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#1521738 - 07/16/08 10:34 PM Just Living My Life!
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Well I think I got an apology from my H tonight. He said his nerves were tore up and his emotions were all over the place. I told him that I knew that feeling. He replyed by text that he was sorry that he was the cause of most of it. I told him that I was a much stronger and better person for it. He said he agreed with that.

You know, Im the kind of person that hates to see people hurt, even if they hurt me. A part of me feels bad for my H. I know he messed up again. The OW doesnt want to be with him. We all know how that feels. It sucks and is painful. I cried alot when he left. I know he is hurting....however, what comforts me is that he brought it all on himself. Maybe he needs to feel this kind of pain to be able to change. Or want to anyway. I dont know.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1524839 - 07/19/08 09:38 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
Yes...he needs to FEEL...stop, face, FEEL...but stay back, give him more space then he wants because he has been on this path so long and repeated it so many times he really needs to break free on his own...let him be sorry
_________________________
Status:

Happy and together

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#1527106 - 07/21/08 03:56 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Hi Lin...so glad to hear from you.

I dont know what to do. My H wont stop begging me. Not begging me back. No! You see the ow went on an assumption last week that he and I were together. WEll, we were, just not the way she was thinking at that time. He wants me to tell her the truth. She said she would only believe it from me, not him. Well, he has been miserable ever since. I told him that I was telling her nothing. Actually, I told him to let her cool off and let the dust settle and then she would want him back. He really went off the deep end Friday night and I didnt know what to do. He texted me like crazy saying all sorts of stuff. Actually I thought he was drunk, but he wasnt. He had lost it. He was saying suicidal things and how bad he was hurting and something like he couldnt beleive that I would put the feelings of someone I hate over him....that he couldnt believe I would take the risk of him never talking to me again, just by not helping him out of this sitch....uh..no. HE went from that, to wanting me to come over and have sex with him. I listened to everything he had to say. I comforted him with the same words he gave me way back..."it will get better". He was trying to make me feel bad for not "helping" him. Finally, I texted him good night....he texted for about an hour more saying some off the wall stuff. THen the next morning he was acting like a completely different person again.

What gets to me is the fact of wanting to use sex as a bandaid sortof. I mean, he went from one extreme to the next. Heartbroken, lost and not knowing what to do. Coming up with all sorts of scenarios to fix his R with the OW to almost blaming me from ruining his life to wanting to have sex with me.

I dont understand it. I have tried to keep my distance from him. I told him that night that he needed to call his therapist. He said she couldnt help him....ok, he forgot to take his medication that ONE day, but I didnt realize that could put him spinning the way it did.

Anyway, I dont know what is going to happen, but there has been alot of tension between me and my H lately because of this mess.

I am trying to stay away, I would have turned off my phone that night, but he was driving and saying all sorts of stuff, even called and hung up once because he was crying so hard....he then apologized to me that he just had a melt down. He has told me a couple of times that he was sorry he was dragging me into this.

I dont know what to do, except stay away from him. But I feel like he will blame me for breaking him and the OW up...really she is just assuming and that is not my problem. I dont have anything to say to her.

UGh....it has been one of them days today.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1527140 - 07/21/08 04:20 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Cinderellaman Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/06
Posts: 7791
sweety, there is no need for you to tell ow ANYTHING. Let them be. Live your life, let them sort out their own sh@t !
I too am a 'pleaser' but this has nothing to do with you, stay out.

Take care sweety !xxx
_________________________
Love Cinders xxx

"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus

http://miesblogspot.blogspot.com/

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#1527145 - 07/21/08 04:26 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Cinderellaman]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you Cinders....I dont plan on telling the OW anything. She will eventually choose to believe my H or not. She ususally does then goes crazy assuming stuff all the time.

I just hate being in the middle and I think I have made a mistake by becoming too friendly with my H. Now that I want to back away some, it is hard.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1527178 - 07/21/08 04:46 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
Definitely stay far away from their drama Kissak! You don't deserve to have him doing this to you. He is the one that made this mess!

What is the saying? You made your bed, now lie in it!

Take care of you and the kids and step away!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1527205 - 07/21/08 05:09 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
a new 2moro Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/06
Posts: 4738
Loc: Maine
EEE GHADS LETS MAKE A MOVIE....
_________________________
Me 53
H 51
OW 25
Bomb may 06
left june 8/ 06
ILYBNILWY (twice!)
7/6/07 H wants to come home
7/21/07 H comes home
7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW
now piecing in earnest


Top
#1527558 - 07/21/08 10:09 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: a new 2moro]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: a new 2moro
EEE GHADS LETS MAKE A MOVIE....


Im thinking about writing a book.

It would have to be fiction, because no one would believe it!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1528466 - 07/22/08 03:06 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
My H just sent me a text today. Asking if I have talked to the OW lately and that she is still asking who is lying.

I understand that this woman only wants the truth. She wants to know. I want to know alot that happened in my past too, but I dont ever think I will. Thats just the way its going to be sometimes.

I think she just doesnt believe my H at aLL. Will she ever? Who cares? Not me. I just want it all to end. Im tired of it all.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1528470 - 07/22/08 03:08 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Oh, and something I have noticed lately, my H talks to me and is more friendly and wanting "friendship" when he is with the OW....when they are not together, I hardly ever hear from him unless it is him asking me about "if I have talked to the OW".

Its weird. There seems to be less tension when they are together.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1528591 - 07/22/08 04:29 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
butterflymom Offline
Member

Registered: 04/05/07
Posts: 1526
Loc: with my favoriteweirdo
It's because when he's afraid that he's lost her, he doesn't want to risk losing you too so he pulls closer and is more friendly with you.

When he's got her securely where he wants her he can afford to be a little more aloof with you.

It's all part of the game.

BFM
_________________________
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.
David Burns, Intimate Connections

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#1528667 - 07/22/08 05:20 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: butterflymom]
new_attitude Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/07
Posts: 928
kissak- Keep doing your best to stay out of the drama. You've come a long way, baby!
_________________________
me- 42
H- 51
married 11 years
D-9, S-9, D-3

bomb 4/07
h moved out 8/07
h moved back 4/08


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#1528931 - 07/22/08 09:29 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: new_attitude]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thanks New...but this is exhausting. I really wish I could move far away and not have to deal with it.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1530349 - 07/23/08 10:15 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Do you ever just want to come here to scream???????

Im trying to stay out of his drama, but he wont leave me out of it!

Im gonna scream at him before its alllll over with!!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1530355 - 07/23/08 10:18 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
Sorry your stuck in this Kissak. Has he been pestering you again today about OW?
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1530725 - 07/24/08 09:21 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
yes...pestering indeed.

You know I have gotten to the point that if he texts me, I only answer the text worth answering...like how are you, how you doing, that sort of thing....but yesterday they were from one extreme the the other....first off he went out of town for work. I wished him a safe drive and asked if anyone was with him....he then decided to be smart and took a picture of his passenger seat, just to show me he was alone and sent it to me by phone....I rolled my eyes at that. I just wanted to know if anyone from work was with him to keep him company...he took it as if I was asking if the OW was with him. Then later he texted me to let me know he was having a sh*tty day. I just texted back that I was sorry...and he replyed "GOOD". I couldnt believe he said that! I mean, I know he is working through different stages of anger or whatever, and I am careful not to blow up at him but dont be glad Im sorry....then he texts me "you quit talking" I didnt answer, then He said nevermind, then texted again and said "i guess you did quit talking". So I texted him and asked if he had gotten to his destination yet...he said yes and then didnt text me until he got back. All he said then was "im back". I just said I was glad he had a safe trip. He said thank you.

