone I guess I won't see you until they return and he said no he would come over and help with the yard and garage. Half jokingly I said gee maybe you might even stay the night. He said anything is possible.
Hmmmmmmm still left bewildered! This is so very hard, but I am going to just keep praying that God restore my M. I love my h so much and miss him so very much.
glam,
Thanks for the nice wish.

Why are you upset? I see so many positives in the interaction with your H yesterday. From what he's saying, he must be going through a very rough time and it makes it harder for him when he feels you don't understand. Is there a way for you both to communicate such that he is able to open up more easily and you don't feel disrespected? He might feel that you don't understand what he's going through. And it's pretty impossible to unless you have gone through depression.

Inviting you to take a shower with him - wow, that was nice. I see that was progress. It shows that he wants to be close to you. It is wonderful that he is making baby steps and sees what he's missing out on. And to be able to admit all of this - is a big step!!

I remember you once said he doesn't like working on the yard so offering to help you with the yard and garage is also very encouraging, don't you think? And he may even stay overnight!!!

Hang in there. I think you are doing well, despite you feeling that this is so hard.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1546078 - 08/04/08 11:49 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: sooners7xchamps
does sound like you are very busy. You mentioned no family or support and doing this on your on. This is what I have been doing the past few days and would suggest this for you: I believe you go to church, but try to build yourself a support team of about 4 or 5 people that support what you are doing in your M. These need to be people that you can call and talk to who care to listen to you when you need them. If they will pray for you that would be good too. Right now it seems that your only support is on here, which I do believe that everyone on here is very supportive, I like it too, but seeing people in person and calling them is somewhat different than on line. I started in church and have about 4 people right now and going to try to get 3 or 4 more or however many God will put in my path. The encouraging support I have got from this has been amazing and really lefts me up. Please try to find the time to build yourself a team, it will benefit you greatly.
sooners,
Thanks for understanding and for your suggestion. How do you go find people to care for you? There are people who care about me at church - but they don't necessarily want to listen to me talk about my situation. A few people I know don't want to hear. They think I am kidding myself. So there really is no one at church to support me in my stand. Maybe it's the Enemy's way of discouraging me and making me give up ----since even Christians tell me to move on and hint that I am in denial.
_________________________
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#1546083 - 08/04/08 11:52 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
I just need to back off from the pressure. My h can't take it right now.
Yeah, I agree that your H can't take any pressure right now. The depression is really weighing him down.
Quote:
Oh boy, did I get myself into this one. H is not on speaking terms so I will have to handle this myself.
I thought your H is coming over when the kids are gone. DOn't understand why you say you're not on speaking terms. I really do think that things are more positive than negative, even if they are not moving forward as quickly as you'd like. Remember - God's timing.
_________________________
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#1546084 - 08/04/08 11:55 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: 4kids]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: 4kids
Now you know why the D rate in the church is as bad(or sometimes worse) than that of the world.

Don't get me wrong, I love my pastors. It just shows the veil the evil one has cast over so many people. Stick to the Word, it's the only thing that casts light in this darkness we find ourselves in. If Jesus used it to rebuff the temptor, it should be good enough for you and I.
Bingo. The evil one can be very cunning so it serves us well to be watching out ever so carefully.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1546087 - 08/04/08 11:59 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
happynow Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/08
Posts: 2099
PH,

I'm glad your dinner & evening went well! I'm sorry you had the bad storm but in a way that was good too, as long as everyone is all right!

At least you got to see him!

It sounds like things went pretty good, maybe he is starting to come around some.

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#1546098 - 08/05/08 12:19 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
PH:

I was thinking of you tonight as I heard about the damage in Bolingbrook which is closer to where I am originally from. At least you have electricity in your area.

Sounds like things went well. Your H, was he pretty quiet tonight? Probably a good thing the boys were there as it was kind of like an ice-breaker type of evening. He did not know how you would react and vice versa.

Did he say if he would call you again before the boys leave? I am sure the boys had a good time, too.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1546115 - 08/05/08 12:34 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: happynow]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
nlt,
Thanks. Yes, I think it went better than I hoped for. I don't know what it takes for my H to come around. This whole S is so foreign to me and such a shock. It is still hard to understand why he has been so stubborn.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1546121 - 08/05/08 12:40 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: steelersfan
Sounds like things went well. Your H, was he pretty quiet tonight? Probably a good thing the boys were there as it was kind of like an ice-breaker type of evening. He did not know how you would react and vice versa.

