Its just confusing... She has been talking about taking a job in a new town and living with a friend. She would make more money there... Then the next day she is talking like she doesn't want to rush into D, but she doesn't know what she wants. Then the next day she cuddles with me and holds my hand during church...
This is just crazy. We went out of town this last week with our D to a sports event she was in. We had an amazing week with the event and just spending time together with her. The thing is that my W and I had an amazing week too.
Before we left, we discussed our situation and I had decided that I really wanted her to be happy and she wasn't with me anymore, so we had decided that when we got back yesterday that we were going to stop living together and that I was going to get information about starting the paperwork. I am horribly upset at what I had done to her in the past and the thought of her being miserable in that house with me was more that I could stand, so I decided to give her what she wants and let her go find happiness. Well, we discussed this and she agreed to split up, but did not want to rush into the D because of the kids. She stated that she really didn't know what she wanted yet.... I just said that we would talk about it when we returned and go from there.
Well, this last week was amazing. She held my hand, we kissed, we cuddled, and we enjoyed each other again! All of this was her starting it for the most part. She even told me that she loved me again!!!!
The problem is that last night, once we got back home, she kind of slipped back again... But this morning was pretty good again. I am just hoping that we are back on the road to piecing! I think she still has some issues with the past, but it seems like she wants to work on this... I just don't know, I still have a lot of doubts..... I am very insecure!
You are pushing the issue to much, in my opinion...people on here will talk about yo-yoing or the rollercoaster all the time. You have a great time, be glad about it, don't expect all to be solved just b/c you show each other affection. Yo-yoing = great time then a bit later, recoil back to mess. You have to live with it. Keep your PMA up, yet try not to ride every wave with her. Be there, but you cannot live up and down all the time. It will wreck you.
I certainly would not be pushing splitting. That is not going to get you where you want to go. It is much harder to show your changes when you don't have ample opportunities.
You can give her space w/o leaving. This isn't something you want, so once again, I would not be pushing the envelope. You've said what you have had to say twice...I wouldn't again. Let her bring up R/M stuff and if she does, validate, understand, listen and say less. By her saying she did not want to rush D, tells me she is unsure. So, be happy with that and as I've said several times, don't push. This is her journey, you are the passenger...if you want to get kicked out of the car, start driving...
I think your exactly right, but I want her to be happy so much! At that time, I really thought that it would be best if I just let her go and do what she wants so she would be happy again. Luckily I was wrong! She has started opening up to me more. We kiss, we cuddle and she has even started saying I love you again!!!! I almost cried the first time she said it.... We were almost intimate a couple nights ago because it was my birthday. She was going to ML for my birthday, but we talked first. We agree that we are making steps and I told her that I didn't want to rush anything and mess that up. I could wait until she was ready, so we didn't. That was the hardest thing I have done in a long time!
She says that she just doesn't want it but that when she does that she will want it with me.... I just wish she would to see someone that she could talk to. She has some issues that I can't help her with. All I can do is give her time! Its really hard, but this forum is really helping!
I want her to be happy so much! At that time, I really thought that it would be best if I just let her go and do what she wants so she would be happy again.
I understand, but you leaving is not the answer. Some, perhaps more than you know, is just about her, not you. You are focused a lot on yourself and how it effects her. Just enjoy your time together.
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She has some issues that I can't help her with.
"issues" sounds negative. Be supportive. This thought helps me...real love is loving and expecting nothing in return. Love her. don't think issues, make it seem like it's just her problem.
be patient, I think that'll help you a lot...don't push so hard and be patient.
You have no idea how much you help me! I was thinking the exact thing today. I am really enjoying my time getting to hold her and kiss her again. Why should I want any more than that???
NP...easy to see from my not there yet perspective...u r doing fine...just be patient...and for goodness sake don't push so much. holding each other, kissing, this is fantastic...u r doing great...keep it up
remember she is driving the car. you are the passenger. she is in control. don't rock the boat...blah blah
Well, she was down last night... We sat next to each other on the couch and text to each other for about an hour. She said she was thinking about stuff. I just offered her an ear if she wanted it. I have tried to not push, but at the same time make myself available to her. I told her that I was here for her and that nothing she could say or do would make me lover her any less. She said that she didn't want to talk about it, she just needed time to think about her feelings. I told her that was ok and that if she wanted to talk I was here to listen or offer a big hug. She seemed better this morning and told me she loved me when she left. Like you said, its her trip, I am just a passenger....
I think she is just so scared of getting hurt again by me and that she has major doubts sometimes. We had such a great week and weekend and now shes down again. I wish there was more I could do for her....