His ups and downs are so confusing to me. Im trying to be nice through all of this, but gosh its hard. I dont know what mood he is in and when. Then a couple of hours later I get a text that says"just wanted to say hi"

SO, I said hi back.

Then he texts me later that night to ask if I had talked to the OWs ex. I said no, He asked again, I said NO! Quit asking me!

THen he goes "what are you doing" I said I was laying down. then he texts "I guess I should tell you what Im doing"

I didnt answer. I was tire and going to bed. I said "good night"

I am so exhausted over this. I dont know what stage you call this.

I know you all didnt need to hear my texts convo with him, but I want you to see what highs and lows he has. If I dont answer a text, then he calls wanting to know why.

I have really been coming to terms lately that I dont love him anymore the way I did.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1530863 - 07/24/08 11:05 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
new_attitude Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/07
Posts: 928
Quote:
I am so exhausted over this. I dont know what stage you call this.


I would call it the breaking point.I do think that you're doing a great job staying out of their drama, but his constant texting/calling is not good for you and you need to take good care of yourself. I think it's time to draw a boundary and stick with it.
_________________________
me- 42
H- 51
married 11 years
D-9, S-9, D-3

bomb 4/07
h moved out 8/07
h moved back 4/08


Top
#1531000 - 07/24/08 12:55 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: new_attitude]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
OK GUYS....I need help. My H is trying to make me feel bad. Texting me and saying I have hurt his feelings for not helping him out of the sitch he is in with his girlfriend. He is saying that it has hurt him badly. He is acting like he did nothing wrong. He is wanting to put all the blame on me for his misery.

He is playing the make me feel bad card. WHY? Because I wont help him get back together with his girlfriend.

Saying that if I was trying to get back at him, he got it.

He has no idea the pain I have gone through. Only a little. Im not saying he isnt hurting, but dont compare it to my pain.

He's hurt??? What about me? He expects me to help him fix things with his girlfriend.....

How do I tell him Ive had enough? Without hurting any chance of reconcilation in the future. How do I get through this?
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1531022 - 07/24/08 01:04 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
butterflymom Offline
Member

Registered: 04/05/07
Posts: 1526
Loc: with my favoriteweirdo
You have to stop being afraid that everything you do will lead to no chance of reconciliation.

Sorry Kissak, but grow a backbone and tell him,

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but your relationship with her is not something that I wish to get involved in. Like it or not, I am still your wife and you are still cheating on me with her. Why on earth would I help you in that endeavor. Please don't ask me to anymore."

Be very very calm and then turn off your phone, take the home phone off the hook, lock the door and let him stew.

Is he for real?????

Sheeesh!

BFM
_________________________
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.
David Burns, Intimate Connections

Top
#1531046 - 07/24/08 01:19 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: butterflymom]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: butterflymom
You have to stop being afraid that everything you do will lead to no chance of reconciliation.

BFM


You are right BFM...this is what I fear. I have no idea why I cant do it. Well, I did a couple of weeks ago actually get to that point. I did tell him that I had had enough! That I couldnt do this anymore.

Well, how do I make him understand what he is asking me to do is unthinkable?
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1531997 - 07/25/08 07:57 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
Well, how do I make him understand what he is asking me to do is unthinkable?

You can't MAKE him UNDERSTAND anything...all you can do is what is best for you...if he gets it, great...if he doesn't then you move on with your kids and your life and make it the best you can...what you have now is WORSE then being divorced!!!...H is treating you WORSE then a FRIEND...WORSE then a WIFE...and the sad thing is that in over the past year...YOU are still LETTING HIM!!!...ask yourself...have you gotten ANY results you wanted???

Personally...I would quit playing this stupid game with him...I would tell him that if OW wants proof he is hers then file for DIVORCE and get it over with!!!

Personally...and this is my personal opinion...I think H uses you every chance he gets...when he has OW he wants to be all "friends" with you...this gets OW jealous...she then wants to know what is going on...he wants you to confirm for her that you are "just friends"...when you don't she dumps him...then he gets made at you for her dumping him...and works his butt off to make "nicey nice" with OW so she will take him back...then once back the circle completes again and he wants to be your "friend"....have I missed anything?..YES...he us USING YOU...YOU ARE LETTING HIM...HE HARASSING YOU...YOU ARE LETTING HIM...what kind of "FRIEND" is this...what kind of "FRIENDSHIP" is this???...I would cut the rope...file for DIVORCE myself...and let H deal with his issues...if he comes out of it...really, honestly and truly wants you back he can prove himself...if the DIVORCE becomes final before he can do this that is his choice...you can always remarry if that is what you want to do...
BUT this man puts a knife in your heart and twists and turns it without even batting an eye...he is sick and has lots of healing to do...I think you are prolonging all of this by trying to be his "friend"...if he wanted you to be his wife that would be one thing...but he is asking his WIFE (YOU) to help him in his ADULTEROUS AFFAIR...think about it...I mean really think about what he is asking...
Kissak...I don't know if you remember but I filed for divorce twice...not as threats...I meant it...I panicked the first time it almost came through and stopped it...with H's agreement...the second time I was not so easy...he had to prove himself to me...we just now (last month) dismissed our divorce case!!!...
It took a good 2 years after OW was out of the picture for H to fully recover...do you really want to go on with H and his OW for another 2 years...then possibly another 2 years for H to get his act together...I think your responses to him is what is allowing this circle to continue going...if you really, honesly, and firmly pull out of the "GAME" those two will have to play it out on their own...no more asking how he is doing, no more playing the Jr. High texting game, no more consoling his hurt feelings, no more being his sounding board at the expense of your own feelings....purely he is the father of your kids...if it pertains to them...talk about it...if it pertains to finances talk about it...if it pertains to you, him or OW set the boundery and tell him it is none of your/his da** business...

For the last time I will tell you this "FRIENDS" DO NOT TREAT "FRIENDS" THE WAY YOUR H TREATS YOU AND "FRIENDS" DO NOT TAKE THAT KIND OF TREATMENT THE WAY YOU TAKE IT!...no matter what he says, how he says it, he is in no way shape or form being your friend and/or caring about YOU in at all...and until you put your foot down, step off the "merry-go-round" you are going to be forever pukingly green sick of all of this...

Show your kids that you care enough about yourself and them (remember how your daughter is suffering with all of this, it doesn't stop with you...it trickles down to them)to demand the respect that the you deserve as the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN...you have lost the respect of a WIFE...there is NONE...keep what dignity you have as their mother...

YES...you have improved in many areas...you have gotten much stronger in many ways...but you are STILL ALLOWING your H to abuse you emotionally and that is just plain wrong!!!

I do hope you can take back your respect, set YOUR NEEDED bounderies, and let what is going to be...JUST BE!

You have been doing this too long with NO CHANGE...YOU need to do something to create a change...you need to end this insanity for the only person you have control over...YOU YOU YOU

(now stepping off of soap box, giving Kissak a hug and a pat on the back...but honey, I am serious...no change is no change)

Lin
_________________________
Status:

Happy and together

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#1532140 - 07/25/08 09:52 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you Lin....believe it or not, you did make me laugh at that. THis is riduculas isnt it? So, I understand that I cant make him understand anything. But I feel like I have dug a hole for myself by saying I would be his friend. Honestly I dont want to be anymore. Actually I even skipped taking my kids to tkd last night because I didnt want to see him or deal with him. My kids wanted a break from tkd anyway. I did tell him not to ask me to help him anymore. I did get a text last night from him asking if I was mad and disappointed at him and all that stuff. I didnt answer. THe texts came for the rest of the night at random. I turned my phone off and didnt answer him.