Did he say if he would call you again before the boys leave? I am sure the boys had a good time, too.
Steelrs,
Thanks for your nice thoughts. He was probably quieter than other times we spent together with the boys. One of his medical issues is resolevd - a good think. His other one is still bothering him quite a bit - painful.

He didn't say he'd call. Even if he did, it wouldn't mean that he would. He may forget what he says he'll do.

Oh BTW, he had said he would help me with some heavy lifting. Well, I did it myself. A few minutes after he came in, he turned around - I think to look for the stuff I needed help with. I was right because a few minutes later, he asked if I still needed help with that. I said I took care of it myself. He said "Sorry about that." I said "It's OK. I wanted to take care of it because it had been sitting around for a while already." He might have felt bad... I think it was good that he doesn't have to feel pressured to do stuff for me, and then resent me afterwards about having to do stuff.


Edited by plentyhope (08/05/08 12:40 AM)
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#1546127 - 08/05/08 12:49 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Hi PH,

After reading SF, Glam, & your post on you feedback from people at church, it makes me think that some of these people have never been put to such a test that they need to rely on God and strong faith as much we all do, or they did for a while then gave up. The difference for you/us is that we refuse to give up, give in, give out, or give over just as the standers affirmation says on rejoice marriage ministries.

I met the people by going down front for prayer at the end of the sermon. I told them that I would not give my W a divorce and that I was going to stand on the word or God and they really support me in that. They all know how long it has been, but they encourage me to continue what I am doing with myself and that I am doing the right thing. Maybe I am just blessed for these people and God is really trying to help me in every way possible.
I am going to continue to try to find a few more that will support what I am doing, with God's help the people I find will support me for the long haul and not just a little while. I pray that in time God will restore all our marriages to everything that he wants our marriages to be. Maybe for them to be all he wants them to be it's just going to take (time(the tough part).

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#1546133 - 08/05/08 12:56 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
MidwesternGirl Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/06
Posts: 7941
Loc: SW USA
Sooners:

Great post and it is true, many have not been put thru such a test.

Who knows, maybe you will be one to help others standing after your marriage has been restored. I think there needs to be more people like this in churches.
_________________________
The Bomb: 08/05
H moves out: 06/2006
H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07
H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08
H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09
Divorced 08-12
Kids: 22, 20, 19

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#1546144 - 08/05/08 01:09 AM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Well thank you SF.

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#1546748 - 08/05/08 01:32 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: MidwesternGirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Sooners, Steelers,
Yep, I agree that many of these people who tell us to move on have not been put to the test. It's so easy for them to give advice from their "comfortable" position, or they just choose to not want to take the hard road themselves. They can't understand why we would.

I sometimes imagine being in a position to help others stand, be it before or after my M restoration. Of course, people are more likely to listen to someone whose M actually did get restored. It's human nature.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1547324 - 08/05/08 09:27 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
PH thanks so much for giving me a different perspective. I am trying to see all the positives. H came over last night and I helped him with applying for jobs. I thought that was a huge step.

I sent him a nice e-mail thanking him for including me on his job search and how important that was to me. He thanked me back and sent a joke e-mail about the perfect man and woman.

He will be here wed to watch the kids, date day thur, sat spend time with kids and sun watch the kids. So some good opportunities for connecting. Pray that I NOT go down a negative path and get discouraged.

Thank you so much for your help.

Maybe you could send your h a nice e-mail thanking him for bringing the boys by. Let him know how much that meant to you.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1547325 - 08/05/08 09:30 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
You are all so right, I do not believe many can give advice when they haven't walked in our shoes or have been challenged with something so huge as standing for your M.

The way of the world is to D. It takes so much more effort to stand and try to make it work than it is to file a piece of paper.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1547328 - 08/05/08 09:37 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Hi PH & others,

Hope you read Charlyne Cares today it was really good. When Bob mentioned the " The Prodigal Says:" well I have heard many of the comments the he mentioned.

This morning I prayed many things, but it has been a little while since I ask for any signs, so I did ask this morning for a sign that God is working on our marriage. So today I saw three covenant transport trucks. Also while driving through the country and I mean way out in the middle of nowhere I just happen to look over at this pretty good size hill and on top I saw three crosses, you could barely see them, but they were there.

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#1547431 - 08/05/08 11:00 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
glam,
Lucky you - date night on Thur! I will pray for you to take these opportunities to reconnect well. I liked that you thanked him for including you in the job search effort. It must have been nice for him to experience your support. I bet it was a huge step for him to even ask you for help!!!

Yeah, I am not sure whether to thank my H or not. He seemd to et so used to my emails and cards and he thinks I am pursuing him through those things.

