Walk It Off

[NoCodeBlues]

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Last thread.


Walk it off
Toby Keith


Walk it off
Pick up all the pieces of your broken heart
You don't have to worry
She don't care anymore
She ain't there anymore
Hit the wall
'Cause no one you can call is gonna ease your pain
So take your torn umbrella out into the rain
Walk it off

Run
Boy you were born to run
Now the day has come
She's left you standin' still
So deal
How does it feel
To have to face the fact
She ain't coming back
Walk it off
(repeat)

Walk it off
Though you might not ever see her face again
Sittin' here alone just scares you half to death
Boy don't hold your breath

Walk it off

------------------

My last thread locked. I haven't been as active of late contributing to this forum; just lurking and trying to follow what everyone else is going through. I can't say there have been any serious developments in my sitch, other than me becoming more resigned to the fate of my M.

W is still keeping up pretenses with me. I don't know why. She is definitely still pursuing the OM, still considers me to be the antichrist, still holds contempt and disrespect for me -- and yet she still tries to pass herself off as diligent, hard-working, honest and true, not to mention the better, more faithful parent. I don't know how on one hand she has nothing but utter disregard for what I might think or feel regarding decisions and matters concerning us or our S's, and yet in chitchatting with me she will offer that she has such an awfully busy schedule all the time, and that the reason she had to leave out last night (Friday), after I picked the boys up from the house, was to see a patient, or like today that she was late coming back this evening to call our children because she had a patient an hour's drive east of the metro area (which just so happens to be the same town OM lives in, by some funny coincidence.) I really don't want to hear it, but I feel like I have to tolerate it. What I really want to say to her is to shut the h*ll up and quit offering these lies and lame excuses to me -- I ain't buying.

WTF. I am now at the point that I no longer can stand to be around her -- I just don't like the person she has become at all. If the person I fell in love with 17 years ago is still in there somewhere, I have grown weary of trying to find any evidence of her. And the more this alien continues to threaten my relationship with what is left of my fractured family, my two S's, the less inclined I am willing to continue to look for her better angel. I now only have my two S's as my reason for being at present, and she wants to take even that away too. I can only see this as her trying to utterly destroy me once and for all, to sacrifice me for the sake of her selfish aims.

And yet she still persists in trying to pawn this pretense of her innocence off on me. Why? To garner my respect? To try to convince me she is still acting out of all honor and decency? Or to lull me into complacency, so I will more easily allow myself be led to the slaughter?

------------
Thursday, I went to a dinner party with several of my Divorce Care group cohorts. We had a good time, and discussed a lot of subjects concerning our spouses. It was also a bit of a wake as well as a party -- two of our group's D's became final the next day, Friday. My friend, "M", was one of them. She was in amazingly upbeat spirits despite this. She was at peace with this outcome and had buried the hatchet with her husband, for the most part.

One thing that came up in our conversations: "M" told me I needed to lose my wedding band. She had a point, that it was likely aggravating my W to no end seeing me still wearing it when she had already moved on. But I continue to wear my ring, not for W but for my covenant with God, and as an act of integrity, for the sake of my S's.

[LL44]

Hi Mr. NoCode.

WTF. I am now at the point that I no longer can stand to be around her -- I just don't like the person she has become at all

Last night after H left, I was thinking "I would soooo much rather spend this night alone, by myself, than around the person H has become". In fact, I would rather do anything else than spend time with H right now. He is such an empty shell of a person, a person acting half his age, and not realizing what a fool he appears to others. I am disappointed in his choices, and therefore, don't want to be around him.

The difference between your W and my H is that he offers up no excuse, offers no plans (or made up plans) and I don't ask. I would tire very quickly of hearing his lies, like you are with your W.

Glad to hear "M" is doing well, seeing as though she is my hero.

Nocode, funny about the ring. I took mine off in December, the day I found out H was going out with OW, to celebrate their Christmas together. This is the very first time I actually knew they would be together. I barely remember this night, I was so lost and sad. I said to myself I would wear my ring til the official D day. But it hasn't gone back on. I am still married in God's eyes, and I will not tarnish that status in any way. I will remain faithful to my H. I miss my ring, what it once represented for me and for H.

I have no idea why your W is trying to appear honest and innocent in your eyes. That really confuses me.

[fightingirish]

Hey nocodes,


Just wanted to say hang in there. You w seems to me that she is really living in denial. She can't face the truth that she is the dishonest one here. Until she faces this, there is no hope for her return.. the her that you fell in love with.

I understand about your ring, completly, but maybe it may empower you a bit to take it off.. just my .02.

Thinking of you..

[runningoutoftime]

Once my H filed for D my ring came off (and he had stopped wearing his a couple years ago). He kept insisting I didn't "get" or "accept" the fact he was divorcing me and I needed to do that. Not wearing it helped me detach and accept my situation as well as let my H know I was ready to move on.

Not wearing it didn't stop me from DBing. Also, I didn't take NOT wearing a ring as a license to date.