Im trying. I am. I dont have the kids this weekend. SO I am going to try my best to avoid him at all costs.

THank you Lin...Im glad you are still stopping by to help me.

I dont think people realize just how close I am to the end of my rope with this. I do deserve respect....
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1532241 - 07/25/08 11:07 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Bworl Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 2895
Loc: North Carolina
Wow Kissak, you did good last night.

Great job in leaving it alone and refusing to give in to your husbands manipulation.


He's a master at playing you, you know? He plays on your sympathies, knowing you love him and wish he would come back. If you don't give him what he wants, he gets all remorseful and throws out those lines to you that zap you in the heart.

Half truth = lie

Stand your ground.


By the way, I'm not sure if I'm paraphrasing Lin's idea correctly or not, but I LOVE this idea the next time he asks for your help with OW.


"Hubby, I have been your wife all these years and loved you all these years. You know that I want to do what I can so that you can have a happy life. But I can't do what you ask while we are married. So tell you what, you go file for divorce and THEN I'll consider helping you with OW."


Now, don't do it, cause I don't want you to actually have to help him at some point if he agrees.


But I sure would like to see the look on his face.



Blessings,

Bill
_________________________
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."

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#1532270 - 07/25/08 11:40 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Bworl]
a new 2moro Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/06
Posts: 4738
Loc: Maine
Quote:
Hubby, I have been your wife all these years and loved you all these years. You know that I want to do what I can so that you can have a happy life. But I can't do what you ask while we are married. So tell you what, you go file for divorce and THEN I'll consider helping you with OW."



THIS IS GREAT!!!
;\)
_________________________
Me 53
H 51
OW 25
Bomb may 06
left june 8/ 06
ILYBNILWY (twice!)
7/6/07 H wants to come home
7/21/07 H comes home
7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW
now piecing in earnest


Top
#1532348 - 07/25/08 12:26 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: a new 2moro]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
Personally...again, my opinion....I would tell him that he needs to file to divorce me to prove anything to OW and to prove something to me...that he has the B***'s to make a commitment to SOMEONE!!!...since he seems to ask you to help him get back with OW and not the other way around (which would at least make more sense) then I would simply tell him that the answer she wants and everyone wants is for him to make up his mind and be a man...if he wants to be with OW...then DIVORCE is the answer EVERYONE is looking for...and NO...not even then would I HELP him in his illicit affair...but I would stay far far far away from him and his OW...block text...don't answer calls...let him email me with business that we need to deal with...other then that he can go screw himself!

Really, Kissak, if he wants HER so bad that he threatens suicide because you won't help him get her back then give her the ultimate weapon...file for DIVORCE and kick his sorry butt to the curb...

Either he will wake up sometime in the next few years or he won't but either way you can move past all this stupid JR. High stuff that he keeps trying to involve you in...

I am not recommending Divorce so you can date...because honestly I think after going through what you have (and many of us here have) you really need time to learn about yourself again and become a whole person with more to give to whatever relationship you may enter again...and if H's stupid light goes off and he wakes up smart one day and you feel like giving him another chance then so be it...but till then...I would tell him to leave me alone...be with his OW...I don't want her leftovers...

Bottom line...you feel obligated to be nice since you have been being nice...what has it gotten you???...think about that....there is NOTHING in the marriage vows that says if your spouse cheats on you (continually and blatantly)that you HAVE TO BE THEIR FRIEND!...Doesn't even say you have to continue being nice and listening to all their crap...go back and think about your vows...then stand up for yourself and the commitment YOU made and HE broke!!!

One day he will be sorry...if you still care by then will be another story but I think continuing what you are doing right now will only foster irreparable feelings in you that IF he ever did want you back you might not be able to get over!!!...think about that too...

Lin
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#1532375 - 07/25/08 12:39 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
WCW Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/05
Posts: 4986
kissak, have you read Love Must Be Tough? It seems appropriate for your sitch.
_________________________
Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.

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#1532612 - 07/25/08 03:02 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: imLIN
One day he will be sorry...if you still care by then will be another story but I think continuing what you are doing right now will only foster irreparable feelings in you that IF he ever did want you back you might not be able to get over!!!...think about that too...

Lin


I think that may be happening in a way now....irreparable feelings.....there are lots of insensitive things he has said and done that I still find myself repeating in my head even now. Things that happened all the way back in the beginning.

No one can file for divorce until at least April of next year. THat will be our year of separation. Or thats the date on the papers anyway.

I think my H will never get better until he is honest with everyone, even himself. He is always saying things his therapist says to him about our sitch...but the thing is he doesnt tell her everything. So she is only going on what he tells her. SO really, the things he is hiding from her is the very things he needs help with.

Thanks guys for all of your thoughts.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1532620 - 07/25/08 03:04 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: WCW]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: WCW
kissak, have you read Love Must Be Tough? It seems appropriate for your sitch.


No, I will check it out though..Thanks
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1533727 - 07/26/08 04:04 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
ok, I know I shouldnt let these things in my mind, but I wish someone could shed some light on this for me.

THe OW has dumped my H, again. She has fussed him out, run him out of her house, told him its over, yet she still continues to let him use her washer, borrow her truck, give him money, ask him to do stuff for her. WHY? He wants to know the same thing. She says shes just being nice.

just wondering?
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1533747 - 07/26/08 04:34 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Cinderellaman Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/06
Posts: 7791
she's DB'ing him.

Just my thoughts...
_________________________
Love Cinders xxx

"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus

http://miesblogspot.blogspot.com/

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#1533944 - 07/26/08 09:30 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Cinderellaman]
inmyplace Offline
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Registered: 10/12/00
Posts: 7345
Loc: New England
kissak,

When are you going to stop wondering???

IMP

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#1534098 - 07/27/08 12:22 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: inmyplace]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
IMP, probably never....no, it was just a thought. Now its gone. It doesnt matter, but it was something that run through my head....cant help it sometimes. I dont dwell on it.

UGH, I dont know...

Its late and Im going to bed!!!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1534108 - 07/27/08 12:33 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
She is sly like a fox...she knows what works to get him to beg, beg, beg...then she can revert to her old ways and nag, nag, nag...then act all jealous over you...then want you to confirm that it is over for her...and again the merry-go-round ride makes it circles...

Like I said...be done with it..."IF" he gets his act together and you still even "care"...great!...if not, you will be in a much happier and content place then you are right now...and you won't be wondering why they both do the juvenile, stupid, thoughtless things that they do!

Wash your hands...get rid of the germs (H and OW)...be clean and happy with your life...enjoy your kids...cut him out of your life...kids and business...don't care...don't ask...don't listen...let him sleep in his own dirty bed!
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Happy and together

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#1534217 - 07/27/08 08:51 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
yenko69 Offline
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Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 610
Loc: kansas
kissak,

I just read through your thread. I am in agreement with imLIN, she posts some good info. I would think it is time to quit playing in the HS world your H is in and get back to the adult world.

For me I choose to go through my situation on the high road and keep my dignity intact. For myself and to set an example for D11 about how mature adults should act. You always have to live with yourself and your actions.

You seem like a wonderful and caring woman with a big heart. You deserve to be treated much better then you are. Don't let your H drag you down and make your heart jaded.

Take care of yourself.
_________________________
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1554666

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#1534487 - 07/27/08 02:30 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: yenko69]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you yenko....

Today I am battling with myself and my feelings.