I think he really flipped when I put the VM (from the handyman) on speaker phone! When he asked "Who is that?", his voice was louder and I sensed some urgency.... I put the VM on speaker because I didn't want them to think I had anything to hide, but it was only the 2nd half by the time I thought of putting it on speaker. The 2nd half didn't talk about the job, just about asking me to call him nback and his phone number details.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1547434 - 08/05/08 11:01 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: sooners7xchamps]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Hi sooners,

Yes, I have read the newsletter. It moved me to tears and affected me for most of the day!!!

The signs are awesome!! Lucky you! Now you have NO excuse to doubt God's promise to restore your M, right? ;\)
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1547440 - 08/05/08 11:04 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
sooners7xchamps Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/08
Posts: 210
Well PH I pray that you are right.

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#1547445 - 08/05/08 11:08 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
glamgirl Offline
Member

Registered: 04/28/07
Posts: 3481
You have to go with how you feel PH. I have just found that men want to be appreciated and respected period. A nice e-mail thanking your h for bringing the boys by does just that.

I used to think should I do this or that second guess myself, now I just do what's in my heart.

I look at it this way. The e-mail is nothing more than thanking a good friend for spending time with you or whatever the situation. As long as you have no expectations like a return e-mail, phone call, r talk then you are on the right track.

It's simply a thank you, nothing more and nothing less.
_________________________
Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"

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#1547452 - 08/05/08 11:13 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: plentyhope]
Yoyowife Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/07
Posts: 5666
Hi Everyone,

I've been posting on the infidelity board. I've been reading about MLC and believe my H is having one. I decided to post over here today. Brandnewday posted the newsletter on my thread. It was awesome and it gave me hope to continue standing for my marriage. I definitely believe it was a sign. They say there are no such things as coincidences, just signs of divine intervention.

I agree that until people have been through what we all have been through they don't know if they would continue to stand or not. In one of my books I read that most couples could possibly restore their marriages, but give up too soon and worry about being a doormat. I want to know in my heart that I have done everything possible to restore my marriage. I don't want to have any regrets or what ifs. Right now I will continue to pray and stand for my marriage.

Yoyo
_________________________


Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
-- Bernice Johnson Reagon



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#1547465 - 08/05/08 11:22 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: glamgirl]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: glamgirl
You have to go with how you feel PH. I have just found that men want to be appreciated and respected period. A nice e-mail thanking your h for bringing the boys by does just that.

I used to think should I do this or that second guess myself, now I just do what's in my heart.

I look at it this way. The e-mail is nothing more than thanking a good friend for spending time with you or whatever the situation. As long as you have no expectations like a return e-mail, phone call, r talk then you are on the right track.

It's simply a thank you, nothing more and nothing less.
glam,
I hear you about men needing appreciation and respect. That's why I have been doing it. My H would say that he knew I missed him because I sent him cards and email. This is why I have eben careful about not sending any lately, especially after his "moving on" speech. I wonder if he feels pressure from the cards/email. He knows I know words of affirmation are his second LL. His 1st is touch. When I tried to rub his shoulder when he walked in that evening of his speech, he shrank away, and didn't want me to touch him. It's as if he thinks I am manipulating him through his LL or maybe he didn't trust himself to not get carried away to intimacy.

Thanks for the suggestion. I will think about it a bit more.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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#1547472 - 08/05/08 11:26 PM Re: Letting God Take Control Part 14 [Re: Yoyowife]
plentyhope Offline
Member

Registered: 07/29/06
Posts: 3455
Originally Posted By: Yoyowife
Brandnewday posted the newsletter on my thread. It was awesome and it gave me hope to continue standing for my marriage. I definitely believe it was a sign. They say there are no such things as coincidences, just signs of divine intervention.

I agree that until people have been through what we all have been through they don't know if they would continue to stand or not. In one of my books I read that most couples could possibly restore their marriages, but give up too soon and worry about being a doormat. I want to know in my heart that I have done everything possible to restore my marriage. I don't want to have any regrets or what ifs. Right now I will continue to pray and stand for my marriage.
Hi yoyo,
Yes, me too - I don't believe in coicidences either. In Feb 2007, I believe God spoke to me through someone mentioning Charlyne Cares to me. This was after the verse "Be still and know that I am God" came into my mind while I was pleading with God about my M.

I too from Day 1 feel that I want to do all in my power to save my M so that I am at peace, even if things never worked out. At least I know I have tried my best and obeyed God in standing.
_________________________
PH's Thread

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