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#1346566 - 02/03/08 10:52 PM For the spouse who has Walked Away
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
Hi everyone, this is a new forum to allow those who have chosen to walk away to help and support each other.


Feel free to sign in here, if you'd like.


Edited by sgctxok (07/19/08 06:18 PM)
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

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#1346616 - 02/04/08 12:22 AM Re: New forum for Walk Away Spouses [Re: sgctxok]
ericbreau Offline
Member

Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 70
Help!!! My wife says she is not happy and wants out. I've been applying the no pressure technique.... being so impressed with Divorce Remedy I asked her if she would read the first 2 chapters "divorce trap" before she sought an attorney or theripist. She asked to read it tonight, to which I asked does that mean you want to get an attorney or therpist?... to which she replied I don't know! Should I have not asked her to read it??????? I still have time to tell her no I don't want you to read it....!!! What should I do.

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#1346839 - 02/04/08 05:24 AM Re: New forum for Walk Away Spouses [Re: ericbreau]
HOPEFULinCALI Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 451
Loc: San Diego, CA
I am a WAW who wants her husband back. I have had some success with DBing and I am hoping to get and give support from and to other WAW's in the same sitch.
_________________________
Posts
Role Reversal(original)
WAW now LBS part I & II
WAW now LBS part III(current)
T: 9 yrs
M: 8 yrs
WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07
LBS: Sep 07-pres.

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#1346851 - 02/04/08 05:44 AM Re: New forum for Walk Away Spouses [Re: HOPEFULinCALI]
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
Hi Eric,

THe best forum for you right now is Newcomers. You will get the most advice there.

Also...Divorce Remedy is designed to be used by one person, the one being left...it may not be helpful for HER to read it. It's for YOU.

What IS helpful for her is the Keeping Love Alive tapes...I think it's the last one, Michele talks directly to the spouse who is thinking of leaving.


Now that YOU've read DR....which techniques are you going to try?
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

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#1346852 - 02/04/08 05:45 AM Re: New forum for Walk Away Spouses [Re: sgctxok]
sgctxok Offline
Member

Registered: 02/06/01
Posts: 10731
HOPEFUL...I'm excited you're here. You will make a difference!

Why not start a journal on this forum?
_________________________
sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001

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#1346927 - 02/04/08 01:08 PM Re: New forum for Walk Away Spouses [Re: sgctxok]
ericbreau Offline
Member

Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 70
I don't have the book in front of my right now, but it the last resort technique. I've actually been doing it for 3 weeks now. I got similar information from another book. I told her last night that I may have made a mistake in asking her to read it. I didn't want to come off as pushing her. I was real supprised when she said "well, if it is going to hurt us" then maybe I shouldn't read it. This implied to me that maybe she is having a change of heart. She still hasn't said let's work it out but she said since she has been taking an anti-depressant she is feeling better and she knows it is not the "best" thing for the kids to go through.... I'm hoping!!!!! What I think has helped more than the anti-depressant are the following:
1. Help around the house ( with Joy \:\) )
2. Don't ask "ANY" questions!!!
3. See myself having to find someone else. Get in shape, take care of myself.
4. Have some dignity and quit asking how she feels, or "are we going to make it". Just shut up with questions.
5. Let her do whatever she wants, go with friends etc. etc.
6. "ALWAYS AGREE WITH HER 100% " even if I don't agree... find the 10% that is right and agree with that. This has been hard but the more I do it the more she talks to me.
7. Don't touch her in any way shape or form. ( again hard to do..i've brushed up against her but that is it).

I'm cautiously optimistic. I wanted her to read the first couple of chapters especially "The Divorce Trap". I told her that if she was more the 50% wanting to leave or getting a d attorney or theripist... maybe reading this would help...... Does anyone else have any suggestions... I just think she needs to read this before making that decision. But I don't want to screw things up.

Thanks
again

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#1346961 - 02/04/08 02:22 PM Re: New forum for Walk Away Spouses [Re: ericbreau]
BryanR Offline
Member

Registered: 01/13/08
Posts: 159
Do NOT have her read the book. It is your guide as to what to do. You may very well be sabotaging your future efforts of DBing. She may think that everything you do from there on out is from the book and not from your heart. I say keep the book to yourself and in a place where she won't find it.

Telling a WAW to read a book is the same as telling her she is the problem. I doubt you are willing to do that. If you must suggest a book to her try Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. There is some good info that help you two communicate. But keep the DB books for yourself.

