A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out. Go to the new Divorce Busting® Store where you can sign up for Divorce Busting® Coaching and purchase Michele's Audios, Videos and eBooks that you can immediately download. Start taking the steps that will help you get your marriage back on track right away.
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#1800737 - 07/14/09 01:27 PM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: 2gthrButApart]
Stronger Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/09
Posts: 986
Loc: Florida
My H and I are doing the Mort Fertel Marriage Fitness. It's going well, but he still thinks "this is crap." But I think he continues to do it because he refuses to see an actual person, an actual marriage couselor and he's noticed, the fighting has pretty much stopped since we started this about a month or so ago.
But for me, my DB coach gave me some great books to read and I ALWAYS refer back to Divorce Remedy, like it's the Bible.
_________________________
M-34/H-35/S-4
Bomb-11-08
OW confirmed 12-08-OW ends 6-09
D finalized 4-10
Stronger=Happy

Top
#1816279 - 08/10/09 06:31 PM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: Stronger]
2gthrButApart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/09
Posts: 335
Which books helped you the most?
_________________________
M:28 H:30
DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10
T-14 | M-8

10/08- Bomb
4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program
3/10- WH moved out.
7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug

Top
#1817500 - 08/12/09 03:45 AM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: 2gthrButApart]
Concerned_Listener Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 1778
Loc: Ohio
I recommend Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris for help on the spiritual path. A spiritual path follows either God, a higher power, or a religious tradition. This book discusses concepts found in Christianity.

I recommend The New Diary: How to Use a Journal for Self-Guidance and Expanded Creativity by Tristine Rainer to add depth and variety to your journal writing.

CL
_________________________
CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching

Top
#1902804 - 12/28/09 04:18 AM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: Concerned_Listener]
TrentC Offline
Member

Registered: 10/14/09
Posts: 2240
Loc: Oregon
Michele posted a list of New Year's Resolutions for 2010 to work towards a better relationship; these are in the order they were posted.

Quote:

#10: Start by setting relationship goals for 2010. Forget richer, thinner or healthier and ask yourselves, "what specifically would we have to do differently for us to feel closer and more connected this year?"

#9: Vow to spend more time together. Plan regular date nights that are sacred time alone.

#8: Make sex and passion a priority even if it has been on the back burner during 2009.

#7: Hold hands and touch affectionately every day.

#6: Take a marriage seminar together to improve your relationship IQ.

#5: Every day do something for your spouse that isn't your favorite thing to do. Stretch outside your comfort zone.

#4: Try harder to understand than to be understood.

#3: Don't let arguments get destructive. Take a time out when things get too heated.

#2: Develop a NEW common interest or hobby.

#1: Start the year with a clean slate - forgive. Remember, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
_________________________
Me: 42, Wife: 37
M: 13.5 years T: 17 years
Bomb on 08/25/09
1/13/10: MC started
1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs
8/28/10: Wife moved out
No talk of D

"Every day is another chance to get it right."

Top
#1903363 - 12/28/09 09:47 PM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: 2gthrButApart]
Young at Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 11/20/09
Posts: 556
Loc: Washington, the State
Originally Posted By: 2gthrButApart
Which books helped you the most?


Hold me Tight, by Sue Johnson (Allowed me to realize that being hugged and touched is normal and not perverted as my wife has made me feel).

SSM by the author of this forum, with all its specific recommendations to the HD and LD partner in a sex starved marriage. I am in an SSM.

The Five Languages of Love, by Chapman. I realized that my wife and I have been saying we love each other constantly during our marriage, but in ways the other didn't understand.

No More Mr. Nice Guy, for showing me that I really need to man-up, get a life and focus on making myself happy without being a jerk. That by being true to myself doesn't mean I have to stop showing affection to my wife.

Not a book, but this forum, for showing me that I am not alone, that there are people out there with worse problems than mine and that there are people who will provide helpful tips and suggestions.

Good luck.
_________________________
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.

Top
#1904963 - 12/30/09 10:51 PM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: TrentC]
TrentC Offline
Member

Registered: 10/14/09
Posts: 2240
Loc: Oregon
_________________________
Me: 42, Wife: 37
M: 13.5 years T: 17 years
Bomb on 08/25/09
1/13/10: MC started
1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs
8/28/10: Wife moved out
No talk of D

"Every day is another chance to get it right."

Top
#2006164 - 05/19/10 07:26 PM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: TrentC]
Concerned_Listener Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 1778
Loc: Ohio
"Boundaries in Marriage" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

-The Ten Laws of Boundaries
-values as the structure of marriage
-protecting a marriage from intruders
-working with a spouse who doesn't understand boundaries

The book teaches the reader how to address serious betrayals and violations.

CL
_________________________
CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching

Top
#2051837 - 08/06/10 04:54 PM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: Concerned_Listener]
Concerned_Listener Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 1778
Loc: Ohio
"Breaking the Patterns of Depression" by Michael Yapko takes a cognitive-behavioral approach to the treatment of depression. It is filled with "Learn by Doing" and "Pause and Reflect" exercises.

CL
_________________________
CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching

Top
#2126263 - 02/02/11 10:22 PM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: Concerned_Listener]
Concerned_Listener Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 1778
Loc: Ohio
I recommend Hold Me Tight by Susan Johnson, a psychologist who developed Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. The author teaches that the way to enhance or save a relationship is to be open, attuned, and responsive to each other and to reestablish emotional connection. She focuses on key points in a relationship, and uses then as touch points for seven healing conversations. The conversations guide the reader in reshaping the relationship to create a secure and lasting bond.

CL
_________________________
CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching

Top
#2128881 - 02/10/11 04:33 PM Re: TOOLS FOR PIECING [Re: Concerned_Listener]
MynameisMZ Offline
Member

Registered: 12/22/10
Posts: 482
I need some help with what tools to use or what to do with something that is sticking in my craw. Please come and give advice...anyone.

I'm in MLC
Piecing via shoots and ladders.

Hope to see you....please.
_________________________
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29
S 22,21, 19
Bomb 4/10
It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013
We all have work to do


The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  Jack_Three_Beans, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004