Partner left after 9 years - Freaky Friendship now

[Kalni]

He is backing off. Clearly. But we do not know why. We have no clue. So, what have we learned so far? When they back off we don't chase them further away, we wait..., silently, patiently...

I bet you, you have somekind of contact tomorrow. I know I amy sound harsh, but you need to stop worrying so much. Really!!
Sleep well sweetheart!

K

[AliSuddenly]

Thanks Dar and Michelle, yes, it seems to me he is too. To not contact me at all Monday or today and he probably wouldnt have yesterday either if I hadnt called him. I think he had a doctors appointment yesterday or today, 3 weeks follow up on his tablets. I am disappointed he didnt call, yes, I expected him to a little. Hey Kalni! I wont contact him tommorow, I will have to wait and see...

Well... I just called his best friends W. She was very grounding. She told me her H hadnt spoke to her for nearly a week, but wouldnt explain why! He is worse than my BF for revealing his feelings. He spent Saturday afternoon and evening with my BF. She said he was probably moaning about her to my BF (which he was) and she reckons her H is struggling with the commitment and grass is always greener..so she wonders if they werent really moaning about woman on Saturday night and that might be why he backed off a bit!

She didnt say anything specific, but she very firmly told me to keep waiting, to keep doing what I am doing. She said, if you can stand to, becuase it must seem like a long time to you.. but keep going. She said he didnt look good at the weekend, still not his old self, looks drawn and like he is dealing with stuff. She said whatever demons he is trying to resolve, he clearly hasnt yet. She said he wasnt all smiley and bouncy when he turned up at their house. Its good that an outside sees him like that, becuase if he is like that around his oldest mate, without me around, then that is his true state. She doesnt know any more though.

She thinks it is really bad that I'm not invited to any part of his brothers wedding next week, eventhough me and my BF are so close. She reckons I should ask my BF if I can attend the church ceremony at least and I will sit with her if I do. I will have to think about this one, I would like to be there!

[AliSuddenly]

Looking for positives..
he called me Sunday night at 9pm when he was back, after a 4 hour drive, which I WASNT expecting. So thats something. No contact Monday.. but, when I emailed him Tuesday, he replied saying "meant to ring last night but was onthe phone to dave for over an hour and a half! felt exhausted afterwards" - so the intention was there! And he asked me "you ok for medication and food and stuff?" - so he would probably have come round if I had asked him to (I said I was fine).Then I phoned him last night and he seemed pleased to hear from me and we chatted for 1/2 hour. Then no contact again today. So not totally backed off?

I wish I could have quizzed my friend more as to why she was so certain I should carry on. She said I should keep hanging on in there, keep plodding on.. I said, is that just your gut instinct or is there some reason why you're saying that? She said "yeah..I think you should carry on" She said, "I dont know anything from this weekend..." and then went on to say he didnt look good and its just going to be a matter of more time.