It doesnt bother me anymore that H isnt here. Honestly I dont miss him like I use to. Really I dont love him like I use to either which is making me a little sad....

I have found that the only thing that still bothers me is the OW. Its like she has moved into my brain and wont leave. I cant explain it any better than that. How do I make her leave my head? I only get mad when it comes to her. I feel like I am stuck with her in my life....in my head, even though she and my H arent together, she is still there.

Today I got angry because my H has the kids. He hasnt done anything with them all weekend. He stays at home, studies his ems books. He took the kids swimming at the OWs apartment and did his laundry there. Didnt swim with them. My son asked if he would go to church this morning with him and my H said "will see". So my son was all excited and told everyone to pray for his daddy because he might come to church, and then doesnt. The OW has him driving with the kids to go 3hours away to pick up her son from his father, because she is working.

SOrry, I know, stop. BUT Sundays are just one of them days for me. I feel like I cant get away from any of this. Even when I try to make myself, I cant. I feel like I am stuck in this place and have no where to go.

Well, dont kick me guys....just having one of those days. I already had my crying spell today. I just want to be happy, thats all.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1534507 - 07/27/08 02:53 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
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Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
It's okay to feel down Kissak, just please don't let it stick with you all day and ruin your peaceful time. Easier said than done I know (I'm in the same boat!) but we've got to shake these men from ourselves for a little bit. Who knows what will happen right?

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#1534509 - 07/27/08 02:55 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Right Dar....thanks. Just a difficult day and I have to go mow the yard...I HATE mowing the yard because it gives me 2 hours of "thinking" time. I end up crying by the time I get to the back yard.

I just need to grow that backbone I reckon and tell H what he can do with himself!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1534521 - 07/27/08 03:05 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
I used to love mowing the grass...then H left. Same as you, it's thinking time and it sucks. It also took me about 2 hours to cut the grass so lots of time, and yes, I was crying by the end each time too. Get it out though. Cry. I cried and pleading to God for a while last night. I cry when D's asleep lately...used to be while I was in the shower too so I guess I'm getting better. Also, a cut grass looks good and smells sooooooo good! So afterwards, sit back and enjoy a good book and have a drink while taking in that great smell! \:\)

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#1534539 - 07/27/08 03:23 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you Dar....I wish you lived closer...we could mow and cry together.....

well, Im out to start the mower. Hope the rain holds off. Maybe I need to find my daughters mp3 and just listen to music....
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1534540 - 07/27/08 03:25 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
I wish we lived closer to! I'd for sure help! \:\)

Listen to something that will really get you going then. Something fun. I like Fergie's 'Glamorous' for that! \:\)


Edited by darboyd5 (07/27/08 03:25 PM)

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#1534971 - 07/27/08 11:59 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
I always have my iPod going when I mow the lawn! It's the only thing that keeps me sane. I never mowed a lawn until H left so it takes me about 3 hours and I have a VERY small front and back lawn.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that cries doing mundane tasks. I cry in the shower and while I'm doing the dishes and while I'm washing my face in the evening.

You know where the strangest place I get upset is? The grocery store! Every aisle I go down I find myself thinking, "I should get some of that because H really likes it." Then I have to be constantly reminded that it doesn't matter what he likes because he's not there anymore! How dumb huh?

Have a great day Kissak and keep your chin up!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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#1535500 - 07/28/08 12:23 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
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Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Mishka, Its not dumb at all. I do still cry in the shower some days. Not as much as I use to. I cry when mowing the yard, because I see all that needs to be done and all the stuff H use to keep done for me. I didnt ever mow either until then. I will never forget the first time I had to do it. I cried the entire time. Then when it come to the weedeater! OMG, I hate that durn thing.

I dont get upset at the grocery store though....I just think about how much money Im saving because I dont have to feed my H!! I save right much money.

Im not sure how I am feeling today. I feel as if me and my h have drifted apart right much the last week or so. I dont even answer when he calls, because I feel I have nothing to talk to him about anymore. He brought the kids home last night and came in for a minute. I was sitting at the computer trying to be occupied when he came in. He looked at me when he was getting ready to leave and asked if I wanted a hug. I said No. Then he asked what was wrong. I turned back to the computer and said nothing. He walked over to me all concerned and asked twice "what is it?" I told him nothing and he proceeded to leave, then texted me when he left asking what was wrong. I didnt answer, then he called. I didnt answer. The kids did. I went to get in the shower and they told him that, he said he was calling because he thought he saw me ride by....well, it werent me and I dont know why he would call.

Things are just weird right now. I hate this feeling.

You know I cant stand him most of the time anymore. I think today is a down day for him because he texted me this morning to tell the kids and me good morning. I just said ok and I havent heard from him all day. Usually, that is a sign he is having a bad day. Anyway, I dont understand why I still want him back. Because I really dont...so why cant I let go?

I dont want him, but I do. I just cant figure it out in my head. Maybe its just that I dont want her to have him....or is it because I dont want to be rejected by someone I love.

I dont know.

Waiting for that book....Love must be tough.

Cuz it is.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1535514 - 07/28/08 12:35 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
(((((Kissak)))))

I know what you mean. You don't want him back because he's so messed up and you know what that would mean for your life. He's not the man you married and the man he's become isn't even someone you would really be attracted to anymore.

Do you find yourself actually looking at him when you see him and seeing all the things you don't like about him instead of the things you saw when you loved him fully? Blindly?

I now see all the red flags I should have seen when H and I were dating but was too blindly in love and emotionally involved to see. What about you?

IMHO, I think you're right about feeling this way because you don't want to be rejected by the person you once loved with your whole heart and who was supposed to love you with his heart forever. Vows mean nothing to most people. The fact that the vows we all took were a covenant made before God is lost on them.

Take care of you Kissak and leave H to stew in his own juices. Good for you on the interaction last night!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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#1535587 - 07/28/08 01:32 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you Mishka....I will have to try that. Next time I see him, I will try to picture those things I dont like about him and see how that makes me feel. I have done that at times I am down, just to help me through the days.

I did talk to him by text a little while ago....he asked would I send something to a funeral for him. His cousin passed away. So I did talk to him briefly about that.

I feel like he is divorce busing me today...lol. Just by not talking about anything. Stewing himself....

Your right, he never took his vows seriously....Many never do. I did however. Im still at the point when I look at another guy, I cant make myself interested in them. I really dread the thought of ever starting a new relationship with anyone.

Im hoping that will someday pass when Im ready.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1535621 - 07/28/08 01:52 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
shewholurks Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/01
Posts: 749
Loc: Wasilla, Alaska
Quote:
Waiting for that book....Love must be tough.
It's on its way.

*hugs*
~ swl
_________________________
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}

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#1535695 - 07/28/08 02:27 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: shewholurks]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: shewholurks
Quote:
Waiting for that book....Love must be tough.
It's on its way.

*hugs*
~ swl


Thanks ;\)
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1536493 - 07/29/08 12:17 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
I hear ya Kissak! I can't imagine ever having another R of any kind. I can't even imagine a simple date, let alone an actual R or heavens forbid, another M.
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1536768 - 07/29/08 09:42 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
I had a nice little discussion last night with my H. He called to see how my sons tkd went, then goes on telling me about how broken hearted he is over the OW breaking up with him and all. How she wants to be with him, but doesnt know how to get past the trust issue with him. Tells me how he feels so different about her than he ever did with me.

I stopped him from speaking any futher. I told him it was very insensitive of him to speak about how he feels about her. I told him that I was going to end the conversation and hang up. He apologized and said he didnt realize it was hurting me. Said he wouldnt do it again. That he had run out of his meds and his therapist was out of town. Great! Sorry, but I do worry about him when he goes off his meds. I did ask why he let that happen. He said he didnt have any money to get them filled.

