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A Message from Michele
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LRT THOUGHTS #1385620
03/13/08 08:23 PM
03/13/08 08:23 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 10,805
sgctxok Offline OP
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sgctxok  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 10,805
What feelings/thoughts do each of the following words invoke in you? What would the associated body language look like? What would associated conversations sound and feel like?


Maybe you need to go dark, use the LRT.

Maybe your 'darkness' still involves communication....which of these thoughts should you keep in mind?




Worried
Trying
Busy
Available
Anxious
Light
Easy
Calm
Flirty
Cool
Flip
Nonchalant
Unavailable





What are some words YOU want to add/test out on the crowd?


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: sgctxok] #1385817
03/13/08 11:12 PM
03/13/08 11:12 PM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 102
new york
M
mgmellors Offline
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mgmellors  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 102
new york
sg,

Fixer is going to be my solution buddies, he said something about asking you for a thread so we can talk?????


Michael

m 12 years
both, second marriage,she has 2 boys 26 & 20
Youngest has been an issue this past year w/
drugs, drinking and stealing from us, both
Wife has not forgiven me for past issues
I have forgiven wife though for hers
She can't get past them.
Please
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: mgmellors] #1386080
03/14/08 04:15 AM
03/14/08 04:15 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 67
T
Teddy Offline
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Teddy  Offline
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T
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 67
I like unavailable the best.


Me: 47
Pet: Kind labrador, 12 years old. Best Friend anybody could have.

Divorce final 12/07/07
No Kids

It is no longer about the divorce or about her. It's all about how I live my life now.
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: Teddy] #1386126
03/14/08 09:12 AM
03/14/08 09:12 AM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
J
jmw128 Offline
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jmw128  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
I'd say at this moment of the morning I feel a bit down...Not sure how to describe, sometimes an interaction leaves me this way

However, when I interact with her or just as important family/people she knows, I am always in a cheerful, happy, calm, confident mood...simultaneously listening more and talking less.

If anyone is a speck like me, you need to be careful that your limited time doesn't make your mind race and thus the interaction becomes chaotic.

I also think that at any given time, one would feel a lot of those. For me, it's all about working on being positive, and thus generally I am cheerful, happy, confident, unavailable(to everyone but WAW),

need to add confident to your list.



Current
Solution Journal
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: jmw128] #1386873
03/15/08 02:32 AM
03/15/08 02:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 67
T
Teddy Offline
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Teddy  Offline
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Posts: 67
J,

Nothing works better than the LRT. Nothing. When you stop caring, or seeming to care, their ego gets caught up. Maybe not their hearts, but definently their ego. I remember clearly even in the early stages of the LRT she called me critisizing me for not chasing enough. Incredible huh?


Me: 47
Pet: Kind labrador, 12 years old. Best Friend anybody could have.

Divorce final 12/07/07
No Kids

It is no longer about the divorce or about her. It's all about how I live my life now.
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: Teddy] #1387061
03/15/08 01:15 PM
03/15/08 01:15 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
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jmw128 Offline
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jmw128  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,190
Well with 5D involved, I get some contact...working to make each contact as positive as possible, just be the new me, and don't backslide...she sees it, consistency and patience. She knows I care. Maybe that plays a little against me...for me...who knows...just do what is right and be the new me.

gl2uall



Current
Solution Journal
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: jmw128] #1387455
03/16/08 02:23 AM
03/16/08 02:23 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 67
T
Teddy Offline
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Teddy  Offline
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Posts: 67
Just a warning though with the LRT, don't backslide off of it no matter what. You waste a lot of good, hard work. And it is HARD WORK!


Me: 47
Pet: Kind labrador, 12 years old. Best Friend anybody could have.