-B
_________________________
Me-45
W-34
T-5
M-3 1/2
s-10
s-12
ILYBNILWY 12/26/07
Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08
1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out

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#1347958 - 02/05/08 02:01 PM Re: New forum for Walk Away Spouses [Re: BryanR]
bitty Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/16/08
Posts: 11
Loc: PA
My situation: Married for 10 yrs. 3 kids- 14, 8 & 6. Wife tries to reach out numerous times in early 07- i was ignorant, did not listen. May 07- she told me she does not lv me anymore. I did cartwheels until Jan 1, 2008. Then we separated but still live in same house for financial reasons. Almost immediately she now has divorced guy friend- they talk every night, go out, etc. my life changed when i read "the book." wife swears she not physical- but it does not matter she's having at least having an emotional affair. now pushing for divorve- feb. 11th- we were only separated for a month. i think the push is so they can start getting physical.

i am spending my time w/kids. taking them to church & giving them lots of attention. since housing market is in slump and we have alot of debt- wife and i are going to live together to pay bills so when house sells we can walk away with cash. i love her now more than ever and understand why she's running away full speed. we are good friends though and do not fight.

wifes family does not know of her late night chats or meetings w/the other guy. i am certain that over time- 1 or two years her relationship will fail (a least i hope). I am very ready to toss in towel but know deep down inside- things would be different if this other guy (a longtime friend of family whose got money) wasn't in picture. but i cannot compete because she in a fantasy world.

I am very concerned about kids welfare and the speed at which she is moving. she certainly does not hide her "friendship" to our kids and i know their confused. anybody got any advice????

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#1348684 - 02/06/08 12:50 AM Re: New forum for Walk Away Spouses [Re: bitty]
ericbreau Offline
Member

Registered: 02/04/08
Posts: 70
bitty,

I feel your pain. It is hard to see the one you love run the other way.

All I know is that by me trying to focus on becoming the kind of person I want to be has helped. Additionally, realizing that at least in my opinion, it says a lot about a person that wants to leave a marriage with children and not even consider working it out. I can understand if I where beating, cheating or some other distructive thing, however, that is not the case. Even in those circumstances it can be fixed. After all I made the commitment "till death do we part". The DR book has helped me turn things around a little..... In all circumstances I reveal that I'm content, happy and enjoying life more than ever, even when my heart is breaking. I don't ask where she is going, what she is doing, I work, help keep the house clean, love on my kids and read books like DR.

Lastly, the more I have thought about it, if my wife where to leave, I would have zero respect for Her. It would be similar to a stranger coming up to my kids and hurting them. Having said, that, I will still walk in love, be nice, not turn the children agaisnt Her and do my best to walk in forgiveness and free from bitterness. I can't help believe that there are women out there that have been walked out on or are lonely and would love to have at least a friendship with the changed man that I am. I'm not being prideful, just acknowledging that just because I'm being rejected doesn't mean my life is over. God is able to do exceedingly and abundant far more than I can ask or think, so if my wife would be willing to accept that and work with me, I truly believe our best years are to come.

Again, keep your head up, read DR and focus on making changes to yourself. The best thing you can do is to believe in yourself, and know, you are not the only one being rejected. If you can have a clear conscience that you have done everything within your power to make it work that is all you can do.

Sorry for rambeling. Love does not count up the hurtful things a wife is doing, it doesn't ask the wife to do what it wants, it believes in all things, hopes in all things and it "NEVER" fails.

So that tells me if you and I walk in LOVE.. we win or succeed.

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#1349265 - 02/06/08 07:26 PM Re: New forum for Walk Away Spouses [Re: ericbreau]
HOPEFULinCALI Offline
Member

Registered: 10/13/07
Posts: 451
Loc: San Diego, CA
sg,

Any thoughts on this one?

So here is my new dilemma. What to do for V-Day? His sister and mom will be in town and I planned to get something for everyone.

Also, having to move out put me in a terrible financial sitch. At this point I am basically living off credit cards and between the two of us we have mostly depleted the large savings we had when returning to the states 2yrs ago (a significant part of that was buying a house). My motive for moving back to the house is in large part for financial reasons. Should I breach the subject with him? Since he has agreed to the intensive I don't want to put too much pressure on him.
_________________________
Posts
Role Reversal(original)
WAW now LBS part I & II
WAW now LBS part III(current)
T: 9 yrs
M: 8 yrs
WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07
LBS: Sep 07-pres.

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