After working through chapter 3, you should be closer to knowing what you want. Now, it might be time to share these thoughts with your spouse.
How many times have you already told your spouse what you want and need? Millions of times I bet, right?!
What have your results been so far?
How have you been asking? What, exactly, have you been saying? Have you possibly been asking in such a way that it might come across as either "nagging" or "complaining" to them?
Have your requests been met with resistance, with your partner taking a defensive stance? Maybe feeling that they were being attacked?
Are your requests positively stated? Are you really saying what you want, or are you telling them what you don't want, or don't like?
What are the times and places that you ask?
Might you be asking for too much all at once?
With all of the above in mind, when have been the times when you've been able to ask for what you want, and gotten it? Or, at least some of it?
What has worked for you in the past?
JJ
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Quoting Jamesjohn: After working through chapter 3, you should be closer to knowing what you want. Now, it might be time to share these thoughts with your spouse." I want to try and make my marriage work.
How many times have you already told your spouse what you want and need? Millions of times I bet, right?!
"What have your results been so far?" I have asked for a kiss, he never hesitated. I asked for a deeper kiss, he tried to give me one, but I felt like he wasn't sure what he should do.
How have you been asking? What, exactly, have you been saying? Have you possibly been asking in such a way that it might come across as either "nagging" or "complaining" to them?" I asked to have brakes adjusted or oil changed, nothing.
Have your requests been met with resistance, with your partner taking a defensive stance? Maybe feeling that they were being attacked?" H just doesn't call to set up a time to do it. He says the guy who does the brakes is booked up. I might be dead by the time the guy fixing them!
Are your requests positively stated? Are you really saying what you want, or are you telling them what you don't want, or don't like?" I told my H on July first, that I didn't think I wanted a D ( I was the one to file) I also said lets leave things as they are. Now I want to have a talk with him. I want to tell him I want to try and make M work and if he or when he would ever be ready that he can come home if he chooses.
What are the times and places that you ask? At home in our yard. It's the only place I see him.
Might you be asking for too much all at once?
With all of the above in mind, when have been the times when you've been able to ask for what you want, and gotten it? Or, at least some of it? The kisses and hugs, in the barn or in the yard and when I told him I didn't want D he said "whatever you want" and I got a hung and kiss afterward. Help, what should I be doing? I know that calling him seems to push him away. that is for sure, because I have tested it both ways.
