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Marc,

You MUST not show ANY jealousy around her. NONE AT ALL, women hate jealous men and need to feel that they are justed by the ones they care about. She is going to probably test you, many WAS do this.

Just have fun, and don't focus on just her. Go out and have a good time with everyone there, even this guy you don't trust. At this point your GF and you are Freinds, and you have to treat the sitch as such. I know it will be hard, but friends wouldn't get jealous so you have to not be.

If needed find a distraction technique to use if you start to feel jealous. Make it so no one would notice it. Remember you outward expressions can give you away. If you believe nothing is going on with them, then do and think "as if" there is nothing going on and they are just close friends. Or even better yet, think to yourself that he is just her long lost brother.

Don't know if this will help, but you do know what you must do. Enjoy yourself, and leave the sitch thoughts and discussions her on the DB BB.


God Bless You, Reuben Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
#129730 02/24/04 08:10 PM
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Ok, well I have not made any goals for myself and the relationship in ages so thats what Im going to attempt now. I must admit I got a lot of them from another thread but I personalized it a little. Its just that these goals were so similiar to my own!

--What I am doing...
Paying attention to her and being truly interested.
Listening w/o judging or offering solutions.
Validating her feelings.
Responding to her.
Responding to her requests.
Giving unconditional love.
Not being defensive.
"Detaching" (letting go).
Choosing to be happy.
Staying in shape, regular gym.
Trying to watch my budget.
Continuing with 2nd semester of school in 2 weeks(shows Im planning for future)
Giving her space, allowing her to do what she chooses with her time and her friends.
Becoming more religous.

--What she is doing that I appreciate...
Being friendly.
Making small talk with me.
Calling me, text message me, or email me more often.(longer phone calls too!)
Smiling around me, laughing.
Comments that I look great.
Talking to me about her day, her life, her feelings.
Opening up about her man friends that she was keeping private before due to my jealousy.
Told me about who she's been primarily confiding in.
Told me on New Years she is not going to tell me its too late, and that its just going to take time.
Invited me to ski trip with her friends and wanted me in her cabin with her and friends.
Changed her mind to drive up to cabin with me instead of her guy friend.
She has been making herelf look nice for me.
Opened my car door after I opened hers as I walked around.

--Ongoing Goals (one small step at a time)...
That she would touch me more
That she will continue to open up to me.
That she would choose to spend more time with me.
That she would suggest us doing an activities together.
That she would ask me out on a "date".
That she will talk about us more.
That she would hug me or give me a small kiss.
That she would choose to do something special for me
That she would say that she is interested in talking about how our relationship could work.
That she would say or imply that there is more of a chance for our relationship.
That she would say that she would like to focus on us and our relationship.


Anything worth having is worth working HARD for! Making a New Move
#129731 02/24/04 09:05 PM
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marc,

I don't have much time to reply, but good for you to start some goals.

First suggestion, flip your goals about what you are doing. Give yourself priority first (1st step to detachment).

Second, this is a good start...lets time to fine tune this list down to maybe 4 or 5 managable ones (again focus on you). Then start to form a list of specific actions you can take to achieve them. For example:
Become more Regligious :
1). I will attend Church every Sunday and Holy Days
2). I will Read part of the Bible every night and reflect on it for 15-30mins.
3). I will join a religious group or bible study group.

This is just an example, but I think you get the point. Get your list manageable, and even some look like they can be combined or become action items.

Lastly, your ongoing goals...These you have NO Control over so they are not good goals. These are a list of things you will start noticing as the R gets better. Its good to make a list like this so you can guage the progress, but they are not goals. List a few of these after you goals you can work on that affect the relationship and use as guages for your goals. Take a look at MracDinFog's thread, he listed goals out like this (look at specific of things to notice if R goal is being achieved)

Hope that helps, I can clarify later. Oh and maybe start a new thread on you own with these in as the begining. WOuld help more people to see your thread and respond, and good work for others here in peicing.

Take care and I will pray for your progress.


God Bless You, Reuben Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
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