Divorce final 12/07/07
No Kids

It is no longer about the divorce or about her. It's all about how I live my life now.
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: Teddy] #1387466
03/16/08 02:54 AM
03/16/08 02:54 AM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,921
Venezuela
J
JenInVen Offline
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JenInVen  Offline
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Posts: 3,921
Venezuela
I've decided to go dark as of midnight tonight. I have to be strong and not backslide. I have a D6 so we will still have contact. I just won't be initiating any of it

Jen


Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*

The end of the DB road
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: JenInVen] #1393124
03/17/08 07:52 PM
03/17/08 07:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 129
Texas
O
one_light Offline
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one_light  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 129
Texas
Confident, caring, in-control and cool as a cucumber.


Me: 35
WAW: 28
Bomb: 1/13/08
S: 1/14/08
D filed: 2/24/08
D final on 7/07/08

Do your damndest in an ostentatious manner all the time. -George S. Patton



My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1405138&page=0&fpart=1
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: one_light] #1393354
03/18/08 12:03 AM
03/18/08 12:03 AM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
K
Kinlovewithm Offline
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Kinlovewithm  Offline
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K
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 177
If you have no reason for contact (no kids) how long do you keep up the "dark"?

Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: Kinlovewithm] #1398467
03/24/08 05:24 AM
03/24/08 05:24 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 67
T
Teddy Offline
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Teddy  Offline
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Posts: 67
As long as it takes. They need to come to you, not vice versa. Trust me, they will. Their ego always takes over.


Me: 47
Pet: Kind labrador, 12 years old. Best Friend anybody could have.

Divorce final 12/07/07
No Kids

It is no longer about the divorce or about her. It's all about how I live my life now.
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: Teddy] #1722434
02/23/09 03:34 PM
02/23/09 03:34 PM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 305
California
P
pauld2100 Offline
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Posts: 305
California
I have been doing this LTR but no contact is almost impossible do to my thinks still in the house and other things I have to do there. It had been weeks and she had made a few contacts on her own but seems to be just more action in leaving. I don't engage anything till she does, I know she is seeing people but is also having trouble there. I did try to do something that I know she wants taking the kids to church it did work she said yes. We couldn't go because of work but called me back to say she couldn't go and was being more talkative then before and asked if I was still on a dating service? I kept cool and she seemed to want to say more but I said I had to go. So I don't know if this is a backslide but maybe not, she text me over the next weekend at 1:00 in the morning to tell me she had won 4th place in a poker tournament and said hope your well.. I donít know why she would do this. I think she may have went with a date but not sure, why see would be so eager to tell me this when she got home. I resounded with just basic good feelings. The next day I had to contact her about stopping at the house and she was not quick to respond and didnít answer her phone just text but was really ok with it. I was in NC but her asking personal questions about what Iím up to about dating has me wondering. I know she really wanted to go to church but I donít know if I should try that again. Or go back to NC


Me 40
waw 39
Never formally M
Common law
SD 16
SS 13
Together 9 yrs
bomb 10/2/08
She started dating 11/08
Started P/A 01/09
Contiunes to call R over
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: pauld2100] #1725081
02/27/09 01:21 AM
02/27/09 01:21 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 578
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DCBHM Offline
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DCBHM  Offline
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D
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 578
I have been dim (text message once per day to check on D(1) ) for about a week. W's text message replies are becoming more wordy, she added a smiley face onto the one today, and she initiated a text message this morning to ask me to pay for half a co-pay for D(1)'s bill. I didn't reply - but am going to write her a check.


"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: DCBHM] #1733199
03/13/09 05:53 PM
03/13/09 05:53 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 392
D
D Money Offline
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D Money  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 392
I've had a mutual friend of ours tell both me and my W to essentially go dark. If she is holding back also, what does this do to the going dark technique? Will it still be effective?

Last edited by needhelpinmi; 03/13/09 05:54 PM.
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: D Money] #1733344
03/13/09 09:36 PM
03/13/09 09:36 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 27
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bip42 Offline
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bip42  Offline
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B
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 27
What does LRT mean?
Thanks,
BPretty

Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: bip42] #1804076
07/19/09 02:46 AM
07/19/09 02:46 AM
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 2
GA
L
lovemyprincess Offline
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lovemyprincess  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 2
GA
Last resort technique? I'm wondering, too.


