Reuben, You are so right! I was actually doing great until the past few weeks. I have been doing well at going back to school, and hanging out with friends and everything else, but I guess I got a little scared that I messed up because after her coming to me and asking me out, and calling me, and telling me its not too late, I backed off to give her time to tell her family and I was afraid I ruined something she was working on.
I guess if she really wants to work on things, 2 weeks of little contact wont destroy it. I have been doing so well, until last week and mostly yesterday and today and I dont know why I feel this way, but I guess its good that you are being so honest with me and setting me straight now before I get too pushy.
My original goal was to call her once a week or maybe twice to keep our communication open, but I got greedy and decided I would try to ask her out on weekends. Well, Ill keep our lines open by sending her an email or a phone call maybe once a week, but ill wait for her to ask me out.
Thanks Reuben! I needed that!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
No problem, and remember when she is the one asking you out it will feel so much better than you asking and her agreeing to it. And remember to take it as a positive sign, but not that shes fully committing to working it out. This all takes time.
Also, don't forget, when she does ask you to do things, you don't always have to accept!
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
Well, I met with my counsler last night. It is the first time in 2 weeks. I am trying to cut down to every other week now. Ill see how it goes. Anyways, Im feeling a little better today after talking with my C and doing some thinking.
I think i was getting to ahead of myself and ignoring baby steps. Such as....
-She told me last month she thinks its just going to take time and its not too late.
-When I speak to her on the phone, we are talking much longer. usually from 30-60 minutes!
-When we do talk on the phone and I initiate ending the call first, she usually keeps my on.
-She came out to lunch with me on February 1st.
-She invited me to her ski trip, and when I offered not to come as to not cause tension with her sisters oressuring her about us, she said "NOOOOO!" very loud and upset as if she really wanted me there.
In closing, I am back to feeling better about my situation, only because I see that my GF is going through rough times with her family, and work, and she doesnt even feel like going out with her friends many times. She just seems down and I hope that I can help her out of her rut with a loving distance. I have faith that when she begins to make things happen in her life to make her happy again, she will look back to me and our relationship. Im keeping the faith!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Got call from GF on way home from work Tuesday. She wanted to discuss ski trip plans for Feb. 27 weekend. Good conversation. We spoke for about 25 minutes and she vented a little about the trip and asked my advice on things for planning and for food since she is in charge of it. Also, the best part of the call was when she told me she is coming home from work and going to drive up with me instead of her MF! I’m so happy for this! I know there is nothing going on between them, but I really don’t trust him due to issues in the past. Anyways, she seems glad I’m going. One more point was she discussed who I might be hanging out with because everyone in this cabin are mostly her new friends who I know but not as well as the other cabin that all her sisters and their friends are in. but it seemed like even she doesn’t plan to spend much time with them either because they are bringing their own friends too so hopefully we will be together but I will be sure to mingle and show her how social I can be. But at first I said, “are you sure you want me in your cabin?” and she replied , “ Yeah, Def… yeah, I want you in the cabin.” It seemed to woke her up a bit when I asked that. Kind of like a few weeks ago when I said maybe I shouldn’t come and she got upset and insisted. =)
On another note I took a day off with a friend and went snowboarding Wednesday. I drove to his mother’s house in upstate NY Tuesday night. While snowboarding, I got a call on top of the mountain. It was my GF! She just checked her mail bin (I guess she doesn’t check it often) She got a Chinese New Year card I sent to her about 3 weeks ago. I always wanted to ask If she ever got it but never did. Anyways, she said she liked it and called to say thank you. I am sure it made her happy when she saw this. I think it was a great touch! She apologized for interrupting my snowboarding and we got off.
10 minutes later, she called back! Wasn’t too important, but she and I have always talked about seeing the new Lord of the Rings movie and how we never saw it yet. Anyways, she found out its leaving the theatres soon and wanted me to know because she was making plans last minute with her sister to see it. I told her thank you but I actually saw it already. This surprised her and she asked right away with who I saw it with. She always asks about where Im going or who with. I told her I went with my brother. Anyways, She didn’t have to call but she cared enough to do so.
Im very positive that my new communication skills are paying off slowly. I see our communication improving more and more on the phone. God is good and I am so thankful for the help I am receiving. Well, that’s all for now!! Hopefully Ill be back soon!
Sorry for rambling, I like to be detailed.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
I just feel like posting this here because it feels nice to remember. On my way to work I suddenly remembered a dream I had last night. I was on the couch at my GF's place and she was with me. All of the sudden, she moved closer to me and surprised me about wanting to make things work. We didnt speak much but it felt more spiritual. Like the look in her eyes spoke to me and i could see the love inside her. Then we began to kiss passionatley.
What a great dream! I hope its a sign of whats to come. Never give up!! The reward in the end will be worth it!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
I am trying to follow some major rules such as thought stopping and thinking about what I am looking to achieve from what I will do or say next.
Examples:
When I think of her hanging out with friends and especially her guy friends, I ignore it and remember all the psotives I have seen from her when I let her have her own time without complaints.
