the 180s ive used are working, but when do we deal with our issues (trust, communication, healing from the hurt, reasons for our troubles)? not talking about them and being friends again is good, but not addressing real issues is not good in the long run. i want the improvements to last, but not at the expense of sweeping real issues under the rug.
tb5, start a thread in newcomers, people dont check these very often, if you want answers start a thread and tell your story, its what people need to give advice. And if you truly make changes, you might be surprised how many of your issues evaporate.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Well, let's see, i think my wife's stereotype of me is that i will wait around forever for her, and she enjoys having me there b/c i am so completely reliable all the time. I guess the 180 would be to let her know I'm ready to move on? Maybe start seeing other people. She's indicated she is going to be seeing other people. It makes me really sick, actually...
maybe your 180 is to not be reliable. you don't have to see other people. just don't make her a priority.
you have to remember that in times like these, your w will say stuff to push your buttons. let it go. don't react until it has happened. no point in being nauseated now.
Jeff, I was thinking that an effective 180 is when you can believe in the changes. I am hoping that you realize that putting a boundary on her behavior of seeing other people is not being unreliable.
Being reliable is part of WHO YOU ARE! I am faithful to a fault, and it's not something I want to change. But what obligates you to be reliable to a person who takes advantage of you? Nothing.
I am doing a 180 by not pursuing him and by pretty much letting him know that I will be ok without him, even though that is not what I want. I have stopped calling him while he is away at work and have started telling him when he communicates to me that I accept that he wants to leave and that I just want to be civil at this point...he is very confused by this! I put in a job app for him (he works away but was looking for closer to home work and this fits the bill) and he texted and asked if I had done that..I said yes,but he needed to get online if interested and fill out more of the profile and app, as I had just sent in his resume for him..then he called and asked a few more things but I broke it off and said, I was busy and hoped he did well with it, but that I had to go. He texted tonight again asking questions about the app. I looked at it for him and then sent him this email:
All it shows me is that you are currently being considered for the position. I would give their HR a call tomorrow if I were you and just state your interest and tell them when you will be home how you can be reached and ask if you need to do anything more..explain you applied via your phone as your laptop was not available to you. Best I can figure...
Hope it works out for you. No need for us to be uncivil, as I said. Have a good night and please give me a heads up as to what your plans are..I have work Fri, Sat, Sun...scheduling carts tomorrow, have a lot on my plate right now, so don't need any stress...
D (my 19yearoldson) is going to move in full time if he indeed gets the job on the rig, and can pay rent so that is a relief...He is interested in taking the upstairs, and says he will help me do the flooring and carpet downstairs so I have the other bedroom...
Have some cash coming so I will be ok for a bit..and don't think my taxes will be as bad as I thought..may owe a few grand, but I can pull that out of my exxon check if it comes or 401k if need be from my cash funds there...so I will be ok. Don't worry, you don't owe me a thing, and I don't owe you a thing..so we're good. Do whatever you want and be happy...I mean that. Good night...Have a good day tomorrow! I'm going to do my best to do the same.
Any thoughts?
We have been together for over 2 years..he had major issues with multiple ow in beginning, stopped, but
[quote=cw68]You have to do some 180s that benefit you and only you.
For instance, among other things, I've taken to doing the crossword puzzle in the newspaper every morning just because it's something I've never done before and I thought I'd enjoy it. (I mostly do though not knowing all the answers drives me up the wall!) A side benefit is that having hobbies is attractive. I'm enjoying doing new things and I have a feeling that my H is enjoying me doing new things. This is a good DB move because you're blowing their expectations of you. The person I was before was an unsuccessful spouse, regardless of whether or not I believe my H was "more" responsible for the demise of our marriage. I don't want to be that person I was before, I want to be better.
You are exactly right on you GAL for yourself which is what I am doing. The problem is my with believes this is my way of winning. How do you get a WAW to see this is not the case? If someone has always strived to win, what is a 180 that goes against that?
My husband and I are still living together but he wants me out at the end of the month. I am actually known to be unreliable and too sexually available. He has mentioned we used to talk often. Does that mean I should text him more as my 180? Can we still have sex if he initiates? Should I reject all advances? I'm still so confused. Please advise.
Hi, I am in a familiar predicament as ping1. I started to GAL, going to the gym, going back to church, spending more time with my boys. Me and W has separated for 2 months, she is seeing somone else.
We have not stopped seeing each other or being intimate once in a while. She constantly remains me that she sees the changes I have done, but that only gets her angry because now I have time for my self and when we were together I was never available to do anything. She feels cheated and also that I am going thru a phase just to win her back.
I doing the GAL for myself, otherwise I would have gone crazy already just thinking about her. But that has made her angry, I do not want to stop doing what I am doing for my self, but I also do not want to keep hurting my W. Please, help.