I woke up with a whole different outlook on things today though. Focusing more on my life alone with kids, than with him. Guess that is what I should have been doing all along.

Hope everyone has a great day.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1536784 - 07/29/08 09:59 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Good morning! Kissak, I'm so very proud of you! I'm glad you told him!
I too have dropped it all. It's all up to H now.

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#1536795 - 07/29/08 10:04 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thanks Dar....I feel I am getting closer and closer to letting it all go. Im tired of the nonsense with him. Its like his life revolves around this OW...He is obsessed with her. Since she broke it off with him for the 20th time or so, he has hardly called his kids. Then only time he talks to him lately is when he has them. Once a week and every other weekend. He use to call them everyday. But since all this, he talks to me. About her. I dont care to hear about it anymore....

Either love me or leave me alone!!! I think that will be my next statement to him!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1536819 - 07/29/08 10:24 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Girlfriend, I am in THE SAME boat! I am so tired of it. H swears there's no OW anymore and hasn't been for a long time, but I just wonder about it still and wonder why he can't make ONE move to talk, do the right thing, etc etc. So yea, I'm done as well. Time for him to make the next step if he wants this at all.

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#1536972 - 07/29/08 12:27 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
"Love me or leave me alone"....PERFECT...because everything he has been doing is not love...it isn't even friendship...and what kind of a numb skull wouldn't even THINK that it would be hurtful to talk about how he is lusting for this OW to you...you, who has let it be known to him that you care, that you love him, that you would like that "chance"...

He is in such a "holding pattern" that he doesn't even see it...as soon as OW gets back with him...she gets jealous again...then she ends up driving him away...or breaking up with him...then as soon as that is accomplished he starts working his butt off to get her "attentions" again, neglecting his children...but wanting you to help him...to talk to him...

As for his meds...really that is HIS issue...there is NOTHING you can do about that...it is his choice...and you have to let him deal with HIS consequences...you are NOT his mother...and at this point you shouldn't be his "friend"...his confidant...you are simply the mother of his children and where it concerns them or you personally then you listen...otherwise you tell him the conversation is done...just like you did...except really end it...leave him knowing what it feels like for someone else to have control over their own decisions and for him to have to deal with it...change the "holding pattern" for yourself...
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Status:

Happy and together

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#1537009 - 07/29/08 12:43 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
Maya44 Offline
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Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
You go imLIN! Well said advice for lots of us to grab on to! \:\)

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#1537239 - 07/29/08 02:32 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Lin, I agreed with everything you said. You are right on with how he is doing me.....I actually asked him if he realized how insensitive it was for him to talk about how much more he loves someone than me....his reply was, "well, I didnt realize it was hurting you".

The thing is I know he didnt realize it. He is only thinking of himself at this point. He doesnt even bother me as much when they are apart, because like you said, he is working his butt off trying to get her back.....once he does, he starts talking to me and being all social to me again.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1537396 - 07/29/08 03:44 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
Ignorance is no excuse...just because he didn't "realize" he was hurting you does not excuse his actions...and because he doesn't bother to think about you...you are wasting valuable personal time listening to any of his drivel dravel...his meds...his problem...his OW...his problem...his relationship with his children...again, his problem...you take care of you and the kids...do what you need to do for you and the kids...never mind if he is down...feeling badly...whatever he is feeling is the consequence of his own actions and he needs to learn to deal with it...he doesn't need someone to help him feel better for it or to be his sounding board...he pays a therapist for that...

Keep your distance...let him sink or swim...
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Status:

Happy and together

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#1537440 - 07/29/08 04:04 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
You are so right Lin....

The thing is he DOES blame me for his misery.

I hate that he does that. I know I am not to blame.

Really, the OW found out info from our kids. It made him look bad. And because I wont tell the OW it was a lie, he is mad at me. I hurt his little old feelings. Why? Because I wont lie and help him. I wont lie and say he didnt walk to my bedroom that morning. HE DID! I would rather say nothing. The kids told her and I am not going to say the kids lied either.

HE wont even tell her that the kids or I lied! OH, he is so tempted he keeps telling me. He says he is trying to control his anger and not make me look like a liar!

WHAT?

Please, the OW doesnt trust him and he wants to continue to lie to her so she will trust him? Doesnt make sense. He needs to stand up and be a man and tell the truth and face the consequences. Even if they dont turn out good. His problem.

I am to the point today I want to tell him "dont talk to me anymore" about anything!

He is being such an a$$.

Your right Lin....his meds, his problem.

His life, his problem.

My life, my problem.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1537513 - 07/29/08 04:41 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
new_attitude Offline
Member

Registered: 06/21/07
Posts: 928
Hi kissak,
Great job on stopping him when he was talking to you about ow! I am proud of you. When he starts to talk to you about her again (and I bet he will), stop him right away and remind him that you don't want to talk about her. Eventually he'll get it! Just like teaching a toddler what to do, with the constant repetitions, they will get it sooner or later. \:\)
_________________________
me- 42
H- 51
married 11 years
D-9, S-9, D-3

bomb 4/07
h moved out 8/07
h moved back 4/08


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#1538618 - 07/30/08 09:45 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: new_attitude]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thanks Newattitude....Im gonna have a great day today no matter what....

I just have to watch my anger sometime. When my H came to get the kids yesterday from me, he had someone drop him off here. Well, I was leaving and asked if I could give them a ride across the street. There was tons of construction, and I really didnt want them to have to walk, but he said no, he would walk....

Well, in my head that said to me that he didnt want to be seen with me. He wouldnt even accept a ride from me. It ticked me off and I got in my truck with an attitude and left.

After calming down, I realized he just thought it was easier to walk. So, later, when I went home, he was at the OW's house with my kids.

Yes, it ticked me off. He let the kids go swimming in her pool. With their clothes ON! Then through their clothes in the dryer before they left to come home. Idiot. Anyway, it made me angry....so, before he came home, I had to practice breathing and not let it get to me. I could have blew up at him, BUT I DIDNT. I didnt even mention it.

I have to get this anger thing in check. I was never ever this way before all of this.



Edited by kissak (07/30/08 09:50 AM)
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1538740 - 07/30/08 11:17 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
I think the anger comes from caring so much...also from hurting so much from the person that wasn't supposed to hurt us. I have an anger issue as well, I always have though, and plan to work on it as well. We'll get thru this Kissak, I know it! Hang in there girl!

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#1538766 - 07/30/08 11:32 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you dar....hope you have a great day.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1540194 - 07/31/08 09:43 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Well, I guess my H has offically stopped talking to me.

I dont know. He hasnt texted or called today at all! Thats a first. He texted me last night to tell me that he got out of class early and to tell the kids he loved them, he was going to take a shower and probably go to bed.

He could have called them. He never does. Still gets to me. Anyway, i have a good feeling that he went to the OWs. I have an even greater feeling he finally broke and told her it was ME who was lying about the sitch he was in. I think his guilty conscience has kept him from talking to me.

I guess it doesnt matter. He would deny it to me anyway.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1540226 - 07/31/08 10:08 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Try not to fret on it Kissak. If he's doing this, then he's deep in it and there's nothing no one can do about it. Just enjoy you and the kids! Btw, I think they don't talk to the kids directly due to the guilt as well.