Me: 51
WAW: 43
S: 10, 7
M: 12 years
bomb dropped 6/4/09
W filing for divorce asap
in GA, 31 days is all it takes- that SUCKS!
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: lovemyprincess] #1812537
08/03/09 05:59 PM
08/03/09 05:59 PM
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 210
E
Entangled Offline
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Entangled  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 210
The Last Resort Technique is describes in Michelle's books Divorce Busting, and The Divorce Remedy.

As it sounds, it's a last resort used when your spouse has declared they are "done" and have one foot out the door towards seperation or divorce.

Have either of you read the books yet?

Last edited by Wont give up; 08/03/09 06:00 PM.


Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: Teddy] #2059586
08/19/10 07:17 PM
08/19/10 07:17 PM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 199
S
Susan1Survivor Offline
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Susan1Survivor  Offline
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S
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 199
Hi Teddy,

Not sure if you are still on this forum-I am curious that you wrote the WAS comes to the LBS after the split/separation/D, that their their ego "takes over".

Did anyone find this to be true?

Look for my sitch on "Coping everyday"

Thanks~and I hope life is going well for you~


SQ
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: Susan1Survivor] #2095014
10/25/10 03:03 PM
10/25/10 03:03 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 387
H
hope for zen Offline
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hope for zen  Offline
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H
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 387
Think it has just started to happen with my H. He seems shaky though. May be thinking of comming home, but affraid of what a mess he has made. My current thread is in "Affairs and Jealousy."

Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: hope for zen] #2293588
10/27/12 02:08 AM
10/27/12 02:08 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 319
J
jzoom Offline
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jzoom  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 319
I'm lost on doing LRT while she's still living in the house with me. She already feels like I don't want her in the house and she's working on moving out...but she wants the "old me" back.

So if she wants the "old me" which requires doing 180's from my current behavior and includes doing nice things for her, how do I do LRT? I get not saying ILY and not buying flowers, but does it just mean I act like I don't care if she leaves? Just keep being nice and helpful around the house and upbeat around her?


ďPeople are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.Ē Abraham Lincoln
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: jzoom] #2294215
10/29/12 07:33 PM
10/29/12 07:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 477
K
KarenR Offline
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KarenR  Offline
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K
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 477
I would like to suggest that you speak to a DB coach as soon as possible, they are experts at the Last Resort Techniques and all of the other solutions that will help you come up with a plan on how to go forward, that is most likely to bring your partner closer and not push further away. There is a $30 off offer now and I know you would be very relieved after you talk to a coach and have plan that could make all the difference in saving your marriage. Take good care.


Karen, Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
karen@divorcebusting.com

Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Bustingģ Coach.
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: KarenR] #2337880
04/11/13 01:55 AM
04/11/13 01:55 AM
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 71
Sydney Australia
W
WAW_SC Offline
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WAW_SC  Offline
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W
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 71
Sydney Australia
I get the feeling that my W is loving my LRT. I am not hassling her, asking her what she is up to, she no feels no " pressure to have sex with me" which is something she says she used to feel when i was at home.

She is free to come and go and do whatever she likes when I have the kids.She is going to the gym, catching up with friends and seems to be getting on with life. We seperated 4 months ago and she BD 4 weeks ago. She took off her ring 2 weeks ago...
We see each other 1-2 weeks for the kids etc, but no conversation initiated between us other than stuff to do with the kids.

I think she is getting much more out of the LRT than I am. She really doesnt want me around.I wonder is she is LRT on me??

I wonder if LRT is actually applicable in my case, it seems to make her happier.


Me - 37
W - 37
M -5
T - 15

S=5
S=3

Seperated - 12/12
BD - 20/03/13
Still seperated - no R or M talk yet.
Re: LRT THOUGHTS [Re: WAW_SC] #2337883
04/11/13 02:14 AM
04/11/13 02:14 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 12,967
NY
Cadet Offline
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Cadet  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 12,967
NY
Originally Posted By: WAW_SC
I wonder if LRT is actually applicable in my case, it seems to make her happier.

YES it applies here too.

This is not something that is a trick to try to win her back.


Me-65, D32,S31
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