[NoCodeBlues]

Hello, all,

I have contemplated the ring for some time. I am keeping it on now, as a reminder. If/when I take it off, then for me it is over (the M).

I think that since my W has a habit of setting what I call "negative milestones" to counter the positive dates in our history together, I may follow suit. She was going to walk out on me the week after our anniversary (July). She told me the IDLYAM (I don't love you any more) the day before Father's Day. And she made the last time we ML on Mother's Day. So, I may take the ring off on Mother's Day -- 365 days since I became celibate (by force). That will be close enough to the date she will file -- on our anniversary, no doubt.

----------

W continues to be mean and hostile towards me, and attempting to harm my relationship with my S's in subtle ways. She lodged two petty complaints to me concerning how I take care of my S's when they're with me. Monday night I took the boys with me to my DivorceCare group meeting. The church provided child care for them and the other children while we held our meeting. S7 and S3 are already well acquainted with the children of the other parents in my group, so they had a good time with them.

Unfortunately the meeting runs until 8:30 PM, and that is past the time our S's are supposed to be in bed. So when W called she calmly chided me for keeping them out late on a "school night". I reminded W that she too had kept our S's out past bedtime -- she flatly denied it. I reminded her she was out shopping with them late one night recently. W responded that that was shopping for groceries. She belittled my example since shopping for food was something "important" -- as if what I was doing was not important. I calmly told her that "Man does not leave by bread alone."

Then later I let W talk to S7, and I could tell by the half of the conversation I could hear that W was asking leading questions of our S. I asked S7 to hand me the phone back so I could talk to his mother. I asked her what she was telling him. W said that I left S7 in the car at S3's preschool while I went inside to pick S3 up. W accused me of placing S7's life in danger, saying that some stranger could have broken into my locked car and stolen S7 away, even in the brief time I was away.

I was stunned at this accusation. I was even more incensed that W had been instilling fear into S7 that his father was endangering his life. W told me to never leave S7 alone again and to ask "any police officer" how dangerous my actions were , since I was not immediately agreeing with her. I responded to W with two things -- I told her I would take her advice into consideration, but I was now very upset with her for spreading her panic to my S before she had even voiced this fear (rational or justified or not) with me first. I told her to talk to me first from now on, and to quit trying to interfere and to poison my relationship with my S's with paranoid assertions.

I am deeply upset with W for her petty, shallow behavior. I am stunned that she would rather expressly and surely poison her S's relationship and trust with their father rather than have some wildly off-chance and relatively unlikely event possibly happen. W is becoming more and more paranoid and delusional.

I am now thinking it will be a blessing in disguise to no longer have her in my life on a daily basis.

[InLikeFlynn]

Your wife may be setting up the custody battle and manipulating the children into make statements about placing them in danger. Do not take this lightly....let your lawyer know!!!

[karen43]

I am deeply upset with W for her petty, shallow behavior. I am stunned that she would rather expressly and surely poison her S's relationship and trust with their father rather than have some wildly off-chance and relatively unlikely event possibly happen. W is becoming more and more paranoid and delusional.

I am now thinking it will be a blessing in disguise to no longer have her in my life on a daily basis.

So sorry you are going through this!!! I have sometimes thought maybe your W has mental problems or something from some of the behaviors you describe. She sounds like she needs maybe therapy & medication or something like that! I think with that kind of behavior, you're probably right that not having her in your life will be a blessing. (My sitch is kind of like that as well). Or at least until she gets therapy/meds or whatever...I have to believe that if she tries to bring up any problems re: custody that it sounds like it will be apparent your wife is paranoid & trying to cause problems, etc. Hopefully your lawyer can give you advice about all that I guess! Again, sorry to hear that you are going through this!!! I think we all deserve better!!! :)Karen

[LL44]

I was even more incensed that W had been instilling fear into S7 that his father was endangering his life

This makes me so mad that she talked to S7 about it. A *mature* person would have talked to you about it, in private, leaving out the kids. That's horrible, because now you have to backpedal and have the "You know, I would never do anything to put you in danger talk" with S7. Something he should never have to doubt!!!

She told me the IDLYAM (I don't love you any more) the day before Father's Day

I can top you. On Father's Day, I heard "I think I actually hate you". Please tell me your W would not file on your anniversary. What has taken this woman over? It saddens me.

I am now thinking it will be a blessing in disguise to no longer have her in my life on a daily basis.

In your case, and mine, this is very true. Probably like me, you are so much more at peace without the daily reminders that we are horrible people. Plus, I have really blossomed as a Mommy since finding freedom/peace with H gone. We are learning through ourselves that we are good people, people that can rely on themselves to be happy and at peace. Trustsworty, committed people.

[runningoutoftime]

I agree with Flynn, I think there's a chance she may be trying to set you up for a custody battle. Be careful.

[LL44]

After leaving me and D3 hugs on my post, I yet again wonder how your W can leave the obvious love that is available to her. PuppyDog always says to try not to 'figure out' our spouses, but I am in awe that they walk away from so much.

How are things?