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#1540275 - 07/31/08 10:43 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
WEll Dar, I dont think he talks to the kids because he is so wrapped up in trying to get the OW back. He is selfish with his needs. I have determined that is how its going to be for a while. He is a very selfish individual who likes to have his ego boosted. I also think he is a very cruel person to cheat on people he says he loves. At no time through any of this has he took the blame for cheating on me or her. Its all about blaming someone else. Never him. He has issues and until he is ready to face them, he will never be truly happy.

oh, what a day.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1540305 - 07/31/08 11:06 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
That's a good realization though Kissak. At least you're not blaming you for his behavior!

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#1540309 - 07/31/08 11:08 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
You are right about H's issues Kissak. He is in a completely selfish mode and can't think about anyone else. I'm sorry he is being so neglectful of your children but you are the true parent to them. You are loving them, supporting them, housing them, tucking them in at night. Those are the things they will remember for a lifetime and cling to. Your love Kissak....that's what they require most. Cling to that.

((((((((((Kissak)))))))))))))
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1540344 - 07/31/08 11:24 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thanks Dar and Mishka....I wish things werent the way they are, but I dont think anything is going to change anytime soon.

Oh, I have a party tonight....My parttime business...selling inhome stuff.....Im looking forward to getting out and having a good time! I have about 10 or more people coming! Looking forward to the commission too!!

Pray for me!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1540363 - 07/31/08 11:30 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
SWEET! How many parties have you done now? Are you sure you can't share the name of the company with us? We can sign up under you and you'll make more $ then too! Maybe just the initials and we can figure it out? ;\)

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#1540465 - 07/31/08 12:50 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
WEll, its TW (One word, yes people, its still around)...I have done 3 parties now....Its sooo easy and fun too! It has helped me alot with my self esteem! I really enjoy it.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1540483 - 07/31/08 01:03 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
For real???? I was going to sign up for that a couple weeks ago! I wasn't sure it would pan out though since it's been around for like, forever! ;\)

Top
#1540525 - 07/31/08 01:23 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
AWESOME Kissak! I love TW - have lots of it!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1540759 - 07/31/08 03:39 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Oh, thanks guys....Yes it has been around forever, but it is so much better now a days....better quality I think. AND such pretty colors...You should check out a website about it.

I havent seen alot of profit yet, but Ive only had 3 parties....But I have gotten lots of free stuff for selling it. It hasnt cost me but start up and thats already been paid back.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1540770 - 07/31/08 03:43 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
They're stuff is awesome now! I just went to a party a couple weeks ago and got the chips and dip bowl. That's where I almost started up selling it. \:\)

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#1540836 - 07/31/08 04:16 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
I love the colors they have now.

I inherited a bunch of my mom's stuff when she moved in with me. It's all avocado, orange, yellow, and brown! YUCK! It still works really well though and it was free so I'm not going to complain.
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1540892 - 07/31/08 04:39 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Free TW is the GREATEST!

Top
#1541098 - 07/31/08 06:30 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 11942
kissak -
There's a semi-well-known lesbian punk folksinger from the 80's named Phranc. After she and her partner had kids, she turned her showmanship skills to selling TW. She became well known for making a VERY good living at it!

Ellie

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#1541103 - 07/31/08 06:33 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kml]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 11942

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#1541219 - 07/31/08 08:41 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kml]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Cute story kml!

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#1541376 - 07/31/08 11:18 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thanks kml...I will check it out!

Guys I had an awesome party tonight!!

I made about $250!!! I couldnt believe it! I had so much fun too! I am ready to do this thing! Dar, if you ever want to sign up let me know!!

I only need 2 more recruits! Then I will be a manager! It was so much fun!

You know, its after 11 here and I just realized that my H hasnt called or texted me tonight at all.....oh well. He didnt call the kids either.

He is so down and depressed because the OW is already dating I hear....too bad. And too bad Im not available either...too busy with TW!!

Hope you all have a great night!!!!


Edited by kissak (07/31/08 11:19 PM)
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1541420 - 08/01/08 12:04 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
(((((((Kissak))))))))))

Congrats on a fabulous party tonight!!! That's awesome that you did so well. Keep it up!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1541720 - 08/01/08 09:49 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thanks Mishka!!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1541736 - 08/01/08 09:55 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Kissak,

That is sooo awesome! Having a good party like that really boosts the mood, doesn't it? I liked doing them as I got the hang of it. I don't like the attention on me and it makes me nervous, but once you're there it's not so bad. It actually gave me a boost of confidence with each party! So glad to hear that you had a great party!

Top
#1541995 - 08/01/08 11:58 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Ugh! I hate this. My H calls to see if he could get the kids a couple of hours. I thought, great! He is actually taking interest in wanting to see them...then he says, well, you probably wont like this, but I was going to take them to the OW's house while i did laundry and let them swim.

How would he be spending time with them then? Nope, they would swim while he sat outside talking to the OW. No time with them.

Well, it may have been wrong and selfish of me, but I said if he was going to take them there, no. He could come get them and see them, but not if they were going there. They arent even together. She is so mommying him. Letting him wash his clothes there and all that. He just makes me sooo mad!

It was probably wrong of me, but I cant control where they go on his time, but this is my time and if I have the choice, they wont go there.

Go ahead, hit me.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1542000 - 08/01/08 11:59 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
I'm not going to hit you cuz I'd be pissed too. He wasn't going to spend time with them if he was doing his laundry.

Top
#1542053 - 08/01/08 12:31 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Exactly! Actually I didnt know he was off today until I saw him this morning on my way to work. I passed him on MY road going to the OW's apartment. So, he knew I saw him. If he thought I didnt know he was off, I guareente you that he would have never let me know. He wouldnt have gotten the kids either. That was for my benefit only. My son talked to him on the phone and said he wanted to spend the night with him. Guess what he said?

I'll think about it. THen he told me he didnt want me to think that he didnt want them to stay by saying that, he just werent sure.

Hello? If I never hardly ever saw my kids and they wanted to stay with me....I dont think I would have to think about it for a second!

Just ticks me off is all.....so right now he is doing his laundry first, so I guess he can come get the kids for a while. I dont know if they are staying or not.

Its just my choice what they do on my time....Im not going to purposely let them go over there.

And he knows that.

He told me he just werent having a good week. Said it was people, life and work. He is looking a part time job to help him with the bills.

Dont wanna hear it.

All hes gotta do is grow up.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1542069 - 08/01/08 12:38 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
WCW Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/05
Posts: 4986
Is there a reason why he wouldn't/couldn't do his laundry at your place and he could spend time with the kids there? you wouldn't have to stay if you'd be okay with that. Or is it better not to open that option?

What is it with laundry anyway??!! I don't have a clue where my H does his laundry or if he drops it off somewhere or at a cleaners. One time I noticed creases in his jeans, come on!! starched shirts next? looks great with dirt and sweat!

Did you get the book yet?
_________________________
Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.

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#1542088 - 08/01/08 12:47 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: WCW]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Hey, No I havent got the book yet. I should have it anyday though.

I thought about offering him to use my washer/dryer, but I have offered in the past and when he has to choose between using mine or hers, in the past he chooses hers. So, I quit offering. I dont offer much of any help anymore. He doesnt want it. He usually just thanks me for the offer.

He use to do it at the laundrymat some, but he is broke so cant even afford to wash his clothes.

I think this OW is going to be around for a long time. She likes to baby my H too much. ITs stupid.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1542095 - 08/01/08 12:50 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
a new 2moro Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/06
Posts: 4738
Loc: Maine
i thought they broke up?
_________________________
Me 53
H 51
OW 25
Bomb may 06
left june 8/ 06
ILYBNILWY (twice!)
7/6/07 H wants to come home
7/21/07 H comes home
7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW
now piecing in earnest


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#1542098 - 08/01/08 12:51 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: a new 2moro]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
They did, but she mothers him.

