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#1522134 - 07/17/08 09:13 AM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: MidwesternGirl]
TRUSTING Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 2549
Good point steeler, absolutely.

My kids are doing well Mrs. H., however ex is taking them on a week trip to Branson with his OW. What a good role model not to mention how confused this makes my children.
_________________________
Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11


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#1522196 - 07/17/08 10:13 AM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: TRUSTING]
Nutty Chick Offline
Member

Registered: 08/18/07
Posts: 534
Originally Posted By: TRUSTING
Depression sign #19

ML'ERS CAN EXPERIENCE SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION

Men can go through what is called andropause - a male menopause so to speak. Andropause is characterized by a loss of testosterone.


That’s really interesting ...

I hadn't even thought of this as being relevant before.

For 2 months before H met OW, my H and I did not ML.

(My H has a high sex drive)

There is a part of me that wonders if he was with OW at this time … but he says not.

Anyway, when he told me about OW one confusing thing he said during that conversation was that: .. “Even the sex isn’t so important anymore..”

I asked him what he meant and he said it didn’t bother him like it used to when he doesn’t get to ML.


Nutty
_________________________
Be The Greener Grass.


Me 40
H 42
Son 11
Married 15 years.
Left May 2006 after gambling spree
I had EA August 2006
OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!)
I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.

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#1522278 - 07/17/08 11:00 AM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: TRUSTING]
MissH Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 5375
Loc: NY
Trusting,
Quote:
My kids are doing well Mrs. H., however ex is taking them on a week trip to Branson with his OW. What a good role model not to mention how confused this makes my children.
Tell me about it. My H is taking the kids for a week to Bush Gardens, VA with the ow. He went last year too with them and her. It makes me sick, especially since he sleeps in the same bed with her in front of them.
_________________________
Me:35, ex: 36
Sons: 9 & 7
Bomb: July, 2006
Divorced 2009

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#1522325 - 07/17/08 11:45 AM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: MissH]
lovehopefaith Offline
Member

Registered: 06/25/08
Posts: 232
I don't think my H has any issues with #19 right now, particularly because he's only 34 years old... Although a lot of the time I was the initiator, as I look back...

My H and I were ML until just a few weeks before the bomb dropped. That's what was so confusing to me -- I thought our sex life was getting better... but when he went nuts he said it as "too mechanical," that I was using him to have another child, etc. What kills me is that if he wanted things to be spiced up a bit he should have said/done something and as for the latter... Well, we supposedly BOTH wanted another kid (he even said this during the bomb) and well, I wasn't NOT enjoying it, if you get my drift, so I think this was his crazy alien head. And somehow he's forgotten that we also ML during OTHER times of the month, just more frequently during the right time, which heck, aren't you supposed to if you're trying to get pregnant????

The kicker is now he doesn't even get the so-called mechanical sex. I don't think he's getting any with anyone, unless he's pleasing himself online with his EA OW which, I'm sorry, cannot possibly be as satisfying and is kind of sad, considering his real flesh-and-blood devoted wife is upstairs and would kill to ML with him again.

The sad thing for me as wel move through this whole thing is that I really wanted to have another child WITH HIM -- I wasn't using him, I wanted OUR family to expand, and frankly, so did he -- or so I thought. But of course I don't think that will happen now. I'm 39 years old, and maybe if I seemed a little 'active" in trying to get pregnant, it's because I felt time was running out. But on the other hand, I truly loved him and loved ML to him so I feel like he used that as an excuse against me. I so wish he had spoken out about this part of our life, or tried harder with me...
_________________________
M 39
H 34
D 6
M almost 8 years
T 11 years
Bomb: 6/5/08

(1)http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1562223&page=0&fpart=1

(2)http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1562522&page=0#Post1562522

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#1522497 - 07/17/08 01:53 PM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: lovehopefaith]
ACJ Offline
Member

Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 5369
Loc: England
T yes you are right I am very down at the moment. My H just stopped paying maintenance without any warning and it has left me in a very big financial mess. I will be alright for a couple of months due to a small amount of savings (which were supposed to be for next years holiday - not having one this year) but if I don't find a 3rd job to do at the weekend I could find myself homeless.
_________________________
Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15

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#1523193 - 07/17/08 09:39 PM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: ACJ]
cagzmom Offline
Member

Registered: 08/21/07
Posts: 1666
Loc: NC
Jeez' ACJ - do you have anything legal or binding? What about a lawyer. I am so sorry. The life they leave us in is hard and so (at least for me) absolutely opposite of what we had.

I am sorry --- do you have family and friends around to help?
_________________________
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06
Moved out 3/12/07
D final 7/30/2008
finding myself again



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#1523199 - 07/17/08 09:41 PM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: cagzmom]
cagzmom Offline
Member

Registered: 08/21/07
Posts: 1666
Loc: NC
T- I have been thinking (and researching) what you shared about the MLC and the sexual dysfunction.

Funny and sad really. By resources of which I wont share I know my stbx just got some viagra...we din' have problems in that area- even up to the end (and I am talking days before he left...long story.) ANYWAY--- sex was never a big thing with him --- never not even when we first dated. ME?? Lets just say i am missing the male around the house!! =)

Anyway, I do believe that his sexual drive was on its way out hte door - -and I am sure his self esteem is suffering along side with it.

It is hard to know that this IS a "sickness" and to know that some day they more (or may not) come out of it. There is HOPE but they don't choose it. It is so hard and frustrating.
_________________________
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06
Moved out 3/12/07
D final 7/30/2008
finding myself again



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#1523201 - 07/17/08 09:43 PM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: cagzmom]
TRUSTING Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 2549
ACJ,

I would like to slap him up. They are ridiculously cruel. I will pray for you...
_________________________
Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11


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#1523211 - 07/17/08 09:50 PM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: TRUSTING]
TRUSTING Offline
Member

Registered: 11/03/07
Posts: 2549
Cagz,

My ex was having erectile dysfunction about 1 year prior to the bomb. At first he said it was all him, due to stress, eventually he blamed me for his problem, bought cialis and did the OW.

One morning I found cialis in his gym bag. I counted the pills and then put them back. We were not having sex. The next day I checked and one was missing. The next day I checked and another one was missing. I confronted him and did not back down until he admitted he was being unfaithful. I called my dad and he booted his ass out of the house. He now tells me he had no intention of leaving me and wanted to grow old with me. O.k. so he just wanted both worlds.
_________________________
Me: 46 H:44
Together: 25 years
Married: 20 years
Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07
OW: EA began 2005
PA began end of 2006
3 children,20, 16, 6
ex asked for forgiveness
01/16/11


Top
#1523217 - 07/17/08 09:59 PM Re: SIGNS OF DEPRESSION 3 cont..... [Re: TRUSTING]
cagzmom Offline
Member

Registered: 08/21/07
Posts: 1666
Loc: NC
My x brought home a subscription for Viagra the summer before the bomb. I told him "we are fine.." and smiled at him. (at that time he was workign literally about 80 hours a week and drivnig 40+ minutes both way to work) to ME it made sense that THAT side of us was a little "off" for the season.

I believe that my x truly didn't decide that he was really done till last fall when he did "try" to come home and decided it was too much. that makes me sad. Even after he served me the D papers we talked and he said that stupid "I will always love you" bs. But to me, what I think is sad...is he KNOWS that i loved him -selflessly and he knows he did love me.

The world uses that line all the time. "oh I will always love my xwife/xhusband". People that say that just make me angry....LOVE = Committment and they go hand in hand! UGHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
_________________________
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06
Moved out 3/12/07
D final 7/30/2008
finding myself again



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