I have also learned to bite my tounge in many situations when she brings up the guy friend she seems to hang out with most. In the beginning of the break, and just befre the break, I complained about him and said not to trust him and she eventually stopped talking about him at all.
But now, she does talk to my about him. Shows she is trusting me again now that I have learned to bite my tounge! Also, This saturday her sisters are throwing a V-day party in the city at their apt. and she asked if I was going. I told her im going to the city with a friend and maybe ill stop by. She said she wasnt sure is she was going because this guy friend of hers wants to come to NJ to buy stuff for the upcoming ski trip cause she told him that places are cheaper in jersey. Anyways, i didnt say anything and she even said how she doesnt know why he wants to come all the way here and she doesnt even sound too interested in doing it, but I think she feels obligated because he is her friend. But, Im not letting it get to me. She is trusting me again. She is telling me all about her friends and her MF which is a big step!
Sorry for all the posts! I cant stop the positive thoughts from coming into my head and its exciting. I need to express it. I am praying I can be strong during V-day if I dont see her, and what should have been our 8 yr anniv. is on Feb. 23rd. I hope that strikes a cord in her.
I got a great V-day card for her that is very touching but not romantic. Its mainly about being such good friends and how much the friendship means to me. I showed it to my good friend who has been my main line of support and he thinks its great. She better love it, hell it makes me feel like crying when I read it! ha ha. ok, im done for today. I think...
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
I had another dream last night of me and my GF getting back together! I love these dreams. Its been a while since I had them. Feels like they are coming back now that Im praying more. Maybe its the Lords way to talk to me.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Ok, heres what happened for Valentines Day. Her sisters threw a party in Queens NY at here sisters apt. and she said she might go. I went anyways, and was hopiong to see her there. She did mention to me that her friend (man friend) wants to come to jersey to buy ski gear for the upcoming trip and might go saturday, V-day. Anyways, I was having fun but really missed her there and couldnt help but think of what she may be doing. I guess deep down I know if she was with him, its a a friend and thats it. But it still kills me!! and I get these crazy thoughts in my head!
After all, my jealousy of her friendship with him caused more of a riff earlier on so I must be strong and accept this friendship, its just that I dont trust him because he had a thing for her a while back and he is now single. Anyways, I stayed over at her sisters place and I had fun and loved being with them. I was invited to stay longer but I came home Sunday evening. It was a little upsetting because her sisters are like my own and they really think of me as a brother and part of me wanted to cry because I dont want to lose them either.
I sent her a text messagwe saying happy valentines day around midnight but she didnt respond and it bothered me a little.
Well, Sunday night while watching TV, I got a text message from her saying she was talking to her aunt on the phone and was bored. I am trying to be happy that she thought of me and thats a good thing. But still a little bothered I didnt hear back on V-day.
I got her a V-day gift and a card and I really want to give it to her. I brought it to the party but she didnt show. Well, last night on Monday I sent her text message saying hello and that I was taking a break from studying. This was around 10-ish and she IM me after Midnight. She probably didnt have her phone on or near her, but I wanted to actually call her to say hello but I settled for a text message.
I know I am failing at my need for patience. I am going to try harder and remember my thought stopping skills.
Recent Positives to Remeber
She called me on Tuesday to discuss ski trip and we had a very pleasant talk about several things and I made her laugh too.
She wants me to take her shopping for ski trip weekend.
She sounds like she is happy I am going to be in her cabin
She is driving up to the cabin with me instead of man friend now.
She called me Wednesday to Thank me for Card and Called me again to tell me about LOTR Movie.
After I asked God to show me a sign she cares on Sunday, she text messaged me at night.
She responded to my text message on Monday.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
One more thing. Im dying to ask her what she did for Valentines Day, Its kiling me!!
I want to know if she was with her man friend. It really bothers me that she didnt come to her sisters party. I know her youngest sister went out and thought she might be spending time with her dad since her mom is out of state now and he would be loneley but I found out he drove out to see her mom so that means she would be all alone, unless she went out with her friend. And Im also paranoid that she may have brought him to her house! Well, she always insisted he is like a brother to her bu tI dont trust him and Im just so mad she didnt want to spend time with me.
Help me clear these thoughts please!!!!!!!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Don't ask her about V-day, if she wants to share that with you she will. That will be a positive if she does, why make it just responses to your inquiries and presure.
You have to let your thought go about OM. You don't know any of whats going on between them and you may never. All you know is what she tells you, so why not take her on her word rather that imagining all the negative possibilites. I had and still have to with my W.
I look at it this way, if it was a friend sharing the information I would trust them until I had concrete evidence to the contrairy. Your GF is a Friend so why treat her differently. Have faith that what she is telling you is the truth, only God knows all the details.
Once you get to this point and you are open to her, and once she becomes comfortable around and talking with you again, she will start sharing the details of her day with you. It won't be everything, but you don't share everything either. Its feel will, you can't force someone to do something.
Take care, and ice that hit from my 2x4
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