Top
#1542109 - 08/01/08 12:55 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
shewholurks Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/01
Posts: 749
Loc: Wasilla, Alaska
Kissak,

Nah. No hits. Might break a nail. How would that be good? ;\)

Of course you hate it. He should spend more quality time with the kids. That being said by telling him no you denied the kids time with their daddy. Being that it is your time with them you obviously have the right to say no. I faced that many times. I often allowed the kid to go with his father because I truly had nothing more exciting planned and imho I feel that some contact with the absent parent is better than none at all. No matter what goes on with you and your H, he is still and will always be their father. Please stop expecting him to act or react like you do. Even if he wasn't NuTbAr, everyone acts differently in situations.

And please don't open your house to him to do laundry. Your house is your space. Your refuge. Keep it that way.

Hopefully the book will show up today, girl. Gah. Dang postal service.

Congrats on the awesome TW party. Sounds like you are truly enjoying it. Did you ever get an internet storefront set up?

*hugs*
~ swl
_________________________
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}

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#1542125 - 08/01/08 01:00 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
STUPID DAM!!!
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1542201 - 08/01/08 01:23 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
WEll, Ok, yes I know its is good for them to spend time with him. I know that. But really he wouldnt be. Trust me. The Ow's son would be babysitting them while in the pool. He would be inside doing laundry. Of course i do think of them. Of course they would have loads of fun swimming in her pool. But dang, they do everytime they are with him.

I know, I know. ITs a struggle I have sometimes. Think of the kids. I am. I just dont want them around her.

And they did break up. My kids are confused enough already.

SWL....Im still waiting for the book...hopefully today or tomorrow...ashame you couldnt have faxed it to me!...LOL!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1542205 - 08/01/08 01:23 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
oh, and dont worry. Im not gonna let him do laundry at my house and use my water and electricity. If OW is stupid enough to keep letting him use her, thats her problem.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1542360 - 08/01/08 02:10 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
There ya go! Let them have their dysfunctional R all on their own. You don't need to be involved in it but you also don't need to expose your children to the confusion any more than they already are.
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1542871 - 08/01/08 05:40 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
WCW Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/05
Posts: 4986
Originally Posted By: kissak
oh, and dont worry. Im not gonna let him do laundry at my house and use my water and electricity. If OW is stupid enough to keep letting him use her, thats her problem.
I know your sitch is much different but I remember how different H and I would do laundry. He'd always use the dryer and I'l always hang out on the line to dry. It was a stupid game we played. Now I just wish I knew where he did his laundry and would welcome him to use the washer and dryer again. Of course he'd have to supply his own detergent. Kidding!!!!! \:D
_________________________
Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.

Top
#1543106 - 08/01/08 09:08 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: WCW]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
I think you did the right thing...it is YOUR time with the kids...and personally I think he uses them around her so she will be nice or some other ulterior motive...

You set a boundry...and even though the kids would have had fun swimming it isn't like that is the only time they will have...and it isn't like they would have been having fun with dad...instead it could be confusing for them and you are right...

you have no control of HIS time with them...but you do, YOURS...time to excersize your control...and let H know you won't allow the children to be used in his "game"...protect them as much as you can from his insanity and the confusion that surrounds it...
_________________________
Status:

Happy and together

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#1543210 - 08/01/08 11:18 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you Lin....I feel the same way....I do believe he uses them as an excuse to go there. You see, his parents have a pool. They never see the kids. The kids asked once if they could go to their grandparents house and he said NO, they were going to the OW. I know he uses that durn pool and her son as reasons just to go.

He is keeping the kids tonight though. My son asked if he could stay. They miss their daddy. Well my son does anyway. My daughter didnt really want to go, but she did.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1543614 - 08/02/08 02:01 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thats it, thats it, thats it! Ive had it had it had it!!!!

ugh!

What is wrong with men? Please tell me this.

You know, I went to tkd this morning right.

H came. We sat together for a few min, then he left the room. After about 10 min I went out to my truck to get my phone. Well, he was sitting in the other room on the couch. I asked wasnt he going to come in and watch our S. After all thats why he came, right? Well, he asked me to come here for a min. So I did. Shouldnt have. He wanted to fool around. I told him no. I got up and said I was going back into the other room to watch our son. He stayed on the couch. Well, a few min later my D came and told me that daddy said to tell me he was leaving and to see if I would come out there. I walked out and asked why he was leaving already, he just said he had some things to do. I was a little irriated at him by then. I said that he rode all the way out here to see our s and now he was going to leave? I said that he needed to at least go and tell our S goodbye, because our s gets upset sometimes when daddy leaves and doesnt say goodbye.

WELL, H got an attitude with me, put on his sunglasses and went and sat back down on the couch. I asked what he was doing? I said if you are going to stay, why are you going to sit out here?

Then he got up and stomped into the room where our son was and told me to "come on then". I just stood there. Then walked in and sat down. A few chairs away at that. He just sat there and stared at me.... He asked what was wrong with me? I just said he didnt have to get an attitude with me. He asked what I meant and all I said was "you know what I meant".

Anyway, our D comes and sit between us and then he starts playing around with her saying Mommy is mad at him. I didnt say a word. I turned to the lady beside me and struck up a conversation with her. I ignored him to pieces. then he wants to start poking at me and being all immature thinking he is funny.

When its time to leave, he said....are you happy? You got your way. I stayed the whole time. I looked at him and said it wasnt about me, it was about our son....he said "its always about the kids, everything is about the kids" I looked at him and walked away, got in my truck. I started it and told the kids to tell their dad good bye. He then reached over my D and turnd MY truck off and took the keys!! He stood there smiling saying "whats wrong". I told him to give me my keys so I could leave, that it was hot. He gave me my keys back and I left. Then he texted me "what r u mad now" I didnt answer, and dummy me, he called at the same time I was opening my phone. So, I said hello. He continued with "r u mad" I told him it wasnt about me and my getting my way. He wanted to argue that it was about me....

I just said "you know what, dont worry about me asking you to do anything for the kids again" and I hung up!

Then 15 min later he calls, i dont answer. He leaves a message that he wanted to tell the kids he loved them, if I would have them call him. I told the kids what he said. Neither of them wanted to talk. So, then my H calls again to ask to speak to them. I had to practically put the phone to their ears. All he wanted to say was that he loved them.

That I dont get. He just told them when we left TKD....He never calls in the middle of the day just to tell them that. Then he asked to speak to me again. I told him that I didnt need to talk to him. He told me he would talk to me and the kids later then.

Im in some sort of shock over how he acted today.

Im over it. Im over him and his stupidity!
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

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#1543738 - 08/02/08 05:53 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
((((((((((Kissak))))))))))))

Your H is an immature idiot! He has no clue how much pain you have been in.

You are so much better than this. Stay away from him as much as you can. He lives to push your buttons and keep you on edge.
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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#1543778 - 08/02/08 07:29 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thank you Mishka....

Immature idiot! Exactly it.

I use to think the opposite. I use to take up for him. My parents use to think..wow, what a good husband I have...

Now, immature idiot.

Trust me...I have had absolutely NO DESIRE to text him or call him all day.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1543783 - 08/02/08 07:40 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
Good, don't. Keep your sanity.
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


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#1543798 - 08/02/08 07:53 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Trust me, Im trying...but today it isnt all that hard. All I do is think about how immature he was acting today.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1544617 - 08/03/08 10:11 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Well, I guess my NC with H yesterday struck a nerve in him.

