partner left after 9 years - MLC or just IDLYA?

[AliSuddenly]

Thanks IMP...he didnt specifically say he needed to find himself, he just said he wasnt depressed, it wasnt about his dads death, it was me and him - he didnt love me anymore. Natch!
Well, I think he isnt doing so well and seems a bit lost, so maybe he does need to find himself and essentially I suppose that was what he meant when he said "this is the right thing for me". I wish I'd asked him, WHY is it the "right thing" for you!? He wouldnt have been able to explain though I dont think. Anyway, you've seen it all before on these boards I guess!

Michelle...freaky, very similiar, he said "you cant just snap your fingers and say I've changed" - but I had ! And I told him I was completely willing to discuss anything and make any changes needed and not just for him, but becuase we'd both had a hard couple of years, I agreed and changes were needed. But he wouldnt hear of it! He also implied he wasnt happy with things and when I said why didnt you tell me at the time, he said there was no point and he'd "given up", which is terrible as he never really expressed any unhappiness and in fact used to reassure me all was fine. When clearly it wasnt ! He just wasnt honest basically, and he did admit that when he ended it. He'd repressed alot of stuff.

Jeff - are people really that perverse !? That even if they feel a certain way, or have doubts, they dont let on?? I was perplexed by the massive hug he gave me when he left last week. I have bought walking boots today, so I can suggest we go for a walk around the headland to the local pub, if he comes over. We both enjoyed that when we went before, but that was a long time ago and I wasnt dressed for the occassion. I am trying to show willing, but I feel like the window of opportunity is dwindling. Hes a very popular guy, he has loads of friends, I dont suppose he will be single for very long...

Thank you all for being there tonight, I've struggled with it today (think I probably have most of this week actually!) And thanks for your hugs Jeff !

Ali

[Virtually_Handsome]

I don't know if it is perverse, Ali. I think people, maybe more guy people than gal people, don't like to show a lack of confidence. So, when he is out, and you can see him, he is going to do his best to look confident in the path he has chosen. Things like that hug are little hints that maybe, just maybe, there are doubts running around in his mind.

As far as his singleness, who knows. As long as he is still talking to you, I think there is something there. I don't know where it leads, as my crystal ball is in the shop, yet again! Thing never works right!

(((((Ali)))))

I know they aren't the real thing, but I hope they help a little!

[inmyplace]

Ali,

Yes. Looking for himself is my characterization of the things you said that he said.

But hang in there. Don't jump the gun. To pursue someone who doesn't want to be pursued will only serve to push that someone farther away.

Keep doing your thing.

IMP

[missmyfriend]

Hi Ali.

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. But I have tried to keep up.

You asked:

I just miss him so much, daily and I cant believe he isnt missing me, but he cant be, else he would get in touch?

I think everyone who has been around has asked the same question. But I know form what you have said he is searching for himself. At this point, it would seem to my way of thinking that it would be is difficult for him to miss someone else.

I've given him space, and its not worked

Ali, he did tell you he is trying to find himself. I don't know why, since he actually told you, that is the best info you have. Since that is the case, the man is mid 30s and you can't expect things to be over in no time. Look at it this way 2 months in a person;'s life who is 34 years old amounts to 1/2 of 1 percent of that person's life. To you, it feels like an eternity. To try and compare this to something. If a person who weighs 200 pounds were to lose an equivalent amount of weight, it would be 1 pound. You couldn't even notice it.

So if you ask, and he is not ready to be asked, all you will do is puch him farther away. Patience. Practice patience.

IMP

IMP, excellent analogy! That really puts into perspective.