I didnt text him at all yesterday after our little spat.

Well, about 1:30am this morning, my cell phone woke me up. There were 2 messages. One said Good night, sent at 1:12 am, he sent it twice. The other was at 1:30, it said "I guess you are still mad at me since you didnt text me since the afternoon.

I of course, didnt answer. I went back to sleep. First off, he didnt have any reason to be texting me that late.

So, first thing this morning, he calls. Wants to talk to the kids. I told them they were still in bed. That I would have them call him as soon as they woke up. He said ok. Then asked how come I was up if they were still sleeping. Well, duh the phone woke me up.

Then I hang up. He calls back to ask if I was still mad. I told him I werent mad, but that he acted like an immature idiot yesterday. He didnt like that. Then he wanted to know what I did on Friday night because I never told him. I preceeded to NOT tell him. It was none of his business....I didnt ask what he did last night, so why does he ask what I do.

THEN after hanging up the second time, the phone rings. Ok, I was pretty sure it wasnt him. i dont have caller ID, and this being a sunday morning, I answered because of Church, I never know who will call. It was H...again. He wanted me to know that I left a bruise on his arm Yesterday. I nice big one. He was messing with me and I reached over and took a big hunk of skin on his underarm and pinched the crap out of it!

I told him "good!" Then told him I had to go and fix the kids breakfast.

He didnt call anymore.

I dont get it. I really dont. I havent texted him any today either. He did call back after church to talk to the kids. They invited him to the VBS program tonight...of course his answer was "will see". They both know that usually means he wont.

I got a little irritated by it later when my d called to remind him and he said the same thing.

SO,I did a no no, I texted him and politely told him that if he knew he werent going to please tell our D that, so she wouldnt get her hopes up...he said OK and that he was trying to come.

He came. Surprised me,but he came and actually stayed the whole time.

I dont know what this week will bring, but I feel sorta detached from him lately. "will see"
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1544953 - 08/04/08 09:24 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
imLIN Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2144
Loc: CA
your letting him engage you tooo much...set the boundry...if it isn't about kids or finances he needs to leave you alone...and what difference does it make if your mad or not???...is he going to come home if you are?...is he going to make everything all better?...

I would tell him just to worry about himself and his OW...you have the rest covered (you and the kids)...and just need for him to leave you alone!...

that includes no phone calls past 9pm or before 7am (if that is when kids are up and around)...if it is an emergency (meaning the kids are with him and one of them needs you) that is the ONLY call you want between those times...this waking you up at all hours is rediculous and childish...and it does nothing for YOU...remember YOU in all of this!
_________________________
Status:

Happy and together

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#1544960 - 08/04/08 09:30 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: imLIN]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Yes Lin. I am trying to remember me.

I got the book today 'Love Must Be Tough' I am planning to start reading it tonight.

Thanks swl...check your email.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1545222 - 08/04/08 12:49 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Kiss, let me know how that book is. I like to read. I'm reading a pleasant "Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul" right now though....a pick me up book. \:\)

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#1545270 - 08/04/08 01:15 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
mishka422 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/12/07
Posts: 9622
Loc: GA
Kissak - I read that book and it was really good.
_________________________
T19 M15 S19 XH46 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!


Top
#1545281 - 08/04/08 01:22 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: mishka422]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
I have read the first page, thats as far as I have gotten so far...
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1546534 - 08/05/08 11:51 AM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Hello everyone, its been a quiet day for me. I feel a little down today. Just sad. Wanting to go home and pull the covers over my head really and just cry.

Just kinda down. H hasnt called or texted at all today. Ive quit trying to figure out why. He did call last night wanting to talk to the kids, but they werent home, they stayed off last night. So I told him to call them...but he said for me to just call them and ask my sister who they were staying with to give them a hug for him....I asked why, he told me that a child had died today on a call. Things like that get to him sometimes. Of course he had to mention that the OW went on the call and she wasnt doing to good.

Anyway, shouldnt you want to hug your kids everyday...why only when you see a tragedy such as this one?

Hug and love your kids everyday as if they werent going to be here tomorrow.

Pray for the childs family...it was a tragedy.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1546657 - 08/05/08 12:53 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Hey, I started reading the book 'Love Must Be Tough' Last night. Got to about page 30...I would have read more, but fell asleep...not because of the book, just exhausted.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1546854 - 08/05/08 02:34 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
What's this book about?

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#1546872 - 08/05/08 02:50 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Maya44]
WCW Offline
Member

Registered: 06/13/05
Posts: 4986
dar, you're already at the library. Check it out. It's a good read but not necessarily agreeing with DB. I found it to be a good source of strength but as always, what works for one doesn't work for another.
_________________________
Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.

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#1546880 - 08/05/08 02:54 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: WCW]
Maya44 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 4521
Loc: Midwest, US
Already on it WCW. \:\) Just trying to make small talk and see how Kissak is doing today. \:\)

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#1546927 - 08/05/08 03:55 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: WCW]
Yoyowife Offline
Member

Registered: 03/20/07
Posts: 5666
Originally Posted By: WCW
dar, you're already at the library. Check it out. It's a good read but not necessarily agreeing with DB. I found it to be a good source of strength but as always, what works for one doesn't work for another.


WCW,
I have read Dobson's Tough Love also and agree it isn't very DBing friendly. What is your take on it? Do you think while in MLC a WAS would respond to his techniques?
_________________________


Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
-- Bernice Johnson Reagon



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#1546942 - 08/05/08 04:05 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: Yoyowife]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
WEll, Im only about 30 pages into it. All it has talked about so far is different peoples situations. HOw hard it is for us that are left behind and how our first instincts are to do what most of us did...beg, cry, plead, etc. It is all a normal reaction, but it is the very thing that will most times, push them away...that we have all seen and learned not to do...Im not really looking for a remedy on my sitch...just looking for any healing it may offer me.

There is no fix for my sitch...H has been very quiet today. Not in a talking mood I guess. Said he will be here to get the kids at 5....I feel like he is divorce busting me!

Anyway, i will have a few hours to myself again tonight.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1546944 - 08/05/08 04:06 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
Thanks Dar...Im doing better than I was....feeling stressed a bit earlier today. But Im doing.....btw, get the book.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1547009 - 08/05/08 04:49 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
kissak Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 3525
Loc: USA
OMG!! I am so in shock!

My H resigned his top position at the Ems/fire!!

OMG! He has to find a second job! That is why he has been stressed...or one of the reasons. He just asked if I would watch the kids for him saturday to work.

OK, how do I handle this...this is his time. His weekend. He is working. We always said that we wouldnt watch our kids for pleasure...work only...but if he is going to work alot when he has the kids...thats not fair for the kids, but he needs to survive.
_________________________
Kissak

"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3
M-37 H-37
S-10, D-15
M- 1993
First bomb- 12/23/06
Came and went too MANY times!
Gone again 10-25-10

Top
#1547048 - 08/05/08 05:19 PM Re: Just Living My Life! [Re: kissak]
shewholurks Offline
Member

Registered: 11/12/01
Posts: 749
Loc: Wasilla, Alaska
No. It's not fair for the kids but if you don't watch them when it is his time with the kids who will? He will then be forced to find someone else to do so. Who would you rather watch them? Yourself or someone else?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being flexible. You know my X works fire. His schedule during the season is unpredictable at best. What is to be gained by forcing him to make a choice if he has to work?

~ swl

p.s. glad you got the book. I think you will find it helpful in learning to respect yourself while during this most difficult time.
_________________________
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}

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